Vann walked out of his room, figuring he could watch some television downstairs until dinnertime. Now that Frankie had been out of the house for a few days, it almost seemed as if Ryan and Ben were finally relaxing a little. Especially Ryan. Usually wound as tight as a guitar string with any sort of interaction, he now hung out on the couch with Ben and had even made an effort to learn a little ASL.
He passed Ben’s room and spotted him kneeling by the nightstand, petting something on the tabletop. Something…fuzzy. Did he steal a neighborhood cat or something? Maybe a dead cat, ’cause that stack of fur or whatever the hell it was looked worn.
Ben was the youngest in the house, but he seemed far younger than his years. There was a certain innocence in his eyes and a kindness Vann didn’t often see in others. Frankie had taken out much of his anger on Ben, constantly yelling at him and pointing in his face. Ben might not have been able to hear each yell, but the way his shoulders hunched and how he’d fold into himself was an obvious sign he’d undoubtedly felt the anger behind each jab in the air.
Vann pushed open the door and waved his hand in a wide circle, hoping to catch Ben’s attention. Out of respect, he wouldn’t invade his space, knowing all too well how much he hated that himself.
Ben turned toward him and straightened, standing in front of the nightstand to block Vann’s view.
“What do you have there?” Vann signed.
“Nothing.” Ben ducked his head then peeked up through his lashes.
Vann crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.
Ben’s shoulders slumped. He sighed then began to move his hands quickly—too quickly.
“Slow down a little, please. I can’t keep up. A bunny?” Vann focused on Ben’s hands, stopping him and only signing for him to repeat something again when he lost the string of the exchange.
Ben’s nickname growing up was Benny. So his older sister gave him a stuffed rabbit because it reminded her of how he’d hop around when he got excited. It was the only thing he had from his sister before they’d been split up in foster care when they were kids. Ben and his really odd-looking stuffed rabbit toy had taken quite a beating over the years.
Ben motioned for Vann to enter his room. He pointed to the ripped ear and missing fuzzy tail. Ripped ear courtesy of asshole Frankie on Ben’s first night in the house one month before. Apparently, he kept it on the nightstand to avoid having the poor thing get any worse.
“It needs a burial,” Vann signed.
Ben’s eyes rounded and he jerked his head from side to side.
“I’m kidding. I’m kidding. He just needs a little patching up.”
Ben shrugged. He reached out and absently petted the still-connected good ear on the rabbit.
“Bring that thing downstairs. I think we need to take it to the emergency room.”
Ben frowned and pursed his lips. “You’re nuts.”
Vann laughed. “Maybe. A little. C’mon. Bring that thing.”
Vann trotted down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, not waiting for Ben to follow. “Hey, Matt. Do you have a sewing kit?”
Matt looked over his shoulder from his spot in front of the stove. “Yeah, I think so.” He pointed to the small chest in the far corner of the eating area. “Check in the drawers there. We should have a first-aid kit and the basics. I believe there’s a sewing kit in the blue bag.”
Vann rummaged through the drawers, finding a checklist of items—batteries, flashlights, candles, matches. He opened the next drawer and found the first-aid kit and extra packages of supplies. Finally, behind the white case, he spotted a small blue bag with a sewing kit inside. It contained only a travel-size amount of different color threads, but it would work just fine for a little patchwork.
“What do you need that for?”
“Emergency surgery.”
“Um…”
“On a very fucked-up stuffed animal. I don’t think I can salvage it, but I want to try.”
Matt laughed as he stirred the sauce. “Are you talking about Benny’s bunny?”
Vann’s focus snapped up to Matt. “You know about that thing?”
“He won’t let any of us near it after Frankie grabbed it and tore it up. He’s worried it’s going to finish falling apart.”
“Yeah, I noticed he…hesitated. He didn’t want me to get close to it. I’m not sure if he actually brought it downstairs to let me mess with it.”
“He likes you,” Julian said, strolling into the kitchen. “It’s the only way I can explain why Ben’s sitting in the living room with a pillow on the coffee table and a stuffed animal beaten to shit lying on top of it. He looks like he’s in mourning and he and Ryan are at that thing’s wake.”
Vann lowered his brow and stood, peeking into the living room. A smile slipped his lips when Ryan leaned over the bunny for a closer inspection of the carcass and Ben pushed him away. Would Ben actually let him tinker with his prized possession?
There was only one way to find out.
“Do you guys have an old cushion or pillow thing from the sofa I can gut? I’m going to need some of that filler stuff.”
Matt turned off the burner and set the pot aside. He wiped his hands and darted out of the kitchen.
“What did I say?”
