Chapter 14

Samantha

Singing, Samantha flipped the pierogis in the butter-soaked skillet. When they were nice and crisp, she danced a little to the tune in her head as she put them on a plate beside a dish of homemade tomato chutney.

The little meat pastries were one of Erin’s favorite snacks and considering she overdosed the entire thing with more vegetables than a vegetarian would be able to stomach, she liked him eating them.

She didn’t work, and she felt pretty useless for it. Like she was letting womankind down, but the truth was, she didn’t have to work. Besides she didn’t have any qualifications, as after her marriage, Jamie had insisted she drop out of community college to be his wife—a full-time job, according to him—and she had enough money to see to her needs because of Erin’s trust fund.

It would be wasteful to get a job when someone else who really needed it could miss out on the position.

She’d always argued that, anyway. To herself. But lately, cooking all these great meals for Erin, and keeping house, it just didn’t feel like enough. That was why she’d started turbocharging everything.

The backyard was now planted with veggies and a herb garden—she couldn’t wait to use her own produce, no matter how minuscule the yield was. She’d even started making her own bread and pasta from scratch…. But it wasn’t enough.

She just hadn’t figured out what enough was.

“Erin! Your snack’s ready!”

Little feet clambered up and pounded down the hall. She laughed as he rushed into the kitchen, braked to a halt at her side, then tugged at her skirt. “Guess what!”

“What?” she asked, cocking a brow at him as she ran a hand through his mop of curls.

“Uncle Josh is here.”

She scowled. “What?”

“He’s here. I saw his big car in the drive.”

Josh was here?

Clearing her throat, she passed Erin the small dish and said, “Go sit at the table and eat your snack.”

He pouted. “Can’t I say hi to Uncle Josh?”

“Of course you can. When I bring him through,” she warned, knowing her newly ebullient son’s need to get his nose into everything—he’d really taken to playgroup and, thank goodness, had come out of his shell.

She was taking it as a very positive sign.

“Now, you get started,” she told him, “I’ll bring him through soon.”

Erin huffed out a breath but grabbed the dish and plunked it on the table before he heaved himself up into his seat. When he started to eat, she watched him a second, grimaced at just how much tomato chutney he managed to get over the table without even trying, then the doorbell rang and her thoughts of getting chutney out of the tablecloth disappeared.

Nerves tumbled through her system for a second, but she couldn’t stop herself from smiling when Erin perked up. “Told you.”

“I believed you,” she chided, “now, eat!”

Erin frowned, and managed to look so like his father, she had to hide a wince.

It wasn’t her son’s fault he reminded her of Jamie, and over the years, she knew her husband’s face would fade and her son’s would supersede it—boy, she couldn’t wait for that day.

Sucking in a deep breath as she sought calm, Samantha headed down the hall to the front door. When there was another knock, she stopped hesitating, picked up her pace, and opened the door.

“Josh!” she exclaimed, pretending she didn’t know he’d been the one at the door.

His mouth curved into an odd smile. “Yes.”

Samantha cocked a brow at him. “Are you okay?”

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Sure,” he replied. Then, when she didn’t move, he frowned. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”

“I’m just wondering why you’d want to come in, I guess. You couldn’t get away fast enough from me that day…” She pursed her lips at him. “And no, I’m not mad at you about that, just confused.”

He sighed. “Let me in, Samantha.”

She stepped back, leaving the doorway wide open as she let him pass by. Once he was in her hallway, she hid a wince because he overtook it.

As he did most things, she realized. He was one of those guys. The kind that Jessica had discussed earlier. The sort who somehow managed to dominate every scenario, every situation. Overwhelming the space, like he saturated the oxygen around him so it vibrated or something.

It was weird and unnerving.

“What is it?” he demanded when she just stared at him.

“I’m just thinking that’s all.” She started to step away. “Come on, Erin’s in the kitchen. Do you want pierogis? I made extra.”

He blinked. “You made pierogies?”

She nodded. “Old family recipe. They’re good. If I do say so myself.”

“Okay then, sure.” He licked his lips. “But first, I need to ask you something. Without little ears getting in the way.”

“Go for it.”

“I wondered if you’d be willing to attend a party with me tonight.”

She scowled. “What kind of party? And why me? Did your regular date cancel?”

“No. It’s a work affair, but it’s a social event. I have to attend otherwise it would seem impolite.”

“Right. Because you really care about being impolite.”

“Ouch. You really are mad at me, aren’t you? You’re not confused like you were making out a few moments ago.”

She pursed her lips. “My female pride is stung, I suppose. Maybe more than I realized.”

“I knew as much when you didn’t thank me for the court papers I had sent over.”

“I was going to thank you, but I was annoyed you didn’t bring them yourself.” She realized how childish that sounded now after having admitted as much to both Jessica and him in one day. “I know that’s irrational.”

Josh cleared his throat. “Maybe it makes sense. Can I ask you a question?”

“Why not? Go for it.”

“Was I the first guy you’d…? You know, after Jamie?”

Feeling a little nauseated at his need to know, she nodded.

“It makes sense then. You’re just a little sensitive.”

She scowled at him. “Shut up. I am not sensitive.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong at all.” But he was smiling at her, and she wanted to smack the smile off his lips.

Stacking her hands on her hips, she demanded, “Why are you asking me to come to this party tonight? Why is it so last minute?”

“Because I was going to go alone, and then I wanted to see you.”

She stilled at that admission. “Why do you want to see me?”

He blew out a breath and lifted a hand to run his hand through his hair. “I could lie to you, Samantha, I really could. But I won’t. Not just because of Jamie but because you don’t deserve to be bullshitted around by me, and I’m not going to lie, my track record isn’t great.”

