Thirteen Days Later

It was Saturday, I was working a shift at Whitecaps with both Kali and Tori. Sean was here. The weather was gorgeous, meaning people were out and about, leading to a steady lunch rush that had just ended. Everyone stopping in seemed to be in the mood to tip.

It was a good day.

If I was being honest, though, it would’ve been a good day running the floor by myself with gross weather keeping patrons at bay, except for the stragglers coming in dealing out shitty tips.

As long as Sean was in that kitchen, nothing was corrupting my mood.

We’d been together for several weeks now, and things were fantastic. More than fantastic. Not only with us, but Sean was getting to spend time with his girls at least a couple times a week.

I loved hearing about those visits.

As much as I wanted to experience them with him, I said no each time I was invited. It was more important to me for Sean to get that alone time with Caroline and Fiona. Besides, hearing about it was possibly better than being there anyway. He gushed on his girls. It was both sweet and sexy.

The other thing making life fantastic lately was the steps we were talking toward healing him.

Sean had taken that list of names I’d given him and handed it back to me a week later, telling me he’d see whoever I cleared. He was trusting me with something that important. Possibly the most important.

Sean wanted me at his back. I was standing at his front, too. Nobody got to him without getting through me.

I told him that after securing the list I had plans to nitpick as soon as possible. Then I watched Sean gesture at his back seat instead of getting out of his truck.

He did not have to gesture twice.

Back-seat-of-his-truck Sean was insane. Hot. Sexy. Slow. Fogged windows. His moans amplified.

Mother of God, it was awesome.

I was happy for a lot of reasons lately; stellar sex and a hopping business will do that to a person, but deep down in my heart, I was happiest because Sean was getting what he deserved out of this life.

Kindness. Love. Friendship. Respect. Compassion. All of it given freely.

So, even though I was having a good day today, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. I had a lot of good days lately.

“Guess what?”

Tori, dashing out of the employee lounge, slid up beside me at the register and nudged my hip.

I looked over at her grinning face. “You’re engaged? I knowww,” I teased.

She playfully shoved my shoulder, then held up her hand and studied the new sparkler decorating her finger.

I wasn’t the only one having good days around here. I was crazy happy for her and Jamie.

“We got the DJ locked in,” Tori shared after she was finished beaming.

“Hell, yes!” I held my hand up and she high-fived me.

“Whoo! I am pumped!” Tori exclaimed.

Kali came hurrying over carrying a tray. “DJ?” she asked Tori.

Tori gave her a thumbs-up as she backed away.

“Yes.” Kali shimmied her hips while sitting her tray down on the counter.

Now with the DJ, we were all set.

“Cole and I are working the kissing booth,” Kali shared, looking all kinds of happy about that.

I’d been assigned face painting.

It seemed appropriate, considering my skills with a brush.

“Not sure what kind of money we’re gonna drum up if you two are only kissing each other,” I joked.

Kali blushed, then quickly replied, “Hey, I’d pay to see that.”

“Oooh, nice!” I winked at her and she giggled.

After collecting the paid tabs that were waiting for me on the two remaining tables I had left, I decided a break was in order.

I had yet to take one today and couldn’t earlier, thanks to the rush, and now, as I swung myself up on the counter and peered through the kitchen window, enjoying my current view of Sean’s ass in those sexy, ratty jeans he wore, I was craving a breather.

J.R. stepped up in front of me.

“You’re blocking my view,” I murmured.

He paused chopping up some garnish and peered up at me, smiling. “My bad.”

“Hey,” I whispered, leaning closer and getting his eyes again. “Can you cover things so Sean can take a break?”

“Yeah. He need one?”

“Probably not, but I do.”

J.R. grinned. “If the lounge is a rocking…” he started.

I slid off the counter, laughing.

I was not planning on banging Sean at work, at least not during business hours. But a little private make-out session? That I was down for.

I walked around the corner so I could peek inside the kitchen. “Psst.”

Sean glanced over at me, his brows lifting in question.

