TWO MONTHS HAD PASSED SINCE I first came to stay with Malcolm. His progress was beyond amazing. Everything was beyond amazing. I was to the point where I now slept in his bedroom each night. We would spend half the night making love and talking before we would pass out wrapped up in one another. I’d sneak out in the morning and make my way to my room for my morning wake up from Sophie. Neither Malcolm nor I wanted her to know I was sleeping in his bedroom every night. Autumn said we were being stupid and old fashioned.
The last few days Malcolm had been holding back in our therapy sessions. His frustration was growing and I could see it in his face.
I walked into the local gym and headed to the pool. The girl at the front desk lifted her hand as I waved back.
“Hey, Paislie!”
“Hi, Carrie. How are you?”
She smiled big. “Good.”
I wanted to like her, but the way she eye fucked Malcolm every time he walked by her drove me insane. He never looked twice at her, but I knew if given the chance, she’d be all over him.
Pushing the door open, the humidity hit me right in the face. “Ugh,” I mumbled. Malcolm was standing in the pool talking to the same woman he had been talking to on Tuesday. I tried not to let the jealousy take over as I said a quick prayer and made my way over to them.
When she threw her head back and laughed, I rolled my eyes. Malcolm clearly was enjoying the attention she was giving him.
I cleared my throat to get their attention. She glanced up and smiled as Malcolm flashed me that crooked grin of his. “Hey, baby. Guess what I did today?”
Lifting my eyes, I replied, “No telling.”
“Ran on the treadmill.”
My eyes widened. “What? You were supposed to do the bike, Malcolm. Not run. That’s too hard on your knee.”
His smile faded but returned when his personal cheerleader defended him. “Well, he did a great job! I could hardly keep up with him.” My eyes snapped over to her as I gave her a back-the-fuck-away-bitch look. Her smiled faded as she looked between Malcolm and me. “Listen, I’ll see you next time, right?”
When she placed her hand on his arm, he didn’t even flinch. “Okay, see ya later.”
Malcolm climbed up the steps as he grabbed a towel and dried off as I kept my eyes trained on his new workout partner. “So, you seem to enjoy her company.”
With a confused look, he turned from me to look at her and then back to me. “It’s nothing. She’s fun to talk to when I’m walking in the pool. It’s a nice change.”
Ouch. That hurt.
“And running on the treadmill?” He didn’t bother to answer. “Why didn’t you do the bike, Malcolm? You need to be careful about your knee.”
He pushed past me, clearly in a bad mood. Maybe I interrupted something? Oh God. What if he liked her? No . . . Malcolm would never do that to me. I know he wouldn’t.
“I was in the mood to run.”
Suppressing my anger, I asked, “How did your knee feel after?”
After he slipped on a T-shirt, he made his way over to the exit. “Fine,” he said as he pushed the door open.
Following him, I didn’t say a word when Carrie jumped up. “Bye, Malcolm! See you tomorrow maybe?”
He flashed her his famous melt-your-panty smile. “Maybe, Carrie. Have a good day.”
She practically melted at his words, causing me to roll my eyes.
Well, his leg was feeling better, considering he was walking full speed to his truck.
“Malcolm, do you want to tell me what’s wrong? Why are you acting like an ass to me right now?”
He lifted his hand. “Not now, Paislie. I’m not in the mood to deal with you and your nagging.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and stood there as I watched him walk to his truck. He threw his bag into the back seat and got in the driver’s side and pulled out.
My heart raced in my chest and I wasn’t sure if it was from his words or the look on his face when he drove off.
Sophie’s voice could be heard coming from the kitchen as I walked in and laughed at the sight before me.
“Oh wow. What happened in here?” I asked as I looked at Clarisse.
She shook her head and said, “Sophie felt like making brownies. Needless to say, when she turned the mixer on high and dumped the flour in, I wasn’t ready.”
I covered my mouth in an attempt to hide my smile. “Did you need help cleaning up?” I asked.
She gave me a thankful look. “That would be amazing.” She turned and dropped down to Sophie’s level. “How about you go put on a movie, and I’ll call you when it’s time for more mixing and baking.”
“Okay!”
Just like that, Sophie bolted from the kitchen and headed into the family room.
“Oh, Clarisse! I’m so sorry this happened,” I said as I started to clean up the flour.
She shrugged. “I don’t mind really. It’s been nice having little Sophie in the house. Makes it feel alive.”
I nodded. There had been plenty of times I dreamed what it would be like to have a child with Malcolm. The way he was with his niece made my heart melt every time.
After a few moments, I got up the nerve to ask Clarisse if she had seen Malcolm. The last I had saw him was almost six hours ago when he pulled out of the parking lot of the gym.
