I startled awake when I felt Sean’s body jerk beneath me.

“No,” he murmured, voice heavy with sleep. “No. No, stop. Stop!”

“Sean?” I whispered. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and sat up as best I could, putting my weight on my hip.

I was trapped between Sean and the couch, our legs interwoven. I peered down at him.

He was on his back, head on the armrest, body sprawled out. His skin glistened with sweat. The shirt he was wearing clung to him.

“Hey.” I placed my hand on his chest. “Sean, hey, wake up.” His body began to twitch spastically. He mumbled incoherent words. He was stuck in a nightmare. “Sean!”

Teeth clenched, a scream tore out of this throat.

Panic filled me.

“Sean!” I yelled again, getting to my knees with some difficulty and looming over him. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, hard. “Wake up! Wake up, Sean!”

With a gasp, his eyes flew open and he shot up, knocking me into the back of the couch. He stared like he was seeing right through me.

“Hey,” I whispered, cautiously reaching out to him. There was so much fear in his eyes. “H-Hey, are you okay?”

Sean’s body retched, and I watched in horror as he rolled to his side, hung his head off the couch, and vomited onto the floor.

“Oh, my God.” Shit. Shit! What do I do? I started rubbing his back, trying to soothe him while he continued to gag and expel the contents of his stomach. I held his hair out of his face. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Sean.”

I repeated those words like a mantra.

I thought about running to grab the bucket, but I didn’t want to leave him. What if he started choking? Was he even fully awake yet? I didn’t know. I could feel his heart pounding through his back. And when I grabbed more pieces of his hair as it dangled into his face, I touched his skin. It was soaked. He couldn’t stop sweating.

I listened as the vomiting ceased, and just as I was climbing over Sean’s legs to get to my feet and help him up, he began to sob.

“Oh, baby,” I whispered, kneeling behind him again. I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged him from behind. I tried not to crush him. “It’s okay. You’re here, Sean. You’re here. She can’t hurt you anymore.” I kissed his shoulder and the back of his neck as tears stung my eyes.

My poor man. I was heartbroken for him and so unbelievably angry at that bitch. This was what his nightmares were like? How often did he have them? How long? My God, he went through this alone? I couldn’t bear it.

Sean kept trying to pull away from me and duck his head. He wanted to hide.

“Come on.” I climbed over his legs and got to my feet, careful of the vomit that spread out in a spatter. Then I leaned down and grabbed his arm, helping him sit up. “Let’s get you cleaned up in the shower, okay? I bet a shower will feel really good.”

Sean hung his head and swiped his forearm across his mouth. He was staring at the floor where he’d puked. His hair was matted.

“I’ll clean that up,” I told him, drawing his head up then. He shook it. “It doesn’t bother me. I’ll do it. Come on.” I got him to his feet, brought his arm over my shoulders, and held him around his waist as we walked around the couch. He was still shaking. “Do you think you’re going to be sick again?” I asked.

Sean was staring blankly ahead, like he was in a trance. His cheeks were wet with tears.

“No,” he rasped.

“That’s good.” I tried smiling at him, but my lips were quivering too much.

Pull yourself together. Be strong for him. He needs you.

When we got inside the bathroom, I flicked on the light and helped Sean out of his clothes. He brushed his teeth. I was fighting back tears. Then I got the water running and tested it with my hand while Sean held onto the sink. When the water was warm, I moved behind him and kissed his back.

“It’s ready. Do you need my help?”

I was prepared to take care of Sean—to do anything he needed me to do. I’d wash him. Dress him. Clean him up if he got sick again. Anything.

But Sean shook his head. “My girls,” he began, looking back at the door.

“I’ll check on them. I think they’re still asleep.”

Sean nodded his head lifelessly, then he stepped inside the shower and drew the curtain closed. He was silent.

I scooped up his clothes and carried them to the laundry room that was just off the kitchen. I dropped them in the washer and started the load. Then I checked on the girls.

Their room was dark and still. They were covered up in pink, fluffy bedding and breathing in steady rhythms.

I closed the door on my way out.

“They’re still asleep,” I called out into the bathroom, listening for Sean’s response.

I heard water running and nothing else.

There were rubber gloves and cleaner under the kitchen sink. I loaded up on supplies and dragged the trash can over to the couch. Then I cut the TV off, since it was still on, and knelt beside the vomit, pushing up my sleeves.

