It was Memorial Day, the official kickoff of summer.

For beach lovers, this was it—the best time of the year. The start of everything.

For me?

It was a day I just wanted to sleep through.

Air conditioning on full blast, I sat parked behind Whitecaps with my head resting against the back of my seat and my eyes closed.

>I felt exhausted. I knew I could fall asleep right now if I let myself.

But what use would that be? Someone would find me.

I was parked sandwiched between my closest friends. Tori and Sydney were expecting me to show up today. I hadn’t just volunteered my time. I had committed.

Minutes ticked by as I tried holding tight to my procrastination, but the better person in me fought back.

I couldn’t just sit here any longer. The carnival had started twenty minutes ago. I needed to move.

I cut the air down and tried rousing to a more alert state, but my limbs felt heavy against the seat. In the distance, I could hear music playing, children squealing with excitement. Commotion from the crowd. People gathering at Whitecaps for the excitement today would bring.

But none of it, not one thing was perking me up.

I missed Sean. Plain and simple.

Not even a beautiful, fun-filled day with my friends was taking that pain away.

Before anyone came looking for me and started asking questions, I locked up my car, slid my sunglasses on, and padded around the side of the building.

The gravel popped and crackled beneath my sneakers as my eyes scanned the crowd, searching for the one person I needed to quit searching for.

It was something I did out of habit and hope, and thinking today would be the day I would break routine was almost laughable. How could I not look for him here? I always did—when we were nothing and when were everything, it didn’t matter. I always looked.

Love was the killer of sanity.

“Shay!”

I turned my head toward the far corner of the parking lot.

Tori was standing with Jamie in front of the dunk tank. He was dripping wet in his swim trunks and tugging her against him when she tried getting away, wrapping his arms around her and soaking her clothes. She squealed and playfully pushed against his chest as Brian climbed up in the chair and waited his turn.

“Hey, babe.” Tori stopped in front of me and smiled with sympathy in her eyes. She squeezed my hand. “How are you?”

“I’m here,” I replied, shrugging. “I don’t know. Maybe this will be a nice distraction. I can paint ladybugs and rainbows on fat, sunburned cheeks and pretend I’m not completely miserable and on the verge of crying every other breath I take. This could be like, art therapy, or something. I might actually leave here not wanting to kill myself.”

Tori frowned and held me tighter.

I immediately regretted speaking.

“I didn’t mean that last part. I don’t know why I said that,” I quickly threw out, shaking my head and blinking back tears behind my glasses. “Sorry. Put me to work. Seriously. Is my booth ready, or do I need to set it up?” I glanced around the lot.

“Actually, I wanted to run something by you.” Tori released my hand to tie her long, blonde hair back out of her face. “Kali had to stay home with Cameron ’cause he has that foot and hand disease or whatever it’s called, so Cole is flying solo at the kissing booth, which would be fine, but we have a lot of guys here with potentially thick wallets.”

My brows lifted.

I knew exactly what she was getting at. She really didn’t need to say any more, but she did.

“I’m just saying,” Tori continued on. “This could be beneficial to both Whitecaps and yourself. They say the first step is the most difficult. This could make it a little easier, you know?”

“What could make it easier? If I made out with random guys all day?”

I wasn’t convinced this was the best move for me. Even though Tori knew everything that had gone down six days ago, and always had my back, meaning she would never set me up for something she didn’t think was in my best interest, still, I wasn’t so sure.

“You don’t have to kiss them on the mouth,” Tori informed me. “Cole isn’t. He’s just offering up his cheek or kissing theirs. And just look at them. They don’t mind that. Those women are practically trampling over each other to get to the front of the line.”

I looked over my shoulder in the direction of the kissing booth.

Tori was right. The line was at least twenty bodies deep, and the women all looked eager, pushing closer every chance they got, clapping their hands, high-fiving each other and counting their cash. And poor Cole, he did look a little overwhelmed all by himself as he flinched while some grandma planted a big, wet one on his cheek.

“I don’t know,” I said, turning back around.

“Is there any reason why you shouldn’t do this?” Tori asked.

I released a tight breath, then shook my head.

She tilted hers with a soft, sympathetic smile, took hold of my hand again, and tugged me toward the restaurant. “It’ll be good. I promise. But if it is too much, you can always back out. No one will say anything.”

Tori and I walked up the stairs to Whitecaps and pulled the door open to step inside. I pushed my glasses on top of my head.

