Hannah
They call him Big D because he is. In just about every way. Big personality. Tall and broad. Biceps and thighs like tree trunks. On the field he’s a machine; the running back that everybody talks about. The rock that keeps our college team making headlines and wins. The one they can’t do without.
I’ve heard that they call him Big D for another reason too. I’m not friends with the kind of girls who discuss the size of someone’s cock at full volume in the cafeteria, but I have eyes and ears. I’ve seen the gestures. Hands held at least a foot apart. Wide eyes and open mouths. I pretend that I’m not interested in that kind of thing. I’m Hannah Star, serious history student. I concentrate in class and turn in all my assignments early. I know why I’m here and I care about my studies enough to not want any distractions. Not even the big, sexy kind.
That’s what I pretend. But in my bed at night I can’t stop my mind from wandering over Big D in all his glory. I’ve seen him in just his football pants and nothing else. I’ve seen his skin glistening with sweat, muscles rippling as he walks. I’ve seen the bulge that doesn’t seem like something that is really humanly possible. And when I’m so worked up I can barely breathe, I picture his face. Big D is gorgeous. Not in the model perfect kind of way but in the ‘I’ve had my nose broken’, ‘I’m a real man’ kind of way. Strong brow and beautiful dark eyes. Lips that don’t seem to smile enough. He’s watchful and calm. A veritable brick wall of strength and stability. No wonder his teammates worship him. No wonder all the girls on campus want to crack his reserve.
I’m on my way to class with my bestie, Andie, when I see him. He’s all swagger, with his snug jeans and t-shirt that leave practically nothing to the imagination. I watch him as he talks to his jock buddies, laughing at something I didn’t catch. He has a wicked sparkle in his eye that makes my lady bits instantly warm, and just one dimple that I get a sudden urge to lick. God, I have it bad. And the worst thing is, I have a rule and I can’t break it, no matter how much I wish I could.
No men. Not while I’m dragging my ass through college. Or shaking it, I should say. I have a secret that would complicate my life if it ever got out. It’s something that I’d have to admit to if I got close to anyone of the opposite sex, and that makes relationships out of the question. Honest ones anyway.
“He thinks he’s something really special,” Andie says after we pass him.
“Who?” I ask, pretending I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“Dominic Ramsey.”
“You think?”
Andie looks at me as if I'm crazy. Maybe I am a bit. Crazy with hormones that have no outlet. Crazy with fantasies that keep me awake at night.
“That boy has more ego than Texas has hot summers,” she scoffs, glancing back at him over her shoulder.
“He’s confident,” I say, “But I’ve never seen him be a dick to anyone.”
Andie looks at me suspiciously.
“You got a thing for Big D?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. That would certainly be big news if I admitted it. Andie knows about my rule. She also knows my secrets and is sworn to take them to her death.
“I haven’t got a thing for anyone.”
“Liar,” she says and laughs. “It’s okay to think he’s hot you know. There isn’t a girl on campus, except maybe his cousin, who hasn’t had filthy thoughts about that man.”
Now it’s my turn to raise an eyebrow. Andie having filthy thoughts about Dominic.
“Hey,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m only human, and on a dark night my thoughts might have turned to his most notable attribute.”
I flush at the thought of the thing she’s talking about. If she wasn’t watching me like a hawk I’d succumb and squeeze my legs together to squash the ache.
“I thought I was the only one.”
Andie laughs. “Your rule is stupid, you know.”
I shake my head. If there is one thing I'm certain of, it’s that my rule is the most important thing in my life. The unbreakable commitment. The thing that holds all my worlds apart and makes life manageable.
“Nah,” I say just as we get to our next class. “My rule is the only thing that makes sense.”
We take our seats and I pull out my laptop ready to take notes. Andie hates that I like to sit near the front but she joins me anyway. The lecture starts and I manage to concentrate for the most part. I’m tired from my shift the night before but I force myself to listen. I down a full fat coke to keep myself awake and alert.
It’s about halfway through the lecture that the double doors at the back of the room slam. The whole class turns around to see Big D lumbering down the steps and taking a seat. The Professor doesn’t look surprised to see him, but I am. He doesn’t take this class so I have no idea what he’s doing here.
I struggle to concentrate for the rest of the class and am furious with myself by the end. It’s not cool that my mind kept wandering. I don’t have the luxury of slacking off like a lot of the other students here. The ones being bankrolled by mom and pop who spend their days chewing gum and flirting with the ball players. The ones who see college as an excuse to drink themselves into oblivion or snag themselves a rich husband.
When the lecture is finished, I start to pack my stuff.
“Wonder what that was all about,” Andie says.
I shrug, trying to look as though I don’t care.
“Hannah, can you stay back for a moment?” Professor Starkie asks. I hadn’t noticed her walking towards me.
“Err…sure,” I say, panicking. Was there something wrong with my latest assignment? I worked so hard on it and I was sure it was great. I glance at Andie and it’s her turn to shrug. She heads towards the door at the front of the hall and I watch her go, noticing her looking towards where Big D had been sitting. I follow her gaze, thinking he must have gotten up and left already, but he’s still there. He looks huge sitting in the average sized chair, with his legs spread wide and foot half out in the aisle. Huge and a little bit sheepish. Maybe he needs to stay too, to explain to the Prof why he’s here and why he was late.
Professor Starkie waits until everyone has left. It’s just me and Big D and I feel really self-conscious.
“Hannah, I’m hoping you’re going to be able to help out with something,” she says.
“What can I do?” I ask, thinking she might need some photocopying or an errand run.
“I have a new student joining the class. I’m hoping that you’ll be willing to spend some time catching him up with what he’s missed.” She pauses, her eyes flicking up to Big D. “It’s a request that’s come down from on high.” I don’t miss the slight eye roll she does at that. She obviously doesn’t like the edict she’s received.
“I’m not sure,” I say. Professor Starkie looks a little surprised. I guess she was expecting me to jump at the chance, but she has no idea how busy I am. I’m barely keeping all of my life’s balls in the air as it is.
“You’re my best student,” she says, and I’m shocked. I mean, I try my hardest but I had no idea that I was top of the class. I flush a little with pride because it feels good to know that everything I’m doing is actually paying off.
“It’s not that I don’t want to…it’s just…I have a lot going on.”
“He needs to pass this class or he’s off the team.”
I don’t need to hear any more to understand what's happening here. Dominic is flunking and there's no way the team will succeed this season without him. The powers-that-be need him to pass. What I don’t get is why they're pushing him into this class. History isn’t exactly an easy subject.
“Will I get credit?” I ask. It might sound mercenary but if I’m going to be spending my precious spare time doing the university a favor, they’d better be finding something in it for me.
“There is some scholarship funding that can be made available to support you next semester.” My eyes must widen because the Prof winks at me. “Does that mean I can sign you up?”
“I guess it does.”
I glance up at Big D, expecting to find him fiddling with his phone or Mac, but our eyes lock across the lecture hall and for a moment, I’m stunned. They are so dark and serious that it’s like slipping into the sea at night time; cool and a little bit scary. A shiver runs up my spine and over my scalp, as though my whole body knows this man is a threat to the status quo I’ve been so great at maintaining. I blink and inhale because I need to get a grip. This is all about the Benjamins for me. I can tutor Dominic Ramsey. I can get him to pass because I need that scholarship. I can do this because I will not accept that failure is part of my nature anymore. And if I hadn’t already put enough pressure on myself, Professor Starkie says, “The university is counting on you, Hannah.”
And suddenly I realize that thousands of people’s hopes and expectations are resting on little old me. Oh, and Big D, of course!