Chapter 13

Samantha

“You didn’t.”

Samantha covered her hands over her face in an attempt to hide from Jessica who was gaping at her like a hungry goldfish. “I did.”

Her friend wafted her hands away. “Don’t hide. You did the crime now you’ve got to do the time.”

She grimaced. “Do you have to make it sound so penal?”

Jessica snickered. “I’m gonna let you rethink that question.”

She rolled her lips inwards. “Criminal. That sounds less like cock, right?”

“Just a little,” was the snickered retort. “Anyway, I need details.”

“I thought you were going to make me feel a hell of a lot worse about myself before I split with the details. That’s why I’ve taken so long to tell you.” She eyed Jessica with a suspicion that belonged to a cop studying a drug dealer. “What gives?”

Jessica began rubbing down the counter. “Nothing.”

“You might as well start whistling if you’re trying to look innocent. What. Gives?” she repeated.

“Well, he’s really cute. You can’t deny it.”

“I’m not going to bother. I just tapped that,” she said grimly. “Cute doesn’t cut it anymore.”

“And that’s why I need the details. All the details. Every single last one of them. That man is fine, and I need to know if the advertisement matches up to the product.”

Samantha snorted. “You’re a pervert.”

“I am not! I’m just genuinely curious about my friend’s sex life, when that friend hasn’t had sex since her husband died, and then when she does, she has it with Joshua freakin’ Lewis! I mean, damn girl. That’s some ass to tap!”

Wincing, Samantha reached for the cookie she had no idea why she’d ordered and began to crumble it into little pieces as Jessica started cleaning the coffee machine. When the hissing and spitting died down, she knew Jessica had given her about as much time as she was going to allot, so she bit her lip and tried to figure out where her brain was.

It wasn’t where she’d thought it would be the first time she had sex with a guy after her husband, that’s for sure.

“You look pensive. Was it that bad?”

She snorted. “It was that good.”

Jessica quirked a brow. “Better than Jamie?”

“You didn’t just ask me that, did you?” She pulled a face.

“I did. Because you’re looking really weird and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with you. In the space of no time at all, you’ve gone from loathing the guy, asking him for help, getting into a fake engagement to him, then sleeping with him! That’s weird.”

“Not for some women,” she grumbled.

“Yeah. You’re not some women. I totally know you were a virgin when you and Jamie started out. You have that look about you.”

“What look? Do I have ‘dork’ taped to my forehead?”

Jessica snickered. “Maybe. But, if you did, it’s gone now.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because you looked like someone who’d only ever had a certain type of sex. Now, you know there’s a difference.”

For a second, stillness overcame Samantha. Then she sucked down a sharp breath because Jessica’s words totally hit home.

“Damn, girl, are you okay? You look like you’re choking, while you’re breathing which is a technical impossibility.”

Samantha flinched. “I-I… you’re right, Jessica.”

Nodding, her friend’s plaits bobbing with the movement, she murmured, “I figured as much. Jamie was…” She sighed. “I hate to speak ill of the dead, hon, and don’t want to speak badly of him…”

When she broke off again, Samantha croaked out, “Go ahead. I’m finding all this kind of hard to process.”

Jessica nodded again. “Well, Jamie had that look about him. You know? Smug prick? Those kinds of guys aren’t that great in the sack. They’re more focused on their own pleasure, and I knew that when I saw you together. He was totally in charge, and while that’s okay sometimes, like I could tell he dominated you in a bad way. Mr. Lewis looks the same, don’t get me wrong. He’s totally Alpha, but I think that’s the difference. He’s Alpha, whereas Jamie was just domineering.”

Because she could understood where her friend was coming from, Samantha whispered, “That makes sense.”

“Yeah. I mean, it sucks that your first time with a guy was with someone like Jamie and not Josh, really. Sex shouldn’t be sufferance.”

“It wasn’t that bad with Jamie!” she defended, then had zero idea why she was defending her husband.

“No? Your walk said differently.”

Her eyes rounded. “My walk?”

“Your walk,” Jessica confirmed. “It was totally repressed. You were walking like you had a stick up your butt, and I don’t mean a good kind of stick. I mean a wooden one. With splinters. And when you were together?” She whistled. “It was even worse. You were so damn uptight. That guy… he didn’t make you happy, sweetie. I’m sorry to say it but I really, I don’t know, I guess I’ve been waiting for you to open up to me about him, your grief? But you don’t. You never have. And I think that’s because of him. He made you so repressed that you’re used to being all contained and shit, but you don’t have to be like that with me.”

“I know,” Samantha choked out. “But some things are hard to talk about. And he’s one of them.”

“Bad sex with a husband who died too young is a topic of conversation that no one likes to broach.”

“Save you,” she grumbled.

“Yeah, but that’s why you love me. Anyway, back on topic, I could tell Josh is different. Why do you think I totally crush on the dude? But still, he’s not your usual kind of guy. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“What’s my usual kind of guy?”

“I get the feeling Jamie was your idea of a bad boy and that’s probably why you fell for him?”

“Maybe.” Samantha let out a deep sigh. “Gosh, that’s so embarrassing.”

Jessica snickered a little. “Only you’d think he was a billionaire bad boy. Read much romance as a kid?”

She glowered at her friend. “Maybe.”

