Chapter Seventeen
It’s been a couple of weeks since Gunner ended our…whatever we had going on. I’m upset, heartbroken, and I don’t really blame him, because I knew it was my fault. I blamed myself already. I don’t understand why he would throw away everything we were building when the going got tough, though. Gunner’s not a quitter, and he’s never taken the easy way out before. But he hates me now, and I’ve cried my eyes out for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been angry, I’ve been depressed, but now I’m coming to terms with it. I know he is coming home soon, so I have to figure out how to avoid him, which shouldn’t be hard, considering I’ve had to have Drifter take over the bar for me.
Not only have I been going through all of that, but I have been exhausted. So fatigued that I can’t stay awake past ten at night—and even sleeping through the night, I still can only stay awake for a couple of hours before I have to take a nap. I’ve also been sick, like really fucking sick, vomiting my guts out and I can’t keep anything down.
Lying in bed, curled up under my covers, there’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” I try yelling, but it comes out weak.
The door opens, and Crazy Girl walks in, shutting the door behind her. She sits on the edge of my bed with a bag in hand. “I brought reinforcements.” She bites down on her lip as she hands me the bag.
Sitting up, I open the bag. My eyes widen as I stare at her ‘reinforcements.’ “Pregnancy tests?” I question, pulling one out of the bag, and holding it up between us.
“When was your last period? When I was pregnant with Damien, I was sick all the time and so tired I could hardly move. It was rough because I had the girls to take care of, but I think you are pregnant, Chatty.” Sad eyes gaze at me. Not at the fact I may be pregnant, but she knows what happened with Gunner.
Shaking my head, I tell her, “I can’t be pregnant. I just had my period last week.”
“Are you sure it was your period? Women can bleed the first couple of months and still be pregnant. It’s not actually you having your period, but it will make you think it is. Just take one and see; if it is positive, then we will go from there.”
“I gotta pee anyway.” Huffing, I take the test with me as I slowly walk out of my room and over to the bathroom.
Reading the instructions, I hold the stick between my legs and let the stream of urine hit it. Counting the five seconds, I remove the stick and put the cap back on. I hold it in my shaking hand as it instantly forms two lines. Positive. Tears well up in my eyes—worst fucking timing ever for this to happen.
Like a zombie, I finish up in the bathroom, and walk back to my room. When the door shuts behind me, I blankly stare at the wall while leaning against the door. “It’s positive.” My eyes can’t even make it to Crazy Girl. I think I might be going into shock.
“Chatty, are you okay?” Crazy Girl asks, suddenly in front of me, her hands cupping the sides of my face.
My gaze finally lands on her. “Why did this happen now?” Tears slide down my cheeks.
“Because everything happens for a reason, Chatty.”
“He hates me.”
Shaking her head, she says, “No, he doesn’t. Gunner’s angry right now, but he doesn’t hate you—he could never hate you.”
“You didn’t see the way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me. How can I tell him I’m pregnant with everything he’s going through?” More tears fall as I can barely keep myself standing.
“We will take it one day at a time, and I’m here for you, but please, for the love of God, don’t follow after Jacey. First, you need to go see Sierra. She can check you and the baby to see exactly how far along you are, and prescribe you some medicine for the nausea. Now, come lay back down and I’ll call her.” She helps me walk back to the bed; my shaky legs would never make it on their own. She covers me up because I have no strength, and then makes the call to Sierra.
*****
Sierra scheduled me an appointment at her office for later that afternoon, so here I am after filling out all the proper paperwork, getting my height and weight charted, and taking the urine test. Nervously sitting on the exam table, I kick my legs back and forth, hands in my lap as I stare straight at that door, willing Sierra to come in and give me the news I am already expecting. No pun intended there. Crazy Girl quietly sits next to me.
The door opens. Sierra walks in, closing the door behind her, and sits on the rolling stool. “You are definitely pregnant, Chatty. Since we don’t know your exact due date, I’m going to try an ultrasound. If the baby is too small, then I will need to do a vaginal. I will get measurements, and then write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and something to help with the nausea so you can start eating and holding it down.” She smiles and I give a halfhearted smile back. I think I’m still in shock and I’m upset, and a whole lot of other emotions are running through me right now.
Realizing she said vaginal, I tell her, “I’m not sure how I feel about you looking at my vajayjay, Sierra.” Crazy Girl busts out laughing. My eyes snap in her direction. “What? I’m serious. She’s my friend and thinking about her head and hands being between my legs…”
Sierra joins in the laughter, and my mouth hangs open at the two of them. “Chatty, she has seen mine, Jacey’s, and Ever’s. It is completely professional, not any different than a male OBGYN. Which would you prefer, someone you know, or a stranger?”
Tilting my head up, I think about it for a second. “Alright, I give you permission to stare at my who-ha.” Relaxing, I join in the laughter and feel better than I have in the last couple of weeks. At least I know what is causing my sickness.
“Would you like hot or cold jelly for your stomach?” Sierra asks from the counter in the exam room.
“Hot.” She grabs a bottle, brings it over, then lifts my shirt and pulls my pants down to the pelvic area. She squirts some of the jelly on my stomach then turns out the light. She pushes all around on my belly until she finds what she’s looking for.
She uses the cursor to point out everything. “This is the yolk sac, here is the amniotic fluid, which looks very good, and here is the baby. Do you see that little fluttering?”
“Yes.” I watch everything in wonder. We created this little human that is now growing inside of me. New tears come to the surface, but these are in happiness, joy, and love.
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat. Let’s listen and see how strong it is.”
Crazy Girl holds my hand. I look up at her and smile; she returns it with one of her own, and her shimmering eyes go back to looking at the screen. “176, a very strong heartbeat,” Sierra informs as we listen to the quick little beats. “Now I’ll do the measurements. Butt to head is measuring at eleven weeks two days, head is measuring at eleven weeks four days, and weight is 45 grams. So by estimates you are almost three months pregnant and your due date is showing for December 25th. A Christmas baby—congratulations, Chatty. I’m going to check one more thing, since you have been bleeding.” My heart rate speeds up at the possibility of something being wrong.
“You have blood lining your cervix. It’s not anything we need to worry about right now, but I want you to come back in two weeks. If it grows, then we will need to be concerned; you will keep bleeding as long as this is there, but if the bleeding gets worse, call me immediately so we can get you checked out.” She prints off some of the pictures and hands them to me. Grabbing some napkins, she gives me those to wipe off my stomach. I pull my pants back up, then lower my shirt. She helps me sit up. “So, on a friend level, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you. How is Gunner doing? Does he know about the baby?”
“He hates me, Sierra. He blames me for what happened—he kicked me out of his room a few weeks ago, and I haven’t talked to or seen him since. He’s due to come home soon, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” My face screws up tight as if I’m in pain. Which I am, because of him.
“Oh, Chatty, I’m sorry. I don’t think he hates you, though. He’s going to go through a process of emotions: anger, depression, and acceptance. It’s a big deal for someone to wake up in his state. Give him time to come to terms with everything and I have no doubt he will be begging for you to forgive him. ” Sierra smiles and pulls me in for a hug.
“I hope you’re right, because I miss him.”
“I agree with Sierra; he’ll be back, Chatty.” Crazy Girl joins in the hug.
I set my next appointment for two weeks and Crazy Girl drives us back to the clubhouse. The ride is quiet and I have all these questions running through my head. How am I going to tell Gunner? Can I even tell him? Would he be happy or angry? Is this what Lil Mama felt like when she kept her pregnancy a secret from Bear? I guess I’ve learned a lesson: Don’t ever judge someone by their actions until you are in that same situation.