I stared up at the white ceiling to my new prison cell. It’d been a month since I last saw Alpha.
The day after that first introduction in the viewing room, I was brought back to that same room. The glass had been replaced and was now reinforced with metal bars on my side of the glass. I sat in the corner of the room. As soon as the wall opened, Alpha stepped out and looked for me. He spotted me in the corner curled into a ball and then sat down on the other side of the room away from the glass to face me. That was how we sat the entire time. Alpha watched me cautiously, and I pretended to sleep as I watched him out of the slits of my eyes. Asim and Dr. Strong yelled for me to interact with Alpha. However, I told Dr. Strong that first day that I wouldn’t be used as a weapon to hurt Alpha. Eventually, Dr. Strong grew tired of my game. He yanked me out of that room so fast my head spun. I knew he was pissed when he shoved me back in my room and told me that if I didn’t do what he told me to do, I would starve.
Since that day, he had made good on his promise. One month had passed, and I barely have enough energy to stand and dress myself. In the morning, Donavan—the large guard with the scar on his cheek—brings me a tray that has an apple and one piece of toast. He asks me how I’m doing, but I don’t reply. He puts down the tray and walks out leaving me with the only food I’ll have until tomorrow morning. It’s just enough to keep me alive, but not enough to keep me fed. I’ve lost so much weight. I’ll never be super skinny. Not enough starving can take away my butt, thighs and breasts, but I have had a significant weight loss. I’m not happy about it. Yet, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be an instrument that they use to punish or hurt Alpha. I don’t care what he is or isn’t, he deserves my kindness. If that means I die in this hell, then so be it.
I adjusted the make shift hair wrap on my head. It’d been five months since they shaved my head, and my hair had grown back a lot. With the amount of hormones they were pumping in my system, I’m not surprised. I already have a full afro of springy curls. I don’t think I’ve seen my natural hair since I was a child. By the time I turned five, mom had already started straightening my hair. ‘Straight hair equals cleanliness and elegance’ she would say when I whined about the hot comb burning my ear. I’d come to realize that I loved my natural hair.
Just then, the sound of my door opening had me sitting up from the bed. I looked at the clock on my wall; it was a little after two in the afternoon. This was unusual. I didn’t expect anyone else until around dinner time where I’m forced to watch Dr. Strong scarf down his dinner in front of me.
I got to my feet as my door opened. With me being locked in this room, I’d been privy to the guards disgusting conversations. The way they used and abused the breeders was disgusting. Pretending to want to help them for sexual favors, it made me sick to my stomach. I only hoped Ashley wasn’t falling for their bull crap. Because of their stories, I was always on high alert, waking at any sound outside of my door.
My heart raced as my door opened up, and even when Dr. Strong walked in, it still didn’t slow.
“Afternoon, Morgan.” Dr. Strong said as he pulled the single chair in my room up to my bed. He took a seat and then directed me to sit down on the bed.
I slowly obliged his requests.
That conceited smile stood out on his face as he watched me in silence for a while.
“You are a very peculiar woman. Not very attractive though.” He watched me closely, waiting for me to react to his insult.
I stared blankly back at him. This was all just another mind game for Dr. Strong. He was good at being manipulative, often playing these little games with me to try to get a reaction. He had no idea that I grew up around a much better manipulator.
He chuckled. “But I guess you are used to being told this, right? Especially in comparison to your sister, Monroe.”
My heart rate picked up when he mentioned Monroe. The thought of him bringing Monroe to a place like this had me ready to do whatever he wanted. Monroe wasn’t like me, she wouldn’t last at a place like this. If she didn’t have a break down first, she would definitely fall for the soldiers’ lies of protection. Still, I kept my emotions in check. I gave Dr. Strong nothing.
“Tell me Morgan, do you think your sister is more beautiful than you?”
I would laugh at him if I wasn’t so weak. Did he really think he would get under my skin by comparing me to Monroe? I outgrew that insult at the age of seven.
I continued to silently stare at Dr. Strong. In return, he watched me, his brow furrowing before he smiled again.
“Did you know there is a picture circulating in the media? It’s with Monroe and Trevor. They look rather snuggled up as he consoles her over the loss of her sister. He, on the other hand, doesn’t seem that upset about you being missing for five months. Why do you think that is, Morgan?”
Because he’s a heartless asshole that never really cared about me.
