Chapter Five
Graham
Lee jumped from his chair, red-faced and waving his arms. “Damn it, did you see that?”
“Yes, I saw it,” I replied calmly without looking at him.
“Then why aren’t you angry? What kind of dad just sits there watching? That girl practically slammed Ella to the ground.”
“You know, as a stress reliever, this is working brilliantly for you. Great idea, Lee. We should do this together more often. Remind me never to bring you to an actual game.”
I reached behind my seat to grab from the grass the folding chair he’d knocked over when he’d stood up.
His gaze shifted from me to the chair I pointed at then back to me. “Is that all you’re going to do? Order me to sit down?”
“If you don’t stop you’ll be the first parent ever to get yellow carded at a practice. The parent contract states—and I quote—at games and practices if we attend we’re to sit, not talk, and not interfere. One of these days you should take some time to read that contract or learn how the game is played. Ella’s played soccer for three years.”
He jutted his chin. “I know how the game is played.”
“Then sit down, shut up, and act like it.”
He dropped in his chair and assumed his sulking pose. Patience, Graham, patience, I told myself.
It was always the same when he got home from wherever the company sent him. In fairness, I doubted I was any better. It was hard shifting gears from being neck deep in a mission then back in the normalcy of the home front. Yep, I was pretty sure I was as much a pain in the ass as Lee could be the first couple of days with the family after an op.
Besides, I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he was a spook and what his profession would mean to our lives. And I definitely knew how he was. No secrets there, and hell, it was part of the turn-on, part of what made him irresistible.
I locked my gaze on the field and ran through his attribute checklist in my head: Lee was volatile, mesmerizing, brilliant, sexy, aggravating, exciting, excitable—that one cut both good and bad—and…
My thoughts were invaded by another angry ascent to his feet with arms waving and shouting from Lee.
Smiling, I continued to watch the game. “You know, when you said you knew a better way to shake off your mood, I didn’t expect it to be this.”
He turned enough to look at me. “I thought it would be fun. I never get to do these things with Ella the way you do.” His mouth softened into a grin. “And with how you’re so dedicated with never missing a practice or a game, I thought I should check and see if there’s any local competition here. That scrumptious man sitting in the bleachers seems quite focused on you.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see who he was staring at. “Married. Wife. Four kids. His daughter’s the goalie. He’s unfriendly as hell so if he’s staring at us at all it’s because you keep having fits every time the ball’s in play.”
“Balls in play,” he repeated on a melting whisper. “I don’t have fits every time. I didn’t this morning. I’d kiss you right now if I didn’t think it’d annoy you.”
“It wouldn’t. Not especially. But we would get red carded by the coach. There’s a moral conduct code for the parents as well. No drinking at games. No littering. No inappropriate displays. I’m not exactly sure what that refers to, but I have a feeling it applies to us. Great coach, but he’s a hardass about his rules.”
“Us?” Lee’s golden brows crinkled.
“Aha,” I stated with heavy emphasis on the ah. “According to the overdressed desperate housewife sitting ten feet to your left, it wasn’t in the contract before I signed Ella up for the team.”
He sank down onto his chair. “That’s intolerable. How could you keep Ella on the team?”
“What do I care what some no-nuts soccer coach thinks? She wanted to play. She wanted this team. Her friends are on it. How could I say no?”
“By saying no,” he shot back heatedly.
“And you’re so good at that, now aren’t you?”
“I am when it’s important.”
“I’ll remind you of that the next time you go behind my back and say yes after I’ve said no.”
“I don’t do that.”
“You do, too. Every time I leave for an op my rules go out the window. I just don’t make an issue of it.”
“Is this why you don’t want to have more kids? You think I’m a crappy parent?”
Oh, sneaky. I should have anticipated he’d go there. I laid my hand over his. “You’re a great parent. But I think one is enough for us.” I quickly pulled back my hand to avoid crossing over into inappropriate public display territory since I was reasonably confident us holding hands would qualify.
His gaze fixed on Ella and then his brow furrowed, pensive. “Do you think the kids give Ella a hard time about us? She’s older now. I hadn’t really thought about that. What us might mean to her. Do you think they do?”
“I don’t know. If they do, she hasn’t mentioned it.”
“What a fucked-up world. How can you always be so calm about everything?”
“No point in fighting. You can’t change people’s hearts and minds fighting with them. If two decades of war in the Middle East should have taught us anything, it’s that. People have gotta change their hearts and minds on their own.”
“Graham?”
“Hmmm?
“In case you don’t know it, you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever known. Smart. Pragmatic. Even-tempered. And…”
When he didn’t finish, I looked at him. “And?”
His gaze gleamed “Incredible in bed.” He placed a sloppy smacking kiss on my neck and I rolled my eyes.
“You couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
He grinned. “Nope. It’s our anniversary and you should see that scrumptious man in the bleachers. He’s giving us both the death stare now. Yep, that last rule was intended for us.”
* * *
When practice ended, we packed up our lawn chairs and waited for Ella at the car like good parents should. It also gave me the opportunity to snag a fast smoke away from the house and out of view of our daughter.
“You really need to quit that disgusting habit,” Lee grumbled.
“I hardly smoke at all anymore. Let me enjoy it.”
