My face was somewhere between a grin and a grimace.

I couldn’t stop spinning the promise ring from Kelly around on my finger. The irony was killing me as I tried to make sense of how I ended up here.

Lifting my head to the outside, I watched the world pass me by with the pain of Mom’s conversation leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

The car wheels hummed as the driver picked up speed.

Mom cared more about what I had than who I was. And the truth of that hurt. Bad. More than anything else I could think of. It was the one piece of my life that threatened to tear me down for good if I let it.

My cell dinged with a text.

I felt my eyes go dry as I debated whether or not it was worth seeing who it was. The way I saw it, there were only three possibilities of who would want to get in touch with me at this early hour. But, really, I knew who it was without having to look.

Flipping my palm up, his named flashed over the display.

I was right. Kelly wondered where I was. And that made me smile.

I knew that I shouldn’t have snuck out on him the way I had. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to leave without first telling him where I was going. I did. Especially with the way he was talking last night. He scared the shit out of me. More than he knew. And there was no mistaking his words. I understood what I was up against, and it was nothing good.

But I also knew if he knew what I was really doing, he wouldn’t let me go alone. Not after the way he dragged me away from the shipping yard the other day.

It was the only way, though. Especially if I was going to end this relationship I had with Madam. Maybe then at least I would have leverage after fulfilling my commitment to deliver today’s package.

Touching my jaw, I moved it around listening to my tendons pop.

The driver glanced in the rearview mirror and caught me grinning.

Looking away, just the thought of why it was sore was enough to get me all hot and bothered again.

Kelly was amazing at what he did. The way he throat-fucked me was beyond words. He left my muscles agonizingly loose, but damn did it feel good. There was something about having a thick cock sliding in and out of my mouth that got me spinning off my axis. I couldn’t explain the sensation that consumed me as I choked each time he tapped my tonsils with the tip of his dick. It was unbelievable. It centered me. Forced me to focus on the present and nothing else. And I was vicious with his cock, too, needing to escape the thoughts tearing my mind apart. Only he could get me to totally submit, knowing that I would find my escape in the process.

And once he got a taste, he didn’t stop.

Rubbing my hands together, I could still feel the way his muscles popped inside them.

Sliding my tongue between the corners of my mouth, I could still taste him on my lips.

And I could still feel his warm seed sliding down the inside of my chest, warming my stomach after he shot his load down my throat. But, despite having come, the man was still hard and not wanting it to be over. I served myself up on a platter for him to enjoy.

He flipped me.

He twisted me.

And he bent me every which way as he lost himself in the pleasure of my flesh.

My memory of last night came in waves of orgasmic bliss, passing the time as we left the city limits and headed south. Crashing against the shore one after the other, the ebb and flow of my high and low emotions, Kelly fucked me raw. Then, when it was over, we laid there in our sweat and filth, laughing, moments before I asked him something I now knew I shouldn’t have.

Closing my eyes, the pang of regret hardened my stomach.

It didn’t matter what came next. Because even if I was denied Kelly, my problems with my uncle and parents would still creep their way into my life. They weren’t going to go away. No matter how skilled I was at hiding, keeping quiet, and covering my tracks, they would keep finding me, keep coming after the money they wanted.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself staring at the same ring I couldn’t stop spinning.

It glimmered in the light, getting me to smirk. I loved him. And though I was afraid to say it too many times out loud—either to Kelly or to myself—for fear of jinxing myself, it was the truth. And maybe that was what was most surprising of all. I was becoming the woman I promised myself I wouldn’t. I had feelings for Kelly Black.

Sliding the ring over my knuckle, I thought about giving it back.

My pulse slowed as I looked vacantly out the window.

The thought of losing him killed me.

Especially now, when I needed him most. And not just to protect me from whatever dangers he thought were coming my way. But I needed him there to continue giving me the strength to keep myself standing tall when having to face Madam and my parents.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, confusion swirled my thoughts.

Madam was never going to give him to me. I knew it. Could feel it. I wanted to strangle her for it. But I had to fight, knowing that he was what I wanted.

Choking back the tears, I refused to cry.

I had enough hurt in my life already. It was what defined my existence. I was ignorant to think that my misery as a child would just go away on its own when I became an adult. Because it hadn’t. I may have pushed it to the side, forgotten about it for a little while, but it was still there festering deep inside of me.

You don’t outgrow those memories.

They are ingrained inside your brain like a tattoo that never fades.

And no matter how many times I tried to scrub it away, nothing could erase the truth of my past.

Aggressively rubbing my temples in an attempt to relieve the pressure building behind my eyes, I had to prepare myself for the day my relationship would inevitably end with him. I couldn’t deny that it wasn’t approaching. That it wasn’t real. Because the day was coming, running toward us faster than I preferred and with no way of slowing it down.

Shaking my head, I hated not having control over what I wanted.

And to think that getting involved with Kelly—moving into his luxurious apartment—wouldn’t add to my suffering was foolish of me. Because it had. But it had also filled me with immense joy as well. And that was important for me to remember. We still had time. It might only be seconds in the big scheme of things, but those seconds counted for something.

Blinking, my vision crossed as I thought that maybe Alex was right. Maybe professional help was exactly what I needed to smooth out the wrinkles I couldn’t do myself. I could talk out my problems with a neutral party. One with unjudging eyes, free from sexual tension, and sober.