Wow! I shocked myself at those words. The old Morgan would have never even thought those words out of fear Trevor may hear them. Yet saying them, even if it was just in my head, felt liberating. Freeing.
Not getting the response he wanted out of me, Dr. Strong tried again. “You’re good, Morgan. I bet you have a lot of people fooled back home, but I can see through you. You’re afraid of being seen. You hide behind your silence to not show just how insecure you really are. You don’t speak because you feel inadequate when people realize you stutter. You envy your sister and possibly even hate her. You search for love in men that are out of your league in order to validate yourself, which is why you fell into your husband’s arms so quickly. You want me to believe you are strong, but really, you are not.”
Wow! How can someone be that wrong? He knew less about me than Trevor had, and he’s probably spent more time around me than my husband.
“I know you, Morgan. I understand you on a deeper level than most, which is why I am trying to be on your side. I know these are not ideal conditions, and if we had met outside these walls then……” He stopped, clearing his throat. “You have to trust me. I know you think I mean to hurt Alpha by using you. That is not true. Allow me to show you something.”
He pulled a small metal box out of the inside of his lab coat. It was the size of a jewelry box you would buy a watch in. He opened the metal box and took out what looked like a small black remote control. It was about the size of my palm and only had about four buttons on it.
“This is what I call, The Boss. It’s a kill switch. Imbedded inside the brains of every one of my subjects is a small microchip that is programmed to this remote. With one press of a button…” He pointed to the square shaped red button. “I can kill every single one of them.”
He smiled at my shocked face. “You thought I wouldn’t have a backup plan?” He chuckled. “I am always in control, Morgan. No matter what you think. I am always in control.”
This changed things. I still wasn’t going to trust Dr. Strong, but it changed my plans. I had to play Dr. Strong a little closer, at least until I was able to get my hands on that remote.
Dr. Strong placed the remote back in its metal box and slid it back in his pocket.
“Can IIIIIIIII see him?” I surprised myself by asking that question.
That had been the hardest thing about my stand against Dr. Strong. Even if I refused to talk to Alpha, I really did want to see him. His presence brought me comfort. I couldn’t explain it. I hardly knew him, but being around him gave me a rush. I imagined it as the feeling you get right before bungee jumping or riding a rollercoaster.
Dr. Strong’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Why should I let you see him? You will just sit in the corner and not interact with him again…”
“No!”
Another cautious look. “I don’t know if he will want to see you, Morgan. You see, while you’ve been carelessly starving yourself without any repercussions…”
Is he joking? I haven’t been starving myself, he’s been starving me.
Dr. Strong continues. “Alpha has been locked away from the sun in his isolation pen. Imagine the subjects are like solar panels. The more sunlight they receive, the more energy and power they have, but when we lock them away from the sun, they become weak and sluggish. Can you imagine what it’s been like for Alpha to be locked in his room for a month all because you decided to throw a little tantrum?”
My heart rate peaked again. Did I inadvertently hurt him? I prayed that I could make this right.
“I want to see him.”
Dr. Strong smiled. I hated that smile. “What will you give me in exchange, Morgan?”
His question made my skin crawl. I know he didn’t mean it sexually, he had already stated he didn’t find me attractive, but it was something about the way he said it that made me think differently.
I don’t want to give Dr. Strong anything, but to get close to Alpha, I’ll play whatever role he wants me to play.
“Wwwwwwwhat do you wwwwwant?”
“Oh, don’t start stuttering on me now, Morgan.” He chuckled. “I want your loyalty. I need to know that you and I can trust each other. We both want the same thing. I want Alpha to thrive and be able to go out into the world as the weapon I intended him to be, but in order for that to happen, we have to control him.”
I didn’t believe that. I didn’t for one second believe that Alpha was in need of controlling, nor that I thought that either Dr. Strong or I would be able to do it. However, what I believed and what I let Dr. Strong believe, were two different things.
Dr. Strong stood to his feet towering over me on the bed. He caressed my face, and my fists tightened at the desire to pull away from him. His thumb ran along my bottom lip as he stared down at my face. His actions were in contrast to his earlier words, I think. Then his hand tightened on my chin making me flinch from the painful grip.
Those cruel eyes stared down at me. “There is the scared girl I was waiting to see.” He sneered. “If you break my trust again, Morgan, I will hurt you in ways you can’t even imagine. Do you understand?”
