Chapter 5
After my confrontation with Kenzie, I get to dad’s before him. Letting myself in, I relish the sense of familiar comfort. It feels good to be here. I toss the idea around that maybe I should ask dad if I can stay here for a few days.
It isn't long before I hear dad's truck pull into the gravel driveway. I open the door, walking out onto the wraparound porch to greet him. Holding the pizza to the side, he leans in to kiss my cheek, “Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey, Dad.” I smile.
Once in the house, he takes the pizza to the living room while I grab the plates, then the drinks from the fridge; him a beer and me a pop.
“Fill me in on what you've been up to lately.” He says.
“Not much really. I've been working hard at the accounting firm, hoping they will see potential in me and keep me permanently. Other than that, life has been pretty uneventful. How about you?” Is my response. My life is always uneventful, so it should not be a surprise.
“Things have been good. The company has been busy with all the new condos going in over by the lake and the shopping center over in Huntsville, along with some other odd jobs we are working on.” He loves his company and I’m happy it is doing well.
“Let me know if you ever need part-time help in your office. I wouldn't mind helping out.”
“Really? What's going on?” He inquires.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Come on, Piper. You just told me how busy you are with work... now you are basically telling me you wouldn't mind filling your free time with hours at the company? What gives?”
Shit!
“Nothing, just missing you and thought it would be a way to spend a little more time with my old man.” And distract me from myself.
“Piper, you don't have to come to work to spend time with me.”
“I know, but it will also give me more experience for my resume.”
“Okay, I will see what we have going on and get back with you. If something is going on though, you know I'm always here for you, right?”
I nod my head yes.
He doesn't push, and for that I'm grateful. “Lets dig in. There's a college game on tonight if you want to watch. Missouri vs Idaho.” He tells me.
“Hell yeah! I always enjoy watching Mizzou kick some ass!” I say while grabbing a slice of pizza.
A few short hours later the game is over, Missouri won 68 to 21, and dad says he is ready to turn in. I reluctantly tell him goodnight and set out for home.
Truth is, I would rather be staying here.
Getting in the car with a heaviness on my heart, I check my phone before I start driving, since I had left it out here wanting no interruptions while visiting my dad. There are three missed calls; two from Kenzie and one from Mychal. It is nice to know that even frustrated with me Kenzie still cares enough to call. There is also one voice mail and a few texts. Without looking at the texts, I decide to listen to the voice mail... the little number there by the icon drives me insane. I assumed it would be Kenzie, so when I hear Mychal's voice my heart rate involuntarily picks up its pace.
“Hey, it's me. Um...you said I could call you later, so here I am... and you aren't answering. I'm not surprised, you seem to be avoiding me now.” He sighs into the phone before continuing, “Look, if I did something wrong, whatever it is, I'm sorry. Anyway... yeah... get back to me... okay? Later.”
Feeling guilty and confused, I set my phone down in my car's console before starting out for home. I am thankful it is a short drive because my thoughts are so conflicting.
I hate that Mychal feels as if he did something wrong. He did everything right, as right as someone that does not belong to me could have. He made last night perfect. I cannot imagine any other guy taking so much time with me, being so loving and gentle. Making sure I was okay, constantly reassuring me. He was not just fucking me and taking my virginity. Even though he was not mine, he made sure I was made love to when my innocence was lost.
But at the same time, I love him; I am in love with him. I don’t know how to go on pretending he is just my best friend’s brother…that I don't wish he were more to me.
Last night I let myself get caught up in my fantasy, knowing it was dangerous territory for my fragile mind. I could not resist, and I would not change a thing. I do not realize I am crying until I pull into my parking space and see my reflection in the rear-view mirror.
Come on, Piper... You have got to pull yourself together!
I am somewhat composed by the time I get inside. I relax a little more when I realize Kenzie is not waiting to confront me. Not knowing if she is still out or if she has already turned in for the night, but either way I am thankful. I hate lying to her, but not willing to tell her the truth either.
I settle into my room, get into my pajamas and into bed. When I see Mychal's shirt at the foot of my bed, I am unable stop myself; I grab it and pull it close, so I can have his scent near me. When I plug my phone into its charger, I notice the texts I ignored from earlier, but I lack the energy, so I continue to ignore them.
Sleep eludes me for hours, and when I do finally drift off, it is a very restless sleep.
Giving up, I decide to make an appointment with my therapist Monday morning. Maybe she can offer insight into ending the constant battle inside my head, or at least getting it to ease some.
I feel even more tired now than when I went to bed; my head is throbbing. Hoping to help soothe away some of my tension, I soak in a hot bath.
It doesn't work.
After brushing my teeth and putting my hair... hair I've decided I no longer like... into a ponytail, I drag myself into my room and dress for the day. When I see my phone flashing at me, I finally read the texts I've been ignoring. There are several.
Mom: Just checking in. Things are great here. Love you.
That's my mom, I only hear from her once every few months... by text... her way of letting me know she hasn't completely forgotten that I exist. Her texts are short and to the point and she couldn’t care less if I never reply. She feels by texting she's done her part. It hurts, but I've survived this long without her.
Kenzie: Hey, sorry about earlier. I worry about you... and I know Mychal. But I also know that he loves you too. If you don't have plans let’s do something tomorrow, k? Love you.
I sigh reading her text a few times, wishing Mychal could love me how I love him.
Mychal: Hey.
Mychal: I will call you once I leave the gym, k?
Mychal: Hey, tried calling you. You must be busy... talk to ya later.
Mychal: Piper, look... I won't keep bothering you... I just wish you would tell me what I did wrong.
Mychal: I'm worried about you. Did I hurt you last night?
Mychal: Please call me.
My heart aches as I read his messages. I look to see the last message was sent not long ago, it must have come through while I was in the bath. Taking a deep breath, I decide to call him back.
He picks up after the first ring.
“Finally! I was worried about you.”
I don't answer right away, I can't. I just soak up the sound of his voice.
“Piper? You there?”
“I'm sorry. I never meant to worry you. I spent the evening with my dad and when I got home, I went straight to bed.”
“It's fine. I'm just glad you’re okay.... you are okay, right?”
There is concern etched clearly in his voice and it hurts me.
“Yeah... I'm good. Look, Mychal, in your one text you asked what you did wrong... nothing... you did nothing wrong, I promise.”
“Are you crying? Piper? Why are you crying?”
“No... hey I gotta go. I'm going out with Kenzie. Call me later?”
“Wait... Piper...”
I end the call and hide my face in my pillow, letting it collect my tears. Why does it hurt so much? He was never mine to be so upset over!