Casting my gaze to my wrist, I lifted my sleeve to find the lines I had scratched into my skin only hours ago.

I felt my heart race inside my chest as I confronted the newest addition to the struggles I currently faced. This, perhaps, was most serious of all. Because, until yesterday, I had never ever thought about killing myself. And that alone should have been reason enough to seek professional help right away. Instead, I went on with my life, choosing to forget and avoid. Just like I always had.

Breathing heavily through my nose, I imagined what it would feel like to have the warm blood spill from my wrist as it pulsed out of my body. I wondered how long it would take before the pain disappeared, before I lost consciousness. Could I really do it? Or was this a cry for help? I wasn’t sure I knew the answer myself.

When my phone beeped with another message, I blinked and looked up.

Shaking off the dark clouds hanging overhead, I pulled my sleeve back down letting my head hit the back of my seat. Frowning, I sighed and turned my attention outside once again.

The traffic was lighter than what I would have expected. The sun was rising higher into the sky and I couldn’t stop from thinking that if the circumstances had been just a little different, helping Mom cover the cost of Dad’s care wouldn’t have been a problem.

But the wounds of my past had been opened and betrayal poisoned the blood.

My phone beeped again, reminding me that I had a message waiting.

Barely looking at the display, I saw that it was Kelly again. Rolling my eyes, I ignored his text. The note I left him should have been sufficient enough to let him know that I was fine. As much as I hated having to sneak behind his back, I loved hearing from him.

It had been nearly an hour since I was picked up, but it made me happy knowing Kelly woke with me on his mind. And though I knew where I was heading, I couldn’t stop from wondering, why all the way out here?

It was so much further than my last drop with Emmanuel. I was certain that today’s location in Laguna Beach was because of what I saw the last time I was at Emmanuel’s salon. It was too much information at once. A new location. A hidden back room with Timothy and Tonya getting it on. And, on top of it all, a large sum of cash I was supposedly helping Madam launder.

My brow pinched and my chin quivered as I remembered Tonya’s face as she ran from Timothy that day. It wasn’t hard to imagine me in her place.

Snapping up, I twisted around, suddenly curious to who might be following. With my adrenaline spiking, I also reminded myself what else I’d witnessed that day—the long telephoto lens retracting back inside a parked vehicle.

Slinking back into my seat, I felt sick knowing that I was being watched.

I just wanted this to be over.

The uncertainty I was feeling piled on top of me, weighing me down. I felt like I was being stalked, knew I was surrounded by women getting killed, and people not who they said they were. I wanted to escape it all. The deception. The lies. The games. But I didn’t know how or where to begin.

Stuffing my phone back inside my soft-string preppy backpack, I opened the package from Madam. Pulling out the instructions she had left me with, I scanned it once again.

All I could see was Kelly’s disappointed face as I remembered the look he gave me when surprising me in the shipping yard. He had found me then and I couldn’t help but wonder who would find me today. Would it be him? Or Emmanuel? And when it wasn’t Kelly who I was thinking about, it was Madam—her disappointed voice when learning I had let her down.

A shiver worked its way down my spine as I wished I knew where Kelly hid his gun. I had nothing to protect myself with but my phone when a gun was what I really needed.

Get yourself out, Kendra. I kept saying the phrase like a mantra playing on repeat in the back of my mind. Get yourself out, Kendra. Get yourself out.

My chest rose and fell as I thought anything involving Madam was hardly worth it anymore. Kelly was just about the only victory I had worth celebrating since signing on with her—and I was even now questioning that.

The driver switched the music over to something repulsive.

I cringed and wished it was Lucky driving me all this way.

I hadn’t seen him since the other day and I wondered how he was doing.

I exchanged a glance with the driver and wanted to ask him if he knew where Lucky was or how he was doing. Though the chances of them knowing each other were slim, maybe it was possible.

Electing to keep my mouth shut, I could only imagine that Lucky had learned the news of what happened to Tonya by now. And if she was his girlfriend, I wanted to hug him, tell him that I was there for him, and that it wasn’t just his heart that was broken but mine, too.

Once we turned onto a back street, I closed up my backpack knowing that this was my stop.

The driver pulled up to the house as I said, “Thanks for the ride.”

The driver nodded, barely acknowledging me as he lifted his foot off the brake before I had the back door shut. Cursing his impatience, I never missed Lucky more than I did in that moment. He was always the first to ask if he should wait, wanting to ensure that I would be okay.

With the sun shining down on my back, I looked around hearing Kelly’s warnings echo between my ears.

It’s that money that is going to get you killed.

And he could be right. But I couldn’t think the worst when I was seconds away from getting this over with and handing off the unsettled nerves that came with it.

Keeping my wits about me, I started walking to the house two doors down.

The heels of my feet fell flat on the pavement as I inhaled the salty ocean air. Wishing I was visiting under different circumstances, I couldn’t even appreciate the creative vibe the area was known for. Instead, I kept asking myself, Why the hell did Madam send me all the way out here?

Stopping between the houses, I pulled out the instructions and matched the address on the paper to the house I stood in front of.

Wishing time would speed up, I made my way to the front door and knocked. Turning back to the street, a part of me wished that Kelly would arrive and save me from having to do this before it was too late.

Instead, the door opened and I found myself taking a step back as I stared into the eyes of Sylvia Neil.