She snorted. “Like I don’t know that. I was Jamie’s wife, you know? And I’ve seen you in the society pages.”

When he winced, she grinned. “Anyway, I just… I can’t get you off my mind. That’s why I’m here.”

Stunned by the admission, she gaped at him a second. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said grumpily, and she could see how ill at ease he was having made himself vulnerable to her.

“But why?”

“You were there, weren’t you? What we had… that was incomparable with anything, anyone. It blew my mind… You blew my mind.”

Her cheeks turned pink, and she felt herself flush harder when he lifted a hand and used it to cup her chin. His thumb stroked over her cheek. “And you still blush. How is that even possible?”

She frowned at him, with more than just her brow, but with her eyes too… whatever she’d expected from him, it hadn’t been this. “I’m not ready for… well, anything, Josh. I’m still trying to get over everything that happened.”

“I know. I do. And I’m just trying to say that I want to be here for you. As more than just a fake fiancée.”

She stared at him. “But why? Why do you want to get involved? Do you still feel sorry for me? Is that it?”

“No! Dammit, Samantha, no. My empathy and generosity only extend so far. Look, our hands are tied anyway if we’re to maintain this façade of a false engagement.”

“We don’t have to now Janice and Frank have signed those papers.”

He licked his lips. “We should maintain it for a while longer. It looks weird for us to break things off now they’ve acceded to our requests.”

She tilted her head to the side to stare at him a second—he was lying. Or at least, stretching the truth. “What’s going on, Josh?” she asked, feeling like she’d wandered into a parallel universe.

“I don’t know.”

His words had her scoffing. “BS. You’re the kind of guy who knows exactly what’s going on. At all times.”

“Yeah, usually. But you’ve thrown me for a loop,” he admitted gruffly. “I never saw any of this coming, and if I’m being honest, I’m not happy about it.”

“No, I can see why you wouldn’t be,” she said wryly.

“It’s damn inconvenient,” he admitted, and he was so annoyed, just like Erin would be if he broke a toy, that she had to laugh. “I’m glad you find it funny,” he said on a huff.

She pressed a hand to her lips. “I’m sorry,” she said, the words muffled behind her fingers. “But I just… I never expected this.”

“Me neither.”

For a second, she studied him then murmured, “It was good for me too.”

He ducked his head, and as he’d done after they’d had sex, avoided eye contact with her. “I’m glad.”

She licked her lips which suddenly felt dry. “What’s really going on here, Josh? I feel like you’re not telling me everything.”

“I’m probably not because I don’t know everything myself.”

“What does that even mean?”

He frowned. “I’m not used to feeling this way. Uncertain. On edge with women. I do with you. It’s unusual, and as I already said, irritating.”

“You have to understand why I’m not ready for more.”

“I do, but that doesn’t mean to say we should explore this.”

“This?”

“What we have between us. I didn’t realize there was something… but now I wonder—”

When he broke it off there, she bit her lip after she asked, “What do you wonder?”

“If half the reason I was so against you was because I wanted you myself.”

Her eyes widened at that admission. “What?”

His shoulders rippled with agitation. “Trust me, this is all coming as big as a shock to me as it is to you.”

“Thanks, I think,” she grumbled wryly, making him wince.

“Sorry. I’m not good at this.”

“No, you’ve never had to be, have you? They all just come running to you.”

“That’s not…” He sighed. “That’s very fair.”

Her lips twitched at the sheepish admission. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect anything less. You’re cute and you’re rich. What more does a certain kind of woman want?”

“A certain kind that isn’t you.”

“No. Not me. I never wanted Jamie because he was rich,” she said softly. “If anything, I had stars in my eyes. He looked like something from a movie that night. I didn’t realize he was going to be a nightmare.” Though her words turned somber, her tone didn’t.

Jamie was, she realized, moving further and further away. The distance of time and this new development with Josh making him seem far away in a past she had no desire to ponder anymore.

“But,” she said quickly, when she saw the tautness of his mouth and knew he was thinking of what her husband had put her through, “I’m not interested in your money. I’m interested in you and your… well, what we did together.”

Josh laughed. “Were you going to say my cock?”

“Maybe,” she admitted drily. “But I restrained myself.”

“You barely managed it,” he teased.

“Barely but I did,” she retorted, cocking her brow and daring him to argue.

He laughed again and reached up to cup her chin. “I want to see what we can bring each other, Samantha. Is that a crime?”

As she stared into his eyes, falling deeply into those bright gem-like pools, she had no choice but to whisper, “No, that’s not a crime.”

“But?”

“No but. Just… I don’t know what I’m ready for. Emotionally. You might… Well, I might fall deeper than you, and therein lies hurt when I’m not really interested in being hurt for the foreseeable.”

“So you’re not willing to see what potential we have together? Just in case you get hurt?”

“Pretty much,” she retorted wryly. Then, he moved his thumb on her cheek and her every nerve ending sparked to life once more. “Don’t,” she bit off, her eyes fluttering closed as her core turned molten in response to that, the most innocent of touches.

How did he have this power over her? And where the hell had it come from?

Where had any of this attraction come from?

For years, he’d hated her and he’d always made her feel uncomfortable around him. He said he’d mistaken his attraction for her for dislike…. Had she responded equally?

She blew out a breath as she carefully moved her cheek from his hold. Though his eyes flared wide in response—she knew he thought she was rejecting him—she nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay? Okay, what?”

“Okay, I’ll go to that party with you tonight.”

His nostrils flared. “Good. I’m glad.”

And that was that.