Julian chuckled. “He’s excited. He’s not going to miss Ben’s breakthrough.”
They joined Ben and Ryan in the living room just as Matt pulled out two small cushions from the hallway closet.
Vann knelt by the coffee table and took a closer look at the stuffed animal. He chewed the inside of his lip, quickly thinking of how to fix each damaged part of the toy. He looked over to Ben. His eyebrows were arched upward and his arms tightly crossed around his midsection. “Do you still have the ear?”
Ben quickly nodded and ran upstairs.
“Do you think you can actually fix that thing?” Ryan asked.
“It’s pretty fucked up. I can get the ear back on, close up the hole where the tail was—”
“But that big hole in the stomach. It’s too big. Right?” Ryan asked.
Vann inspected the stuffed animal more closely. He didn’t have anything of his mom’s as a keepsake, but knew he’d do anything to keep one if he could. “Do you have anything gray? Something thicker than a T-shirt. Like a…sweatshirt or something? One I can rip up to make a patch?”
“Yeah, sure.” Ryan trotted up the stairs just as Ben returned to the living room.
“Matt, do you have any big black buttons? Something close to the eye on this thing so we can use it for the missing one?”
Julian chuckled when Matt raced upstairs. “It’s nice to have some positive excitement in this house again.”
“Frankie was an asshole,” Ryan said, returning to the living room. “You can totally say it, Julian. Look how peaceful it is now without him here. He was a miserable son of a bitch who enjoyed pissing us all off.”
“I don’t have to say it. You just did that for me.” A rare smile slipped Julian’s lips before he quickly disguised it again.
“Will this work?” Ryan asked, handing Vann a pair of sweatpants. “Use the bottom part so I can still salvage them as shorts.”
Vann cut and shaped pieces of fabric for the missing parts of the bunny. He finally set out each of the items he needed—fabric pieces from Ryan’s pants, stuffing from Matt’s small pillow, buttons for the eye and another for the nose from one of Julian’s old shirts, and thread. The bunny was going to be covered in odd colors and funky bright threads.
A quilted stuffed animal. He was going to start a trend.
Ben sat on the couch, rocking back and forth as Vann stitched up another patch. “Ryan?”
“Yeah?”
Vann remained knelt on the floor, bent over the bunny as he sewed the various pieces together. His heart beat a little harder than expected, and he knew exactly why. “Don’t stand so close to me, please.” He glanced over his shoulder, delivering a pointed glare at his housemate. He was adjusting to being around people again, but he still couldn’t shake the need for guarded distance around anyone who was a potential threat.
“Whoa, dude. Chill.”
Vann closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, hoping to settle his racing heartbeat. “Sorry, man.”
“Ry, you did two and a half years. Shaw just served ten. Give him a little space.” Julian pointed to the side chair and Ryan obediently took a seat.
Ben darted up from the couch and paced the room, chewing on his thumbnail.
Vann steeled himself and focused on each poke of the needle and pull of the thread. The shortness of breath eased and his heartbeat returned to a regular rhythm. He finally tied off the last piece of thread and inspected his work. He grinned, knowing the bunny looked like a bad retro zombie nightmare, but at least it wasn’t a carcass of fuzzy guts. He rose from his kneeling position and held the bunny out to Ben.
Ben stilled, slowly uncrossing his arms from his midsection. He glanced up at Vann, reached out then hesitated for a moment before snatching the bunny from his hands and pressing it to his chest in a tight hug. In that moment, Vann could easily imagine a young version of Ben, hugging the bunny when he’d first received it. The innocence of the gesture twisted his gut with a wave of emotions. He wondered where along the way he had lost that innocence himself. Even worse, he wondered if he’d ever had it growing up, always on guard and on the defensive.
He set his memory aside and focused on the joy beaming from Ben. He’d done that. He’d made Ben so happy he delivered the widest, toothiest grin Vann had ever seen, triggering a chuckle.
“It’s ugly,” Vann signed.
Ben vehemently shook his head. He tucked the bunny under his chin and signed, “It’s beautiful. And it’s got something from each of you. Thank you.”
Ryan stood and reached for the bunny, laughing when Ben shooed his hand away.
Vann glanced around as everyone laughed at Ben’s obsessive attachment. He smiled, tousling Ben’s hair and teasing him along with the others. But he wouldn’t deny how much it meant to have played a part in the happiness shining in Ben’s eyes.
A surge of gratitude clenched Vann’s chest and tightened his throat. He was settling into this new life, easing his way into work, living under the same roof with others, and actually making friends. For the first time in his life, things seemed to go his way.
He swallowed heavily, almost readying himself, hoping that didn’t mean life was going to kick him in the balls.