Chapter 4
“I’m here to see Laney,” Esme said.
Axel rolled his eyes heavenward, the idea of one basket case seeking out another was far too ironic for his liking.
“She’s in her room, where she’s been for the last three days. Go right ahead.”
Esme narrowed her gaze, her mouth pursing as she watched her prior president closely.
“You fucked up. What did you do?”
Axel swore under his breath and shook his head, his fist landing on the top of his desk with enough force to rock it back and forth on its legs.
“How do you know I did anything?”
“I fuckin’ know you, Axel. Don’t play games. Laney ain’t like the rest of us around here. What did you do?”
“I told her the damn truth! Apparently, she didn’t want to hear it.”
Esme rocked back on her heels, her arms crossing over chest as she tilted her head to the side.
“You and I both know you suck at talking to women, so how bad did you mess it up?”
Axel winced and Esme rubbed a hand over her face, her irritation palpable.
“Axel, you were a fuckin’ cock to her, weren’t you?”
When he didn’t say a word to her, she knew that she was right and shook her head.
Esme clapped her hands together as she looked around his office before nodding.
“Great. I’m gonna have to fix this, aren’t I? Just so you know, you so owe me.”
Axel didn’t say a word as she left the room and she hadn’t expected him to, but shit, Esme hadn’t realized that he would fuck things up so quickly.
Men.
Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
As Esme neared Laney’s room, she was surprised by the utter silence she heard. Not a peep came from the other side of her door, even after she knocked three times.
Without hesitation, Esme pushed the door open and froze when she caught sight of Laney sitting in a chair facing the windows. She wasn’t moving; Esme wasn’t even sure she was breathing as she neared her.
Yet, when she laid her hand upon her shoulder, she was still warm.
“Laney? Baby, can ya hear me?”
Laney blinked, but she didn’t answer Esme.
“Laney, its Esme. I came to spend some time with you, thought we could go out for the day.”
Laney blinked slowly, as if she were finally hearing Esme, as she turned slightly.
“I’m tired, Esme. Maybe another time.”
Laney’s voice was completely devoid of any and all emotion as she replied.
Esme shook her head as she fell to her knees beside the chair Laney was sitting in, her hands landing on Laney’s thigh. Laney didn’t flinch, didn’t move, didn’t mutter a word. It was like she was made of stone.
“Laney, I’m gonna get you out of this room today. You’re gonna go outside with me and feel the sunshine on your face if it’s the last thing I do.”
Laney did look at her then, but Esme was startled to see the exhaustion on her face. So, the woman wasn’t lying, she was tired.
“Not today, Esme.”
Esme stared at her for a moment longer before she nodded and stood to remove her leather jacket and shoes. Laney didn’t watch her, didn’t comment, so Esme continued to get comfortable. She tossed her cell phone onto the bed which was sporting a pretty dark blue bedspread that looked comfortable as hell.
Without saying a word, Esme pulled a chair closer to Laney and straddled it, her chin resting on her folded arms.
As she watched, Laney seemed to finally come back to reality. Her gaze swayed to Esme more than once before she finally whispered, “It’s nice to see you again.”
Esme’s blue eyes were filled with sympathy as she watched Laney sink back into herself. Esme felt like Laney was the fucking Titanic for a second as she watched her through wet eyes.
“Laney, Axel told me you haven’t left your room in three days. Maybe we could just go for a walk?”
“Do you remember that feeling, that ache that overtook your whole chest when Chris died?”
Esme paused, her hand falling onto her own lap.
“Yes.”
Laney spread her palms across her belly and made a strangled sound in the back of her throat.
“I always wanted babies. Ever since I was a little girl, I couldn’t wait to be a mother.”
Esme had no idea where she was going with the conversation, but she had a feeling Laney needed to talk.
“Tell me what happened.”
✽✽✽
Laney laughed, a shallow sound that resonated between them.
“What do you want me to say? You want the truth? It's a bitter pill to swallow, are you sure you wanna hear it, Esme?"
Esme's eyes were so blue in the sunlight Laney had trouble concentrating on anything beyond their color and the agony stretching her skin too tight over her thin frame.
"I don't need to hear it, but I think you need to say it," She said softly.
Laney's gaze dropped to the carpet as she ran a hand through her black hair, her nails just barely digging into her scalp.
"The truth is, my husband told me he loved me, and then all of a sudden he didn't. He told me he wanted a baby, and then all of a sudden, he didn't. He found some other woman to warm his heart and his bed, and then he gave away his family."
Her fingers dropped to the concave curve of her stomach, resting over the empty cavern that used to house her baby.
Emptiness never felt so heavy, and it hung between her and Esme like a wet blanket.
"Laney, not all men are like that."
With a laugh that chilled them both to the core, she tilted her head up just enough to look her in the eye when she asked, "Aren't they?"
Esme had no idea how to console the other woman, so she just reached for her hands and slowly shook her head.
“No, baby. They’re not. Not all men are gonna use and abuse you-”
“You’re wrong. Men are predictable, selfish, dishonest creatures, Esme. They want one thing, and once they get it, whatever it is, they’re gone. Poof. Just like that,” Laney said.
She turned in her chair so she was facing the windows once more and Esme had no idea how to respond.
What do you say to someone who is already broken?
How do you fix that?
Esme wasn’t so sure she could fix it, but damn it, she’d been there. She knew what it was like to have her whole world turned upside down in a matter of minutes.
“Did you have a miscarriage, Laney?”
Laney’s whole face crumpled for only a second, for a millisecond, for less than a moment. Esme would have thought she’d imagined the blatant show of emotion if she hadn’t already been paying such close attention.
“I wish I had.”
Esme frowned in confusion as she squeezed Laney’s hands tightly, trying to get her attention.
“Tell me what you meant, when you said he gave your family away.”
Laney tried to yank her hands away from Esme as she shook her head.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it? He got what he wanted.”
Esme stood, ran her hands through her hair.
“Laney, ya gotta let it out. Ya gotta tell somebody the truth. It’ll eat you alive if you don’t!”
Laney’s empty gaze met Esme’s for the barest of seconds.
“It already has. Why the fuck do you think I’m here? Why the fuck would I want to spend time here with the outlaw MC that killed my brother? I have a nephew now, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that Miles is dead and that he isn’t coming back. I needed him! I didn’t have anyone after James left and look at me!,” Laney cried.
Esme paused, noting the tears on Laney’s face.
Laney’s whole body was stiff with emotion, her lower lip quivering, her hands shaking. It felt like an eruption, like a volcano, like she was going to combust.
“You’re here because Ox had no idea what to do with you. You’re here because you can’t be left alone, obviously, Laney. You think you’re better than everyone else here? I have news for you, you’re not! You’re the same. You’re just like all the rest of us women who have wandered into Seven Deadly territory. The only difference between us, is that you haven’t found what you need to fix you, yet.”
Esme was breathing just as hard as her friend, but she was hoping that if she tried hard enough, she could make a difference sooner than when it had happened for her.
Earlier.
Before Laney dove headfirst over the edge of a cliff that would lead her into that same black abyss Esme had lived in for months.
“Don’t you get it, yet?”
“What?”
“I can’t be fixed.”
Esme had no idea what to say, but she had a troubling feeling deep in her belly, that her friend may be right.