The next few days are a blur. I get up and go to school and try to pay attention. Jonah helps me with my homework everyday now, and not just on Tuesdays and Thursdays when the school forces him to. Without him, I’d definitely be falling behind on my grades again, but he keeps me focused.

I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home. I keep waiting for Mom to say, “It’s done. I sold the store.” So far, she hasn’t said much of anything to me that doesn’t involve asking what I want for dinner. She sleeps in late, goes to the store late, and comes home at exactly closing time. I wish I could say I haven’t given up, but there’s nothing more for me to do. Even with our fundraising sales and all the online marketing in the world, I can’t come up with the twenty-three thousand dollars Mom needs to pay off her payday loan.

It’s been three days, and that sinking feeling hasn’t left my chest. I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of tears, but I hold them back. Jonah and April are being stellar friends and do everything they can to take my mind off it. I smile and joke with them at lunch and pretend like their efforts are working, but deep down inside, I’m dying.

I can’t stand the idea of a life without The Magpie. Even now that I’ll definitely graduate with at least B’s and maybe even some A’s, and with the scholarships Mrs. Reese has gotten for me, my future still feels up in the air. I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not running a business. Jonah assures me I’ll figure it out with time, but I’m not so sure.

Mom seems more lost than ever, floating through the house at night like a ghost waiting to sign away their soul. I don’t know when the contract signing will happen and our store won’t be ours anymore, but I’m sure it’ll be soon.

On Thursday, Jonah and I do my homework and then I finish the last of the stack of extra credit papers. It feels like I’ve climbed Mount Everest when I finally get to drop the completed stack on the table. Nothing can ruin the pride I have over this accomplishment, not even the librarian’s annoyed glare at me for making a loud noise.

“You seem a little happier,” Jonah says as we move over to the row of computers.

I shrug, not wanting to give a real answer. If I say yes, I’m happier, he’ll be able to tell it’s a lie. Right now I’m just surviving.

I turn to Jonah and wheel my computer chair right up next to his so that I can rest my cheek on his shoulder. “You make me happy,” I say quietly. “Even when life is being stupid, you’re still the greatest part of it.”

He kisses the top of my head. “You make me more than happy, Nat. I’m still waking up from stress dreams every night where our two months of tutoring are over and you quit hanging out with me.”

I snort. “Not happening. I’m taking you with me to college so you can help me study for all of those assignments as well.”

“I’d be happy to do that,” he says, sliding his hand over to my thigh.

I sit up and decide to check my grades online before logging into ChemXLabs. As I log into the school’s website, the top right corner flashes, telling me I have a new email. Our school accounts have email addresses that no one uses except for teachers, who send us assignments and stuff.

I click on it and freeze.

The new email has my dad’s name as the sender. The subject line reads: Catching up

I look over at Jonah, but he’s checking his own account on the next computer over. My mouth can’t seem to form words, so I bat at his arm with my hand until he looks over, one eyebrow raised.

I point to the screen.

He looks confused at first and then says, “Is that your dad?”

“Ex step-dad,” I whisper.

He nods once and then puts an arm around me. “What do you want to do?”

“I guess I want to read it,” I say, but I move the mouse over to the email and can’t bring myself to click it. “Do you think he’s being nice?”

“Of course he is, if what Mrs. Reese said is true.” Jonah’s eyes meet mine. “Do you want me to read it for you?”

I’m about to say yes and jump out of this chair, but I know I need to read it myself. If Mom actually told him to stay out of my life, then I can’t be mad at him for obeying her wishes. And I do miss him, after these years. He’s the only dad I’ve ever known.

I click the email.

 

Hi Natalie,

 

I hope you can get this email soon. I don’t know how often students check these things, but I knew it would be a way to contact you since I don’t know your real email address. It’s me, Ed, and I wanted to reach out after all this time and make sure you’re doing okay.

I miss you a lot, and even though you aren’t related to me by blood, please know I still think of you as my daughter. I would be overjoyed if you choose to reply back, or maybe give me a call. Of course, if you don’t wish to communicate with me, I will respect that.

You’re eighteen now, and almost graduating. I can’t believe you’ve grown up so fast. I still remember when you’d build forts in the living room out of blankets and pretend you were in a spaceship.

I’ll be honest, Natalie. Stacy told me she spoke with you and she told you that we’d recently married. I don’t know how your mom is doing since she cut off all contact with me, but I hope she is doing well. I want you to know what I’d still very much like to be there for you, in any way you need. Since you are starting college soon, please know I’ve set aside money for your education since you were a toddler. I’d love to send it your way.

Hope you’re doing well. Congratulations on your upcoming graduation, kiddo! I’m so proud of you.

 

Please call me anytime!

-Ed

 

Jonah’s hand slides slowly across my back. “Are you okay?” he whispers after a moment. I nod, struggling against that lump in my throat that makes me want to cry. My step-dad was always a great guy. I don’t know what happened between him and my mom, but I don’t understand why they had to separate and why he had to leave. Reading his letter makes me wish he’d never left at all.

I stare at that one line in his email, the one about the college money. My tuition at the local state college will be totally paid for if I keep my grades up, thanks to Mrs. Reese’s help. Surely, he knows this, since he’s married to her now. Why would he even bring it up? He could just keep the money himself and I would have never known.

Jonah and I attempt to do some chemistry work, but as soon as our required tutoring session is over, we both pop out of our chairs, ready to get out of this place. Jonah holds my hand as we walk out of the school and toward his car. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make me talk about what just happened with that email. I am so grateful that he knows when to talk and when to just let me think.

After he’s dropped me off at home, I step onto the porch and my feet suddenly feel like they’re filled with rocks. I can’t step inside. Can’t walk up to my room and do something stupid like laundry.

I have to this, and I have to do it now, while Mom is at the store.

I dial the number I still have memorized from when I was a little kid.

“Hello?” he says in this curious way, because my phone number is no doubt unfamiliar to him.

“Dad?” I say, my voice higher than I expect. “It’s me. And…well…I need your help.”