Caleb’s lips are soft and taste like the Dr. Pepper he drank earlier. There’s a hint of stubble on his jaw that scratches against my cheek as he kisses me. I feel it prickling my skin in this delightful way and I’m partially wondering why my brain thinks all these things during my first kiss with the guy I like, and I’m partially freaking out because Caleb Brown is kissing me.

He’s a rough kisser, pressing his lips to mine as if he’s determined to prove something. I close my eyes and kiss him back, using my limited knowledge on how to do this. His hands are on my sides, and then my back presses against the wall that smells a little like cotton candy.

When he pulls back for air, he gives me this devilish grin. “I’ve waited all night to do that.”

I’m still stunned from the kiss, so I don’t say anything.

Caleb’s tongue flicks across his bottom lip and then he leans forward, slowly moving toward me. My stomach flutters at his nearness, and then his lips are on mine, soft this time. His hand slides down my waist and stays there, resting just above the waistband of my jeans. “You want to go back to my house for a little bit? My parents aren’t home.”

My breath hitches. I’m not an idiot and I know what he means. As much as I like him, I definitely want to keep making out behind a wall of arcade games. But I don’t want to go back to his house with him alone…and do the things that boys expect when you’re alone.

“Um,” I say, suddenly more nervous than I’ve ever been in my life. If I say no, he won’t like me anymore.

“Dude!” Jeremiah shoves Caleb’s shoulder. “There you are! Shit, man, I’ve been looking everywhere.”

“What’s up, man?” Caleb asks, straightening and dropping his hold on me.

“I need a ride home,” Jeremiah says, looking at his cell phone. “Like, now. My mom’s pissed about some shit, I don’t know.”

Caleb looks at me and frowns. “Looks like we have to leave anyway.”

Saved by the drunken jock, I think as I look at the time on my watch. “Actually, I should probably get back too.”

“Okay,” he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I breathe a sigh of relief because he doesn’t seem upset that I’ve managed to slip out of his offer to go back to his house.

Jeremiah reeks of alcohol which flows up from the backseat of Caleb’s truck and stings my nose. He spends the whole time talking about how he’s a better air hockey player than anyone at the arcade. Caleb says that my house is closer, so he takes me home first, and I’m kind of grateful for it. This whole night has been one confusing weird mess. First, Caleb ignores me all week and then he ignores me most of the night until he randomly decides to kiss me. I don’t know what to make of that. I kind of can’t wait to get into my bed and process everything that’s happened.

When he pulls into my driveway, he leans over and kisses me on the lips. “Have a good night,” he says, winking at me.

“You too.” I smile and then get out of the car. He backs out of my driveway before I’ve made it to the door and I tell myself I don’t care that he’s not exactly a polite gentleman who walks me to my door. I’m pretty sure guys don’t even do that stuff anymore.

I guess I should know better by now, but it’s a little disappointing when he doesn’t text me for the rest of the night. As the weekend comes and goes, I spend all of my time at The Magpie trying to drum up customers between staring at my phone hoping for a text. But I’m starting to think that Caleb Brown is just the kind of guy who never uses a cell phone. Or maybe he just doesn’t use it to talk to me.

 

***

 

My Monday morning walk to first period is a blur. I’m purposely trying not to pay attention to the faces in the hallway. Caleb hasn’t texted me or otherwise acknowledged that I exist in any way, so I’d prefer to do the same for him. I don’t want to look for him. I don’t want to think about him.

When someone walks up a little too close to me, I’m about to ignore them as well until I recognize the soapy scent of Jonah.

“Good morning,” he says, flashing me a smile.

“Hey.” I hate that he’s giving me that cute smile when we’re supposed to just be friends. It makes me think of those few days when I thought I had a crush on him.

“Just came by to wish you good luck on your history exam.”

“My what?” I come to a dead stop in the middle of the hallway. “Is that today?”

His hand slides down the strap of his messenger bag and he nods. “You have Mrs. Lapin fifth period, right? She’s giving the exam to all of her senior classes today.”

I sigh and toss my head back, muttering a curse under my breath as I stare at the ceiling. “I completely forgot. I was supposed to study this weekend.”

Jonah’s lips slide to the side of his mouth, and I can practically hear his thoughts about how if I’d just been at tutorials last week we could have studied for it. “I can study with you at lunch, if you’d like.”

“Really?” The flash of excitement I get is quickly overshadowed by my history with Jonah. “Wait, I can’t make you sacrifice your lunch for me.”

“Sure you can,” he says with a shrug. “Plus, I’m offering. I don’t mind.”

“What about your girlfriend?”

“Tutoring comes first,” he says, glancing down the hallway instead of looking at me. “If you fail this test, it looks bad on me so I’m really doing this for myself too, if it makes you feel better.”

“That does make me feel better.” I don’t really hear the words I’m saying because I’m struggling against the pain my chest. Jonah’s reply is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to say something like, “Girlfriend? What girlfriend? The only girl I care about is you.”