I gave him a tease of my tongue, slowly licking my upper lip. His eyes lowered to my mouth, and when they met mine again, they were heated.

Break time.

J.R. stepped up beside Sean and slapped his shoulder. “I got this,” I heard him say as I turned and headed for the lounge.

Door swinging closed behind me, I straddled the bench seat and waited.

I did not wait long.

Sean came rushing inside that lounge within seconds, and had the door locked, me straddling his lap instead of the bench, and his tongue inside my mouth before you could say inappropriate workplace conduct.

Typical breaks lasted fifteen minutes, unless you were a smoker, and then you got ten.

Since Sean had given up smoking for the most part once he got his girls back, we both had fifteen minutes to use, and I wasted no time suggesting we combine those fifteen minutes and stay in the lounge for a solid thirty.

Sean mentioned something about us getting fired.

I pretended I didn’t hear him and, in my head, I split the difference. Relationships were about compromise.

We made out for twenty minutes in that lounge like two teenagers who hadn’t done more than kiss yet but wanted to do so much more than kiss.

There was quiet moaning, roaming hands, and hidden marks left from sucking.

It was the best break ever.

Three days later, I was working from home, a full day of clients keeping me busy, and currently enjoying the hell out of one of my favorites who was coming in to get her color touched up.

“Is it weird that I’m using a professional day to get my hair done?” Val asked.

“No way. What’s more professional than kickass hair?”

She laughed and held her hair off her neck while I buttoned the cape around her.

“Are we touching up the pink too?” I asked.

Val met my eyes in the mirror and grinned.

“Rock on.” I gave her shoulders a squeeze, then got to work mixing the color.

">“So, what’s new? School’s out soon, right?” I asked.

“June eleventh.”

“I bet the girls are excited.” I sectioned off Val’s hair and began applying the color.

“Right now, the only thing they care about is us going to the beach this weekend.”

“Oh, that’s fun. Which one?”

“Outer Banks.”

“Nice.” I met her eyes and smiled. “Are you staying through the holiday?”

Val gently nodded since I was holding pieces of her hair. “We have to come home Monday because of school on Tuesday, but it’ll be late. I want to get as much time at the beach with them as I can.”

I pictured Caroline and Fiona building sand castles and jumping waves.

“Well, your hair will look super pretty while you’re sunbathing, that’s for sure.”

Val’s smile turned shy, and she lowered her eyes in the mirror and bit her lip.

“What?” I giggled at her reaction. “Okay, no sunbathing then.”

“No. Not that.” She covered her face and groaned.

“Oh, my God, what?”

Lowering her hands, Val blushed in the mirror. “I’d like to look super pretty for another reason...”

My brows lifted.

“I’m sort of crushing on my ex.”

Air left my lungs in a whoosh. “O-Oh!” I stammered. “That’s…cool. I had no idea.”

Oh, shit. Shitshitshitshit.

This was awkward.

“Yeah, it’s been slowly becoming something I can’t ignore,” she said timidly, but I knew it wasn’t because of who she was sharing this with.

Val had no idea about Sean and me. Neither did his girls. We hadn’t gotten around to saying anything because we were too busy enjoying it ourselves. We were letting go and letting things happen. And anyway, we were still pretty new. Unless you saw us together, you wouldn’t know, and the only time Val had seen Sean and me together was at the girls’ dance recital, and that night had been all about them.

Maybe we should’ve said something.

“I mean, I don’t know, to say I’m crushing on Sean is weird when I’ve been in love with him since I was seventeen, but that’s what it feels like.”

My heart began to pound.

I kept my focus on my work—section, paint, fold foil, repeat. Section, paint, fold foil, repeat.

Val was still in love with Sean. Nobody knew Sean and I were together—fold foil, repeat.

“I hated him while he was away,” she said. “I thought I was done, but then I look at him now, and I watch him with our girls…and I’m so proud of him. He’s really stepped up and gotten his shit together.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, not knowing what else to say.

“He’s not just an amazing dad, he’s an amazing human being. He always was,” she added.

That drew my head up. We locked eyes. Hers were holding so much emotion it gripped at my chest.