The brightly colored, beach-themed restaurant was empty, except for J.R., who was in charge of all the cooking today. And I guessed Nate, who was probably back in his office.

If Nate had a choice between being in his office and being out of it, no matter the circumstance, he chose the former.

“But if I don’t do it, who will help Cole?” I asked, following Tori to the kitchen window where trays held stacks of burgers and hot dogs, ready to be served.

“I don’t know. No one, I guess,” she answered. “I can’t. Jamie would blow a gasket and go on a killing spree. Brian too, so Syd’s out. I’m going to have her do the face-painting since Lauren called dibs on games and is refusing to move her ass to another booth, even if it means sacrificing her own selfishness for once and doing something in the best interest of the team.” She rolled her eyes and slid a tray off the ledge. “Help me carry these out, will you?” Tori asked, tipping her chin at the other tray.

I grabbed the tray of hot dogs and smiled through the window at J.R. when he looked up from the cutting board.

He smiled back, immediately, and, like always, wasn’t shy to initiate conversation with a friendly “Hey you.”

Which only made me think about the man he shared that kitchen with, who was the exact opposite when it came to workplace pleasantries and prompting conversations.

My smile disappeared as quickly as it came on. “Hey,” I returned faintly.

“Keep them coming, Jay. We got a big crowd out there,” Tori said. “Lots of mouths to feed.”

“Roger that.” J.R. passed his smile between the two of us before he resumed slicing onions and heads of lettuce. “Why the pouty face?” he asked me. “You and Sean get into a fight or something? Is that why he isn’t here and I’m having to feed the whole fucking town all by myself?”

I let out a small noise that sounded like a squeak, my eyes so wide I was sure I had zero forehead space left.

Damn, J.R. was way more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

Shit.

“Do we look like we have time to chat?” Tori asked, stepping up to the window and saving me from having to answer. “I’ve already been asked twice about the food situation. People are starving, Jay. And considering this is an event hosted by a restaurant where food is supposed to be served, I’m thinking we need to feed them sooner rather than later. What do you think?”

“All right, damn,” he muttered, suddenly looking uncomfortable, which was a common reaction to being on the receiving end of Tori’s signature sass. “Jesus. Sorry I asked.”

J.R. went back to focusing fully on his vegetable chopping.

I sort of felt bad, but apologizing might lead to that explanation I was avoiding, so I kept my mouth shut and followed behind Tori in the direction of the doors.

“Thanks,” I whispered, falling in a step behind her.

She turned her head and winked. “Any time, babe.”

Jenna came rushing inside with her kids, Oliver and Olivia.

She smiled at us. “Hey! Can we use the bathroom? Is that allowed?”

Olivia pinched her legs together. “I’m gonna bust!” she shrieked.

“Gross, Livy.” Oliver grimaced and leaned away from his twin.

Tori laughed. “Only you three. Everyone else has to take it down the beach to the porta pots,” she said.

Jenna looked relieved. “Thank you,” she rushed out, then the three of them hurried passed us.

Tori and I headed outside, carefully carrying our trays down the steps, and slid them onto the tables set up beside the railing. There were already condiments put out and aluminum pans filled with burger toppings and utensils.

“Okay, so, are you good?” Tori asked, moving to stand inside her booth and tying on her work apron.

The sunlight caught her square-cut diamond ring, making it sparkle.

I’d seen Tori’s ring a handful of times already. I knew it was stunning. Probably worth a fortune. And it fit her delicate hand perfectly. Until six days ago, I’d never seen a prettier ring.

Until I did see a prettier ring.

Sadness flooded me, along with this strange hurt I’d never felt before. The pain felt hollow and heavy at the same time, like it scooped out all my insides, taking bone and blood and replacing it with nothing, leaving me an empty, gaping wound.

A hole so deep, it would never see any sunlight.

God, why did I come here today? I never should’ve left my bed.

“Shay?”

My head snapped up at the sound of my name, and I locked on to Tori’s curious expression.

Shit.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m good,” I lied, quickly dropping my glasses down when agony stung and made my eyes water. I bit the inside of my cheek and prayed for a pain I could get angry at instead.

A blistered mouth felt promising.

Tori looked momentarily unsure, but quickly covered it with a pageant-winning smile as she turned her display sign toward the crowd, showing food prices and choices. “You got this, Shay. Just have fun with it,” she told me, waving at the line quickly forming behind where I stood.