“Thought as much.” Jessica laughed. “Still, that part of your life is over now. I mean, I’m sorry he’s dead. Not just for you and Erin, but his parents too, of course. I just mean… like, for you? You can move on and actually live a better life.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re allowed to have good sex. You’re allowed to go out there now and do what you want. It always surprised me when you told me you dropped out of college to get married to Jamie.”

“I was too impressionable back then.” She sighed. “I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why? Do you want to work?”

“I don’t really know what to do with myself. Being Jamie’s wife was kind of a job in its own way. For his work, I had to socialize and maintain a certain image, you know? Arrange parties and dinner parties. Things like that.”

“No reason you couldn’t go back to college.”

“What’s the point? It’s not like I need the money.”

“No, but someday, Erin’s going to be eighteen, and you’re not going to be a full-time momma anymore. You’ll need to do something with yourself.”

Though she was right, Samantha winced. “I just feel badly, that’s all.”

“Why?”

“I don’t need the money. I’d be taking a job away from someone who does need it.”

Jessica pondered that a second. “Your sense of empathy is far too high. You need to do what you need, not what other people might need.”

“I guess. I still feel bad though.”

Jessica rolled her eyes as she polished the silver taps and knobs on the coffee machine. “Okay, so, tell me then. How do you feel about this situation with Josh?”

“What situation?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, chick. I know you too well.”

“I’m not playing dumb,” she argued. “Seriously, there’s no situation. We had sex.” She cleared her throat. “Very, very good sex, but there’s no situation. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.”

“I’m just surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d have thought you’d need some kind of promise to get down and dirty with a guy.”

“I’m not a teenager anymore,” she grunted, rolling her eyes at the thought. “Nor do I belong in a Jane Austen novel. I wanted him at that moment, and he wanted me. That was enough.”

“Don’t you want more?”

Samantha pursed her lips. “Sure, I do.”

“Relationship more or sex more?”

“Sex more. I don’t want a relationship. Not yet.” Maybe not ever.

Jessica’s eyes widened. “You really mean that.”

“I do. I’m not in the habit of lying to you, Jessica.” Evading and avoiding, yes. But lying? No.

“Doesn’t he want more?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t been in touch with him since it happened.”

For a second, she felt sure Jessica’s wide mouth would comfortably fit an XXL gobstopper it was so wide. “You haven’t texted him or called him or anything?”

“No, why would I? I haven’t needed him for anything.”

“Aside from another booty call, that is.”

Samantha couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Well, that, I guess. But I just meant… I haven’t needed anything from him, and I know he’s busy, so why disturb him? He’s already gone above and beyond for me. I never imagined he’d get Frank and Janice off my back so quickly. It makes the fake engagement thing seem so unnecessary now considering how quickly he manipulated them and got them off my back.”

“True. You never told me how that went down.”

“It was awkward as hell, but it’s done. Josh had papers drawn up that say they’ll forever back off. Unless I’m proven to be totally incompetent as a mother, and that’s not going to happen, is it?”

“No way. You’re far too neurotic.”

She snorted. “Thanks. Remind me again why I come here,” she grumbled as she plunked her elbows on the counter and leaned hard on it.

“Because you love my coffee and my frank talk.”

It was hard not to wrinkle her nose at that, because the last thing she did was love Jessica’s almond milk disaster. Still, the other half was true. “You’re right. That’s why,” she murmured, clicking her fingers.

Jessica laughed. “I’m just glad it’s sorted.”

“Yeah. Me too. The relief is dizzying. But after he sent through the papers, I knew it was finally real. Actually happening. Such a good feeling.”

“Wait a minute, he had the papers sent over and you didn’t thank him for them?”

“No,” Samantha admitted with a wince.

“Why not? That’s not like you, Ms. Polite.”

“He didn’t bring them over himself. He sent a courier. It irritated me.”

Jessica studied her a second. “That’s very unlike you.”

“Why is it?” she said on a huff. “I mean, I know the lengths he’s gone to for me, and I also know how busy he is so I guess it’s cheeky to expect him to bring them to me, but I was…”

“Having a temper tantrum that day?”

“Maybe,” she admitted drily. “I felt like a booty call, I guess. And the way he pulled away after we did it?”

“He didn’t?” Jessica demanded, sounding totally scandalized.

“Yeah, he totally did. Couldn’t pull away from me fast enough. That pissed me off a tad, but it also made me realize that I wasn’t…”

“That you weren’t what?”

She shrugged. “I guess that I didn’t need his validation, I suppose.”

“That’s a strange thing to think about post-coitus.”

“I guess. But it’s just… I felt like I was free to own my reactions, you know?”

For as second, Jessica was quiet then she said softly, “Jamie really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

“I guess,” Samantha said quietly, ducking her gaze to the cookie crumbs on the counter. Wincing at the mess she’d made, she murmured, “Sorry about the trail mix I left on the counter.”

“I’ll forgive you,” Jessica teased, but then her tone turned serious as she murmured, “You’re going to do him again, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to know! If it was as epic as your starry eyes seem to reveal, then... well, I’ll be mad if you don’t do it again!”

“What? Why? So you can live vicariously through me?” she mocked. “Because you don’t have enough action on that front.”

“Not with billionaire businessmen, I don’t. You need to do this for all the women out there who read those kinds of romances, Sam. You owe your fellow sisters.”

“Or just you? Because you’re the only one I’d be sharing the details with, right?”

Jessica grinned. “Yes. All the details.”

Rolling her eyes, Samantha jabbed the air in front of her. “You’re salacious. You know that, right?”

“And you love me for it.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Maybe.”