The cleanup wasn’t too bad. And the floor hadn’t stained, which I was happy about. I knew how hard Sean had worked on it after he’d pulled up the carpet, and I didn’t want him looking at that spot and reliving the memory of that nightmare.

I’d been prepared to rearrange furniture, though, if the floor had been damaged.

After I tied off the bag and carried the trash outside to the can, I washed up and returned to the bathroom.

The shower was still running.

“Sean?” I stepped up to the curtain and pulled it back slightly so I could peer inside. “You okay?”

He had his hands braced on the wall and was letting the water run over his head and down his strong back.

He didn’t have any ink there, and I could see every groove of muscle as he trembled. I fought the urge to climb inside the shower and hold him while he tried to wash.

“Do you need anything?” I asked.

“Towel,” he mumbled.

I turned and went to the small linen closet opposite the sink and frantically felt around for the softest cloth.

I’m not sure why I did that or why I thought it might help. I was running on this strange energy. I wasn’t typically an anxious person, but I felt like something was pushing me around and forcing me to move at a much faster pace.

“Here you go,” I said. I held the white cotton against my chest and shifted on my feet while Sean cut the water off and pulled back the curtain. I braced myself for his tears.

When he stepped out onto the mat, he kept his gaze on the tiled floor. I couldn’t tell if he was crying or not. His hair was dripping. Drops of water slid off his skin.

“Let’s go lie down,” I told him, stroking his back as he secured the towel around his waist.

“The floor?” he croaked.

“Everything’s cleaned up. The floor is fine. No damage.”

He turned his head and peered down at me then, but only briefly. Then his gaze returned to the tile.

I gave him a soft smile even though he couldn’t see it and took hold of his hand, knowing he was probably embarrassed about the cleanup. “It wasn’t a big deal, Sean. Not at all, okay? Come on.”

He let me lead him out of the bathroom.

We kept the overhead light off and turned on the small lamp. Sean pulled a pair of boxers out of his dresser and slipped them on, letting the towel drop to the floor. His movements were stiff.

I scooped up the damp towel, then helped him over to the bed. Once he was lying back, I turned to leave the room.

Sean shot up and caught my arm, halting me. “Stay,” he pleaded.

A piece of my heart broke off. God, he was terrified I was leaving.

“I’m staying,” I told him, smiling. “I just want to put this towel in the bathroom and make sure all the lights are off. I’ll be right back.”

Sean nodded rigidly, then released me and collapsed onto the bed. He was breathing fast through his nose.

I ran through the house. I made sure the door was locked and grabbed my phone off the end table. After shutting off all the lights, I returned to the bedroom.

Sean was on his side facing the wall. His head came up, and he peered back at me when I entered.

“Hey,” I whispered. “I’m just setting my alarm. I have a client coming at eight.”

I kept to myself how I thought the girls waking up to me being here might confuse them, and it was probably best I slip out before they woke, figuring we could save that conversation for another time.

We had enough to talk about.

After setting my phone down on the trunk, I climbed over Sean and sat on the bed, facing him. I touched his face, and his eyes slowly slipped opened.

“Are you okay?” I asked softly.

His breathing had slowed a little. He was no longer panting, but he didn’t look any better. Even in the dim light, I could see his fear. His sadness. His gaze was anxious. It wouldn’t settle on me; it darted from my face to different spots on the bed.

“Sean, what are your nightmares about? What happened to you?”

I wanted so badly to take away his pain, but I couldn’t unless he shared his past with me. I had to know all of it.

He gritted his teeth. He wouldn’t look at me.

“Let me in.” I stroked his cheek and shifted closer. “It’s okay, you can tell me anything. It won’t change us. I won’t leave.”

His gaze shot to mine, and his nostrils flared as he sucked in a breath.

“What did she do to you?”

Sean pinched his eyes shut, then shook his head with a short jerk. He wasn’t going to tell me.

“Baby, please, I want to help you,” I said, bending down and kissing his head. I rubbed his shoulder. “Please, tell me. I won’t leave. I promise, I won’t…”

“Not her,” he mumbled.

I leaned back a little to peer into his face. Not her? “What do you mean? Your nightmare wasn’t about her?” I asked.

I felt something move through his body where I was touching him. A wave of fear. It left his muscles rigid.

“Tell me,” I begged. I was crying now. I couldn’t help it. “Sean, please.”

“I just wanted somethin’ to eat,” he whispered, staring at me with wild panic in his eyes.

