“Hey dad,” I say into the phone.

I remember a time when that felt foreign to say. It wasn’t forced, just not natural. Now, it would be weird calling him by his name.

“Hi sweetie, how’s it going?” I love hearing his gruff voice. I don’t hear it enough. We talk for a few minutes about school and work. I can always sense the relief in his voice as I chat about my life.

“I met a guy,” I say, hesitantly and bite the inside of my cheek waiting for his reaction. I didn’t mention Kase last month because we had only been on one date. But it’s different now. I like him. A lot. The line stays silent and I wonder if I lost connection. “Dad?”

“I’m here. What’s his name?” he asks, his voice curt.

I release an awkward chuckle. “No. I’m not giving you his name. You’ll find something on him, even though it’s nothing, and make a big deal about it. He’s a great guy.” Being retired from law enforcement doesn’t prevent him from poking and prodding.

“That’s what they all say.” I shake my head and sigh, knowing he wouldn’t be happy. “I worry about you. You’ve been through so much and have come so far, I just…” He pauses, sighing. “ I want the best for you.”

“And I love you for that. Okay, here’s a little for you. He recently got out of the military and he’s working for Max.” This will put him at ease. When he found out about Max’s team, and how I was friends with them, he acted more relaxed. He’ll probably figure out who he is now with just a little digging.

“I should come out and meet him.”

We both know that won't happen. “I wish you could, but it’s not safe.” Having almost died, moving on with my life should have been the easy part. Nothing about my life is easy. But Kase makes me forget and believe there is hope for me yet.

“I understand that better than anyone.” His beard scrapes against the receiver as he blows out a breath. “I love you, sweetheart. Be careful. I have to go feed the animals.”

“Always. Love you too, Dad.”

I hold the phone to my chest. Our once a month chat isn’t enough. Someday, it’ll be different. Not being able to change the situation, I swallow my emotions and tuck the emergency phone back into my sock drawer. It would be awesome if Kase could meet my dad. They’d get along great. I shake the thought from my head. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s not a realistic dream. Dating Kase complicates matters, except I can’t seem to stop. The other day should have been a wakeup call that I’m not safe anywhere, even if Kase’s friend mistakenly thought he knew me. What happens when it’s not a mistake? I guess I'll deal with that when and if it comes.  

“Time for a trip to the store,” I say to myself as I stare into the empty fridge. 

Pulling out my list as I push the buggy through the automatic doors, I plan which end I should start at. Ice cream isn’t on it so I’ll start at the produce side. The bright yellow bananas grab my attention first so I scan for the perfect cluster; not too green or too ripe and no bruising. A cart stops next to mine, so close I’ll need to back up to move around them. I look over with an annoyed expression because seriously people, there are things called space.

My scowl turns upward when I meet Kase’s eyes. His gorgeous smile makes my knees weak. Desire to step into his arms and have him kiss the ever-loving hell out of me like he did a couple of weeks ago has me blushing. The way butterflies flutter in my belly whenever we talk is unnerving. Is this what love at first sight feels like? Both our schedules have been busy, which is good because I find myself wanting to be around him all the time. Albeit, my drunken night where I almost confessed everything, we’ve only talked on the phone since then. Surprisingly, he hasn’t brought it up. Maybe it was enough of an explanation he won't push further.

“Of all the grocery stores, you had to walk into this one.” He winks. “It must be fate.”

I can’t help the smile on my face. “Considering it’s the only one around here, chances were in our favor.”

“Shh. Don’t ruin my moment.” Pinching my lips together, I stifle my laugh. Two women stroll by us, their gaze appraising Kase’s body. Yet, his attention never leaves me. Who could blame them, he exudes sex, not even trying. Board shorts hang low on his hips, a white V-neck shirt hugging his thick arms and his hair mussed on top like he ran his hands through wet hair, letting it air dry. 

“Did you go for a swim?”

“I did. I would’ve invited you, but you’re afraid of water,” he teases.

I swat at him. “I am not.”

“Next time, you’re coming then.”

