Chapter Forty-Nine
Graham
We were all a little drunk, except Dillon, when we stumbled off the plane into the late afternoon Nevada sun. My blurry gaze scanned the runway. Yep, I’d called it. The fucking CIA had dumped us at Mojo Resort.
“You going home to Montecito or spending the night in Newport Beach?” Dillon asked.
“Newport,” I mumbled, though I felt a jab in my insides as I said it.
“Great, then you can join us at The Kettle for our one last drink before home,” Jared announced none too steadily.
“Don’t think you fuckers need another drink,” I jeered, clutching my gear in one hand as I fished with the other for my keys.
“No, Hound. You’re not driving,” Dillon said, yanking the keys from my fingers. “You’re going to ride with me and the guys back to SoCal. We’re leaving this mission all in one piece together like we should have arrived here.”
“What about my car?”
“Fuck it. Buy another,” Harrison slurred. “Or send someone to get it. Don’t you and Lee have people to do shit like that for you?”
Lee—my heart turned over. Fuck, I had a good buzz on; why’d they have to remind me of him?
I tossed the keys toward the parking area.
“Why the fuck you do that?” Jared asked.
I laughed. “Leaving the SUV for the spooks. When they go to Vegas to cruise for ladies they can do it in my ride.”
It wasn’t funny. Why the hell were we laughing? Shit, one more drink. More like a few pots of coffee would be needed to sober up even after the hours driving home.
Dillon started ushering us off the runway. We were an unruly mob, giving him shit, giving shit to each other, but it felt good and nothing had felt good for too long.
He hit the clicker, there was a beep, and he opened the tailgate. “Dump your bags, ladies, and get in. I want to get home to my wife before midnight.”
I was swinging my bag as though tossing it atop the high stack already there was an impossible task, when I heard, “Let me take that?”
My heart shimmied and my face turned toward the voice.
There was Lee standing between Dillon’s ride and my own. For a moment I wondered if I was so drunk I was seeing things. It didn’t make sense to find him there.
Lee was a NOC, and while he had access to top-secret facilities, I knew he’d never let anyone see him there. And while my team was aware of his ties to the CIA, there was a whole fucking lot of buildings filled with personnel that didn’t need to know it as well.
The more who knew his identity, the greater the risk to his safety. Why the hell would he do that just to pounce on me first chance I was back in the States? It was insane, reckless, and unlike him.
“What the fuck are you doing at Mojo Resort?” I barked.
He shrugged, but his cheeks flushed and his features tightened from the bite in my voice, and I could see he’d taken my question the wrong way.
“You’re here. Where else would I be?” Then he raked back his golden hair and a smile appeared on his face before he turned to Dillon, holding out his hand. “Give me that. You’ve got enough to manage with the crew you’re hauling home without him.”
Get in the car with him? Hell no. I wasn’t clear in my head, not about anything. Fuck, the booze had left me one hundred percent not clear.
“Don’t you fucking dare, Dillon,” I ordered. “I’m not fucking driving anywhere with him.”
Dillon’s brows shot up. “OK. I’m not stepping in that one. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll put your bag over here.” He pointed beside his SUV. “You two work it out. You’ve got five minutes then I’m leaving.”
Five minutes?
I wasn’t in full control but I thought I should be able to manage that so I nodded.
My bag made a thump as it landed on the ground, then Dillon climbed into the driver’s seat and closed his door.
I shifted my gaze to Lee, and the calm cracked on his face. “I’m glad you’re home safe,” he whispered, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.
“Yeah? What’d you expect? I don’t fail at things.”
That jab zapped him and I regretted it instantly, because no matter where we were together, cheap shots were beneath me. And more troubling, now that my senses were honed in only on him, I could tell that while he looked Leland perfect and cool, there was as much shit roiling through him as me.
He nodded. “You don’t fail. You’re a guy who sticks and fights through things.”
Damn him and his clever mind. “When the cause is good, yes. When it’s lost, never.”
Lee’s eyes flashed. “We’re not a lost cause and you know it.”
Now I was angry. “Do you think knowing the truth about Layla and why you brought her home would undo the misery you put me through?”
He shook his head, stepping toward me. “No. Never. That’s not what I’m saying. But it’s a start, isn’t it?”
“A start at what?” I moved backward from him.
“Us. Who we were before life stepped in and fucked everything.”