I nodded, encouraging him to keep going. Please keep going.

“I was so fuckin’ hungry. They had food and they wouldn’t give me any…I could smell it.”

“Who had food?”

“That fuckin’ cunt and the men she’d bring over. Whoever. It was someone different all the time.”

“Okay.” I brushed his hair back. “Okay, what happened? How old were you?”

“Don’t know…nine, I think. I waited ’til I couldn’t hear them, then I snuck out of my room. If they saw me, I’d get beat. She was passed out on the couch. I thought…I thought he was in the bedroom. I didn’t check. I should’ve checked! I knew better! I knew—”

“Shh,” I soothed and pressed kisses all over his face. God, what happened to him?

Sean began to cry. “I got to the kitchen, and he was at the fridge. I tried sneaking out but he saw me. I was scared. I didn’t want to get hit. My head was still hurtin’ so bad from when I got hit earlier, so when he told me to get over to him, I did. What the fuck you doin’? What the fuck you doin’! he screamed at me. I told him I was hungry. Then I watched him pull this bucket of chicken out of the fridge and set it on the counter. I thought he was gonna give it to me. I smiled. I remember fuckin’ smiling at him. Jesus.” Sean shook his head as his tears wet the pillowcase, then he looked at me. “I hadn’t eaten anything in days. And it smelled so good and I just…fuck, I had to. I had to do it, Shayla. I had to fuckin’ do it!”

“Do what, baby?”

“Touch him. I had to touch that motherfucker so I could get somethin’ to eat!”

The air drained out of my lungs. I trapped a whimper inside my mouth and grabbed at Sean, pulling his upper body into my lap as he began to sob and curse. He clung to me.

I willed my own tears to dry up. I had to stay strong for him. But God, I had never wanted to break down and scream so badly before in my life. How could this happen to him? How could no one protect this boy?

What the fuck was wrong with people?

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe now,” I whispered, stroking his hair, his face.

His arms around me flexed and held tighter.

I kept rubbing his back. Kept kissing him. Kept telling him it would be okay. This went on for minutes, until Sean eventually fell asleep, and even then, I kept repeating the same thing over and over while I stared off into the bedroom.

Hours passed. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t relax or lay back, and it didn’t matter anyway. I was no longer tired.

I thought about that woman. About Sean as a boy. So sad and scared. About all the pain he lived and was still living.

I had to do something. I had to help him.

When the alarm on my phone went off, I climbed over Sean’s legs and slid out of bed. His head was back on the pillow now.

I felt his hand on my hip as I turned off my alarm.

“Hey.” I smiled at his sleepy face, half covered by his hair. He was sprawled out on his stomach.

Sean slid his hand up to my arm and pulled me as he rolled, allowing me room to sit on the edge of the mattress.

“You sleep any?” he asked.

“A little.”

I hated lying, but I didn’t want Sean feeling any guilt or regretting sharing with me the thing I was betting he had never wanted to share. He’d warned me before about stuff happening to him we’d never talk about. And even though it killed him to say it and me to hear it, we had talked about it.

I didn’t want him ever feeling sorry for telling me.

“Are you hanging out with your girls today?” I asked, pushing his hair back and running my fingers through it, discovering how much he seemed to like me doing that last night.

His eyes closed briefly in bliss, then he nodded and opened them again. “Val’s picking them up later. Not sure how that’s gonna go. The girls said last night they were movin’ in.”

I laughed. “Well, it is pretty awesome here. Can’t say I blame them.” I bent down and kissed his mouth, feeling his goatee tickle and the fullness of his lips and wanting to stay there, kissing him, but there was something bothering me, and I couldn’t leave here until I got it off my chest.

I sat back and gently stroked his face. “Was it just the one time? With that man…did it happen again or with anyone else?”

My stomach tightened as I braced. God, what if it happened all the time?

Sean stared at me, released a tight breath, then shook his head.

Relief sagged my shoulders.

“Did she know what was going on? That woman—did she do anything?”

“Walked in on me jackin’ him. She laughed and walked out.”

My teeth clenched. My God, I was going to torture her like nobody’s business. I just had to find her.

“Hey.”

I blinked the bed into focus and looked down at Sean after he spoke.

He was studying me. “You’re thinkin’ somethin’. What is it?”

“Nothing,” I lied.

“What is it?” he pressed.

