Sunday morning was dull and rainy. It matched the mood that had cast over Mallory since after the party the night before. She sat in bed thinking about Greg and what she could do or say to make things different. He hadn’t said anything at all to her about any such feelings. Perhaps what was left unsaid was best left exactly that.
When she eventually went downstairs, Josie and Brad had busied themselves making a cooked breakfast. Brad had been up and out at stupid o’clock for a run and had called in to Colin’s to pick up the Sunday papers and all the necessary ingredients for a heart-attack-inducing fry-up. It was half ten. The smell of the breakfast was wafting its way through the house and made Mallory’s, and Ruby’s, mouth water.
‘Sleep okay?’ Josie enquired as Mallory sat herself down at the kitchen table, clad in pale blue fleece pyjamas.
Mallory yawned her answer. ‘Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re the guest.’
‘Well, I’m guessing you had lots to think about,’ Josie stated.
‘I’ve decided to do nothing and say nothing. Greg hasn’t said anything directly to me, so I’ve no intention of bringing it up in case I ruin the best friendship I have up here.’
‘That’s up to you. But just be careful, Mally. Don’t get yourself into situations that will cause you more upset.’
Suddenly Mallory felt anger towards Josie beginning to surface. She hadn’t wanted to confront the idea that Greg may have feelings for her, but Josie blurting it out last night had meant she had to do just that. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to have to think about that crap every time she saw him. Why couldn’t she have just kept her mouth shut? Ignorance is, as they say, bliss, after all.
Frowning at her friend, she rose from the table. ‘I’m off to get a shower and then I’m taking Ruby out… alone.’ Mallory declined the cooked breakfast and sulkily retreated to the bathroom.
Brad and Josie were still sitting in the kitchen chatting when Mallory descended the creaky staircase. She didn’t interrupt them. She clipped on Ruby’s lead, slipped on her jacket and left the cottage.
The air was cool and the sky was heavy as if it would rain soon. She walked up to the midpoint of the bridge and thought about all the things that had happened since she’d moved here. It had been a period of almost three months, but such a lot had occurred. She hadn’t had the best start at friendship with Greg, but when they had ironed out their differences he had become a good friend. He was there for her and she needed that. She didn’t need Josie making out there was something there that wasn’t. She vowed that she would carry on as if Greg had not made eye contact with her at that crucial part of a love song. Things would be fine.
As she stood there, she heard a deep, excited bark coming from the direction of the pub. She turned around and saw Angus barrelling towards her, tail wagging frantically. He jumped up to greet her and managed to lick her face. She laughed and wiped the dog’s slobber away with the back of her hand.
Greg came jogging up the road after him. ‘Angus you bloody mad hound! Come back here!’ He stopped and shook his head, throwing his hands up.
Mallory laughed at his lack of control over the friendly canine.
He waved and jogged towards her. ‘I obviously didn’t do my job right last night, eh?’ He observed clipping Angus’s lead back on.
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Meaning what, exactly?’
‘Well you don’t look in the least bit bloody hung-over! What were you drinking at your birthday bash? Earl Grey?’ He grinned.
‘Do you know, when I come to think of it there was so much going on I didn’t actually have much time to drink.’ She giggled when she realised the truth.
‘Aye, well maybe you’re one of those weird types. You know, the ones who don’t need alcohol to have a good time,’ he teased.
Mallory made a face at his remark. ‘Where are you off to, then?’ she enquired, scratching the top of Angus’s golden head.
‘Just for a wee walk. Want to join us?’ he asked, sounding hopeful. ‘It’d be nice to have some company.’
Mallory thought for a moment. Oh, for goodness sake, he’s your friend and it’s a dog walk. Get over yourself, she mentally chastised.
‘Ruby and I would love that,’ she chimed and they headed up the road in the direction of the beach.
On arrival at their destination both friends unclipped their dog’s leads and let them run. They watched in amusement whilst the two, little and large, ran around chasing each other as if playing a game of catch. Even the dogs have become friends, Mallory mused.
‘So… it was a good party last night, eh?’ Greg didn’t look at her, but instead kept his eyes on the view.
‘It was wonderful, Greg. I can’t believe you did all that for me.’ She too didn’t attempt eye contact, for fear of what unspoken words may pass between them.
‘Well, I figured that’s the kind of thing Josie would do if you were down Yorkshire way.’
Mallory snorted a laugh. ‘Maybe not with so much gusto though,’ she admitted. ‘Josie would have done the pub and the friends, but they would have been their own entertainment.’
