“You okay, Hayden?” Devil asks from the door of the nursery. I don’t turn around and look at him. I remain looking down into the crib giving him my back. It’s the next day and Michael is nowhere to be found. We’ve heard nothing from him—or anyone. No. I’m not okay. What kind of question is that? Am I okay? Hell no. I’m slowly dying.

“We still haven’t heard from Blade. We’re not even sure he’s the one who has Michael. We’re not sure Michael is still…”

“Hayden,” Devil interjects, but I’m driven to finish it—to speak my greatest fear.

“We’re not even sure Michael is still…” I stop talking as my voice breaks. I have to force myself to continue because the word is choking me and torturing me with just it’s presence. “Alive,” I finally finish.

“He’s alive. Michael is a fucking tough bastard. He won’t give up until he’s back here with you,” Devil argues. Maybe I should try to believe him, but I can’t. I just feel…hollow. It all feels empty and hollow, I need Michael.

“Yeah,” I tell him quietly. I just want this conversation done. I want to stand here and look at my son. Watch the way the dark curls fall on his head, see how peaceful his face looks when he sleeps and take in his beautiful baby smell…

“Diesel is coming in with five of his men. Skull and Michael’s old crew are too, but they will probably be a few days behind my club.”

“Why are you calling him Michael? What happened to Sunshine?” I ask, I could care less about the men showing up. He has confidence in them, but I don’t. I’m not sure I have confidence in anything anymore.

“I’ll be back to calling him Sunshine soon. It’s no fun unless he’s here to give me shit over it. I like that grunt and the look of disgust he likes to send my way,” Devil answers. If my heart didn’t feel like it was being ripped out of my chest, I could almost smile.

My fingers tighten on the railing of the crib as I imagine Michael looking at me with that same look and grunting. I’d give anything in the world just to have him here, grunting at me again.

“He did have a way with a grunt,” I whisper. I close my eyes and I can almost feel his arms go around me, warming this deep chill that seems to have settled into my body. Feel his beard tickle my neck and hear his voice vibrate as he says my name. I didn’t appreciate how amazing that was when I had it. I didn’t take enough time to cement it in my memory. The fear that seems lodged inside of my throat right now is entirely selfish. It’s not because I’m worrying about what is happening to Michael right now. It’s because I’m petrified he won’t make it back to me and I’ll never feel him hold me again.

I don’t know if I could survive…

“Hayden, you have to snap out of it. You have to believe that Michael is going to be okay. He’ll survive this. He’s going to come back to you,” Devil says and he must have moved from the door because I feel his arms go around me as if to hold me. It feels wrong. It all feels so wrong. His touch is not sexual, it’s meant to be comforting, but regardless…it’s not Michael’s.

I jerk away from him, as if his touch was acid and burns me. I turn and look at him and I hate the look on Devil’s face. He’s not being truthful. He might be spouting all this nonsense about Michael making it back, but he doesn’t truly believe it. I see the truth in his eyes right now too. He thinks Michael is dead. I saw the truth in his eyes when we discovered the security camera at the bakery was disabled. I want to scream at Devil for giving up and trying to placate me. I want to demand he leave. Before I can do any of that, his phone rings. I turn away to stare at my son again. Mine and Michael’s son—because that’s who Connor is.

“Where?” I hear Devil say in the background. Something in his voice makes me turn around. “I’ll have someone there in ten. Don’t touch anything,” he orders. When he hangs up I immediately ask.

“What is it?”

“Victor’s men found Michael’s truck,” he answers, and fear and hope wage a war inside of me—all over again.

“Was Michael there? Where did they find it?”

“It was just the truck. There’s no sign of Michael.”

“Where? Can we go and see it? Maybe there’s a clue in it that might help us find him. I’ll get D.D. to watch over Connor. There’s still one of Victor’s men here, he can watch over them and we’ll—”

“Hayden slow down. You need to stay here where you’re safe. Michael’s truck was found half-submerged at Miller’s lake.”

“Are they sure he wasn’t…”

“He wasn’t in it. My man said it looked like someone had tried to push it in and left it alone when it didn’t sink in further.”

“I’m going to see it,” I tell him, already headed to my guest room to tell D.D. She dropped her daughter off at her mom’s, and then came here to help with Connor. I told her it wasn’t necessary then, but now I’m glad she did.

“Hayden—”

“I’m going, Devil,” I growl over my shoulder, and in a tone Michael could be proud of.

I just hope there’s something there that will give me an idea of what happened to Michael…