“I’m wondering if that horrible woman is still living here, and how difficult it would be for me to find her,” I admitted. “I’m hoping not too difficult, so I can get on with the torture sooner rather than later. I have a lot planned.”

Sean stared at me, his expression unreadable, then he sat up and moved beside me so we sat shoulder to shoulder. He grabbed my face. His hold was gentle.

“Leave it alone,” he said, and just the thought of letting that bitch get off, it made my blood boil.

“I can’t do that,” I told him. “She hurt you. And she did worse than that. She didn’t protect you at all, Sean. She doesn’t deserve to be breathing…”

“Leave it alone, Shayla,” he repeated, his voice firm and final. “You don’t need to be diggin’ on this. I ain’t worried about her.”

“I am. What if she finds you? What if she’s here? God, she could come into Whitecaps or try and see your girls. I won’t let her.”

“She ain’t gonna do shit.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“How? How do you know?”

He curtly shook his head.

“How, Sean?”

“Shayla,” he growled, bringing his face so close to mine our noses almost touched. His tone was severe. “Remember before when I said pick another topic?”

I blinked, asking in a quiet voice, “You aren’t going to tell me about this?”

“No.”

>“Never?”

“Never.”

I pulled out of his hold as this strange hurt filled me. “You told me all that stuff last night, and you won’t tell me this? Is it worse?”

Sean cursed, looking away, then he stood up and stalked out of the room with heavy steps. The bathroom door closed behind him.

I stared off into his bedroom.

I didn’t want to let this bother me, but God, it did. I didn’t want any secrets between us. Even ones too difficult to talk about. I wanted Sean open and honest with me.

How could we be together if he couldn’t be?

I pushed that worrying thought aside and decided I wouldn’t lessen what was shared and how difficult that must have been for Sean. He was trusting me with it. He’d told me so much already.

Don’t dig, Shayla. Do not dig.

I stood from the bed and searched my bag for something to write on. I found an old market receipt and dug around in a pocket for a pen. Finding one, I smoothed out the soft, crumbled paper on the edge of the trunk, then I flattened it on the top and wrote out my note.

I left the note on the bed, then I slung my bag over my shoulder, tugged on my boots, and slipped out just as sweet little voices filled the hallway.

How I managed to get through four clients that day without dropping on the spot was a miracle.

By two o’clock, I was dead. But I knew taking a nap would only mess up my sleep that evening, so I was fully committed to powering through and staying up.

I was also extremely motivated.

I had work to do. Sean needed help. And I’d give up sleep for the rest of my life if it meant making sure he got it.

After cleaning up after my last client, I grabbed my laptop and plopped down on the couch with my second Red Bull of the day and some trail mix—the good kind with M&M’s. Not that shitty kind that only had dried fruit and unsalted peanuts. I was not a squirrel, and in my opinion, the only reason to purchase trail mix like that was for some sort of feeder out in your yard.

Red Bull cracked open and search engine ready, I got my snack on while looking up local therapists who specialized in childhood traumas.

I hadn’t asked Sean if he’d ever spoken to anyone before about what had happened to him, but I was guessing he hadn’t, considering how closed off he was about the topic. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to anyone, and if that was the case, I wouldn’t push it, but I needed him knowing there were people out there who could help him.

I spent the rest of the afternoon reading bios and client reviews. I looked up addresses and calculated the distance from Sean’s house. I Googled, eliminated, and narrowed down the choices. I was picky. I had to be. Nothing short of the best. Then I made my list of potentials and split them up by gender, in case Sean had a preference.

I was anxious to give it to him. I was prepared to drive over to his house and show him the second I was finished, but I didn’t need to.

Headed over. You home?

I smiled as I read Sean’s text and quit pulling on my boots.

Yep.

Be there in 20.

Can’t wait. xoxo

I sat on the arm of my couch and watched the door.

Even though I might’ve pulled an all-nighter, you couldn’t tell by looking at me, and not just because I was buzzing and wide-eyed from all the caffeine I’d consumed.

I’d showered when I got home this morning and curled my hair with a flat iron, so it looked beachy. I was wearing makeup—which I kept to a minimum except for my lipstick choice, going with a deep ruby shade that looked amazing against my pale complexion—and instead of bumming it in sweats or slipping right into my PJs, I was in black jeggings and my favorite oversize sweater that looked expensive but wasn’t, meaning it looked nice and not frumpy like some oversize sweaters tended to look on me.