I didn’t think there was a chance in hell I’d be having fun at anything any time soon, but I kept that to myself, and with sagging shoulders, I turned and crossed the parking lot.

I passed the face-painting booth and waved meekly at Syd, who was cleaning off her brushes in a cup of water while a little girl sat waiting in a chair, swinging her legs excitedly.

Like Tori, Syd also knew what all had gone down six days ago. But I couldn’t talk about it with her yet either.

And I communicated that by not pausing or slowing in my steps when she appeared eager for conversation.

The smile she was wearing changed from encouraging to subtle and understanding.

Reaching the far end of the lot, I slid into the booth beside Cole, who had his back to the line and was discreetly scrubbing a rag over his suntanned cheek.

“Rough start?” I asked, pushing my glasses on top of my head again, since we were shaded inside the booth.

“Nah, I’m just doing this every tenth person or so,” he said. “Or if someone uses tongue.”

My back straightened. “What?”

Gross! People were using tongue?

Cole chuckled and tucked his rag into his pocket. “It’s not that bad. I am grateful for a break, though.” He turned back around and flattened his hands on the booth, informing the crowd, “It’s time for the guys to pony up some cash! We got Shay up now. Ladies, I’ll be back in thirty.”

Collective groans filled the air before the women in the line dispersed.

I felt panic tickle my spine. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stepped closer to Cole.

“You could keep going, you know? We could do this together. I lure the crowd, you do the kissing. It’s a win-win for everyone, really.”

“Even the dudes?”

“Sure, why not?”

Cole smirked as he grabbed the can of soda off the ledge of the booth and took a quick drink. “I gotta take a piss,” he explained, checking the time on his watch. “And I wanna call Kali and see how Cameron’s doing. I shouldn’t be too long.”

I felt a slow-moving warmth fill my chest—contentment for Kali and her quiet romance with Cole. And even though it should’ve surprised me, appreciating someone else’s union when I had so recently severed my own, it didn’t.

I was happy for my friend.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and stepped up to the front of the booth, my fingers tangling together on the ledge next to the jar labeled $5 for a Smooch. “I’m not sure how well this is going to go…I’m really just planning on talking to people.”

No fucking way was I kissing anyone.

Cole stepped out of the booth and stood in front of it, stuck two fingers in his mouth, and cut a sharp whistle through the air that had heads turning and eyes focusing on me.

The DJ turned down the music.

Oh, crap.

“The kissing booth is open!” Cole hollered. “And five dollars to kiss Shay seems like highway robbery if you ask me. She’s hot.”

“Cole,” I snapped, my face heating up as the men in the crowd clapped and cheered in response.

“Yeah, Shay!” Tori yelled, whooping at the top of her lungs.

I met her eyes as Cole stepped away, laughing, and silently pleaded with Tori for her to stop making a commotion, which only seemed to egg her on even more.

She leaned out her booth and pointed at me, yelling, “Go get her, boys!”

Great.

Looking away with an enormous amount of apprehension tightening and twisting my stomach up in knots, I swept my eyes over the sea of men (where did all the women go?), hoping none of them were paying attention to me or my loudmouthed friends.

Unfortunately, the men were paying attention. All of them, to be specific. Especially one in particular.

With dark, short, styled hair and even darker eyes, the eager gentleman smiled at me as he pushed his way through the crowd.

Maybe he was simply eager for conversation?

Yeah, right. Look where you’re standing, Shay!

I shifted nervously on my feet.

The young guy was attractive enough. Totally someone I’d normally go for.

No, I argued with myself. His hair isn’t long enough and his arms are bare. I like tattoos. I like a male body that tells a story. I bet this guy doesn’t even have any scars. Plus, he’s wearing a polo shirt. Total preppy. I bet he drives something expensive. A two-door sports car, most likely. Which could only mean one thing—perpetual bachelor. Everyone knows fitting multiple car seats in the back of a two-door vehicle is a giant pain in the…

I blinked and shook my head. What the hell was I doing?

God, I was losing it. Was I really going to stand here silently judging this guy as if he even had a chance right now? I wasn’t on the market. Single, yes. But no way was I ready for anything involving a guy. What was wrong with me? Why did I care if he had tattoos, or what his views were on kids? Was it the sun? Heat stroke? I hadn’t been outside that long, had I?

My breathing accelerated, quick puffs of air began pushing past my lips. And my panic only escalated further the closer Preppy got, because now I could see the cute little lift in his brow as he tugged out his wallet. And before I knew it, as if he’d possibly bribed people on his way through the crowd to make sure he had top spot, he was right there at the front of the line, and right in front of me.

