“There’s been no fucking word on Blade at all?” I growl into the phone. I’m getting frustrated. The bastard couldn’t have just totally disappeared, but with all the club’s resources and my own combined—there has still not been a sign of him. It’s driving me crazy.

“None, amigo,” Skull replies. “How are things going there?”

“They’re…going,” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck in agitation.

“Your mujer, she is close, si? She will deliver soon,” he adds and I heave out a breath that seems to drag from somewhere deep inside of me. My woman. A joke. I’ve been living with Hayden for two weeks. I thought I could handle it, I thought we would go back to the easy rapport we had before. It’s not working out that way. In fact, we seem to spend most of our time being awkward with each other. The only part we manage to connect about is Maggie. She takes pleasure in letting me experience things with her and God, I do too. It’s the first time I can remember that I haven’t resented the fact there was a baby or child coming into the world that Annabelle couldn’t stay in.

“According to her last doctor visit, she still has almost a month to go,” I tell him. “I’d like Blade to be found before then. I need to make sure Hayden and Maggie are safe,” I tell him. My plan was to make sure Blade was taken care of and then leave. The more time I stay with Hayden, the more that plan fades and a new one begins to form. One where I get to keep both her and Maggie in my life. Can I manage to control the anger inside of me to do that? I have no fucking idea.

“I’ll keep Torch sending out feelers, hermano. Keep your head up and your eyes open.”

“Will do. Later, man,” I answer and I disconnect the call feeling strange. My relationship with Skull has been strained, to put it nicely. Most of it’s on me, I freely admit it. There’s so much water under the bridge, so many things that have happened, I know it will never go back to the way it was. I don’t even mind it, which, I guess, makes me an even bigger bastard.

“Did you get a hold of him?” Hayden asks, coming back from the restroom. I look up to see her slide into the chair. We didn’t attempt a booth because Maggie is definitely making her presence known these days. Hayden’s stomach is stretched tight. It’s no wonder her back is causing her problems. I don’t see how she maneuvers things as gracefully as she does.

“Yeah. Still no word,” I tell her with a sigh.

“I told you. Blade has put me out of his head. You guys are all being over protective for nothing. Maggie and I never meant anything to him. This is just crazy.”

“Blade is unhinged. You can’t figure out crazy and you sure can’t trust it, Hayden.”

“Whatever. I’m just saying this is pointless. You need to get on with your life. You don’t need to try and keep some promise to keep me and Maggie safe. We’re not your responsibility,” she responds.

This argument isn’t anything I haven’t heard over and over for the last couple of weeks. It is however, one I’m getting tired of hearing. Since making myself known to Hayden, I have had one thought and it’s a thought that keeps repeating, especially recently. Can I somehow manage to control my anger enough so I can keep Hayden and Maggie? Is that possible? I feel calmer when I’m around them. I feel more like the person I used to be. Could I keep them? Hayden has a lot of her own anger directed towards me because of that night. I can’t blame her. I’m actually surprised she’s let me back in as much as she has. It’s all a fucked-up mess in my head. I shouldn’t even be contemplating any of this—not when I can’t be sure I can keep control of my rage and not lash out like I did before. Still, I have hope. I can’t stop the hope. These last two weeks…have been…good.

“What if I wanted you to be?” I ask her, before I can stop myself.

“To be what?” she asks, confused.

“To be my responsibility. What if I wanted you and Maggie back in my life?”

“I’d say you forgot your medication again and we both know how that goes,” she answers, her face going white. “Waitress! Can we have our bill please?” she adds, which pisses me off, because we’ve barely set down and have only had our drinks.

“What are you doing? We’re not ready to go. I’m hungry.”

“Fine. Then you can stay and I’ll grab a taxi.”

“The hell you will, besides I doubt Nowhere, Wyoming has taxis. I sure haven’t seen them. Quit trying to piss me off and figure out what you want for breakfast.”

“I—”

“Don’t bother denying it. We both know you’re trying to make me angry, just so I’ll be an asshole and you’ll have more reason to keep that wall up between us.”

“I don’t think I need any more reasons than I already have,” she huffs, her voice pouting.

“That’s good, because I plan on tearing that fucking wall down brick by brick,” I warn her.

“I don’t know why,” she sighs. “You should ask yourself one thing, Michael.”

“What’s that?”

“Why are you so anxious to tear down my walls and get my…get me…”

“Get you back in my bed?” I finish for her, watching her closely. Disappointment comes over her face and I have a feeling I answered something wrong—that I made some type of misstep. Why does dealing with women always feel like I’m trying to navigate through a minefield?

“Why do you want me there, when you had me there once and weren’t satisfied until you pushed me out of it?” she asks, her voice quiet and sad.

I have no idea how to answer her. I’m a fucking mess. If she knew how much, maybe she would understand.

Maybe I need to start letting her see just how fucked up I am. Will that make her push me away harder? Or would she be the one person to understand how broken I feel inside? Would she care? Would she stay? Can I do this?

I’ve got too many questions about Hayden, and not one fucking answer. Worse…I don’t know how to get the answers…at least not easily.

Fuck.