‘Well, I’m just glad I did you proud.’ He briefly put an arm around her roughly as if she was ‘one of the boys’. Relief washed over her. They stood in a more comfortable silence watching their dogs play together, when a few spots of rain began to fall.
Pulling her hood up, Mallory announced, ‘I think I might head over to the holiday cottage and see Renee and the family.’
‘Okay, I’ll walk with you.’ Greg smiled. ‘I have a free day today and I intend to do bugger all but relax and maybe read a book.’ He gasped and put a hand over his mouth dramatically, making Mallory giggle.
They clipped their dogs back onto their leads and headed briskly in the direction of the cottages as the rain gained intensity and the drops became larger and more determined to soak them through.
Greg looked pensive as if there was something he needed to say. Suddenly he stopped and gently took her arm. She turned to look at him. The rain was now pouring down and his lack of hood or hat meant that his wet, dark hair looked black. He swept it back out of his face as raindrops dripped off the end of his nose. He took a deep breath and after a pause said, ‘I have to say something. Please just let me speak and don’t say anything, okay?’
Narrowing her eyes, Mallory said a hesitant, ‘Oooh-kay.’ She frowned at his urgency. Not knowing exactly what to expect, she worried in case he was about to declare his undying love or something ridiculous.
‘Mallory, you and I didn’t get off the best start, we both know that. I feel that now, though, we’re friends, good friends?’ He nodded at her, clearly needing affirmation. She nodded in acknowledgement. ‘Seeing you look so happy last night made me feel amazing. Knowing I had a part in it. You know? But I think I may have given you the wrong impression. I know for a fact you felt uncomfortable at one point when I caught your eye… in the last song?’
Mallory knew exactly what he was getting at, but couldn’t speak for fear of saying the wrong thing.
After another pause, Greg continued, ‘Now, I want you to know that I put your friendship above anything… I would never want to jeopardise that. If I made you feel uncomfortable by the way I looked at you then I am so, so sorry. I just… you know… I sometimes get caught up in the meaning of a song… but it didn’t mean anything.’ He ran his hand through his wet hair again, but his actions were futile as the weight of the water was simply dragging it straight back over his face. ‘Like I said before, I’m crap at this friends business. And if I’m completely honest, and I think I should be, I do find you attractive. But there are so many reasons why I can’t and won’t even bother to dwell on that fact. So please don’t worry. Do you understand what I’m waffling on about?’
Mallory chewed her lip and scrunched her brow. Confusion invaded her mind. She was wondering how the hell he had just dived into her head and read her thoughts without her feeling a thing.
The rain continued to hammer down. Greg was soaked but didn’t seem to care. ‘Basically, what I’m trying to say is that, if we’d met under different circumstances, if we were closer in age, if we weren’t both so broken, if I was braver, if you even remotely found me attractive, then maybe things would be different. But I know that things are how they are. We’re friends and that’s enough. Please promise me that you won’t start to withdraw and avoid me for fear of hurting me or doing… saying the wrong thing. I’m a big boy. I can handle it. I’m happy to be just friends.’
Suddenly Mallory felt awash with emotion and had the desperate urge to hug him. He had just given her the biggest gift; the gift of real friendship – no strings attached. She needed him so much to be a part of her life but could offer him no more. He had looked into her soul and known that and had relieved her of her burden. He found her attractive, and if she was honest, she thought him attractive too. But there was a difference between seeing the beauty in someone and wanting to do something about it. Evidently, they were on the same page.
She threw caution to the wind and embraced the soaked man in front of her, knowing that he wouldn’t read into the gesture after all. He returned her embrace, this time without awkwardness. They said their goodbyes and as Greg headed for home, Mallory set off in the direction of the cottage where Sam’s family were staying.
*
Renee opened the door to the rental cottage and pulled Mallory into her arms. ‘Mallory, sweetheart. How lovely to see you.’
Cara came to join in the hug as Ryan bounced baby Dylan around on his hip.
Mallory smiled, a heavy weight having been lifted from her shoulders. ‘It’s great to see you all too. I had no idea you were coming. It was such a wonderful surprise.’
‘Well, we knew it was your thirtieth birthday and wanted to come over to celebrate with you, but didn’t want to intrude. Anyway, when we received Greg’s call we accepted his invitation without giving it a moment’s thought.’
So, it was true, Greg had done all the inviting. So sweet, Mallory smiled to herself.
‘He’s quite the character isn’t he?’ Renee stated rather than questioned, smiling at Mallory.