I nodded my head, and he released my face. Fear shook my entire body. This was the part in my past where I would allow my fear to weaken me. It would make me agreeable and quiet. This was the part where I backed down from my plans and followed his rules out of fear of punishment, but the new Morgan absorbed her fear. She swallowed it whole and allowed it to give her strength. I’m not going down without a fight. I had a plan, and despite what Dr. Strong thought, the plan was working perfectly.
The door to my room opened again, and Asim walked in carrying a thin, silk fabric. “You will get fully undressed, and we will escort you down to the room. You will interact with Alpha today. When Asim comes to take you away, you will go quietly and peacefully. Your job is to calm him when he gets worked up and entice him when you are with him. Do you understand?”
Another nod.
“Good. Take off your clothes.”
I waited, hoping he would allow me the decency to undress alone. He didn’t. I turned my back to him and unsnapped my blue jump suit. I stepped out of the thick fabric and quickly removed the thin tank top and too little panties. I remained still with my back to the men, my arms acted as protective barriers over my breasts. I felt his body heat the moment he stepped up behind me, the smell of his after shave souring my stomach. I felt his breath on my shoulder right before his hand slid down my arm.
“Good girl, Morgan.” I shivered in his grasp, not because I liked it, but because my fear got the best of me. His arm came around the front of me, and he was holding the red silk fabric. It was a robe.
“Put this on,” he whispered over my skin.
I snatched the robe from his hands and quickly dressed myself. He chuckled as he stepped away from me. Once the robe was tied, I turned back to face them. Dr. Strong nodded then turned and walked out of the room followed by Asim and me. I was greeted outside the door by Donavan and three more guards. They all chuckled to themselves when they looked at me. They knew something I didn’t.
We took the usual route down to the lower levels. The long elevator ride made me more nervous. I was surrounded by a psychopath, four guards, and an assistant. I couldn’t wait to get off this elevator. Once the doors opened, we were met by a scientist that seemed extremely excited.
“The room is all set. Are you sure you don’t want us to start pumping the pheromones inside?”
Dr. Strong answered the other man’s question while we continued to walk. “No, I want the first time to be natural. I want to see what happens. Do you have all guards and safety procedures ready in case of an emergency?”
“Everything is in place.”
We stopped when we came to a blue door. It wasn’t the door to the viewing room that I was expecting to see. Dr. Strong turned to me with a smile.
“Are you ready for this, Morgan? Remember, I’m always watching, and I won’t let anything happen to you.” He stroked my jaw gently.
This man was insane. He just threatened my life, and now he wanted me to believe that he would protect me.
I smiled and nodded at him. He took my hand in his and walked me into the room. The room wasn’t big at all. A full-sized bed was in the middle of the room covered only by a fitted sheet, a night stand sat off to the right of the bed. Along the wall beside the bed was a huge square framed mirror. I immediately realized what this room was for and what they wanted from me. Now I see why the guards laughed. My heart started to race so fast I felt dizzy. I stopped walking to place a hand over my chest.
Dr. Strong turned to look at me. The puzzled look on his face softened to understanding.
“Asim, bring her a glass of water.” Asim rushed off to fetch my water.
Dr. Strong turned back to me. “Just breathe, Morgan.”
I was having a panic attack. It wasn’t as severe as the ones I’d had in the past, but I was definitely having one. I don’t deny that I find Alpha attractive, but sex is painful and humiliating. I couldn’t imagine how much more painful it would be with someone like Alpha, and to think of all those people behind that mirror watching and mocking me. My dizziness grew more severe, and my legs gave out. Dr. Strong caught me in his arms before I hit the floor. His eyes studied me.
“Morgan, what is it? What’s wrong?”
Like I’d tell him. Suddenly, Asim appeared in front of me holding a glass of water and what looked to be a sandwich. He handed me the water, and I gulped it down. I had no idea it would be so delicious.
“I brought her something to eat as well. Her blood sugar may be low.”
Yeah, because you assholes have starved me for the last four weeks.
“Smart thinking, Asim.”
“Boss?” Donavan appeared in the doorway. “We just got word, 0041 is starting to get agitated. They think he knows the girl is near. What do you want us to do?”
Dr. Strong turned back to me, and for a moment, he looked indecisive. Maybe he would call this off. I was clearly in no way capable of doing what he wanted, but then, that gleam came back in his eyes. The one I would start referring to as madness.