“Sean has been through so much, way more than any person ever should,” she continued. “I remember when we were younger and hearing about some of the horrible things he went through…It made sense—how he acted, the things he did, the things he kept doing. I would look at him and think, God, you are a miracle. How he survived, I’ll never understand, but I was so happy he did. I was so in love with him.”

Tears stung my eyes. I bit the tremble in my lip and looked away, sniffling.

“Hey, are you okay?” Val asked.

I nodded, playing it off, and wiped under my lashes so my makeup wouldn’t smear. “Yeah, sorry…I’m just super sensitive to stuff right now. I’m about to get my period. And that was just…so sweet.”

One of those things was a lie.

Val smiled gently.

I regained my focus and resumed my work. “Do the, uh, girls say anything?”

“About us?”

Us. Another piece of my heart chipped away. I nodded tightly.

“Fiona asks all the time why Sean lives in a different house,” Val revealed. “Caroline thinks it’s cool having two bedrooms.”

I smiled. It felt strange, like I’d never done it before.

“I don’t really talk about it much with them. I don’t want to get their hopes up.”

God, she was such a good mom.

“Do you think I’m being crazy? Please be honest with me…I know I probably sound insane considering how angry I was at Sean when you first met me, but it’s just so hard to stay angry when you see someone you care about finally getting the life they deserve, you know?”

God…not just a good mom, Val was a good person, which I already knew but now, I knew—she got it.

Val saw Sean exactly how I did, and how everyone should see him.

“I don’t think you’re being crazy,” I answered honestly, my hand holding the brush still as I looked in the mirror. “Making sure someone gets the happiness they deserve is not crazy. And I can’t think of anything better than a life with those girls.”

Val nodded in agreement. “I watch them together, and I remember our family…I miss it. I miss him.”

Section, paint, fold foil, repeat.

“I was thinking about heading over to Whitecaps after picking up the girls at Bridgett’s and asking if he wanted to go on vacation with us. What do you think? Good idea?”

She wanted my opinion, and despite my suffering, I had one, and it was honest.

“Great idea,” I told her.

Val grinned. “I thought maybe while we were there, I’d make my move…” She laughed nervously, then blushed hard and covered it with her hands. “God, I’m terrified. I feel like I’m seventeen again. You gotta make my hair look so amazing, he won’t be able to turn me down.”

I watched Val lower her eyes and gnaw at her bottom lip. She looked lost inside her head, daydreaming about the man I was secretly in love with.

I never told a soul.

I never would.

After Val left with amazing hair and wearing the smile of a giddy teenager, I took the fifteen minutes I had before my next client arrived and spent them crying the tears I’d been holding back.

I needed longer than fifteen minutes, but a knock sounded, and I wouldn’t ever shove my personal shit onto clients. I dried up my tears, checked my makeup situation, and knocked out the rest of my day, keeping myself composed.

And on the drive over to Sean’s house later that night, I remained composed.

When his headlight shined in my rearview, I got out of my car, locked it up, and walked across the grass, reaching the driveway as he swung off his bike.

He bent down and kissed me, murmuring a tired “Hey,” against my mouth.

“Hey,” I said back. “Good day?”

“Yeah. Long, but good.”

Sean threw his arm around my shoulders and led me inside.

“I gotta shower,” he informed me. “Give me five, yeah?”

I nodded, leaning into the kiss he pressed to the side of my head before he released me.

Sean stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door.

I began to pace.

I felt like I was on autopilot. There was no rhythm or reason to my stride. I walked everywhere, throughout every room, as my anxiety began to claw at my skin. My feet dragged, but they moved me, and before I knew it, I was standing in Sean’s bedroom in front of his dresser, examining the collection of items he had scattered there.

Aside from loose change and one of the ties he kept for his hair, there was a framed picture of him and the girls taken outside in front of the playground. Next to the frame was one of those clay molds you can bake and harden. It was a misshapen blob painted rainbow colors. There was also a drawing done by one of the girls—Caroline, if I had to guess—of a stick-figure family, resembling the one on the fridge, but this one had a beach background. Next to the drawing was a small wooden box you’d keep little trinkets in. I flipped back the lid, expecting to see little tokens. Maybe a few crayons, since they seemed to be hidden throughout the house.