Yes, please. My dirty mind takes hold and my skin flushes. Gah, I’ve been hanging around Tori for too long. I glance away from his knowing smirk, my cheeks heat as I try to smother my smile.

“Ellie,” he rasps quietly. “You’re going to be the death of me.” He discreetly adjusts himself as much as he can. “But I promise to follow through on both accounts.”

Now, my whole body is on fire. Thoughts of his skilled tongue and fingers and his promise sends an involuntary shudder through me. Jesus! I spin around and pick up bananas not caring what shape they're in. “These’ll work,” I squeak, holding them in the air, showing them off for an unknown reason. His eyebrow quirks up. My gaze darts from his amused expression to the bananas and I close my eyes. Could this be any more embarrassing? “To eat,” I quickly add. He barks out a laugh as I put them in my cart. If they weren’t bruised before, they are now. “Would you scoot out of my way so I can finish my shopping?”

“Do you have a long list?” He eyes the paper in my hand.

I scan it, no longer than twenty things and shake my head. “It’s not too long.”

“Wanna trade? He pulls out his list and shakes it in the air.” I cock my head, confused why he wants to trade lists. He shrugs one shoulder. “There is a lot you can learn about someone by their shopping habits.”

I look at it again. “There’s no earth shattering thing you'll learn about me on this paper.”

“Come on. I bet I can identify at least five things about you based on your shopping list.”

My lip twitches. “Okay. Let me add brand names…” I reach into my purse to get a pen, but he snatches the paper out of my hands.

“Nope. It’ll be fun guessing.” He hands me his list.

“Don’t complain when you can’t figure it out.” I shrug, knowing what’s on the list. It'll teach him to want to shop for a woman going in blind. “Just, no generic.”

His shoulders drop. “Woman. I got this.” He pushes his cart forward. “I’ll start at the other end. Don’t cheat and check on me. We’ll meet after we check out.”

My eyes widen. “After?”

He walks away nodding. When he turns a corner, he glances back at me. “See you at the finish line.”

Is this a race? My heartbeat picks up and I wonder if I should run the aisles. I push my cart to the end of the aisle looking for him and he’s nowhere to be seen. Ugh. I hate not having the rules.

I peek at his list and it’s as long as mine with typical things. Soap, deodorant, bacon, sandwich meat. There is no way he’ll finish before me. Half the time, men wander around with a dazed expression. I start filling up my cart with his items. When I hit the deodorant area, I stare at the selection. Oh! Choosing one is harder than I thought. I pop open a few scents, trying to find one I recognize. Giving up after smelling ten, I throw one in the cart I like. At least it doesn’t smell like the cologne the other night.

With just a couple of things left on the list, I wonder how he’s doing. I giggle to myself, he’s probably wishing he hadn’t started this whole thing. My phone dings from the seat of the cart. I dig through my purse and pull it out.

Kase: Waiting for you at the front ;)

Seriously? I jerk my head up looking down the aisle. An older lady looking at oatmeal must sense me because our eyes lock for a beat. I flash a quick smile. She returns one and continues her perusal. How is he finished? I rush getting the last few things and when I push my cart to check out, I see him sitting on a bench outside the manager’s office. He’s flashing a sly smile, with his hands folded between his legs. The fullness of the cart catches my eye and I softly gasp. I didn't have that much on my list. I throw my hands out and he shrugs. What in the world did he buy?

“Are you ready ma’am?” the cashier asks, staring at me. I apologize and set Kase’s things on the belt. 

After checking out, I glide my cart up to his and he stands, slapping my wandering hand away from the bags. I didn’t see much, but I catch a glimpse of sticky notes peeking out on a few items. Where the hell did he get sticky notes?

“That can’t all be mine, my list wasn’t that long.”

“I might've bought a few extra things.”

“A few?”

A fleeting thought that he thinks I didn’t buy a lot of groceries because I can’t pay for it has me worried.

“Stop over thinking this,” he says, pushing his cart out of the store. I follow, still pushing his groceries. When we stop at my car, he pops the trunk and loads the groceries into it. “I’ll be over at six for dinner.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “What if I have to work tonight? Or I have a date?”