‘Yes, he is a good friend. He’s been so helpful since I moved here.’ Mallory wanted Renee to understand that friendship is all it was.
Renee hugged her again. ‘Yes, he seems to care a lot about you which is so reassuring, especially knowing that everyone else you care about is so far away. It must be good to know he’s there for you.’
Ryan stood. ‘I’m going to go and put Dylan down for his nap and then we can all catch up properly.’ He walked through the large one-story building towards the bedrooms.
‘Tea, Mallory? And perhaps a slice of this delicious carrot cake that the owners of the cottage left for our arrival?’
Mallory smiled. She hadn’t realised that Colin and Christine owned the cottage, but the signature carrot cake made the fact apparent.
‘Oh yum. Yes please,’ Mallory accepted enthusiastically and Renee disappeared into the kitchen.
Fiddling with the hem of her top, Cara touched Mallory’s arm. ‘So, Mallory, how are you doing really?’
Mallory placed her hand over Cara’s. ‘I’m getting there, you know?’
‘Are you lonely here? I mean, I know there’s Greg but it’s not the same as having Josie or Brad close by.’
Mallory smiled. ‘No, you’re right. But everyone has been so warm and welcoming that I’m beginning to feel like I belong.’
Cara smiled. ‘I’m so glad to hear that. But if ever you want to talk, I’m only a phone call away. Never mind the time difference, okay?’
‘Thank you, Cara. That means such a lot.’
Mallory spent a couple of hours catching up with the Buchanans, reassuring them that she wasn’t falling to pieces and that she was eating and getting out of the house. The fact that they cared so deeply for her, even though she and Sam had never actually married, filled her heart to the brim. She was glad to have them in her life and regardless of what happened in the future she would always consider them her own family.
When Mallory and Ruby left to head home the rain had eased and Mallory was eager to chat to Josie. She needed to apologise for her stern behaviour towards her best friend and to tell her that everything was okay with her and Greg.
When she arrived home she gave Josie a blow-by-blow account of her conversation with him and Josie listened intently.
Josie scrunched her face. ‘Why is he so hung up on the age thing?’ she asked. ‘It’s seven or eight years. You’re both adults. Age is not an issue.’
Mallory felt frustrated at this response. ‘That’s all you got from everything I just said?’
Josie blushed. ‘Well, I’m just saying. Age doesn’t matter.’
‘No, Josie, age doesn’t matter but love does! And I don’t love Greg, so it’s a moot point. I’m still in love with Sam so can we just stop talking about Greg now?’
‘Yes, yes I know that. I’m just saying it’s not like he’s an old man and you’re a teenager. That’s all I meant.’
‘I get your point, now can you just drop it?’ Mallory snapped but immediately was filled with regret. She was grateful that people cared enough to worry but she was beginning to feel like everyone was wrapping her in cotton wool and trying to protect her from life – she didn’t need that.
Josie held up her hands. ‘It’s dropped. I just think he’s lied to you about his feelings. But it’s okay that he has them. And if you had feelings for him at some point in the future—’
‘For goodness sake, Josie, I won’t ever have feelings for Greg, so shut up!’
Realising that her emotion-filled reactions were fuelling everyone’s worry, she made her excuses and went to her room for a lie down. For the first time ever, she actually wanted to be alone. She wanted everyone to go and just leave her be. She sobbed into her pillow for a while.
Sometime later she awoke to gentle knocking on her bedroom door. She must have cried herself to sleep.
Sitting up, she croakily called, ‘Come in.’
Josie sheepishly walked into the room. She hesitated and then shook her head. Walking towards her, she sat on the edge of the bed.
She rubbed Mallory’s arm. ‘Hey, you.’ She smiled. ‘Are you okay?’ Her expression was once more filled with concern.
Mallory’s heart twinged. ‘I’m as well as can be expected given the circumstances.’
Josie nodded. ‘Well, Brad and I have packed our things; we’ll head home after dinner. Brad’s made us a curry and it smells fab.’
Mallory sighed. ‘Josie, you don’t have to go tonight, that’s silly. You were supposed to go tomorrow. I’m sorry for being so grumpy.’
Josie squeezed Mallory’s hand. ‘No, no, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have interfered. I’m just worried about you getting hurt. You’re my best friend in the world and we’ve been through so much. I just don’t feel like I can help you with all this and it gets to me.’
‘I know you only mean well. I just feel like everyone is worrying too much about me and my relationships and that gets to me,’ Mallory explained.