“Hey, have you seen Malcolm?”
“No, I haven’t seen him all day. I figured he was with you.”
I tried not to show my anger, but deep down I was pissed as hell that Malcolm dismissed me like he did and drove away leaving me standing in the parking lot.
I sucked in my lip as I bit down on it. “No. He was a bit upset earlier.”
“Oh, really? Why?”
With a shrug, I answered honestly. “I’m not really sure.”
“Well his parents will be here soon for dinner, so he better get his butt home.”
My heart dropped. I still had a sneaking feeling Shirley didn’t like me very much. She tried to be polite, but something was off. If Malcolm left me stranded here to deal with his parents, I was going to hurt him.
“Do you need help with dinner?” I asked with a hopeful eye. I desperately needed something to do to keep my mind from swimming with thoughts.
“Only if you want to occupy your mind.”
With a chuckle, I put my hands on my hips and asked, “How do you do that? How’d you know I needed to keep my mind busy?”
She gave me a wink and said, “Experience my child. Experience. Now grab a mixing a bowl. I’m going to show you my secret recipe for one of Malcolm’s favorites. Chicken and dumplings.”
Clarisse was like a mother figure to me and I quickly found myself enjoying her company more and more. Her words of wisdom were always spot on.
Soon we were laughing and cooking up a storm. Two things I never really got to experience before. Elizabeth and I would sometimes bake cookies together, but it was nothing like what I had imagined a mother and daughter would do. I wanted so badly to talk about cute boys and what styles were hot, and she wanted me to practice prayers.
Time went by so fast that soon Shirley and Paul were standing in the kitchen, looking between Clarisse and myself. “Mr. and Mrs. Wallace, how are you?” I said with a smile. They both returned a warm smile in my direction.
“Paislie, sweetheart, please call us Shirley and Paul.”
Progress. This was good. “Okay, Shirley and Paul. How are you both doing?”
Paul walked in and reached for a piece of celery. “Doing good, considering it’s the middle of August in Texas and I’m too old for this hot weather.”
I tried to hide my giggle but it slipped. Shirley hit him on the arm and shook her head. Janet came walking into the kitchen with a bright and cheerful smile on her face.
“Janet! I didn’t know you were in town!” I exclaimed. Janet and I had hit it off extremely well. She was the only person who really knew Malcolm and there were so many times I would talk to her about things. I really needed to talk to her tonight to ask her if she noticed something off with him like I had.
She tilted her head and gave me a look that asked, what did he do now?
“Where’s my son?” Paul asked. “There is bound to be a fight or something on we can watch.”
I peeked over to Clarisse and then over to Janet who slowly shook her head. No one knew where he was.
Oh God. I was going to be stuck entertaining his parents. “Where’s Autumn and Sophie?” I asked when I realized the house was too quiet.
“They were rushing out as we were walking in. Autumn said something about spending a few days in Dallas. Sophie’s father wanted to spend some time with her. Imagine that,” Shirley said with sarcasm dripping from her mouth.
I had to admit I was sad they rushed out without saying good-bye.
After Janet and I set the table, we all sat down to eat, including Clarisse. I had insisted she eat with us. “I can’t imagine where Malcolm is,” I said with a polite smile.
The conversation around the table was easy. I was surprised to see how much Shirley and I actually had in common. We both loved classic romance novels and Jane Austen was one of our favorite authors.
The table erupted in laughter after Paul had told a joke and then quickly fell silent. “Is that . . . a helicopter?” I asked, as the noise grew louder.
Clarisse and Janet exchanged worried looks as Shirley and Paul did the same.
“I guess we know where Malcolm was,” Janet said as she stood up from the table.
I looked around confused. “Wait. Malcolm has a helicopter?”
Clarisse excused herself as she gathered up a few plates. “I’ll go heat up some food for Malcolm.”
Shirley smiled. “He used it a lot when he was racing. He liked to come back to Texas a lot and it was quick and easy for him.”
Clarisse reached for my plate as she said, “Ashley used it a lot when she would come and . . . um . . . visit.”
My head snapped up to look at her as her face blushed. She must have known she slipped.
Oh. My. God. It never occurred to me that Malcolm had actually had sex in his house with other women. All of a sudden I felt dirty. How many women had he screwed in his bed? Placing my hand over my stomach, I felt sick. Why did that bother me so much? Why was I under the allusion he never brought a girl here? Hell . . . if he flew Ashley here just to fuck her, I’m sure there were plenty of other women he did the same for.
I jumped up, sliding the chair back, scaring both of Malcolm’s parents.
