“We’ve lost you haven’t we brother?” Torch asks and inside I feel a strange mixture of guilt, regret and freedom swirl inside of me.

“I’m tired man. That life cost me everything. I’m just starting to find peace again. I can’t handle that life anymore,” I respond, clutching my phone tightly. I’ve been dreading this conversation.

“Man. Life has changed here. It’s good. It won’t be like—”

“But the memories will always be there, Torch,” I answer him, finding that spot on my jaw, under my beard and scratching. Needing to touch it. It’s become my crutch and I know how fucked up that sounds. “When I was at the club, the memories were all there. Even after we relocated, the memories followed and club life just made it worse. You guys have lives there, I don’t…”

“Beast, man—”

“I’m serious. My life ended with Annabelle’s. I’d walk down the hall and pass the room where she used to sleep. I’d go to my room and there were times I could smell her there. I’d hear her screams… and fuck going outside where it happened...I’d have to get drunk just to be able to do it.”

“But it’s different in Kentucky.”

“Not really. The club is different but the memories are the same, the routines are the same. I can’t live that life anymore. I just can’t.”

“But you’re better now,” he starts, but he doesn’t understand. I look around the room and it’s still empty. I know Hayden is getting Connor down for his nap and I’m grateful. This is something I’m not sure I’m ready for her to hear.

“Fuck man, that’s just it! I’m not. Some days I feel like I’m losing it. The other day I actually thought I heard Annabelle speaking to me.”

“Memories—”

“It wasn’t a memory, Torch. It was…in the moment. I don’t know, I can’t explain it, but it felt real.”

“Beast, listen man, you’ve been a rock through all of this. Maybe it’s time to talk to a grief counselor or a therapist.”

“No man. I’m not talking to some shrink about my daughter and the pain I live with. They want to act like they understand, but they don’t. No one could, unless they’ve been through it.”

“Well then, find a support group. Parents who have lost a child. Go to meetings. Reach out.”

“Maybe. Someday. Hayden keeps me going. She’s the reason I’m breathing. That’s why I have to find the fucker who shot at her. I can’t let anything happen to her, Torch. I can’t be the reason another person I lo—care about dies.”

“That’s another reason to bring her here. Let us protect her. You have to know she’d be safer here, Beast.”

“Fuck no. I’m not subjecting Hayden to club life again man. She’s been through fucking hell. I will not do that to her.”

“Jesus man. We’re nothing like those fuck-heads.”

“We’re not, but she’s not a stranger to the life either man and that’s not what she wants now and it’s not what she wants for Connor. It’s not what I fucking want for Connor.”

“I hear you. I do. I don’t like it, but I hear you.”

“And?”

“And I understand,” he answers. I breathe a little easier with those words.

“Then you make Skull understand,” I joke.

“Yeah, you’re going to need more than me for that, dude. He’s not taking it well.”

“I figured,” I answer resigned. I am dreading that conversation. “So any luck tracing the tags I gave you?”

“Yeah. Just like you figured, it was a stolen plate.”

“Christ.”

“The police found a few prints in the abandoned vehicle, but so far nothing that’s raised a red flag.”

“So we’re no closer to finding out what’s going on.”

“Pretty much. Are you sure it wasn’t Blade?”

“It wasn’t him I chased after. I know that. I can’t be sure he wasn’t the one paying this guy, but something seems…off. I feel like I’m missing something. Plus…there was something about the way this guy moved. I don’t think he’s an amateur.”

“Christ on a cracker. Do you need us to send some men down to help guard the place?”

“No. Victor’s men are here. We’re good.”

“You know Skull’s not happy about that either right.”

“I figured,” I tell him, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’ll call Skull next week.”

“I wouldn’t put it off too much longer. The more he stews…”

“Yeah, I’m familiar with his temper. I’ll make it soon.”

“Good. It’s been real, brother, but I’m going to get off of here. I got a naked woman chained to my bed and if I don’t hurry back in there she’s going to cuss my ass instead of giving me hers.”

“Jesus! You, fucker! I don’t want to hear about your sex life. I don’t know why Katie puts up with you.”

“I ask myself that every day. Still don’t have an answer brother, but I’m damn happy she does. I’ll be in touch if I find out anything new.”

“Sounds good, brother. Later,” I tell him.

“Later,” he answers, ending the conversation.

I click my phone off and stare at it for a minute. I was hoping against hope that Torch had something new to tell me. I have to find out who’s behind the attack on Hayden and I can’t explain why, but something in my gut tells me it’s not Blade—at least not him alone... I have to be missing something.

I just wish I knew who or what it was…