“You don’t have to work. Do you have a date?” His smile fades and he steps closer. In an instant, I regret the words, not knowing where they came from, the need to make him wonder if he’s the only one when there isn’t anyone I want more than him.

“No,” I whisper, our eyes lock and he stands close, blocking the sun.

“Good. I would’ve hated to miss out on a steak dinner.”

Understanding what the extra groceries are for now, I release a deep sigh. I scrunch my nose. "I’m sorry I said that. I’m not—"

He holds his finger up to my lips and shakes his head. “I’ll be there at six.” I smile against his finger, nod and he leaves me with a wink, me appreciating he didn’t make a big deal about it.

At home, I take the groceries out of the bags, placing them on the counter. One by one, I search to see if he left a note. He didn’t do it on all of them, but I find the ones he did, amusing. ‘I ate this when I was ten.’ He wrote on the Cap’n Crunch cereal box. I snicker at what his thoughts must have been for one of my guilty pleasures. ‘This is interesting’, he wrote on the package of hard-boiled eggs. I love hard-boiled eggs, but when I want one, I don’t have time to boil it. When I grab a bag full of boxes and pull one out, I double over in laughter. I pull out box after box of tampons. He bought four boxes of different brands, each with their own sticky note. He even numbered them.

Box 1. These seemed to be small, discreet. Figured you might like that.

Box 2. I fit so I know you don’t need small. These seem more realistic. Super large.

Box 3. Shit. Maybe they’re called normal for a reason.

Box 4. Okay, I give up. You've got me here. You're bound to use one of these right? P.S. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life.

It's hysterical envisioning him standing in the aisle wondering which one to get. Not that I’m keen on him knowing I'm about to start my period, it's funny to see how much he squirmed picking a box. Or four. He can’t say I didn’t try telling him which one to get.

I put aside the stuff he got for dinner and put the rest away. I follow his instructions on marinating the steak and then glance at the clock on the microwave. Three hours until he’ll be here.

I call Tori up and tell her to meet me at the beach. I chuckle to myself, I’ll show him I’m not afraid of water.

I’m chopping carrots when there’s a knock at the door. Six o’clock sharp. The man is punctual. I stare at the door for a beat, wondering if he waited until the last second to knock. He’s always on time, right on the dot, it can’t be a coincidence.

When I swing the door open, I ask, “What were you doing a minute before you knocked?” He cocks his head to the side, a confident smile touches his gorgeous blue eyes.

“A minute ago? I was wondering if you’ve been to the doctor recently?”

“Um… no. Why?”

“Because I think you’re lacking some vitamin me.” He waggles his eyebrows, pulling me into his arms.

I drop my head into his chest. “Oh my god. You’re so cheesy.”

“Only with you, Ellie.” He kisses me on the head. His hand weaves through my hair and he pulls it back so I have to look up to him. “You make me feel like I'm a teenage boy again who can’t deal with his hormones. A minute ago… I was giving myself sixty-seconds to lose the hard-on.”

Desire tickles deep within my belly. I step into him, my thigh pressing higher into him. “Did it work?”

He groans, his grip tightening in my hair as his lips slam against mine. The taste of his minty gum cools my tongue. The rest of me is on fire. “We should stop,” he rasps.

What? Why? Despite his words, his voice is full of need.

“That's a terrible idea,” I mutter. “Cowboy, don’t start something you can’t finish.” I narrow my eyes, daring him.

He grins with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Ellie, there isn’t anything I want more than…” He pauses, looking past me for a moment and then continues. “A sweet ass steak and a baked potato, fully loaded.”

I huff and slap him on the chest, pushing back out of his arms and rolling my eyes. His raspy laugh follows me into my apartment. “Woman, there are priorities and I’m starving.” I ignore him and return to chopping my carrots. “Aww c’mon, you’re not going to fault me for needing to eat so I have energy for later, are you?” His warm breath tickles my ear as he stands behind me, snaking his arms around my waist. I stop chopping, setting the knife on the cutting board and twist in his arms.

“You’re like a ball of energy. What did you do today?”