But that stuff only happens in fantasy worlds, I guess.

“Thanks,” I say, trying to smile. “Let’s meet at lunch.”

“Meet me by the recycling?” he says, glancing at me quickly before looking down at his phone, even though the screen is off.

“Sure thing.”

I do my best to pay attention in math, chemistry, and English classes because I know I’ll get to study for the history exam during lunch. Now that I’ve been actually working on my grades, it turns out paying attention to the lesson as it’s taught is much easier for me. I actually understand what’s going on now that I’m somewhat caught up in class. Still, that lingering exam in History class is nagging at me and I wish I’d remembered to study for it this past weekend.

Anger replaces my regret and I could kick myself for wasting so much precious time thinking about Caleb. I think it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t even like me that much. If anyone else had told me that a guy treated them so pathetically on their first date, I would tell her to leave him. Yet here I am, still wishing he’d text me.

Why am I so pathetic? I shove down the feelings that I’m still not over my little crush on Jonah and that it’s making me focus on Caleb too much. I miss the days when I didn’t really care about any guy. When my life was composed of worrying about the store and skipping school.

At lunch, Jonah is waiting for me at the recycle bins that are next to the doors to the cafeteria. I’ve already texted April to tell her I won’t be in lunch, but I still feel slightly bad about ditching her.

“I secured a study room for us,” Jonah says, flashing me a grin as he walks out of the cafeteria. “Mr. Hawkins said the room across from his is empty so it’s all ours for the day.”

“Can I come here every day during lunch?” I say, thinking how great it would be to avoid looking over at other tables and seeing people I don’t want to see, like Jonah’s girlfriend.

“Doubt it,” he says, oblivious to my thoughts.

The classroom is empty except for rows of desks. We sit at the back and Jonah pulls his desk toward mine so that we’re facing each other. “I’ll quiz you,” he says, pulling out his history textbook and opening it to the chapter about the Civil War.

I’m trying to decide if Jonah has suddenly gotten cuter or if I’m just used to his nerdy polo shirt and khakis by now. In a way, it’s almost sexy how he doesn’t care if he’s dressed like a middle aged businessman instead of a teenage boy. My thoughts float back to seeing him on the beach, shirtless in flipflops. He looked like his age there. My cheeks redden.

Jonah asks another history question and I answer it, my voice a little raspy. I clear my throat and tell myself to stop thinking about what he looks like without his shirt on. This history exam is important. I have to focus.

“This was fun,” I say as the lunch period is almost over. “I missed studying with you last week.”

“I missed you too,” he says, closing up his textbook and putting it in his messenger bag. My eyes widen. Did he mean to say those exact words—he missed me—or did he mean he missed our studying?

“Look, Jonah…” I swallow the lump in my throat and take courage from the fact that we’re all alone in here. “I’m really sorry about that day…when you heard April talking about you…”

His bottom lip pulls under his teeth and he looks at the desk. “It’s fine, Nat.”

“No…it’s not… I mean, I don’t know what all you heard, but—” I take a deep breath even though my cheeks are burning and I feel like an asshole and this is so embarrassing. Jonah is a good guy and I can’t stand the thought of him going around life thinking he’s a nerd, or someone unattractive. I have to make this right. I look up at him and he’s watching me, a curious expression on his face.

“When we first started tutoring together I was just mad about it. I didn’t want a tutor and I didn’t want to go, so I bitched about it to April. I called you some unflattering names, but I would have said that about anyone because I was mad about the tutoring.”

He watches me, his expression softening. I continue, “So then we were talking about you, and I was saying you’re not so bad and she repeated what I’d called you, and that’s the part you overheard. But it’s not true, Jonah. I didn’t mean it. You could have been any other student tutor and I would have said the same thing.”

I can’t bring myself to say the word nerd, so I dance around it. “I’m so sorry, Jonah.”

He stares at his fingers for a moment, pressing them to the desk. “It’s fine, Natalie. You don’t have to explain.”

“But I do. I have to apologize. I don’t want you thinking you’re anything less than amazing, because you are.”

His lips turn up a little in the corners. “Thanks,” he says, meeting my eyes. “I broke up with Lara, by the way.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Ex.” He shrugs. “She’s kind of a bitch. After we talked that day at the beach, I got to thinking that I’d rather just be alone than be with someone like her.”

I realize I’m smiling in this huge, giddy way, and I quickly make my face go back to normal. “That’s good. I’m proud of you. You deserve so much better than her.”

“Hopefully,” he says. The bell rings and he stands. “Good luck on your test. I think you’re going to do great.”

It feels like a ton of weight has been lifted from our friendship now that we’ve gotten this talk over with. I’m happy Jonah ditched that girl and I’m glad I got to apologize for calling him a nerd. I can’t believe it, but I’m actually looking forward to tutoring this week.

“Walk me to history class?” I say as we leave the empty classroom. “You can quiz me all the way there.”

He grins and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’d love to.”