“Are you okay, Paislie?” Shirley asked, “You look white as a ghost.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me.”
Quickly turning, I bolted out of the dining room. I needed air quickly. This feeling of being jealous of women who were in Malcolm’s past was foreign to me and I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I hated it as a matter of fact. It was Malcolm’s past.
Before I made it out of the room I ran smack into Malcolm, who reached his hands out to stop me from falling over.
“Where’s the fire?”
My mouth parted open, but words wouldn’t form. What if he flew to her today? What if he had been and I didn’t know? I’d been here for two months and never even knew he had a helicopter.
“Where were you?” I asked.
“I flew into Dallas . . . business meeting.”
Bile formed in my throat. “W-what kind of business meeting?”
“I talked with Mr. Elliot, my boss. Told him I met with one of the NASCAR doctors and they cleared me for racing.”
It felt like a piece of lead was in my stomach. I stood there dumbfounded as I let his words soak in. “You’ve been cleared to race? Malcolm . . . you still have issues with your knee and I know you’re hiding the pain. I can see it on your face.”
Something moved across his face as his eyes turned dark and not in good way. “You don’t know shit, Paislie. I need to be in that car. You don’t understand.”
I took a step back, my eyes filling with tears. “No. I don’t understand. Please enlighten me, Malcolm. Why do you have such a need to be behind the wheel? Are you trying to kill yourself?”
A look passed over his face . . . as if a memory hit him.
“I need the rush.”
“And you can’t get that rush from something else? From someone else?”
He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut. I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Why do you even bother to have me here doing therapy if you’re just going to do the things you want to do?”
“I don’t need therapy anymore. I’m fine now.”
It felt like I’d been slapped across my face as he gave me a blank stare. “So that’s it? Does that mean we’re through?”
His eyes softened. “Why would you say that?”
“Oh I don’t know, Malcolm. Because you’ve tried at least three times today to say or do something to push me away or cause me to hurt.”
“Hurt?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.
“Call me crazy, but when the man you love tells you he liked the company of another woman today, tells you to shut up, then walks away from you and drives off with not so much as a goodbye. That fucking hurts. I stood there like a damn fool while you drove off without saying a word to me. Nothing! You don’t do that to someone you care about.” I didn’t even care that his parents were standing in the room.
Horror filled his eyes as he glanced over my shoulder to his mother and back to me. “You don’t love me, Casey, you just think you do.”
My heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. That was the final blow. I never imagined I could actually feel my heart breaking like I did that very moment.
Shirley gasped as I heard her walk over to me. I used to think the woman hated me, but in that moment, her hand on my shoulder told me she understood what I was feeling.
I slowly shook my head as tears rolled down my cheeks. Standing up taller, I squared off my shoulders and attempted to talk without my voice cracking while I quickly wiped my tears away. My chest felt as if someone had placed a hundred pound weight on it as I fought for the words to speak.
“You’re so wrong, Malcolm. I do love you and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same. I let you in and I honestly thought you were the last person in the world who would ever hurt me.” With the back of my fingers, I wiped more tears away as I turned my body but stopped. Slowly looking over my shoulder at him, I managed to say one last thing. “And my name is Paislie. Not Casey.”
His eyes widened in shock while he stumbled back a few steps. “Shit. Baby, I didn’t mean to call you that.”
I turned to face him as I let a sob slip through my lips. “Don’t call me that.”
He took a few steps toward me. “Paislie, wait I’m so sorry and I’m not sure why I’ve been acting this way . . . but let me explain one thing.”
My hand came up to stop him. “Stop. Just don’t say anything else. I’m leaving.”
He grabbed my arm. “Wait. Let me just talk to you.”
Pushing his arm away, I shook my head. “You’ve had plenty of chances to talk to me. I can’t do this. You promised me you wouldn’t do this. I’m not your dead girlfriend and if that’s all I was to you . . . a replacement . . . then you’re more fucked up than I thought you were.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s nothing like that. I swear to you.” His head jerked back. “Wait. How did you know about Casey?”
My phone beeped with a text message. Glancing down, I saw my father’s name scroll across along with the beginning of his message. Baby, I need to borrow some money. Can you ask your rich boyfriend?
I didn’t even have the energy to talk. It felt as if every ounce of strength I had vanished.
“I can’t do this.”
Not even bothering to go to my room to get anything, I grabbed my purse and keys and ran out to my car.
Malcolm called out after me as I opened the car door. “Paislie! Please just give me five minutes! Paislie!”
Tears streamed down my face as I drove off. Leaving everything behind, including my damn cat.
This was why I never opened up my heart up to anyone.
I wasn’t meant to love or be loved.