I hated these things with a passion. I was pretty sure most authors did. We were an introverted breed and found social events difficult to navigate. My mouth was feeling numb at the edges as I smiled wildly at everyone, wanting to give the impression I was an easy-breezy creative type who loved the limelight. Pass me a drink before I collapse. There was another reason I was feeling particularly on edge. I hadn’t heard from Drew, yet I was at the launch party for To Be Continued and I had no idea if a lawsuit was going to land in my lap at any minute. Perhaps a bloke in a suit would hand it to me as I gave my speech? Oh shit. Pass me another drink.

‘How are you doing, love?’ Mum said as she wrapped her arm around me. ‘You look shit scared.’

‘Mum! For God’s sake,’ I said as she messed with my dress. ‘Stop faffing. I’m fine.’

‘You didn’t tell me you were reading an excerpt. Is it a racy one? Do I need to cover my ears?’

‘Not too racy,’ I smiled. To be honest, I hadn’t chosen what I was going to read. Part of me wanted to slip off my heels and run for the nearest exit.

‘Cal, are you ready?’ Gerry asked, ushering me to the podium, the microphone immediately making my mouth dry.

‘Water,’ I managed to squeak out.

‘There’s a glass up there ready for you. Take a deep breath.’

‘Gerry, I don’t think I can do this,’ I replied, the walls closing in. Had someone turned up the heat?

‘Do you need a minute?’ he asked. I nodded as he pulled me under his arm and pushed through the double doors towards the hotel reception where the launch event was taking place. ‘This should be cooler for you, less intense.’

‘Cal.’

I looked up from where I was doubled over, my head between my knees in the hope I could stop the woozy feeling, but that didn’t help because standing in front of me was Drew. Sexy, suited and booted Drew. Navy. Tan brogues. Yumminess. Help.

‘Holy fuck,’ I gasped as Gerry handed me a glass of water. ‘Something stronger.’

‘Not a good idea,’ Gerry replied as he shook Drew’s hand. ‘Good to see you.’

‘Thanks for the invite,’ Drew replied, biting his lip and looking away.

‘Invite? Why didn’t you tell me?’ I asked, breathless and ready to fall as the room started to spin.

‘You wouldn’t have shown up. You’d still be clinging to the lamppost in the car park.’ Gerry stepped to the side. ‘I’ll postpone the reading. Give you two time to talk.’ We both watched Gerry go back into the party and nerves bubbled to the surface again. I hadn’t seen Drew in so long. He looked delicious. Good enough to bite, and bloody hell I wanted to.

‘You’re wearing my favourite dress,’ Drew said, breaking the silence.

‘You’ve never seen this dress. I got it on Thursday afternoon after three hours of desperation on Bond Street. This was the closest thing to that’ll do I could find.’

‘It’s still my favourite,’ he replied, breaking into a smile. Damn him. He was so lovely and composed when I was ready to wobble to the floor, and I hated that looking at him transported me back to the good—to the great. All the feelings he raised in me, the laughter we’d shared. The love. I parked the anger and resentment to one side as I saw the shake in his hands, but the pain was like a sharp scratch and returned as soon as it had left.

‘I have a party to attend and an excerpt I’ve got to read, and you being here doesn’t help my nerves.’ My tone was sharp and cold, but he didn’t flinch. It was almost as if he was expecting it, had planned for it and was waiting to make his next move.

‘Which excerpt?’

‘What?’ I asked, my brows furrowing.

‘Which one have you chosen?’

‘Why does it matter?’ I asked, being purposefully ridiculous. God, I wanted him. Why was he here?

‘It matters because it’s about me. Us. I want to prepare myself.’

‘You’re not going in there, Drew. You can’t listen!’ I replied, my voice a high-pitched wail. I couldn’t fathom why I was so against it because I’d sent him a copy and he must have read it, out of curiosity if nothing else.