“Even if Ella doesn’t see you doing it, you’re not fooling anyone. She can smell it. I know I do when you think I haven’t noticed you ducking out to the side yard for a cigarette. How can you enjoy something that contributes to an early death?”
I shot him a pointed stare then laughed at his reaction.
“Funny. Very funny,” he said, annoyed. “Good sex adds years to your life, unlike your second favorite habit. The smoking has really gotta go, baby. You need to set a better example. What are you going to do if Ella starts? Be a hypocrite?”
“Yes, probably,” I said and took a slow drag. I dropped the cancer stick and stomped it out.
“Do as I say, not as I do. Is that what you’re going to rely on?” he asked.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“It won’t work. It never does.”
I arched a brow. “It does when I tell her not to have outbursts over every minor annoyance like you.”
He crinkled his nose, aghast. “I don’t do that.”
“You certainly do. You expect everything to be the way you want it, and no one taught you that it’s not how life is.”
“Pot calling the kettle black here.”
I made a fast survey of the parking lot—not a parent in sight—then flattened him against the hatch and kissed the fuck out of his mouth. “There. Bickering done for the day. That’s as far as I’m letting you take it.”
His fingers closed around my shirt. “If you kiss me like that every time we argue, hell, I’m taking it as far as I can.”
I smirked and stepped back. Mission accomplished. His mind was at last back home with his body and honed in on us. Hooah. Libido was a magical cure-all.
I heard footsteps on the concrete and I moved back from Lee. As I smiled at the parents going to their cars, I could feel Lee’s penetrating stare on me.
“Have you ever used it when we’ve been apart?” he asked quietly, and the seriousness of his voice caused me to whirl to face him.
“It? What are you talking about?” But we both knew I knew what he was referring to: the stupid, drunk agreement we’d made before marriage that if either of us had an itch, we could scratch it if we told each other about it. I hadn’t wanted the option, and since I’d never gotten that call from Lee I’d figured it was in the rearview mirror, forgotten. Why was he bringing this up now?
I sharply assessed his expression, hoping the fuck I was wrong and I’d misunderstood the meaning of the question.
His gaze met mine evenly and intense. “We’re apart a lot. We’re both virile men. I just”—he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking very apprehensive and nervous—“wondered.”
“Waiting to pick up Ella. You thought this was the best time to ask me that?” He’d finally succeeded in getting me angry. “Damn you. How could you ask me that?”
“Because we’re married doesn’t mean we stopped being men.”
“But it does mean we’ve stopped being single.” My insides boiled, then an ugly thought reared its head in my brain. My stomach clenched. “You haven’t, have you? Is that why you brought this up today? Is that why you’re so edgy? You’ve fucked some guy behind my back while you were away and can’t figure out how to tell me?”
“No,” he answered anxiously. “You’re the only man I’ve been with since I met you.”
“Then why did you ask that?”
“I don’t know. It popped into my head and—”
Crap, our voices had raised enough that people were staring at us. “Kick it right back out of your head. I haven’t done it. I won’t. And if I ever hear you bring up that again, so help me, Lee.”
He melted back against the hatch, looking miserable. “I’m sorry. Being away so long plays tricks with the mind. You’re always doing so well when I get home, like having me gone doesn’t matter.”
Fuck. “Doesn’t matter? I hate every minute you’re gone. I won’t lie. It’s tough, babe, even for me. But I’d never do anything that would ruin us. Maybe I don’t show it, but it’s damn near agony when you’re gone.”
His hand noticeably trembled as he touched my chin. “For me, too.”
“It was stupid for you to even make the suggestion that while apart we could step out if we needed to.”
“Yes, it was. But your personal résumé wasn’t exactly a glowing indication that monogamy was something you could do. I thought—I don’t know—if I gave you permission it would hurt less later when or if it happened.”
I flushed. His assessment of me before him was accurate, but one hundred percent off the mark since him. “Five years. Neither of us has gone outside the marriage. That should tell you something, Lee.”
“It does.” His gaze shifted to the ground. “It tells me old dogs can learn new tricks.” The way his gaze sheepishly peeked up at me caused me to growl then laugh. That comment, while unflattering, was fair. Before Lee I’d been a bit of player—I made no apologies for it—but since him, there’d been no one else, and he should have damn well known that without asking.
“You’re incorrigible. You’re not planning on asking me more insulting questions until you’re done with whatever this mood is?”
He shook his head looking drained and like the pent-up tension had fully left him. It never occurred to me that this was what he’d been wondering since he walked through our door or that it was the cause of him being so edgy.
Hadn’t Lee figured out yet that I loved him? That duty, family, and my word were everything to me? That we mattered as much to me as we did to him?
Christ, it was the last thing I expected to hit me in the face on our anniversary. We were a fucking success story given the complications of our lives.
Though, it was really not that complicated.
I was his.
He was mine.
Pretty fucking simple, actually.
The last of my irritation evaporated. “Let’s not fight any more. I prefer to be glad you’re home and safe.”
His eyes turned into tiger eyes. “How do you put up with me?”
“Don’t know. Maybe just because you put up with me.”
“No more fighting. I promise.”
“Good. Ella’s almost to the car.”