He turned back to Donavan. “Bring him in.”
Donavan walked out of the room while speaking into his walkie-talkie.
“You think this is a good idea?” Asim questioned.
At least someone had sense in this place.
Dr. Strong smiled at me. “Whatever happens in this room is solely up to Morgan. Let’s see how much control you really have over Alpha.”
He stood me to my feet and untied the belt to my robe, slipping the silk fabric down my shoulders and off my body. Asim placed the sandwich on the nightstand, and both men walked out of the room closing the door behind them. I stood there, nude, with my heart beating rapidly against my chest. With each second that passed, I grew more and more nervous.
The door to the room clicked and then opened. For the first time in a month, I saw him again. Though a little paler, he still looked the same. The moment he stepped into the room, they slammed the door, and I nearly leapt out of my skin. We silently stared at each other for a passing moment.
His silver eyes raked over my body with precision. I was so nervous, I didn’t even think to cover myself. Alpha scowled, his hands tightening into fists. I wondered if he was scowling because he now saw my body without any covering, and he no longer liked what he saw? Why did that idea bother me so much? Alpha’s eyes then roamed around the room and paused on the mirror. He stomped towards me, making me back into the bed and fall down when the back of my knees hit the side of the bed. He stood over me, no expression, then reached past me to the sandwich on the night stand. He picked it up and handed it to me. With trembling hands, I took the sandwich from him. He waited, and when I did nothing with it, he grabbed my hand with the sandwich in it and brought it to my lips.
OH! He wants me to eat.
I took a bite. This seemed to please him because he let go of my hand and walked over to the other side of the room across from me. He slid down the wall and sat, one knee bent and his arm resting along the knee. He watched me as I ate. I got half way through the sandwich and placed it back on the night stand. Too nervous to finish it. Alpha grunted and shook his head and then pointed back to the sandwich. I rolled my eyes and picked the sandwich back up and took another bite.
“So, you’re the bossy type,” I said.
He didn’t respond, he just watched.
“Just so you know, this sandwich is really dry and might actually choke me to death.”
This got a smile from him. It was very small, only a lift of one side of his mouth.
“Want to see for yourself?” I asked holding the sandwich out towards him.
He paused, still not saying anything, then he slowly slid closer to me. He didn’t stand, I think he knew that would intimidate me. Instead, he leaned forward, and without taking the sandwich out of my hand, he took a very small bite of it. He did all of it, without taking his eyes off mine. Once he started to chew, his face scrunched up in disgust. I covered my mouth and laughed, my earlier nerves wearing off.
“I ttttttttold you it was dry.”
He seemed to perk up when he heard my stuttering. His head cocked to the side. I think he was asking me a silent question. I wasn’t sure what the question was, so I answered with what I thought he wanted to know.
“It’s called stuttering. It’s an involuntary disruption or blocking of speech. It comes and goes.” I shrugged. “It’s worse when I’m scared or nervous and sometimes excited.” I laughed before swallowing the last of the dry sandwich.
“I know it’s nnnnnnott really attractive. I can ssssssssstop talking if yyyyyyyyou prefer that?” I looked up at those silver eyes, and he was frowning again.
Maybe my stuttering was turning him off. I looked down at my hands twisting in my lap. I felt his large, warm hand touch my leg. I looked up to find his eyes on me, another one of those small smiles graced his face. He placed a hand on his lip and tapped twice before pointing at me.
I instantly understood what he was saying and smiled.
“So, I guess I’m going to be the talkative one in this relationship, huh?”
We both smiled.
“This is a first for me. I’m uuuuusually the one being silent, so what should I talk about?”
He pointed to me.
I giggled. “Ok, what do you want to know?”
He shrugged.
I hummed as I tried to think of something interesting about me. I admit that there isn’t very much. I didn’t really have much of a life, even before Trevor. I never got to do the things normal kids did. Even Monroe was allowed to go to her friends’ houses. My parents were too afraid that someone would find out my big secret. God forbid one of those snotty kids at my private school told their parents that I could actually talk but I stuttered. What would they think of my perfect family? The only place I was allowed to visit was my grandparents’. Sometimes, my parents bought my friends, but they were only allowed to come to the house where I could be monitored. I once thought I had a real friend, her name was Kayla. She used to love to come over and hangout with me. Then I found out her dad was trying to buy up land in Texas, and he wanted my father on his side to approve some shady deals. The moment the deal went through, Kayla stopped coming over. It wasn’t too bad. My lack of friends allowed my sister and me to grow closer.
