Later that afternoon, my social worker poked her head into my room. "Mr. and Mrs. Williams are in their room just down the hall. We’ll plan on five o'clock for the transfer like you said." She and Mr. Stevens had been doing a lot of work behind the scenes today to make this all come together.

Five o'clock seemed like it was coming so fast. But I knew I needed to stick to that time or it would only get harder and harder. So I drew in a deep breath and said, "Okay. We'll be ready." I had thirty more minutes to hold and cuddle with this baby.

Easton was sitting on the bed beside me. We requested for everyone to leave us alone for these last minutes, so we could just be together as we took turns snuggling with our son.

The baby made a small cooing noise, which made me grin. He was so calm—nothing like the screaming infant I'd imagined all these months.

"I knew he would have your blue eyes," I whispered to Easton when the baby slowly opened his eyes and peered up at us.

Easton put his arm around my shoulder and gently caressed the baby's cheek with his other hand. "I think all baby's eyes are that color when they're born, but I guess time will tell."

I nodded. There was still a lot of paperwork left to be done for the adoption to be finalized, but Easton and I had spoken on the phone with Nadia and her husband Cameron this afternoon, and we all agreed that an open adoption was something we wanted.

Which meant that while we may say goodbye to our little guy today, it wasn't a permanent goodbye. It was more like our family was just expanding, and we would be involved in each other's lives from here on out.

Not that I expected to be around him all the time, but it was nice to know they'd send us videos and pictures and keep us up to date on everything he was doing. And then we would be invited to big family events, like his first birthday party and his high school graduation.

It was crazy to think about where I'd be at that time, since I still had to wait a year for my own high school graduation.

"I think he has your eyebrows," Easton said, running a fingertip gently across our little guy's brow.

"They look good on him." I smiled and looked closer, trying to memorize every detail about him. The way he looked. The way he smelled. The cute little sounds he made as he slept.

I pushed my finger into his perfect little hand and loved how he reflexively curled his fingers around mine. Like he trusted me completely to make sure he was taken care of.

"It’ll be really hard to hand him to the Williams," Easton said, and I felt his body sigh beside mine.

I nodded. "I'm trying not to think about that part."

But I knew it was coming.

Ten minutes later, the social worker opened the door again. My mom and Mr. Stevens were standing behind her, each wearing a wary expression on their faces. They were worried about us.

"It's five o'clock," the social worker said.

An ache formed in my chest. Our time was up. In just a few moments, I would hand my baby to another woman and she would take care of him for the rest of his life.

Easton climbed off the bed first and took the baby from my arms so I could stand up. We’d decided that we would go to them, instead of them coming to us.

Easton held the baby as we walked the few doors down the hall. My heart pounded harder with each step we took.

We stopped in front of the closed door to room one-sixteen.

"I love you, baby," Easton whispered before kissing our boy and hugging him to his chest. "Just remember that. I'm always going to love you."

My heart broke. Easton would have been a great dad.

He would be a great dad.

Someday.

He handed the baby to me next, so I could say my goodbyes. I held him against my chest and nuzzled my face on his soft, warm cheeks and whispered, "I love you, baby. I hope you know that."

I hugged on him for just a moment longer, committing everything about him and everything about this day with him to my memory. I knew I would think back on this moment for the rest of my life.

The social worker knocked on the door, and a moment later, it opened to reveal Nadia and Cameron Williams on the other side. They had cautious looks on their faces, like they were too scared to be excited. They'd been this close to having a baby before, only to have it taken away from them at the last minute.

I drew in a deep breath, hoping it would make me brave enough to do what I had to do next.

After hesitating for just a few seconds more, I held out my son to his new mommy. "Here he is."

Nadia quickly glanced to the social worker as if to make sure it was really okay for her to take him from me.

The social worker nodded, and then Nadia reached out, her whole body trembling. She took him from my outstretched arms. We both started crying.

"Thank you," Nadia said, looking at me and Easton with tears in her eyes. "Thank you so much for giving us such an amazing gift."

I nodded. "Thank you for taking him into your home. He's a pretty special guy."

And then because I knew this moment was so special for her and her husband, I knew we needed to leave them to bond with their baby who wasn't mine anymore.

But before I could go, I had to say something else. "Just tell him I love him, okay?" My lips trembled as I spoke. "Tell him we loved him so much that we wanted to give him his best chance."

"We will," Cameron said. "We'll make sure he knows he is loved by so many people who just want him to grow up and be happy."

I glanced at Easton and saw he had tears in his eyes, too. He looked down at me with a sad smile, and I knew it was time for us to really go.

So we said one last goodbye and looked longingly at the baby one last time before turning to walk away.

Once the social worker had shut the door between us, I searched for my mom. I needed her.

She was right there behind me, and so I threw my arms around her as a sob escaped my throat. And she held me as I cried.

I could see from the corner of my eye that Easton's dad was doing the same thing for him, too.

"Let's get you back to your room," my mom said after a while.

I nodded and let her lead me back to my room a few doors down. I climbed into my bed, feeling so heavy with grief I wondered if I could ever be fully happy again. I hadn't expected to feel this sad. I'd known all along that I wanted to do this. I'd felt so strongly that the baby was supposed to be raised by someone else.

How could I feel so much fear and regret right now?

"Is it okay if I come in here, too?" At the door was Easton. His eyes were red, and he looked like he was just barely standing, like the lightest of touches would make him drop to the floor.

I waved him in, and either he didn't realize that my mom was still in the room or he just didn't care, but instead of sitting on one of the chairs, he climbed into the bed and spooned his body next to mine, wrapping one of his arms around me like if he held me tight enough, maybe it would make it so it didn't hurt so bad.