Katie
That night Levi snuck into my room at my aunt’s.
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t want our relationship to appear any more than it was. Heck, I didn’t even know what it was. Playing house crossed my mind again, and I refused to believe what we had was pretend. We lived in the moment, not some fantasy, but the lies I told myself haunted me.
“I didn’t want to sleep without you,” Levi muttered into my neck, inhaling against my warm skin. Out of respect for my aunt and uncle, I blew off the offer from Tricia that we could sleep in the same room. I suggested Levi set up AJ’s portable crib in a separate bedroom and sleep near his son.
“I don’t think I can sleep with you under my aunt’s roof,” I giggled.
“Oh no, not that follow-the-rules girl, again,” he teased, his voice playful with alcohol and the high of an unexpected homecoming. The greetings of appreciation for his service and endearment of his return had to have Levi second-guessing the long-term absence from his hometown.
“What are you thinking?” His question interrupted my thoughts.
“I think of you,” I said quietly. It was true. I’d been thinking of all he said outside the bar. He wanted to be a hero for me. I thought of him too much. His child. His future. His hands on my body. I didn’t know where I fit, and with him curled around me, I was too comfortable right here.
“I think of you, too,” he said after a short pause, dragging the words out like he surprised himself. A thick hand cupped my jaw and twisted my face to his. His lips brushed mine tenderly at first before delving deeper. His mouth covered mine, slow but desperate. Sipping and sucking, drinking me in, and I wanted to be swallowed. Take me, my brain screamed. Take me as yours, yet the sultry slowness to his mouth over mine was more penetrating than anything else we had done. It was different. It was deliberate. It was deeper. I felt that kiss travel to my toes and back and didn’t wish to break it. Neither did Levi.
He slid his body to half cover mine. His knee between my thighs. His chest crossed over mine, and yet I felt weightless. With his hand on my cheek, no other movement signaled our kiss would go further. He guided our mouths, gently commanding I follow his lead, and I did. I chased each stroke, each nip, each luscious lingering press of his lips with mine. I wanted to keep kissing him for eternity.
Our bodies squirmed and shifted. Both his legs slid between mine. His hands drifted into my hair, but his mouth remained. He balanced on shaky elbows to keep his weight off of mine when all I wanted was him to cover me. The length of him rested at my core, yet we did not move. I pulsed, I pleaded, but I could not let go of that kiss. He kept at it, drugging me, addicting me to his mouth. He marked me to be certain in the history of my life, there would be no other kiss like his.
And then he pulled back, with a delaying drag of my bottom lip between his, before releasing me.
“I think of you,” he whispered, his meaning somehow deeper as his eyes searched my face. He picked no set point before dipping to my mouth one last time. The kiss was sweet, but it felt final.
My stomach dropped, and I swallowed hard. Tears pricked behind my eyes. There was something not right about the finish to that kiss. He slid off me to prove he was done and turned me to my side, curling around me, pressing me tight to his chest. A soft squeeze at my mid-section emphasized his words.
“Thank you for bringing me home.”
* * *
The next day, I woke early after a restless night of sleep. I couldn’t toss and turn as Levi had a firm grasp on me, locking me to his chest while he breathed heavily into my hair. My thoughts raced with each breath he took, though. My mind sensing something omniscient in that tender, soul-marking kiss.
“He’s changed so much,” Aunt Tricia had said. “I hardly recognize the boy in him, but then he smiles.” I had turned to see what she saw—those mischievous dimples on a man’s face covered with scruff.
“Such a rough life,” she offered and my head swung back to hers. She knew more truth of Levi’s past than I did. Instantly, I knew she thought of his older brother and I wanted to question that long-gone relationship, but I didn’t ask. Tricia’s smile at Leon proved all thoughts of Trent Walker were buried, along with him, and only one man walked in her memory. “I worried certain…things…would harden him. He’s edgier, but that’s to be expected. The military, I suppose, had that effect on him.”
As well as a child, the loss of the mother, the lack of family, I thought. Levi had nothing, and yet he had everything. The love of a child, the support of amazing mentors, and me. I counted myself in his blessings, even if he didn’t see me as that. I stole another look at him and found his face in that jaw clenching smile, the false one that said: stay back. Whatever Leon and Levi were discussing had turned more serious, and the frozen expression on his face proved he was trying to hold steady on a line he didn’t wish to cross.
I found Levi in the kitchen looking sexy and refreshed. He smiled brightly, his dimples shining, blinding us all with his happy mood.
“Let’s go out and play,” he suggested of the freshly fallen snow from a gentle storm the night before. The world was shiny and bright to match his mood. A crystal blue sky without a cloud reflected the brilliance of ultra-white snow piled high along the streets and neatly shoveled driveways.