“I’m not really that interesting.” I started. “I like to dance, but I’m nnnnnnot that good. I hate cheese on my burgers, but I’ll eat it on my pizza.”
I continued to go down a list of my simple likes and dislikes. The entire time I spoke, Alpha just watched me. Not once did he look away from me, or get annoyed and impatient when I got hung up on a word. He patiently waited for me to pronounce the word. He was a good listener, something I hadn’t had in a long time. Even Monroe tried to finish my sentences for me if I began to stutter. It was refreshing to talk with someone that seemed to just be interested in my voice.
Too soon, the door to the room we were in opened up, and Asim walked in nervously. Alpha was on his feet before Asim even stepped into the room. He stood protectively in front of me.
“Um. It’s time to go, Morgan.” Asim held out my red silk robe in front him. His shaking hand relayed his nerves.
I took a step around Alpha, and he stepped back in front of me, blocking Asim’s view.
“Alpha, I have to go.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder, then slowly approached Asim. Asim whimpered and backed away towards the door. I could almost hear Dr. Strong in my head telling me to control him.
“Alpha, don’t hurt him, please.”
Alpha stood in front of a trembling Asim. He then snatched the robe out of Asim’s hands and turned back to me. Once he was standing before me, he opened the robe and held it out for me to slip into it. When I was dressed in the robe, Alpha tied the belt.
“Thank you!” I whispered to him.
He smiled down at me from his towering height. His large calloused hand cupped my face gently before he released it and stepped away allowing me to leave. I walked towards Asim. Before I allowed him to escort me out of the room, I turned to Alpha one last time. I smiled and waved before walking out the door. Seven green fatigue guards greeted me at the door in their full combat gear. Clearly, they thought this wasn’t going to go as easily as it did. Donavan and Dr. Strong were also amongst the guards. I followed Asim, Donavan, and Dr. Strong into the elevator. I was feeling proud of myself. I did what I was asked, and no one was hurt. Plus, I got to spend some time talking to Alpha.
The moment the elevator doors closed, Dr. Strong spun around and back handed me so hard I slammed into the wall and then hit the floor.
“What the fuck was that, Morgan?”
I looked up from my spot on the ground confused and humiliated.
“IIIIIIIIIIIIII did wwwwwwwwhat you said. I innnnnnnteracted with him.”
“I told you to entice him, Morgan. Your job is to open your legs when he is near. You are not on a goddamn date. Do you understand?”
I nodded.
“SPEAK!” He barked.
“Yyyyyes!”
Dr. Strong turned his back to me. He fixed his white lab coat while looking at his reflection in the elevator glass.
Asim bent down to help me to my feet. My face hurt badly, but I wouldn’t give the bastard my tears. I clutched the side of cheek while looking down at my feet. I wasn’t hiding my face out of fear, but because I couldn’t hide the fact that I wanted to kill Dr. Strong right now. All great plans need time. This one would require it as well, so for now, I allowed him to think of me as the weak docile woman that he could hit when he wanted. When the time was right, Dr. Strong would get his. I promise it.
When the elevator doors finally opened, we arrived on the floor my room was on. With a vice grip on my arm, he drug me into my room like a misbehaving child and pushed me down on the bed.
“You will learn to follow my directions from start to finish.” He grabbed my blue suit from the floor and went to the small dresser in my room removing the extra suit as well.
“Wwwwwhat are you doing?”
His angry eyes turned to me, then he rushed over yanking the robe off my shoulder nearly ripping it in his haste. After untying the belt, I allowed him to strip me of the last piece of clothing I had in the room.
“I allow you to eat, sleep, and live. Every bit of your comfort comes from me. We will see where your loyalties lie once I take your comfort away. I AM THE ONLY ONE ON YOUR SIDE!” His last words were screamed so loud they rattled my chest.
Dr. Strong turned around and stormed out of my room. A few seconds later, the lights in my room went out, leaving me in darkness. Then I heard the sound of the air turn on at full blast. Immediately, my skin began to prickle from the chill. I sat down on my bed, tucking my knees to my chest. I will not break. I repeated those words in my head over and over, hoping that they remained true.