Chapter Nineteen
I’m officially past the twelve-week mark in this pregnancy, and feeling so much better. The nausea medication has helped tremendously, and since I can hold food down now, I’m putting on some weight and noticing a little pudge belly. It makes this all the more real, and as time goes on, the happier and more excited I become. I’m going to be a mom, something I never thought I would get the chance to experience.
But I’m sad that Gunner isn’t here with me; he’s the one that started talking about babies in the first place. I’m scared to tell him since he acted like such an ass, pushed me away, and now I’m worried he won’t be happy and will have changed his mind about wanting a baby with me.
He came home a few days ago, and since I’m avoiding him once again, I have yet to see him. When I think about seeing Gunner and what transpired at the hospital, I’m at a crossroad of wanting to slap the taste outta his mouth, or kissing the life outta him. I want to slap him because I’m still angry, but most of all I’m hurt. Gunner has never spoken to me like he did in the hospital, and it’s so out of character for him, it makes me wonder if it wasn’t all bullshit and if there’s another reason why he wanted me to leave, not that he blames me for what happened.
I’ve had plenty of time to think about the whole situation, and Josie is right—in this life, shit’s gonna happen no matter what. It wouldn’t have mattered if we were on the backroads, here at the compound, or at the fucking grocery store; someone targeted us and there wasn’t a damn thing we could have done to stop it. They knew the car. I love Gunner, but he can be an idiot at times; his little stunt at the hospital didn’t change my feelings any, regardless of what happened, and that’s why I would consider kissing him, among other things. Well, that and I’m horny, beyond horny—and I have a feeling that has to do with the pregnancy, my emotions, hormones—everything is all sorts of outta whack.
Crazy Girl is the only one that knows I’m pregnant; I asked her not to tell anyone until after I figured out what to do, plus I wanted to wait until after the twelve-week mark so I could be out of the scare zone. I feel bad for not telling Tinsley yet, because I tell her everything, but she has been pretty shaken up since the incident, plus she has been busy working alongside Demon taking care of the club’s money. I’m glad that Crazy Girl got Tinsley the job; she’s seems happier now, and it keeps her mind off of him.
A knock on the door pulls me out of my wandering thoughts. “Come in,” I holler from my bed.
Not expecting Hanger to be the one who enters, I sit up quickly. It makes me dizzy, so I have to take a few seconds before my vision settles back to normal. “I need you in the bar in an hour.” I meet his worried stare. “You good?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little dizzy, is all. What do you need me for?” I question, holding my head in my hands.
Scratching the back of his neck and looking down, Hanger says, “Drifter needs help with inventory.” He’s lying; Drifter already knows how to do it. But if Hanger says he needs me, then who am I to question it. A small smile forms on his lips.
“Okay, I’ll be there.” Lying back down, my eyes narrow as I watch him start to leave, but he stops.
“If you don’t get better soon, I think you need to see a doctor. We’re startin’ to get worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine, Hanger. Don’t worry so much.” I smile, trying to reassure him. Little does he know, his wife already took me to see the doctor. Giving me a nod, he closes the door behind him.
I walk out of my room and start heading down the hallway, when I notice the bar area is dark, except for a glowing flicker of light.
Why’s it so dark?
Coming to the end of the hallway, I look around the room. Lit candles are sporadically placed around the room. There’s one table set up in the middle of the space; a white tablecloth covers the wooden top, two plate settings along with silverware are set up, one on each side of the table, along with two glasses of what looks to be red wine, and a dozen red roses sit right in the middle.
It’s so romantic!
I wonder if one of the guys is doing something special for their Ol’ Lady. Walking further into the room, I see that Hanger stands next to the bar counter. “Have a seat, Chatty.” I start to head over to one of the barstools, but he stops me. “At the table.” He chuckles a little.
Looking over to the table and back at him, I ask, “What’s going on?”
“Someone has somethin’ to say to you.” He gives me a full smile and adds, “I shut down the bar and the club for the night. No hang-arounds, no whores, only a few prospects to help y’all out.” He gives me a wink, walks over, and pulls the only chair out for me. “Now, sit.”
“I guess this means no inventory,” I state, while laughing to keep myself from crying, because that is really what I want to do right now.
Ugh, these hormones!
Chuckling, Hanger replies, “No inventory. Had to get’cha out here somehow.” I take my seat, and he kisses the top of my head. “Don’t be too hard on him.” He walks away without waiting for a response.
