We have to reorder books two more times. I can’t believe Mom’s idea of selling books actually turned out to be profitable. As much as I like the idea of browsing a bookstore to find the perfect book for me, it turns out most people just like buying what’s already labeled as a best seller. Some of our customers come into the store and grab the number one book without even reading the back summary to see if they’d like it. People are weird.

But I don’t mind it at all if it helps the store.

I stand behind the counter working on my extra credit worksheets while Mom eats her dinner in the back room of The Magpie. Dinner tonight—and every night for the last week—has been peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They’re economical and cheap.

They also remind me of Jonah.

He’d told me they were his favorite snack food back when he was giving me answers for each paper I finished. Now, after suffering one very awkward tutoring session where he was all business and no small talk, I would give anything to go back to the way it used to be.

I debate telling him I’m sorry and just clearing the air about the whole thing. But knowing him, and how quiet he gets about stuff, he probably wouldn’t even listen to me. He probably won’t even admit that he heard the insult from April, although it’s obvious that he did.

I think about leaving a note in his locker, or handing it to him in the hallway. I could apologize and say I want us to be friends.

But even that would just make the situation weirder. April thinks I should just ignore it and go back to the way things were. She says everyone eventually gets over stuff and he will be normal soon enough. But she doesn’t sit in the tutorial session with me so she has no idea how impossible it would be to go back to my normal flirty self.

Just when he’d started opening up to me and joking around and telling me things, I’d gone and ruined it by talking about him to April. If boys and relationships were a grade in school, I’d be failing it for sure.

I spend all night thinking about what I should do. By the next morning, I’ve decided the best thing would be to apologize. Even if he doesn’t want to hear it, and even if it’s the most awkward thing I’ve ever done, Jonah deserves an apology.

Sure, he’s nerdy and he’s totally not the kind of guy I would date. But he’s also a good person. I hate knowing that I’ve hurt his feelings.

I’m still trying to decide if I should apologize to him in class or after school during our tutoring session when I see him at lunch. He goes through the cafeteria line and grabs a burger and fries. I watch him carry his tray across the room to the circle table that’s filled with his fellow nerd friends.

I decide that telling him now would be a good idea because then he’d have time to think about it before tutoring started. Maybe by then we’d be back to normal, or at least be able to pretend like we are.

I eat my food quickly and try to listen to whatever April is talking about. As soon as I’m done, I’m going to walk over there and ask to talk to Jonah alone real quick. I’ll smile and I’ll be friendly and say it’s about my chemistry class.

I’m about to tell April that I’ll be right back when I see a girl walk over to Jonah’s table. She’s short and petite with silky black hair and a pastel pink dress. I don’t know her name, so she must be in a younger grade than me. She smiles at Jonah and he slides over, making room for her at the table. She opens the Diet Coke in her hand and slides a straw into the bottle’s opening.

I run a hand through my hair and pretend to glance around the room, but really, I’m watching her every move. She touches his shoulder and laughs and steals some of his fries. He laughs back with her and together they chat with his friends.

She keeps doing this thing where she lays her head on his shoulder for a second. In the whole ten minutes I watch them, I don’t think she stops smiling once.

“So I was thinking of watching Reign first and then Heartland because Reign has fewer seasons,” April says. “What do you think?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” I say, prying my eyes away from Jonah’s table. An uneasy feeling settles into my stomach. Here I thought Jonah had spent the last two days hurting from the insult of being called a nerd. But really be probably didn’t even care. Because clearly, he has a girlfriend now. How could I have been so stupid? I should have listened to my gut in the first place and never allowed myself to like a guy who’s in a total opposite social circle.

I take a deep breath and tear my eyes away from his table. Jonah has his own life and I have mine. Our circles only connect briefly for two hours two days a week. It is so not a big deal.

I take a deep breath and hold my head higher. Now that all the stupid crush stuff is over, I can go back to my normal life, like wondering if Caleb Brown will talk to me again in the hallways. I’ve only seen him once since that time Jonah interrupted us in the art hallway. He’d been walking with a group of football players and our eyes met from across the hall. He winked at me. And then he kept walking.

Still, I think. Better than nothing.