“You can take the snowmobile,” Leon offered, suggesting the one at the back of their yard. “It might need gas, though. First snow fall and all.” Leon wasn’t a fan of the snowmobile as much as his motorcycle. He claimed the control was different and he didn’t trust icy paths. On the other hand, Levi’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas. It was as if his body twitched to get on the snow toy for adults.
“You don’t mind watching AJ?” Levi turned to Tricia. Tricia and Leon didn’t have children of their own. After years of trying, she teasingly admitted they had hundreds of children each year that they could return to their parents at the end of eight months. The jest was a way to cover years of heartache when babies didn’t happen. She laughed in response Levi’s request.
“Are you kidding? Give him to me,” she said, nearly ripping his child from his arms. Instantly, AJ laughed as if Tricia’s nature were contagious. She bounced him on her hip as she skipped out of the kitchen where we stood mulling around, sipping coffee. As soon as Levi saw AJ out the door, he turned to me, eyes sparkling.
“Be back in ten.” He smiled, stepping for the kitchen exit. “No, five.” He took off at his own sort of gallop for the staircase. I laughed outright at his excitement and found Leon watching me.
“He’s got it bad for you, Katie Kat. Bad.” His Hispanic accent exaggerated the final word, menacing, but teasing. My smile faltered, and I remembered the night before. My father had said something similar. Setting my coffee mug on the counter, my palms gripped the edge of the flat surface. I shook my head, lowering my eyes.
“I don’t think—”
“Don’t think,” he muttered. “Just follow your heart.”
My brows pinched as I looked up at him.
“I am following mine, I’m just uncertain about his.” The words choked me and I coughed to clear my throat. I didn’t want to spoil the brilliant light of day with cloudy thoughts. Something already nagged at me, haunting me. On that note, Levi stepped through the kitchen entry, holding a pile of clothing. His face held the forced smile I’d grown to recognize. Teeth too exposed. Jaw clenched at his cheeks.
“I might need to borrow a few things.” He held up the stack of haphazard clothing. Leon pressed off the counter, and I realized it hadn’t been five minutes. Possibly, not even three. I worried Levi heard me, and my eyes found his. I was ready to mock him for his boy-like eagerness, hoping to keep his good mood intact, but those dark-chocolate eyes had hardened in the time he’d climbed the stairs and returned. Leon spoke as he walked, “What’s mine is yours…” His voice drifted as he paused next to Levi. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he patted his former basketball student’s back as he whispered something to him. Levi’s eyes left mine, held Leon’s for a second, and then he nodded.
My brows pinched at the interchange, but Levi’s expression shifted. He took a seat at the kitchen table. His eyes lowered, and his overjoyed smile returned. He began pulling on heavy socks and adjusting his cap. Looking up at me, he said, “Get that sweet ass ready, Katie Kat.” The teasing tone of my nickname was emphasized with an over exaggerated purr. The silliness broke the tension, and all was forgotten for the moment.
* * *
We rode flat plains along the main road before dipping into deep woods. Levi was a rusty driver at first. Obviously. It had been years since he’d driven a snowmobile. We twisted around trees until we found a path. The roar of the engine was too loud to speak over, so I rode in silence, marveling at the winter beauty around me, while my arms wrapped around Levi. Who would have believed that thirteen-year-old girl who kissed a nineteen-year-old boy, would then sleep together in the same house feet from that first kiss? Who would have thought the risk I took to kiss him outside Town Tavern at seventeen would return us to that spot six years later to re-enact it? I sighed with the images and tugged at Levi.
“You okay?” he shouted over the engine.
“I’m fine,” I replied, laughing at the words. I was fine. In the moment, living in the now, I was happy.
We finally slowed near what appeared to be a frozen pond. Levi drove us around a good portion of it before stopping. The snowy surroundings and heavy woods as a backdrop gave us seclusion from the world at large, and we took a moment to sit and stare, breathing in the crisp coldness of the winter air. Levi twitched, and I sensed he wanted to stand, so I hitched my legs off the snowmobile. He followed me, and we stood looking out at the pond, frozen solid across the small circle. Levi inhaled deeply.
“My brother killed himself here.”
A stomach-drop-to-my-toes sensation nauseated me, and I twisted quickly to face Levi.
“Levi, I’m so—”
“Don’t.” The harshness of his tone stopped me. His weak smile apologized. “It was a long time ago. Remember, I told you all that stuff with your aunt.”
“Oh my God.” Mitten-covered hands slipped over my mouth.
“He wanted your aunt back in his life,” he snorted bitterly, squinting to raise his face to the sunny sky. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” My body stiffened. I’d never heard this story.
“I’m sure he tried to hurt her. It seems to be the Walker way. Beat someone into submission if they refuse.” I stilled, holding even my breath. I didn’t believe him. Levi was nothing like that. The admission that his father beat him had been there before and I hated the thought that someone put hands on him in such a way.