Gazing around the room, I wait.
Gunner comes wheeling out of the hallway, smiling, and my heart melts at the sight of him. It’s been so long since I’ve seen that smile. The last couple of times I saw him, he was so angry. That being said, he’s not getting off that easy with just a sexy smile.
Gah, it is sexy, and so is he.
Biting on my bottom lip to keep from smiling, I cross my arms over my chest. He rolls his wheelchair over to his side of the table. “Hey, Chat.” Oh, now I’m back to Chat; in the hospital, I was Chatty.
“Don’t hey me.” My eyes narrow on him. “Why’d you do all this?” I wave my hand around the room.
“Because I owe you an apology. I was a dick to you for no reason, and I’m sorry. So fuckin’ sorry, Chat.” His blue eyes meet mine and I see the sorrow, pain, and regret. “Hanger said you’d been sick and I’m not much for going out right now so I came up with this. I wanted to do somethin’ special for you.” He’s looking unsure of himself because I’m not giving anything away.
“Why’d you do it? Why’d you treat me like that?”
“I lied.” Gunner looks down before connecting his eyes with mine once again. “Not for one second did I ever blame you for what happened. In my head, I thought I was helping you by pushing you away. I thought that if I was paralyzed I would hold you back, and I wanted to give you the chance to live a full life.” The golden glow from the candles shining against his skin makes him look so sexy. He hasn’t shaved, so his full beard is coming back and his hair is getting longer. The old Gunner is coming back.
“You’re a fucking idiot sometimes.” I finally release the smile I was holding back, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give in. Letting the smile fall, I ask, “Don’t you think that should have been my decision, not yours?”
“I do now.” He nods. “I was angry and lashing out, I’m sorry.”
“You had every right to be angry, but you didn’t have the right to speak to me like that.” My eyes bore into his, letting him see the seriousness in what his words did to me.
“Can you forgive me?” He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.
“Tuck that lip back in; big bad bikers don’t pout.” We laugh, but I need him to understand that he can’t ever do that shit again to me.
Furrowing my brows, my eyes hold his. “You hurt me. If you ever talk to me like that again, we won’t be sitting down talking it out. It’ll be done; no going back, no apologizing—nothing, we will be done.”
“I know.” His eyes shimmer in the low light. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, but I want you back. I want you to give me the chance to make it up to you.”
“If I give you another chance and you ever hurt me again... I swear to you, I will cut your balls off, cook them, and then force them down your throat, hoping you choke on them.” My lips purse as I think about giving in or not.
“I understand; I’m not perfect, but I will do my best to not ever give you reason to castrate me.” His face scrunches up as he has that image in his head and I laugh. “Get over here!” Standing up from the chair, I walk over to his side. Gunner wheels towards me, takes my hand, and pulls me down onto his lap. He runs his hand over the side of my face, cupping my cheek with his palm. Leaning in to his touch, I close my eyes. “I really am sorry. I love you, Chat.”
A tear falls down and he swipes it away with the pad of his thumb. “I love you, too. I’m glad you’re back.” The words have double meaning. “I like your chair.”
“Thanks.” He smiles brightly. “Hanger had it made for me. Now fuckin’ kiss me.” Opening my eyes, I meet his gorgeous smile and I smile back. His hand moves to the nape of my neck and he grips my hair, bringing me in close as his lips crash with mine. I’ve missed this, missed him, his touch, everything. My heart pounds against my chest as the kiss grows deeper. My body comes alive as his tongue tangles with mine. I run my fingers over the scruff on his cheeks before wrapping my arms around his neck.
Pulling back, Gunner places his lips against my temple, breathing me in. “I’ve missed this, you, your sweet smell. Will you be my Ol’ Lady?” His whispering tone makes me wonder if he’s nervous asking me that question.
I can’t go into this new start with him and keep such a huge secret from him. “I have something I need to tell you.”
Worry is etched into his features. “This gotta do with you bein’ sick?”
My brow cocks. “How did you know I’ve been sick?”
“Hanger told me.” His brows pull down tightly.
“Right. You mentioned that.” Shaking my head, I listen to what Gunner says next.
“He said he didn’t know what was wrong, though. You know, though?” He runs his hand up and down my side.
Giving him a nod, I sigh deeply. “I’m pregnant.” Biting on my lip, I wait for his reply, and for a minute he’s still as a statue.