‘I hope it’s the part where we meet on the bench that first time. When I watched your hair blowing in the breeze and I started to wonder why things felt easy between us so quickly.’ He stepped forward. Closer. I could smell his aftershave and my heart leapt. ‘Or maybe it’s the part where we mutually touched ourselves through our bedroom windows, wishing we had the guts to make the first move.’

‘We didn’t,’ I gasped as his finger trailed my jaw bone.

‘No, but I soon fucked you senseless against the wall. Kissed your bare thigh. Made you come.’

‘Stop!’ I shouted, holding my hand up to his mouth. His breath hitched and his lips twitched into a smile. ‘Don’t brainwash me with sexy words.’

‘Isn’t that what you’ve done to me?’ he replied, threading his hand through my hair, tilting my head, breathing me in again.

‘You let me go.’

‘Sorry,’ he whispered, pulling my head back, his mouth a breath away from mine and a deep pain in his expression. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘You hurt me. Not what you said. Not how angry you were, but because you let me walk away. You didn’t fight.’ I swallowed a sob, pinching my eyes together, and took a deep breath. ‘I want to tell you to leave me alone. Everything is screaming at me to shout it. You’ve said how humiliated you felt, how the trust has gone, how I broke it, but I haven’t told you how disappointed I am in you that you didn’t fight.’

‘Tell me to leave,’ he said, determination in his voice but fear in his eyes.

‘I can’t.’ His eyes fell to my lips. Hunger crossed his face.

‘Even if you did, I wouldn’t go.’

‘There was too much potential to walk away from,’ I said, my voice shaking. ‘A love affair that could have defined us if we let it hold us without fear of letting go.’ I shook my head, felt his hand tighten against the back of my neck. ‘How could you let me go?’

‘I didn’t let you go. I couldn’t. You were always with me, Cal. I stayed in your cottage, slept in your bed,’ he replied, shaking his head, dropping his forehead to mine. His fingers caressed my face; his body pressed tighter against mine. ‘I read the book in your reading chair for Christ’s sake.’

‘You read it?’ I whispered.

‘Of course I did,’ he smiled, his thumbs wiping away my tears. ‘In your reading spot. Just like you. I threw my legs across the arm and threaded a pencil through my messy bun.’

I laughed. Clung on tighter. Relaxed as I felt his chest rise and fall against mine. ‘Are you going to sue me?’

‘For defamation of character?’ he asked as I nodded into him. ‘I think you got me pretty bang on, to be honest. I wouldn’t stand a chance in court.’

Gerry opened the door, peering out at us. I glanced to him and he grimaced as I tried to do that weird smile through a sob smile. My make-up must have been escaping down my face and my hair was now twisted around Drew’s fist. ‘Bloody hell, Cal.’

‘I know,’ I said in a strangled voice, wiping my nose with my finger. ‘I need a minute.’

‘You need more than a minute,’ he replied rolling his eyes and disappearing back inside.

‘I shouldn’t have come here,’ Drew said. ‘I should have waited.’ He tried to smooth down my hair. ‘I’ve upset you before your big moment.’

‘Why now?’ I asked, the sting of how much time had passed suddenly biting. He looked like I’d just asked him to recite his birth date backwards and the numbers were hard to find. ‘You’ve had weeks. Weeks of sleeping in my bed, staying in the cottage…sniffing my sheets. Essentially mourning me.’

‘I didn’t sniff your sheets,’ he replied quickly. ‘Maybe once.’

‘Be serious,’ I replied. His face fell. I knew him better than anyone. The tell-tale coping mechanism of using humour to deflect the harder questions was creeping back in. ‘You had time. What I’m saying is…you had time to contact me.’