‘Lovey, no one is worrying too much. We all know how special your relationship with Sam was and how happy he made you. But we just don’t want you to give up on loving someone in the future.’
‘Well, that has to be in my own time. I have to decide if and when that’s going to happen.’
Josie nodded. ‘Yes, you’re right. Give me a hug and come and eat.’
The two friends had made their peace and the curry was enticing them downstairs. Just as Josie had suggested the food was delicious and the atmosphere lightened as they chatted over their meal.
Brad and Josie had stuck to their decision to set off home after dinner, meaning they could travel home at night when the roads were quieter and they could both then work on Monday. But as Mallory waved them off she was needled by guilt for their early departure.
*
On Monday morning, Mallory received a visit from Renee and Cara whilst Ryan took Dylan for a walk. Both women looked distracted and shared several awkward glances. Mallory made tea and placed the tray on her beautiful gnarled wood coffee table catching Renee and Cara whispering when she turned around.
Mallory was intrigued. ‘What’s going on with you two?’
They both grinned like Cheshire cats. ‘Well, we have something for you.’ Renee clapped her hands together like a teenage girl, making Mallory giggle.
Her excitement mounted. ‘Okay, what is it?’ She had already received some lovely gifts of perfume, a beautiful scarf and a beautiful white gold bracelet. What more could they have to give her?
‘Well, we figured that maybe you wouldn’t get around to booking a holiday this year…’ Cara began, but looked at Renee, gesturing for her to continue the story,
Renee handed her a long thin envelope. ‘Sooo, we got you this.’
Mallory opened it and removed the contents. She inhaled sharply and clasped a hand over her mouth. ‘You got me a ticket to come to Canada?’ Her eyes were wide and her heart was pounding. This was too much. ‘I can’t accept this, you’ve already bought me my birthday gifts… I don’t—’
‘Oh stop! You can and you will accept it. We discussed it with Stella and she’s happily agreed that a holiday would be good for you. Greg has offered to take Ruby for a few weeks. So, you’re all set.’
‘Wait, what? A few weeks?’ Mallory couldn’t quite comprehend this.
‘Yes, Josie is fine with the shop, Ruby is dealt with and the pub will be fine too. You’ll come home with us on Saturday and stay for three weeks. Then you’ll return to Scotland in the middle of July. You’ll have time to go off and do your own thing but we’ll take you sightseeing too.’
Cara waved her hands around, her girly giddiness exuding from every pore. ‘Oh Mallory, it’ll be so much fun!’ she chirped. ‘Let me know if you need help to pack.’
Her stomach flipped with excitement at the prospect of returning to Canada. ‘I don’t really have much in the way of holiday clothing,’ Mallory admitted, feeling rather embarrassed.
‘Well, we can take you shopping when we arrive so just get yourself a few essentials.’
The three women chatted at length about the places they wanted to take Mallory and after a couple of hours they hugged her goodbye so she could pack. Once she was alone again she realised that today was Monday and she was flying on Saturday so she didn’t have long to get organised. She reached her suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe and placed it on the bed. The luggage tag was still there from her last trip to Canada and her heart suddenly sank. Last time she was going to meet Sam’s family for the first time – to get to know the people who were responsible for making Sam the wonderful man he was. And now she was going alone. Her lip trembled as she conjured up images of Sam in her mind as she had often done in the past months but it pained her to know that she would be staying in his home without him.
On Tuesday morning, Mallory rose early, showered and dressed. She jumped into her car and set off for Oban. She needed to get some clothes to tide her over until the ladies took her shopping in Kingston.
She went in several shops and managed to purchase jeans, leggings, three new tops and some new undies. She had never really enjoyed shopping, but today was different – she was going on holiday and after everything that had happened lately she decided it might just be what she needed.
She arrived home after six that evening with bags full of new things, feeling quite pleased with herself. Greg was walking down her road towards her, wearing his usual combats, boots and a black fitted tee. She could see through his T-shirt that he was very toned. She broke her eyes away from his abdomen feeling guilty.
‘Hi, matey. You seem to have been busy today.’ He gestured to the bags she was piling up at the side of the car as she removed them from the boot.
‘Yes, I have. I think I’ve bought most of Oban. I only went for essentials,’ she admitted, cringing.
‘Are they for your trip?’ he asked solemnly.
‘Yes, they are.’ She was giddy. ‘Oh by the way, thanks so much for agreeing to have Rubes. Her and Angus will have fun.’ She smiled. ‘You coming in for a coffee?’
