“Michael it’s kind of hard to decorate cakes like this,” I laugh when I feel his arms go around me. When he starts kissing the inside of my neck I give up all pretense of working.

“How am I supposed to resist?” he laughs. He laughs. He moves away from my neck and brings my hand up. I look over my shoulder at him and watch as he takes my spatula licking the buttercream icing off of it. “Two of my favorite sweets,” he smiles.

“I was using that,” I grumble. I was going to take the spatula away, but I stop. Because in that moment, my heart turns over. Michael looks completely at ease, completely unaffected by the world. He looks happy. His eyes are literally smiling down at me, sparkling with happiness and even with traces of pale green, glitter sprinkles, buttercream icing clinging to his beard—or maybe because of it, he makes my knees go completely weak.

“What?” he asks, picking up that I’ve gone completely still. Does he realize I’m staring at him like a lovesick fool? “Beauty?”

“I love you so much,” I whisper, feeling overwhelmed by the emotion in that moment. This is the first time that I’ve got a glimpse of what Michael would have been like before Jan destroyed him and before life chewed him up—before he lost Annabelle. How can your heart be filled with love and break with sadness at the same time? I wish I could go back in time and save Michael from all of the pain that he has endured. I wish I could save that sweet, beautiful girl and give her more time with her daddy. I wish I could have loved him first. I wish I could have loved him longer so that I could have protected him…

He tosses the spatula carelessly onto the table, turning me into his arms. “Christ woman, you leave me defenseless,” he growls, taking my mouth ruthlessly. The taste of buttercream, sex and Michael hit me all at once and I whimper at the deliciousness of it. My tongue dances along with his. His hands push into my ass while he lifts me up his body. I wrap my legs around him, holding onto him for dear life, and more than willing to go wherever he takes me. I can feel us moving and realize he’s walking us toward the door. He pushes me up against it, using it as leverage when he moves his hand under my shirt. The feel of his rough fingers against my softer skin sends chills through me. He pushes my bra out of the way and I know where this is going to end—

And then Connor’s cry can be heard over the baby monitor.

Michael’s hand freezes. He slowly pulls away from the kiss. His head rests against mine as we both drag much needed air into our lungs. “Connor has bad timing.”

“Very,” I whisper on a broken giggle. We wait and Connor is quiet. We can hear him cooing and making baby noises. He’s awake, but content.

“Hayden,” Michael quietly says my name, and there’s emotion in it. I hear it. There’s so much emotion, I close my eyes and drink it in. His hand moves to the side of my neck, cupping it and using his hold to raise my eyes to him. “Look at me, Beauty,” he prompts. For some reason nerves hit me. I bring my hand up to rest against his, my thumb moving against his scar. I slowly open my eyes to look at him. The emotion shining in his dark eyes makes the breath literally stall painfully in my chest.

“Michael,” I murmur. Can he hear the fear in my voice?

“I’m broken Hayden,” he whispers and guilt is heavy in his gruff words. Tears sting my eyes and I tighten my hold on his hand, my thumb pushing into his scars.

“I know,” I whisper sadly, because I’d give anything to heal him, but I’m not stupid. I know that’s not possible.

“I might never be able to…be…whole.” He gives me those words with so much force he closes his eyes. I let mine close too, feeling his pain, and letting it blanket me. I mentally will my love into him. It’s useless I know, but I hope he can feel me even with the ruined pieces swimming inside of him, leaving him to bleed where I can’t see or heal.

“I know,” I repeat, feeling useless.

“You deserve better,” he says, as I open my eyes to look at him. This time there is anger in his voice, and the emotions coming from him are intense, deep and feel like liquid that I’m absorbing inside of me.

“I love you,” I tell him. “Without you, Michael, my world is black. There is no beauty for me. There is nothing but darkness,” I tell him. I’m trying to explain in terms only he could understand.

“You have Connor,” he tells me and I feel guilty. I love Connor. I’d lay down my life for him, but Michael brings me a different kind of joy, a different kind of happiness, he brings me to…life.

“So do you,” I tell him, knowing that doesn’t express what I want, but it’s the best I can do right now—other words are beyond me.

“I don’t deserve you. I may fuck things up. I can’t even promise I won’t hurt you again. I can promise I’m fighting like hell to not do that…to be a man you can depend on…”

“You are, Michael,” I try to reassure him. Having let our past go long before now.

“I love you, Beauty,” he whispers. “I know I’m not much, but I do love you.” I can’t hold it back. The tears fall like rain then. I cry and hold onto him tighter, never wanting to let him go. He can’t know what he’s given me. He has no idea that I thought I’d never get those words from him. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I don’t want you to cry. I’m not good at this kind of thing, I know. I’ve only said the words to two people in my life.”

“Just two?” I cry, burying my wet face into the crook of his neck. My body shaking with that small piece of information—because I know. I know.

“You and my daughter,” he confirms and right there in my tears I vow to never take Michael or his love for granted.

And to do my best to hold onto it forever.