‘I needed the clarity the book gave me.’ He stared steady, honesty finally hitting us both. ‘I couldn’t make sense of my feelings before. I was too hurt. It raised too many triggers. That’s the only explanation I have.’ I backed away from him, desperately sad that the ghosts from his past had been thrown into the mix, raising my anxieties that this would never work between us because he couldn’t completely move forward. Something would always be holding him back. Panic flashed through his eyes as I let go of his hand and stepped backwards away from him. ‘Cal—’

I shook my head, bit my lip, pushed my shoulders back. Tried to get a hold of myself. ‘I don’t think you can make this work,’ I said, bumping into the door, nowhere else to hide. ‘I’m scared you won’t be able to trust me.’

‘I can, Cal. Just don’t hurt me. I still fear it,’ he replied, stepping forward.

I gasped. ‘What about hurting me?’ He looked to the floor. No answer. ‘Give me all or nothing, Drew. If you can’t give me all, I need you to go and keep away from me.’

‘I can’t!’ he shouted, looking around to see who was listening as he tried to compose himself. ‘I’ve tried and I can’t.’ He rubbed his forehead and looked anywhere but at me. ‘I shouldn’t have come here. You’re right. I let you go. I couldn’t see a good thing when I had it. Christ. Fuck. I’m sorry. I’ll go,’ he mumbled holding up his hands, but making no attempt to leave.

‘What gave you clarity?’ I asked, remembering his words. ‘You said the book gave you clarity. How?’

He cleared his throat. Glanced at me. ‘It was good to see it from your perspective. Not just my own, which has a tendency to be one-sided.’ He chuckled when I didn’t respond, and dropped his head again. ‘It helped me understand why I’d hidden away for so long—gave up on finding love. I didn’t think I deserved it. Didn’t think I could make a success of it because of the mess that went before.’

‘That wasn’t your fault,’ I replied.

‘I can validate that now. I couldn’t then. The humiliation consumed me. I was fearful to put myself in a situation where there was potential to go through that again.’ I went to open the door. ‘Wait, Cal. Hear me out.’ I let go of the door handle. ‘I still have fears.’ I closed my eyes. ‘But those fears pale in comparison to the fear of truly losing you.’ Drew took my hand and pulled me away from the door. ‘I want to do this. Give us a chance. You need fresh material to finish the duet. Readers will be messaging you in the early hours. There’ll be a hate campaign. Pitchforks at dawn. Do it for them, Cal.’

The door squeaked open. ‘Cal. I can’t put this off any longer,’ Gerry said.

‘I’ll be there in a second.’

‘Do it for them,’ Drew whispered, holding up his fist and shaking it. I laughed, unable to resist.

‘You pick your moments,’ I replied, wiping the mascara from my cheeks.

‘Meet me after. We can talk somewhere quieter. You’re going to need an alcoholic beverage after this, I’m sure.’

‘Wine. A bottle.’ He chuckled lightly.

‘I’m sorry. I knew you’d be nervous. Me coming here hasn’t…helped. I’ll go,’ he said thumbing the door.

‘Actually, I was kind of hoping…you’d stay.’

The panicked look in his eyes started to fade as a smile appeared. Bright and beautiful.

‘I’ve always loved your smile,’ I said.

‘You gave it to me,’ he replied, his hand against my face. When our lips touched, that spark of electricity I once thought only existed in the words of a romance novel, coursed through my body. I gripped his shoulder. Held myself steady. I wanted to get out of there. Run away. Pull him with me. The thought of reading an excerpt—as heat pooled between my legs and I imagined removing his suit—was going to be a bigger distraction than the crowd of faces eagerly awaiting new words.

‘That was even better than I remembered,’ Drew said, smiling between tiny kisses. His thumb stroked my lip, dragging it down, pulling it apart. Aah. I wanted his thumb to part my pussy like that. ‘Later,’ he whispered into my ear like he could read my thoughts. I pulled him closer, wrapped my arms around him, felt his hardness against my thigh. He gasped. And in the same moment, raw and honest in a different way, the need of two bodies yearning for each other, I felt a need to open my heart to him.

‘Don’t base what we have on your experiences of love before. That wasn’t us. I know that those things can change us. Shape us. But hearts are malleable too.’