‘Aye, why not, as long as I can make it. You can do me a fashion show if you like.’
Mallory felt the heat rise in her cheeks. ‘Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary. You’d be bored. I only got jeans and tops. Apart from one dress that I couldn’t resist.’ Mallory took her bags into the house.
Greg followed close behind her. ‘Tell you what, you go put that lot somewhere and try your dress on. Maybe you need a second opinion, eh? I’ll make the coffee. Your coffee’s not as good as mine anyway,’ he teased.
‘Cheeky. Okay, if you’re sure.’ She picked up the bags again.
‘Oh, I’m positive; it’s probably the worst coffee I’ve tasted.’
Mallory smirked but feigned annoyance. ‘I meant about the dress, you cheeky sod.’ She stuck out her tongue at him and carried on up the stairs.
She dropped her bags on her bedroom floor and pulled out the dress that she had simply fallen in love with. Sam would’ve loved it which helped with the purchase.
She stripped down to her underwear and slid into the dress. It was red and swept over the curves of her figure. She wasn’t sure where she was going to wear it, but she loved how it made her feel. She slipped on the black strappy sandals she had bought to go with it and unfastened and fluffed up her hair before making her way down the stairs. She announced her arrival with a loud, ‘Ta daaaaaa!’
Greg turned to look at her but he didn’t speak. He just stared and swallowed hard, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.
Mallory’s shoulders hunched. ‘Oh God, I look ridiculous, don’t I? I knew I shouldn’t have shopped alone. I always make stupid decisions.’ Her hands came around to cover her body as self-consciousness took over.
Greg cleared his throat. ‘Ah, no, no… ah… Mallory… you look… I mean… you’re… um…wow.’
‘Is that a good wow or wow I can’t believe you were so stupid?’
Greg blinked quickly. ‘Erm, I’d say it’s a good wow… definitely good.’ His cheeks flushed and he began walking towards the door. ‘Anyway, I should go. I’ve remembered I need to… ah… goodnight.’ He walked out of the door and closed it behind him.
‘What the—? What just happened?’ she asked Ruby, who simply wagged her tail.
She went upstairs, removed the offending dress and pulled on her jeans, a clean sweater and her boots as she tried to figure out what had been wrong with her friend. Had she offended him with her choice of attire? Did she scare him away with her flab? What the hell? She was due to be on shift with him later so no doubt she would find out then. She just hoped the mood swings weren’t back with a vengeance.
*
When she arrived for her shift, Greg was already there, sitting at the bar with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked upset.
She nudged him. ‘What the hell happened to you earlier?’
‘Mallory, not now, okay?’ He waved her away with his hand.
She poked his arm playfully, hoping to lighten his dark mood. ‘Yes, now. Come on, you daft git, what did I do to scare you away so quick?’
He glared at her. ‘Oh yes, cos the world revolves around you now doesn’t it, eh?’
Ouch. Something really was wrong. ‘That’s unfair, Greg. You said I should show you the dress, so I did. Then you went all Weirdsville and buggered off.’ He didn’t speak. She held her hands up in defeat. ‘Okay, have it your way. I’ll just keep out of your grumpy-arsed way tonight, okay?’
‘No need. I’ve got the rest of the week off so I’m taking off for a while.’
Mallory frowned. ‘Oh… right… I see. So, what am I to do about Ruby for my holiday? Do you know of a boarding kennel seeing as you won’t be around now?’ Filled with annoyance, she crossed her arms over her chest.
‘Don’t fuckin’ worry, I’ll be back by Friday. God forbid I should let you down and disappoint you again, eh?’
She had no clue what the hell was wrong with him but decided to give up. ‘Oh whatever, Greg. I can take her somewhere else.’
‘I said I’d have her and I will. Bring her to mine at five Friday. I’ll be there.’ He stood from his stool, placed the glass with the untouched liquid back on the bar and walked out without another word.
*
After walking home to clear his head, Greg stuffed some clothes in his duffle bag, thankful that he hadn’t drunk any of the whiskey. He decided to leave straight away. He needed to think and to get some distance. Grabbing his small tent from the cupboard under the stairs, he called to Angus.
They climbed into the car and Greg was trying to make sense of the mixture of emotions he was feeling. He started the engine, turned on his CD player and cranked the volume right up to drown out the sound of the raw growling noise of the Land Rover, until ‘Three Libras’ by A Perfect Circle was all that filled his auditory senses. He slammed his foot on the accelerator and pulled away from his house, letting the lyrics resonate deep within him as he drove.