So, running on Red Bull and zero sleep, I felt pretty.

Nearly twenty minutes later, a knock sounded, and I dashed across the living room and threw open the door.

Sean stood there in the dim light, looking all kinds of sexy in his white T-shirt and tattered jeans. His hair was tucked behind his ear on one side and hanging freely on the other. His hands were shoved into his front pockets, and his head had been lowered, but he lifted it when he saw me and was currently doing that amazing thing with his mouth where I couldn’t tell if he was smirking or smiling and I didn’t care, because the combination looked incredible.

“Hey.” I grinned and moved to step back, but Sean reached out and took my face between his hands, backing me inside himself. He blindly kicked the door closed and pressed a kiss to my mouth, barely giving any tongue but giving enough that I felt that kiss all the way from top to toes.

“Mm,” I hummed when we were finished and swayed a little. Probably didn’t even need the Red Bull. I was wide awake now.

Sean stared at my lips and tugged at my bottom one with his thumb. “You look really fuckin’ pretty,” he said.

I swayed a little more.

Damn. Sean giving compliments—major kryptonite.

“You do this a lot?”

I quirked a brow, but going off the way he was concentrating on exactly one part of my face, I took a guess. “Wear lipstick? Yeah, but not always this dark.”

“You should. Jesus.” His eyes came up and I saw how heated they were. “I like this. Like the other shit too, but I like this.”

I grinned. “Well, excuse me while I go throw out every other color I own. Won’t be needing them anymore.”

He stared at me, his eyes going intense but only holding that emotion for a breath before he lowered them, dropped his hands, and stepped back.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I gotta tell you shit, and I don’t know how you’re gonna react,” he began, and I held my breath because I knew, oh, God, I knew, he was talking about the stuff he was never planning on telling me.

But now he was here, ready to share it all with me, and even though I wanted to know everything about this man, even the dirty stuff he was ashamed of, I worried he wasn’t ready.

I stepped closer. “Sean, you don’t need to tell me—”

“Yeah, I do,” he cut me off. “You’re tossing out every color except the one I want, you need to know it.” He looked up at me then. He was breathing heavily through his nose. “I decided earlier I was gonna tell you. Worried about it the whole way here. Saw you, kissed you, forgot what the fuck I was doin’ here ’cause kissin’ you makes me forget shit, especially shit that’s weighin’ heavy on my mind. Then you say you’re only gonna wear that color on your mouth ’cause I want it and hearin’ that, feelin’ that, I’m rememberin’ why I’m here. I gotta tell you this. I want you knowin’ it and I don’t. I’m scared how you’ll look at me after. I like how you look at me now, I don’t wanna lose that.”

Okay. Wow.

Okay, okay, okay.

That. Was. HUGE.

“Uh.” I wet my lips. I was breathing heavily now too. “Can I just say firstly, that was probably the greatest compliment of my life. I’m glad you like the way I look at you and that kissing me takes you out of that dark place. That’s all I could hope for. I want you surrounded in nothing but light, Sean. I want that more than anything. You deserve it.”

He shook his head and cursed. “Now I really gotta fuckin’ tell you,” he growled, then he turned away and stalked over to the couch, taking a seat on one end. He braced his elbows on his knees. His legs were bouncing.

God, he was really worried about this. About how I’d react.

I sat down beside him and placed my hand on his thigh. “I won’t leave,” I said quietly.

Sean froze. He was staring straight ahead at a spot on the carpet.

“I won’t,” I repeated, just as softly.

His head slowly turned, and our eyes met. “I told you not to go diggin’ around about that cunt, yeah?”

I nodded. “Yes, and even though I wanted to, I didn’t. I busied myself with other things today we’ll get to in a minute.”

Sean blinked. “What other things?”

“You first.”

“They gotta do with me?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Then share.”

“I will after you, since I’m still going to be sitting here and looking at you the way I always look at you. Nothing you could ever say to me would stop me from doing that.”

Sean narrowed his eyes, then muttered a “fuck,” before he resumed staring off blankly at the carpet. His hands were clasped in front of him.

I kept my hand on his bouncing thigh exactly how it had been. I didn’t brace with light pressure. I did not move. I wouldn’t.

React on the inside. Do not show it.

Sean blew out a breath. “A lot of the shit I’ve done—I regret,” he began. “Most of it. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. This…this I do not wish I could take back. I don’t regret it.”

“Okay.”