“You’re pregnant?” I nod again, worried he’s not going to be happy. My fears bubble to the surface.
“Marry me.” He looks dead serious.
“What?” I laugh, shocked.
“Marry me,” he repeats.
“Gunner, one step at a time.” I laugh nervously. “Let’s start with, ‘Yes I will be your Ol’ Lady.’ Now, how do you feel about the baby?”
“Happy. I feel fuckin’ happy. Marry me.” Making me laugh harder, his lips descend on mine once again and his arms wrap around my waist. Pulling back, his hand lies flat against my stomach. “Our baby is growing in here.” A tear trails down his cheek, and I repeat his actions by wiping it away.
“I have pictures. I’ll show you later. I’m kinda starving.”
“Then I must feed my Ol’ Lady and baby.” His smile is unwavering and my heart is full.
He yells for a prospect, and Pretty Boy walks out of the kitchen, carrying boxes of food. Gunner releases me so I can get up and move over to my seat. Pretty Boy sets the Chinese food down on the table and Gunner asks him to bring me water and to take the wine away.
When we’re alone again, I split the food between the two of us and we begin to eat. “Are you going to answer?”
Swallowing my food, I tell him, “Gunner, we just made up from a huge fight we had. I’m not going to marry you because we are having a baby, but let’s see how it goes.”
“I can deal with that for now.” A cocky grin plays on his lips. He knows he’ll get what he wants eventually.
We finish eating and Gunner tells me to stay where I’m at, so I do. He wheels over to the stereo system and turns on the music. When he wheels himself back over to the table, he stops in front of me. “Dance with me?” When I nod with a smile, he takes my hand and once again pulls me down onto his lap. We go over to the dance floor, where he spins us in circles and rolls us around in the best dance I’ve ever had.
Later into the night, I go get the sonogram pictures while Hanger helps Gunner into bed, and then I join him. They moved Gunner into Hanger’s old room so that it would be easier with having the attached bathroom, a decision I’m glad they made. We lie there, looking at our baby, me in his arms, and feeling complete now that I have Gunner back. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep in the arms of the man I love with almost my whole heart. That one little piece I have saved for Ripper.
*****
The following week I had my second doctor’s appointment with Sierra, and everything looks good with the baby, but I still have the lining of blood. It hasn’t gotten any better, but it hasn’t gotten worse, so that’s good, I guess. I will continue with two-week visits until the bleeding stops, and I will have sonograms done every visit. The baby’s heartbeat is strong as ever, and the measurements are perfect.
Today is the Fourth of July, so the club has planned a family BBQ with fireworks. That means no hang-arounds and no club girls. I always love when we have the family gatherings because when we all come together it’s fun, no drama, and no worries of what may be happening with the club. Everything is left to tomorrow for these special occasions.
I sit on Gunner’s lap as we watch the fireworks light up the sky and I realize how happy I am. I don’t think about the past too much anymore. Ever since I went to visit Ripper’s grave, I have stopped needing to grieve. Gunner told me one night while we were lying in his—our—bed that he keeps having dreams that Ripper came to him. He vividly remembers that Ripper told him that he is happy that we are together. He thinks it’s a dream, but I wholeheartedly believe it is true, from when he was in the hospital and we were waiting for him to wake up. But if Ripper said that, it gives me a peace of mind that he is watching down on me and he is happy. I guess it’s kind of like having a bit of closure for me, and maybe that’s what I needed all this time.
“You good?” Gunner whispers against my ear.
Turning my head to face him, I smile. “I’m happy.”
He kisses my temple. “Marry me?”
“Someday.” Laughing, I lean in and give him a chaste kiss on the lips. This has been an ongoing thing for us now; he’ll ask me and I give the same reply. I’m happy to have him back and our baby doing so well, but I don’t want to rush into getting married.
“I got somethin’ for you.” He takes a pull from his beer, then leans over his chair, grabbing a box. He hands it to me and his eyes stay glued on me as I open it.
Holding the leather cut up, I look at the front. Instead of it saying Chatty like my old one, it says Chat and the back has Property of Gunner. It’s perfect! “I love it!” He helps me put it on, and I ask, “How does it look?”
“Fuckin’ sexy!” he growls as he leans in close, biting the side of my neck. Kissing him again, everyone around us starts cheering and hollering. “I love you,” I say against his lips.
“I love you too.”