Oh, God. This was not good. This was not good at all.

Smiling, interested, the guy pulled a five-dollar bill out of his wallet before tucking it back away and dropped the cash in the jar, keeping his eyes on me the entire time as a steady line of eager donors formed behind him.

“That dude was right,” Preppy started, spreading his large hands out on the ledge, head tilting. “I’d pay a lot more than five bucks for this kiss. You should change your sign.”

A nervous laugh caught in my throat. Then, because I didn’t want this guy thinking for another second he was about to get a kiss from me, I prepared in my head the explanation I needed to give him, one that would hopefully keep his money in that jar, only to have my thoughts abruptly cut off.

“You wanna explain to me what you’re doin’?”

I sucked in a breath and stood up straighter, feeling panic shock me like every part of my body was touching a live wire.

That low, rough, and achingly beautiful voice filtered through my ears and reached some deep part of me that hadn’t been scraped out and tossed away. And then it reached deeper still and spread, filling that giant hole inside me, replacing everything I lost with something better, because of who that voice belonged to.

My eyes focused and moved first, then my head turned.

We locked eyes.

Sean stood off to the side of the line that had formed, and I knew just from hearing his beaten tone how he’d look standing there, but I wasn’t prepared to see it. Even if he hadn’t spoken first and I had seen his approach, I still wouldn’t be prepared for that broken, empty look on his face.

Breath shuddered inside my chest. I suddenly felt dizzy.

It was too much.

It was all too much—being here in this stupid booth promoting something I was absolutely not participating in, seeing the one person I was hoping to see, who was never supposed to be here. Those eyes—those beautiful copper eyes that were now black and void of life, when they should’ve been filled with all the love in the world. Nothing but love.

I didn’t understand it. Why did he look like that? He shouldn’t look like that. He shouldn’t look exactly like I felt. I gave him everything. I gave up everything so he could have the life he deserved.

But the man staring back at me didn’t look like a man who had it all.

He looked like a man who deserved nothing.

“You left,” he growled.

A stabbing pain shot through my chest.

God…

Hearing his voice, knowing I broke my promise to Sean, and seeing what it did to him…It was crippling.

I didn’t think I had the words to explain myself, because they were locked inside my heart. I wouldn’t speak them.

What could I say?

“I-I—” My mouth snapped closed when Sean approached.

>Glaring, he got up beside Preppy while reaching for his back pocket, his other hand fishing the five dollars out of the jar. “Take a walk,” Sean ordered, pressing the bill against the guy’s chest.

The man backed up, muttering, “No problem, man. Sorry,” under his breath before he slinked away.

Sean turned back to me, then held my eyes as he dropped his wallet into the jar.

My brain short-circuited.

The crowd reacted with interest and went quiet.

I quickly glanced around.

Everyone was staring at us, looking curious. Tori and Syd were grinning, most likely because it appeared Sean was purchasing the kissing booth and declaring my mouth his, which I wanted to grin about myself, but I couldn’t because he shouldn’t be declaring something like that anymore.

What the fuck was happening? Why was he even here?

Wide-eyed and heart racing, I watched Sean flatten his hands on the ledge and lean forward.

“I fucked up,” he said.

“What?” I whispered.

Oh, God, his girls…

“What happened? Is everything okay?” I asked.

“You got my back, I should’ve had yours,” Sean replied, ignoring my questions. “I should’ve protected us and I didn’t. I let you walk. All your hurt, it’s on me, Shayla. I should’ve known what you were doin’. I was too fucked up to see it.”

Blinking, I shook my head. I was so confused right now.

So nothing had happened with his girls?

Sean read that and continued explaining himself.

“Hearin’ you tell me you were leavin’…You were puttin’ me first and thinkin’ I wanted my old life back. The life I had with Val before I fucked it all up. And it’s my fault for not informin’ you—that shit with Val? That was over before I got put away. We both know that now. Feelin’s are always gonna be there ’cause she gave me my girls, and she cares for me, knowin’ what all I’ve been through, but we’re better as friends. She agrees.”

She agrees?

“You talked to Val?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t get your old life back?”

Sean cocked his head. “Did you not hear me just say I don’t want it?”

“I don’t understand…Your girls. Your family. You want that. I know you do.”

That was everything he wanted.