He turned to look at me. “Last time I saw that bitch, she was dying. I’m talkin’ minutes away from takin’ her last breath, and I didn’t do shit to keep her alive. I didn’t do a damn thing. I killed her.”

I blinked and nodded slowly, encouraging him to keep going while willing my body and pulse to stay unreactive.

“Could’ve helped. Could’ve called the cops or whatever. I walked in to get out of the cold, found her lying on the floor with a needle stuck in her arm, lips blue, barely breathing. She was covered in puke. I felt her neck—there was a pulse—she was lookin’ right at me, starin’, I could’ve done somethin’, Shayla, and I didn’t. I stood there until that bitch died, then I took any money she had stashed in that house and left. I never went back.”

Again, I blinked and nodded slowly.

“That’s it,” he said; then he released a tense breath and looked away. “I didn’t want you diggin’ around ’cause I knew you’d find out she was dead and ask me about it, and I didn’t wanna tell you. Not ’cause I didn’t want you knowin’ she can’t hurt me anymore. I didn’t want you knowin’ who I am. Now you know—I let that cunt die. I killed her. A better person would regret it. I don’t. I’d do it again.”

I was processing Sean’s words and waiting for that rush of shock or fear to fill me. But all I felt was relief.

Sean was safe now. He never had to worry about that woman hurting him ever again.

And even though this act could’ve defined Sean as a person, it didn’t. I didn’t judge him any differently now. I didn’t look at him in a new way. I couldn’t.

I got it. I got him. This was Sean protecting himself. And I didn’t see it as murder or Sean assisting in someone’s death by not stepping in to help. I didn’t see it that way at all.

“Okay,” I said; then, before Sean could look over at me, I quickly slid onto the floor, moved in front of him, and knelt between his legs. I grabbed his face. “You see me looking at you?” I asked.

Sean’s beautiful copper eyes were dilated and jumping with worry. “Yeah.”

“Am I looking at you any different than I’ve always looked at you, aside from that time we weren’t talking anymore and I avoided looking at you because it killed me to do it when I didn’t think you wanted me looking?”

His brows pinched. “You didn’t think I wanted you lookin’?”

“You turned me down and quit speaking to me so no, I didn’t.”

Why were we talking about this now? This was not important, Shay. Stay on track.

“Anyway, am I—”

“I always wanted it,” he rushed out, halting my speech. “At the time, I knew I didn’t deserve it. That’s why I pushed you off. I wasn’t good enough for you. Not even you lookin’ at me, no matter how much I liked it.”

I shook my head. “Sean…”

“I know different now. I’m just sayin’, that’s how it was before.”

That made me smile. Finally, he understood his worth. He was getting it.

“I didn’t think you were interested,” I told him.

“That was never the fuckin’ problem.”

I smiled bigger.

Sean watched my mouth, his jaw ticked, then he repeated in that low, gravelly voice that make my skin tingle, “Never the fuckin’ problem.”

Holy crap, the flirting skills.

Stay on point, Shay. Keep focus.

“Okay, so you know how I’ve always looked at you,” I prompted.

He met my gaze and jerked his chin.

“Am I looking at you any different right now?”

Sean stared into my eyes, breathing fast and heavy, studying me, searching for the slightest change—I could tell—and God, it was worrying him. I wanted so badly to tell him with words, but I knew he needed the proof, so I was staying silent and giving it to him. Then he reached out, slid his hands to the back of my neck, held there, and pressed our foreheads together. He kept staring, but his breathing was slowing, still just as heavy, but he was calmer now. He was seeing what I knew was there.

“Val got it too,” he shared, and hearing he’d told his ex what had happened, and she didn’t look at him any different after the fact, made me like Val a hundred times more, and I already liked her a lot. “Thought she’d run. She didn’t. Thought you’d leave…”

“I won’t,” I cut in, finishing his sentence.

“She was wrong.”

I blinked, curious whom he was referring to. “Val?”

Sean shook his head lightly since we were still touching. “That bitch,” he answered. “Val didn’t run. My girls forgave me. The way you look at me…I ain’t nothin’.”

My heart swelled. God…thank God, thank God.

“Not even close,” I whispered, smiling, crying a little—I couldn’t help it. I was just so happy for him.

Sean’s thumb caught my tears, then he leaned in and kissed me, murmuring inside my mouth. “Baby…baby.”

Not the baby girl I’d been wanting before, and I was glad because this was better. This was mine.

