‘Halley, wait! What are you doing?’
‘I told you. I’m leaving. It’s morning. Just! I’m going.’ I’ve stuffed all my belongings into my carrier bag and am about to leave. Björn is standing in the doorway. I thrust his case at him. ‘We can’t be that far from the town. You can bring my bag to the hotel when you get there.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous! You can’t go off on your own. You have no idea how to get there.’
‘Don’t I?’ I say, sounding more confident than I feel. ‘I’ve got this far.’
‘With my help. You’re a liability on your own!’
‘I was . . . but I’ll be fine now. I can do this.’ I look out on the snowy tundra. ‘I just need to get the skis from the sled.’
‘But I need a second pair of hands. I can’t do this without . . . I can’t do this on my own.’
‘Call your sister, she’ll come with you the rest of the way; she offered last night. Or Egel?’
‘There’s a storm coming in. I need to try and beat it. Please, Halley, just finish the journey with me.’ He puts his hand on my shoulder.
I look straight ahead. I can’t let him back into my thoughts. He’s not who I thought he was. He’s Daniel, Michelin-starred chef. Not Björn.
I glance out at the darkening sky. He’s right. I really don’t think I can do this on my own. But I don’t want to be here with him . . . Björn, or Daniel, or whoever he is.
‘I just want to get my bag, deliver the rings and move on,’ I tell him firmly.
‘Because that’s what you always do, keep moving on. One day you’ll have to stop running, Halley.’
‘What? You don’t know anything about me!’ I argue furiously. ‘It’s not running . . . I . . . it’s . . .’ My tongue ties with fury, and hot, angry tears fill my eyes.
‘Here, you’ll need this.’ He hands me the knife he’s made me. ‘Egel put the blade in. You’ll need it to keep out of trouble, to stay safe.’
‘Thank you.’ I can’t stop myself adding, ‘Whoever you are . . .’ as I look into the face that has become so familiar, feeling I have once again lost someone I have come to care about. Björn is gone. This is Daniel, I tell myself. I should never have let myself get close to him.
‘I’m just me. I’m not anyone different,’ he says quietly, holding my stare. ‘I told you, I’ve always been known as Björn here. There was no deceit. I just didn’t tell you everything.’
‘I asked if you were Daniel’s brother.’
‘I told you I wasn’t, that I just grew up with him.’ There’s a pause. ‘So you’ll come with me?’
I hesitate. ‘I think I should just go.’
‘There you go again, running away, refusing to listen. God, you’re stubborn!’
‘Well at least I’m truthful!’
‘I don’t think so. You’re the one who has been living a lie, lying to yourself as well as others. Don’t worry, I’ll get someone else to help me. You carry on running. That’s what you do when the going gets tough!’ He turns to walk out of the room.
What options do I have? Am I really going to leave him to get the herd home alone now, having come all this way? I suddenly think about Rocky, how stubborn he could be, how I had to pull him along. Maybe Björn was right that it was his way of asking for help. Am I being stubborn? Refusing to stop travelling, to listen to the people who are trying to help me?
‘I’ll come! Just don’t speak to me, that’s all.’ I grab my bag.
‘Deal,’ he agrees, huffing.
We thank our lovely hosts, who fortunately don’t seem to have heard our argument and seem none the wiser about our falling-out. They insist on us taking wooden poles with us, in case we need shelter on the way. The poles are long and cumbersome, but it’s only one more day. I feel sad as we wave and say goodbye, knowing I’ll never see these people again. This will just be another memory in my travel log. Egel and Björn hug like brothers before we set out on the final leg of our journey, the sky much darker, the wind much colder, the snow building and swirling. It may be the hardest part so far.