I laughed when Chuck E Cheese tickets popped out. Rolls of them.

As I folded them up to put them back inside, I saw something else in the box.

Created from the same thread adorning Sean’s wrist was a tiny ring.

Breath quaking inside my chest, I picked it up to examine.

It matched the colors Sean wore, the threads tightly braided together into a pattern. The design was flawless. It had taken time, and maybe Caroline could’ve spent the hours, but I knew this was all Sean. He made this.

Tears filled my eyes. I dried them up when I heard the bathroom door open, and popped the ring and tickets back inside the box, closing it up quickly.

Sean entered the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

I moved away from the dresser so he could get to it and took a seat on the bed.

“Your day good?” he asked as he dressed. “Val said she saw you.”

“Yeah. Did you talk to her?”

He pulled jeans on over his boxers. “She stopped by work,” he shared. “Asked if I wanted to go to the beach with her and the girls this weekend.”

“You should go,” I blurted out.

Sean’s head came up as he finished buttoning his jeans. “What about the carnival?”

Shit, I’d forgotten about that.

But it didn’t matter anyway. That wouldn’t be reason for him to miss this opportunity.

“J.R. can handle it,” I said. “I’m sure he’d be fine. Go to the beach with them.”

Sean’s head popped through the neckhole of his shirt. With hard eyes filled with confusion, he stared at me as he pushed his arms through the sleeves. “You want me goin’ on a vacation with my ex,” he stated in disbelief.

I stood from the bed. “With your family, yes, I do,” I told him.

“Why?”

“Because they’re your family.”

“And what the fuck are you?”

I shrugged and, in the steadiest voice I could manage, replied, “I’m someone who wants you to be happy.”

Sean’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly. We stared at each other, seconds passing before he asked, “What the fuck are you sayin’?”

“I just told you—I think you should go on vacation with them.”

“You’re not just talkin’ about me going on some fuckin’ beach trip,” he growled, approaching me. “So I’m gonna ask again. What the fuck are you sayin’ to me?”

I stared up into Sean’s face as my hands stayed glued at my side.

I wanted so badly to touch him, and it killed me not to. It killed me being here, letting these words fall out of my mouth while keeping others to myself. All of it, this was killing me.

I tried looking away when tears built on my lashes, but Sean caught my chin and guided me back.

“Explain,” he ordered.

“I want you to have what you lost,” I whispered.

His eyes softened, and the tightness in his jaw released. He no longer looked pissed.

“Your family…life with your girls every day, I want you to have that, Sean,” I said. “I think you should go on vacation with Val. Spend some time with them. Love them. Be a family…You deserve to have everything. Everything. Even things I can’t give you because they aren’t mine to give.”

“You’re leavin’ me?” he asked, and God, there was so much ache and shocking hurt in his voice. It cried into my heart. “Tellin’ me to go, but you’re leavin’ me. That’s what this is. You’re fuckin’ endin’ this?”

I couldn’t nod or tell him yes. I couldn’t utter the words I promised I’d never say. I could only stand there and weep.

Sean released my face and lowered his arm.

“I love you,” he said.

More tears flooded my eyes. They wet my trembling lips.

I was dying. This was pain unlike I’d ever felt. It was crushing. Not only what I’d said, but staying silent when the only words I wanted to speak were trapped inside my heart and would stay there. He would never hear them.

Sean pulled in a breath through his nose and jerked his chin. His mouth hardened.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, moving around him. I made it to the door.

“I tell you that, and you leave,” he declared at my back.

I peered over my shoulder.

I could barely see him through my tears, but Sean’s devastation was clear and written all over his face. He looked shattered.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated.

Then I walked out of his room, out of the home he deserved, and away from the life he’d worked so hard for.

I got in my car and left, when I’d promised I never would.