‘You have a beautiful way with words, Cal Dixon. Has anyone ever told you that you should be a writer?’ he said, pulling my hair behind my ear, kissing the free space of skin it hid.

‘Maybe I should give it a go?’

He laughed and kissed my nose. ‘You’re perfect,’ he said, his eyes flitting across my face, a look of awe, of wonder.

The door squeaked open again.

‘I’m all for this, kids. Material for the second book is music to my ears, but I cannot hold them off any longer!’ Gerry whisper shouted. ‘Get in there and read!’

My hands were shaking. I wasn’t sure if it was the result of nerves as I started reading my words in front of eager fans or because Drew had made my body melt. I glanced at him, caught his smile, took a breath and started to read.

‘What do you want me to say, lovely Kari?’

‘I want you to ask me to stay.’

He sat up, kneeling above me, fighting the natural defences that he’d become so familiar with. ‘I can’t ask you knowing you’ll leave in a few days’ time.’

‘I can’t stay because I don’t know if you’ll ever let me in. Fully. Openly. Without hesitancy because of what happened before.’

‘I can’t promise you more, but I can give you now,’ he replied.

‘Not a future?’

‘I don’t think like that,’ he said, rolling across the bed and standing up.

‘Because you did with Claire?’

‘Yes. And she took it away.’

‘I could stay longer. See where our journey takes us,’ I replied. ‘I’m starting to think I belong in places that make me feel significant. In London, I’m a face in the crowd. Here, I feel like my life matters. Like I’m not so alone.’

‘It’s OK to do things alone,’ he replied.

‘It’s OK to do them with someone too.’ He nodded against me and sighed before kissing me. ‘I’ll take now,’ I said. ‘Now I can work with. Now is better than not at all.’

The crowd started cheering when I finished reading, wolf whistles and the sound of clapping filled the space. I blew my hair away from my face, grimaced jokingly and started to smile. Drew was sitting with my mum after Gerry introduced them, leaning into her as she whispered into his ear, nodding in agreement, still clapping. I loved him. I knew in that moment as I watched his face, the proud smile, the way he was attentive to my mum, his ability to make me feel important and loved in a room full of people just as much as if we were in a room on our own.

Like an editor polishes a manuscript, he made me shine too.

Drew mouthed, You’re amazing, as Gerry got up and made his way towards the podium.

‘Isn’t she fantastic, ladies and gentleman?’ Gerry said, glancing at me and smiling. ‘I’ve just heard an exclusive. Cal will soon be working on the second part of the duet so we’ll know…hopefully, by the summer…how this story ends. Will Kari and Dean get their happily ever after?’ The crowd started cheering again, a chorus of, Yes! followed by laughter. ‘I think they will,’ he replied, turning to me. ‘I’m pretty sure they will.’

I grabbed a piece of paper off the podium, folded it in half and took out a small pencil I’d tucked into my bra. I wrote, Second Book across the top and underlined it twice. I looked at Drew, smiled as he winked at me and wrote, Favourite trope. Second-chance love. Make it epic.

I knew my writing would change. The touch of experience, of real love inspiring my words. I was the kind of romance writer that loved to get lost in the worlds I created, almost feeling the same flutters of butterflies as I fell in love alongside my characters. But I didn’t believe in writing stereotypical phrases and setting unrealistic goals for love. Human behaviour was wide-ranging and unique. I wanted my words to reflect that. Writing ‘I didn’t feel love until I met you,’ seemed unfair now. We all experience love in some form. Many of us may fall in love more than once. That’s fine. That’s life. There’s a huge difference between who we may love for a short period of time and who we were meant for. Drew loved Meghan and I would never take that away from him. But he wasn’t meant for her. He was meant for me. Written down on pages. Planned, outlined and plotted. A story full of stray plot holes until it all came together like a completed manuscript to end the duet.

A masterpiece.

A love story.

A book about real life lessons in love.