The wind was knocked out of me.

I had never wanted a drink more in my life than I did at that moment.

I was angry, anxious, and terrified of learning how Kendra would react to the news.

Her question was bold, invigorating and had me questioning the reason I responded to her at all. She’d called me out on something no one else had ever done before. She knew more than any other woman I was with after Nora. And even though it hurt to nod my head, she was right. Nora was dead because of what I did to get our son killed.

“Kelly, baby, oh no.” Kendra slid her hand over the nape of my neck soon after she agreed to sit next to me.

“I killed her.” My voice cracked as it passed over my lips. “She’s dead because of my actions.”

Kendra stared at me with fire burning in her beautiful green eyes. Feeling my skin prickle in disbelief, I distracted my emotions by allowing myself to get lost in her amazing body.

I followed her curves to the floor, then back up again as I thought how what I said next might change our relationship forever. She didn’t give me away out. And I couldn’t lie to her. She knew more about what happened than I was ever comfortable admitting even to myself. And I knew it had to be because of what Madam decided to tell her. Madam was the only other person in the entire world who could have known my deepest secret that ruined me.

When Kendra pulled her hand away, I wanted to reach for it. Put it back where she had her fingers threading through my hair, kneading her nails over my nape. But I couldn’t. Instead, I was frozen. I felt completely alone and afraid to face what came next.

“Don’t leave me,” I said.

“Kelly, I’m not going anywhere.” Kendra’s hands were in her lap.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

She gave me a questioning look.

“I’m talking about this,” I murmured, lifting her left wrist up. “I can’t lose you like I lost Nora.”

Kendra’s cheeks flushed as she dropped her gaze. Peeling my fingers off of her, she turned her wrists in and pulled her sleeves over her hands.

“I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t have a way out.” I watched her chest rise and fall in shallow breaths as I confessed my own undoing. “I’ve been there. Many times.”

Kendra’s pulse ticked in her neck and she could barely look me in the eye.

“Nora overdosed on opiates.”

Kendra’s lips flattened as she listened.

“She made the decision without warning and I was the one to find her.”

“I remember the nightmare,” Kendra murmured. “But why do people say you killed her?”

“Because of what I did before that.”

Her eyes zigzagged over my face as she pressed her palms together, squeezing them between her thighs.

“I made a mistake. What I did was unforgivable. Something I can never take back.”

Her face paled as she pulled her elbows into her sides, making her appear even smaller than she actually was.

“Alcohol.” I paused as Kendra’s brows knitted. “It used to be my thing. I wasn’t a drunk, but I didn’t stop at just one, either.” I laughed as memories flooded my head. “God, did I enjoy the occasional drink. Loved to party.”

Kendra’s smile never hit her eyes, but her lips could have fooled me into thinking she was genuinely amused. Though she didn’t show it, I knew she was anxious to hear more.

“We had a son,” I continued. “He was beautiful, energetic. And all boy.” I turned my head over to look at Kendra, feeling the pride I once felt every day—proud to be Patrick’s father—fill my chest. “Jumping. Wrestling. You name it. He was into it all.”

Feeling dizzy, I slumped further down into the couch and sat with my hands gripping my kneecaps. The weight of knowing that I would never have the chance to speak with either Patrick or Nora again pressed my shoulders down, threatening to stop my heart for good.

“A month before Nora decided to take her own life—” I squeezed my eyes closed and pinched my tear ducts, hoping that I could stop myself from crying before they really started to spill.

Kendra must have seen the look on my face, the immense guilt I was feeling, because not long after that I felt her take my hand inside of hers. Threading her other arm through the crook of mine, she let her head fall to my shoulder.

A comforting relief swept over me knowing that I wasn’t alone. She was here. Wanting to be by my side even when I knew she had so much doubt swirling around questions of who I was.

My mouth opened, then closed.

I couldn’t stop licking my lips. They were so dry, and each time I was about to speak my lips snapped shut again. The words were there but, for whatever reason, I couldn’t find the strength to continue, knowing that once I heard it my entire world would crumble with it.

Then, out of nowhere, I said, “I killed our son.”

Kendra’s gasp was what first did me in. I couldn’t see her face, but I could feel how her body was pulled into a tight little ball next to me. She trembled behind her sniffles and I heard her whimpers as she cried along with me.

“I had picked him up from a friend’s house.” My eyes were open, but I was lost in my head, reliving the first worst day of my life. “Nora was running late that day, busy with a new client, and had asked if I could pick him up before dinner.”

Kendra’s fingers closed and gripped my shirt as I talked.

“I should have never done it.” Suddenly, the tears were gone, replaced only by the deep pangs of regret I hoped I would never stop feeling. “I was at the bar when Nora called—” I paused to wipe my cheeks dry.

“Then what happened?”

“I picked him up.” My eyes widened and my chin trembled. “A few miles down the road, we were in car accident.”

Without looking at me, Kendra asked, “Were you drunk?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t think I was. It all happened so fast.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Kelly.” Kendra turned and pressed her palm into the side of my face. “I feel guilty for having drank around you. It must be awful to be around alcohol, having it remind you each time what happened to Patrick.”

“I should have been convicted of vehicular homicide.”

Her eyes were wet as she shared in my pain. “But you weren’t.”

“I was never charged.”

Kendra’s brows pinched.

Rolling my gaze over to hers, I said, “Madam got me off. Made the paperwork disappear.”

She pulled back with an unfocused gaze.

“She saved my career, and now I’m forever in her debt.”

“Oh, my God, Kelly. You should have told me this. I could have helped.”

“I live with the guilt every single day.”

I could see recognition flash across Kendra’s eyes as everything suddenly came together for her. “And that’s why Nora killed herself?”

Nodding, I said, “Three weeks later, Nora decided that the pain of knowing Patrick was never coming back was too much for her. That month I lost everything I’d ever loved.”

Kendra crawled up my body and flung her leg over my waist, straddling me. Taking my face between her hands, she tilted her head and lowered her lips to mine. She kissed me gently at first, then demanded entrance. Parting my lips, I flicked my tongue against hers in passionate strokes that let me know that I was still alive and needing to focus my attention on her and what was still living. “I’m here for you, Kelly.”

“I know.” My fingers dug into her hips as I positioned her over my hardness. “But Madam is deep in both our lives and she’s determined to break us apart, choosing to use our pasts against us.”

Kendra looked down and ran her hand through her hair.

“Hey.” I cupped the back of her skull, bringing her focus back to my eyes. “We don’t have to let her control us. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

She gave me a sideways glance.

“What is it?”

“There is something you should know, Kelly.”

I leaned forward, bringing her with me.

“Madam didn’t tell me about where Maria’s body was found.”

Confusion lined my brow. “Then who did?”

“Sylvia Neil.”