“I want you,” he said, kissing the corner of my mouth and then my cheek. “Share what you got for me, and then I’m taking you here. I wanna touch you. Feel you touch me.”

Couch sex. Hell, yes to all of that.

I pressed one more kiss to his stubbled jaw, then I got to my feet and grabbed the list I’d made, returning to the couch with it.

I sat cross-legged facing Sean and held it out.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the paper.

“People you can talk to, if you want, and I think you should,” I told him, getting his eyes then. “They can help you, Sean. That nightmare…I don’t want you having them ever again. I told you I’d get you to a place where you’d never need that bucket. This is me getting you there.”

“I don’t like talkin’ about that shit,” he said, which was something I already knew.

“I know, and I know it’ll be hard, and if you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand. But I really think you should at least give this a try. These people are trained to heal. And you’re still hurting.”

He looked back at the list, read it again, rubbed at his mouth harshly, then kept reading.

I leaned in and placed my hand on top of one of his. “I can go with you if you want,” I said, getting his eyes again. “Or pick one and I’ll check them out first. I don’t care. But no one will see you unless you want them to, Sean. No one gets to you without going through me, and even though I’ve spent the afternoon checking references and studying backgrounds, I didn’t get the opportunity to meet anyone on that list face-to-face. I will be doing that. They don’t just need to be good, Sean. They need to be the best. You just give me a name, and I’ll make sure of that. I promise.”

Sean’s eyes got intense, then he looked at that list one last time before folding that piece of paper in half, getting to his feet, and stuffing the list inside his back pocket.

I smiled watching that happen because I knew it meant Sean was going to give me a name, possibly more than one, I’d scope them out in person, and then we’d get started on healing him.

I couldn’t have been happier in that moment.

Until I watched Sean pull his shirt off, toss it, and then get to work on his belt.

“I’ve never had sex on a couch before,” I admitted, getting to my feet now too so I could strip myself of clothing.

Sean unzipped his jeans. “Glad I get to cross that off your list.”

“Me too. I’m glad it’s you.”

He’d just sat down on the couch to work at his boots when he froze and looked up at me. Our eyes met. His flashed with lust, hunger, and so much meaning, I began to ache in a way I knew meant there was a good chance I’d hold a world record for orgasms tonight, the first one building already.

How crazy was that?

“Gonna cross it off a lot,” he promised.

I pulled my sweater off and grinned. “Awesome.”

He grinned back.

We resumed stripping, both of us holding onto our grins, then I got on my back, Sean got on top of me, we started kissing, touching, stroking, our moans coming soft and then building when Sean guided my legs around his waist and slid inside me.

Floor sex was amazing.

Couch sex was equally incredible, especially since Sean hadn’t lied about crossing this location off my list multiple times.

I came once on my back. Once on my knees with Sean taking me from behind while I gripped the armrest. Once with Sean’s fingers sliding inside me when I thought we were taking a break, but Sean’s break included exploring my body the way he always did when we’d lie naked together, and when Sean explored, he explored thoroughly.

Last, I came grinding my hips down on top of Sean while he licked and sucked on my breasts. That orgasm surprised me because I thought it would take a while, but it didn’t, thanks to Sean’s tongue and the words he spoke against my flesh while he went to town there. Sean talking dirty was possibly at the top of my kryptonite list.

I didn’t stand a chance.

Though, I had a feeling if it did hold top billing, it wouldn’t hold that title forever. Sean was always surprising me with something that make my heart ache or beat so, so wildly, and before the night was up and he went home, he did it again.

We were standing at the door kissing, Sean dressed and me in nothing but my oversized sweater and panties. I didn’t want him to leave, but we’d see each other at Whitecaps tomorrow morning, so I didn’t protest.

Still, I kept attacking his mouth every time he pulled away, so I had a feeling he knew where I stood on him leaving.

Finally getting enough (not really), I kept my arms around his neck and rocked back onto my heels.

Sean smiled down at me. Then he topped the dirty talking, giving me compliments, going shirtless, and everything else he’d ever done.

He topped it all.

“I’m sellin’ the trailer.”

My lungs ceased working for a beat, then I pulled in a breath and grinned the biggest grin of my life. I rolled up onto my toes again and went in—I had to.

Sean was the one who attacked my mouth when I pulled away that time, which led to longer, harder kisses.

He eventually went home. It just took him a while.