JOSEPH
It takes me a moment after rolling over in bed, to realize that I’m not in my bed at home, and instead, I’m in a cramped hotel room that smells like stale cigarette smoke, the soft breathing of Michael coming from the other bed. I reach over, remembering that Lana had fallen asleep in this bed right next to me, but all I grab is empty sheets. I wipe the bleariness from my eyes, searching the dark room until I find her.
The bright red numbers on the alarm clock read 6:02. Yawning, I slowly pull myself up out of the bed, stretching my arms overhead. Being away from home, away from the comfort of my real bed, only leaves me appreciating it even more.
I pad barefoot over to the opened balcony door, where Lana’s standing, leaning against the railing. The breeze catches her dark hair, tossing it around as she overlooks the watery city lights around us.
“Be careful,” I say softly. Lana jolts on the spot, but the tension quickly leaves her shoulders as I go to stand next to her.
She pulls away from the railing to look at me. Even though we’re in the middle of downtown Dosquebradas, it’s still quiet out. I don’t blame her for coming out here and catching some fresh air.
We stand there for a few minutes in silence before I finally find the right words I want to say to her. “I couldn’t really sleep, either.”
She pulls her arms around herself, nodding. “All I can think about is whether Olivia understands what’s happening. She’s so smart… I keep thinking that she’s probably trying to talk Javier into taking her back. Or maybe…maybe she’s just a scared little girl who just wants to go home.”
“I can see her trying to talk to him, sure. I’m pretty damn sure she could convince anyone to do anything, honestly,” I say, the hint of a smile my voice. I’ve never been a real kid person, but Olivia is definitely a special case in my eyes. Clearing my throat, I spread my arms out across the top of the railing, careful not to lean too much of my weight against it, just in case. “I want you to move back in with us, Lana. When all this is over, and before you say anything,” I say, watching as she immediately tries to interrupt, “I mean it. Even if you don’t want to be with me or Michael. I just want to make sure you’re safe, and that Olivia is, too.”
Lana is quiet for a moment, clenching and unclenching her hands out in front of her, chewing on her bottom lip. “But I do want to be with you. That was always the problem…it certainly doesn’t help that Olivia misses you and Michael so much, either. But you know me. Money can’t buy me happiness… Or my love, for that matter.”
I cup her cheek with my hand, her soft skin so warm. “I already know that. That’s one of the reasons that you stand out so much. Your integrity…how much you want to fight to earn what you have.”
“It’s the only way I feel comfortable,” she replies quietly.
“Ever since Mom died…it’s like there’s been this weird void inside of me. Like an emptiness. I kept thinking that if I sat still for even a moment, or let my guard down, I would fall right into this void, and never be able to crawl out of it. I threw myself into everything I could get my hands on, chasing all these stupid adventures like some kind of adrenaline junkie. I knew that if I kept pushing the limits, stepping my toe over the imaginary line, something would end up happening to me. It was only just a matter of time, really. I knew I wasn’t completely invincible, but that never stopped me. And then? I just didn’t care. None of it mattered to me anymore…until it did.” I take another deep breath and continue on. “Laying in that bed for months…it would’ve been the absolute end of me if it weren’t for you, Lana. You were the only thing that kept me sane, you know?”
Behind us, the floor creaks as Michael steps out onto the balcony. “I’m guessing I’m not the only one who is having problems sleeping, then?”
“I didn’t sleep much,” Lana admits. “What about you?” she asks him, studying his face intently.
“Well, like I said, I didn’t really get much —”
But she cuts him off, shaking her head slowly. “I don’t mean did you have any problems sleeping. I mean how do you feel? Do you feel the same way your brother does? About me?”
He stops short, his eyes darting between the two of us. “Yes. I do.”
Lana sucks in a quick breath, looking up at the stars overhead. “Do you two understand that I’m not going to be able to choose between you? Not now… Not ever. I just can’t. I know that probably makes me sound like some kind of horrible, selfish person but…that’s just the way it is. That’s how I feel.”
“There’s no need for you to feel selfish, we already understand that,” Michael says, catching my gaze and nodding as if to double check with me.
“You can’t help how you feel. Just like we can’t help it, either,” I add, taking another step closer to her.
“We’ve always worked best as a team, anyway. We can love you better, together. Both you and Olivia.” Michael’s voice is low, and I’m surprised as it’s the first time I’ve heard him finally use the word love.
I go to open my mouth, to finally tell her myself the words I’ve been trying to string together somehow, but Michael’s phone rings loudly into the night, startling all three of us.
He retreats back into the bedroom, and barely a minute later comes back out once the balcony. “The meeting is set. We have three hours.”
Silent tears fill Lana’s eyes as we all look out at the first light of dawn, just peeking out over the horizon ahead.