Sean leaned closer. “I got my girls. I got Val as a friend. What I don’t got is my family, ’cause you’re here standin’ in a fuckin’ kissing booth instead of at my back where you’re supposed to be. How the fuck can I have my family when the woman I love more than my own fuckin’ life isn’t with me? You wanna explain that?”

My lips parted. I got it then. I understood why Sean was here and why he looked the way he did.

I understood everything.

Sean didn’t have it all because he didn’t have me. And he didn’t have me because I left when I said I wouldn’t. I had given him that broken, beaten down look. I took away his chance at getting all the happiness the world had to offer him, when I’d promised to make sure he got it.

I left him.

I did this.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“You’ve said that enough.”

“I haven’t,” I argued. “I promised you I wouldn’t leave, and I did. You gotta know how much that killed me, Sean.”

“I know how much, baby. I saw you.”

I pulled my lips between my teeth as my eyes stung.

God, I love him.

“You stood there wantin’ me, wantin’ us, as much as I did, and you buried that want so I could get it all.”

He knew. He knew everything.

“Yes,” I whimpered.

“But you didn’t know, I already had it,” he shared.

Oh, God.

“I should’ve told you,” he said, leaning closer. “I am so fuckin’ sorry I didn’t.”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “It’s okay.”

“It ain’t, but you know it now.”

“I do.”

He stared longingly into my face. “Am I yours?”

I nodded immediately.

“You love me?”

My shoulders dropped. “Oh, my God, you have no idea,” I cried, my heart splitting open and letting those words spill out. “I’ve been in love with you since last summer. Maybe even before that. I don’t know. I don’t remember the time between meeting you and loving you. I just know I love you and I can’t stop. That’s it.”

Sean’s eyes warmed to that beautiful copper shade again as his face got soft, then he glanced down between us, met my eyes again, and asked. “You gonna get the fuck outta this booth so I can get at you?”

I stopped breathing.

Holy yes, please get at me.

“I didn’t want to be in here in the first place,” I informed Sean as I stepped out of the booth and met him around the side. “And I wasn’t going to kiss anyone. I swear.”

“So what, you were just gonna take their money and chat?”

“That’s exactly what I was going to do. And don’t act like people wouldn’t pay. I’m a good fucking time.”

Sean chuckled, his mouth stretching into a grin, as he took my face between his hands. He bent lower.

Arms around his waist, I rolled up onto my toes, head tilting back to give him access, and as his lips slid against mine and pressed, a round of applause surrounded us, along with sharp whistling and cheers from Tori and Syd.

We laughed inside our kiss, but we kept it up.

It was a kiss worthy of applause, in my opinion.

When we finally pulled away, I planted my chin on Sean’s chest and smiled up at him as his arms circled my back.

“Told my girls about us,” he said.

Us. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, brushing strands of hair off my cheek and staring into my eyes. “Val and I talked to them about it. They like you. They were excited.”

I grinned. That felt nice. Almost as nice as this.

“We’re splittin’ custody fifty-fifty.”

My entire body jerked. “Oh, my God, Sean, that’s great!” I yelled. “I’m so happy for you.”

He smiled, then he pulled me tighter against him and dropped his head so his mouth was in my hair. “Wouldn’t be happenin’ if it wasn’t for you. You gotta know how much you mean to me.”

“Sean,” I whispered, leaning away so I could see his face. “It happened because of you…”

He cut me off. “Meetin’ you, gettin’ your voice in my head and feelin’ what you’d say in my heart, I was able to get it knowin’ it was mine,” he shared. “I might’ve gotten it without you, but I wouldn’t know I’m worth it. That was you.”

A tear slid out of my eye. “Okay,” I whispered.

His brows shot up. “Yeah? You ain’t gonna argue that?”

He sounded shocked.

“I’m too happy to argue right now,” I returned. “I’m in your arms, you just kissed me stupid…”

“Shit, baby, if that’s all it takes.” Sean bent down, gripped me under my butt, and lifted me in the air while he pressed kisses all over my face. “I would’ve been doin’ this since we first fuckin’ met.”

“Sean!” I screamed, holding onto him.

It was not a scream of protest.

I was laughing, shrieking, crying tears of joy, and waving at the crowd as they cheered us on.

I said my happiness came from being in Sean’s arms and feeling his mouth against mine, and that was true, but it wasn’t all of it, and because Sean knew his worth now and was well on his way to living life in all its beauty, I knew I didn’t need to list the rest.

But I was prepared to.

For him, I always would be.