“Anyway,” he exhaled, his breathing forced out in the cold air with a heavy white puff. “He ran from what he’d done, called me, and when I heard the gunfire, I just knew. I’d never run so fast in my life. I’ll never run that fast again.” His voice softened as he straightened his right leg. “It wasn’t pretty, what I saw. I guess it prepared me for other things.” He shrugged, but I disagreed.
“I think seeing your brother like that might have been a little more extreme.”
Levi turned to face me and I worried I’d said the wrong thing. His face had hardened, as had his eyes, and peering at me, I should have been frightened. The intensity dug deep into his past, but I wasn’t afraid. Like many times before, I wanted to comfort him.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Even worse than my leg, probably because I was unconscious for most of it. With Trent, I puked. It was dark. I didn’t see the blood at first, but I smelt it and I threw up. My dad said it’s one reason I wasn’t a good hunter. I couldn’t handle the smell of blood, but that night, after the first vomit, I forced myself to stand the stench.” I lost him then. His mind filled with a distant night, filled with old air and vile smells, and images he’d never forget.
“Levi,” I whispered, hoping to pull him forward in time. He blinked and his smile grew, only this one I didn’t recognize. Half-cocked, one eye narrowed, as he said, “Let’s skate.” He raced for the frozen water edge and tapped his toe to the outer ring. I wasn’t a fan of solid water. I didn’t trust it, so I followed after him, smiling in response to his sudden change of focus, but my smile only half curved my face. My thoughts ran as did Levi over the ice. He spun to face me, arms spreading wide. Throwing back his head, he yelled up to the sky, “Brian Boitano.” The name of an ancient figure skater echoed over the winter forest and then Levi slipped through the ice.
* * *
Panic seized me and I can’t say how long I stood staring at the large fissure in a once flat pond. Everything I’d been taught about frozen water and lakes slipped out of my brain. My feet refused to move. Suddenly, a rush of eerie silence filled the outdoors. I ran for the ice before recognizing what a huge mistake it would be to cause additional cracks. Falling on my stomach, I crawled to the edge of the hole, just as Levi popped out of it. His face covered in water crystallizing instantly in the cool, crisp air.
“Get. Back,” he ground out before slipping under again. My heart beat so rapidly, I choked on the rhythm. I couldn’t even scream his name, the sound stuck in my too-dry throat. Almost to the edge, I heard the crackling of ice, like a slow ripple, or the scraping of a shovel. Levi popped upward again and reached for purchase on an otherwise flat surface. My arms shot out, but I was nowhere near him. He disappeared again.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, silently stuck in my throat, instead of coming out in the blood-curdling scream I needed to cry out for help. With thoughts of my phone, I spun to my back. Trembling so hard, I fumbled in my pocket, eventually flinging my phone onto the ice and watching it skate away from me. I scrambled for the small electronic as Levi broke the surface once again. With a hair-raising cry, his hands clawed at the ice. Holding onto something, his arms strained to balance half his body above the frozen waterline.
“Levi!” I finally screamed, but he couldn’t hear me despite the closeness. His entire body was numb to my attention. I bit off my mitten and with shaky fingers pressed 9-1-1.
“Emergency operator.”
“Man through ice,” I croaked. “Walker’s pond.” I wasn’t even certain the property held that name. It had been years since a Walker had lived here. We were probably trespassing.
“Robert Walker?” The older woman’s smoker voice barked through the phone. Instantly, grateful at the recognition of Levi’s father, I breathed out: “Yes.”
The questions about Levi’s status blurred in my head. I tried to answer them as best I could. My eyes couldn’t leave him, but his were closed as he continued to strain to hold himself out of the water, at least partially.
“Please hurry,” I whispered, sensing the pain in Levi’s arms, gripping onto nearly nothing to support himself. Then I thought of his leg. I had no idea how his prosthetic could survive underwater, under freezing conditions, against his skin. What seemed like hours passed before sirens flared, echoing in the distant silence of the woods.
“Help is coming, Levi,” I whispered, although the sound traveled. He didn’t acknowledge me, all his concentration on holding himself above the waterline. Something snapped in the agony of his expression and with a nerve-rattling groan, one leg swung over the open hole. Not certain whether I should move forward, or scoot backward, I decided to remain where I was, not wanting to put additional strain on the ice. Fire trucks and an ambulance arrived, and the following minutes moved through my vision in slow motion. I was removed from the ice and wrapped in a blanket. Levi was carried off on a stretcher. My teeth chattered too hard for me to explain Levi’s situation. The metal cuff at his wrist instantly identified him as a disabled veteran. Thinking of that metal, wet against his skin, my stomach roiled. Freezing temperatures mixed with wet skin and metal would be painful, but then again, I couldn’t imagine anything more painful than falling into that icy pond. Except losing Levi altogether.