“Life didn’t step in, Lee,” I boomed. “You did. You fucked us up. No one else did.”
His posture sagged and his gaze lowered to the ground. “That’s not what I did.”
“No? It kind of feels like it on my end.”
His jaw tightened and he shook his head more. “I had a tough choice to make, and I bet on who you are to see us through it. You’re the best man I’ve ever known, Graham. Reasonable. Steadfast and kind. I figured you, more than anyone else, would understand why I helped Layla and be willing to work toward forgiveness once you knew the truth.”
“The truth,” I spat. “I got a fucking classified CIA file and a few ambiguities from Jena about deniability and what a great guy you are not wanting me involved in anything. But then I get sucked into your spook shit like always. Neck deep in another Leland lie. And yet you expect me to believe anything you say?”
His mouth scrunched up as he pinned me with his eyes. “They weren’t ambiguities from Jena. I didn’t want you involved. I lied to you so you’d leave after the anniversary party, get away from the house before you shipped out, and not try to step in to protect me. I wasn’t sure the agency wouldn’t figure out what I’d done and send someone to take care of Layla and me. She’s a loose end and I went rogue. You know how the agency deals with problems, Graham, and I didn’t want you involved in case it all blew up. Having you get hurt by a decision I made wasn’t something I was willing to do if I couldn’t get Layla away safely.”
Part of me warned there was Lee rationalizing again and another part knew it was the truth. Still, I wasn’t ready to unbend and let go of my defenses with him.
My face went close to his. “It was a decision you shouldn’t have made if we mattered. You put us and our family at risk for her. I can’t forgive you for that.”
“I couldn’t do otherwise, Graham.” His eyes were ravaged by agony. “Not as Ella’s father. Not as the man you love. And not as the man you’ve made me. Duty. Loyalty. And family. Aren’t those the tenets you hold sacred? Well, they are to me, too. The result of loving you, and whatever you think of her, Layla is family. Ella’s mother. I couldn’t leave her there and then come home and look at my daughter’s face.”
“Our daughter,” I corrected sharply.
His eyes widened. “Our daughter. Thank you for saying that.”
We warred silently with our eyes and his presence surrounded me like a physical entity, blocking out the heat of the sun and all sound except our labored breathing. So much so that I didn’t notice Dillon pulling from the parking lot until he honked at the gate and put a hand out the window to wave to me.
I grimaced. Fuck, our voices must have raised enough that Dillon thought it better to get out of there and give us privacy. But damn, my ride was gone, and even if I’d been sober enough to drive—which I wasn’t—I’d tossed my keys somewhere.
Good one, Graham. Boxed in by Lee as always. I ran my hand along my head and clutched my skull. My head hurt. Too much static shooting me with every word of his. I couldn’t dig through the debris to figure out what I was feeling, and a part of me was scared I’d never be able to.
This time when I looked at him, his eyes were holding me like a wandering caress. “Forgiveness is a road, Graham. I know that. Maybe it starts by you climbing in the car and driving back to Newport Beach to see Ella.”
Ella. That got the sting in my eyes, and silently I damned him in my head again.
“It’ll do her good to see us together when you get home,” he prodded.
Fuck him a second time.
My jaw clenched. “You should have thought of that before you left her there all summer with Patricia. Or is that another thing that couldn’t be helped?”
His cheek twitched from that stinger missile. “It couldn’t be helped. I had to keep you both from the house while Layla was there to keep you safe. And I couldn’t think of a safer place to have Ella than with Mom if things didn’t work out for me. I knew when you got back you’d take care of her.”
“Damn right,” I shot back. “And don’t think that’s changing.”
His lips curled in a blend of wryness and sadness. “Counting on that, Graham, because I wouldn’t change it for the world.” I watched Lee as he leaned over to collect my bag. “Let’s stop arguing. I’d rather get you to see our daughter.”
He tossed my bag into the back seat and climbed into the SUV without a backward glance to me. As I opened my door to ride back to SoCal with Lee, I told myself I did it for Ella, but deep inside I knew that wasn’t completely true.
“I don’t want to talk anymore,” I said, staring out the side window. “I need a few hours shut-eye and to regroup before I see my daughter.”
I felt something cold touch my arm and glanced down to find a chilled bottle of water held out by Lee. “You should probably drink that and a couple more before we reach Newport Beach. There’s some coffee left in my travel mug. Take that as well. You’ve never let Ella see you drunk before.”