“Besides grocery shopping,” he smirks and waggles his brows. “I worked out, went for a swim in the ocean, Hudson and I drove the four wheelers around Max’s place, um… oh, and we went to an indoor skydiving place in New Haven.  It was wicked fun doing tricks despite it not being the real experience.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded, shaking my head. “What?”

Hearing what he did makes me tired. I managed to grocery shop and hit the beach for an hour. It was a productive day for me. I sigh. “No wonder you’re starving. You’re a busy boy.”

He lets out a low grumble. “Boy? I’m a hundred percent man. Do I need to jog your memory?” The counter digs into my back as he pushes me into it, making sure I feel every muscle, every hard place on his body.

I ignore the tingles low in my belly coming back to life from moments ago. He's the one who put the kibosh on us having a pre-dinner workout. Now, he can wait. I slide my hands down his flexed chest, looking up at him from beneath my lashes. “That’s a good idea,” I purr. When I continue moving past his shorts, my hands brush against his hardened cock, running down the entire length. He inhales sharply and his eyes burn with want. “But… after I feed you.” My lips curl into a smile and I shrug one shoulder, saying, “Priorities.” 

I spin around before he can respond and continue chopping the vegetables for the salad. I internally high five myself for the self-control I exhibited despite the ache between my legs. If only he would step back so I didn’t feel all of him on my backside. My will is only so strong. “Shoo, or you'll make me cut myself,” I snicker, waving my hand, gesturing to back away.

I sneak a glance back as he walks away, adjusting himself. He catches me and grins as if he won this round. I don’t think so buddy. I win.

Hmph, what exactly did I win? I stare at the chopped veggies wondering why I thought this was the better choice. I look back again and see he’s leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest as he watches me. Yep, my priorities are mixed up.

“How about I tell you the five things I learned about you today,” he says, pulling himself up on the counter, sitting.

“Oh, this will be fun. Let’s hear it.”

“Number one, you can live off of frozen pizza.”

I suck in a breath, slightly offended. “There is nothing wrong with frozen pizza. It has four out of the five food groups and I usually add a banana or apple. Bam! Fully nutritional meal. Number two?”

He fights back a smile. “Okay. Number two, either you’re not home often, which I hope is the case, or you don’t know how to boil water. To cook boiled eggs.” 

“You’re very judgmental about my food.” My mouth twitches at his amused expression.

“I actually love hard boiled eggs, I found your approach somewhat odd.”

“Why is that odd? Whether I cook them or whoever does it, what’s the difference? It’s about convenience. And I know how to boil water.” I stick my tongue out before grabbing a bowl for the salad. “Moving on, what’s three? And do not go there with my cereal or I’ll cut you.”

He rears his head back, laughing.

I toss the salad into the bowl with the veggies and mix it, waiting for him to continue. “So, three and four go together and one of them is something I learned about me.” He tugs on his shirt as if he’s suddenly hot. “Number three... I thought I could handle shopping for tampons, but no. Never again.” I think about all his sticky notes and flash an amused smile.

“I tried to make that part easy on you.”

“I’m not sure even if I had the brand, it still would’ve been easy.”

I understand, I’m twenty-eight and it’s still hard for me to put that box on the conveyor belt right side up.

“And then number four… well that’s a given. Someone is visiting or coming to visit soon.” He shrugs awkwardly.

I bite my lip, feeling the heat crawl up my cheeks. I'd rather not discuss the impending arrival of my period with him. “Coming to visit. Let’s move on to five, shall we?”

“Yes,” he quickly says. “Last, but not least you’re a slow shopper.”

“What?” I say in a clipped tone. I grab the hand towel off the counter and whip it at him. He hops off and runs out of the kitchen with me right on his heels. “I am not. I was too worried about what kind of deodorant you wore or what kind of meat you wanted. Lunch meat was too vague!” I snap him on the ass. “Or protein bars. Do you know how many freaking protein bars there are?” I try to snap him again, but he snatches the towel and yanks it, pulling me to him. I slam into his chest and we’re both laughing hard in each other’s arms. “And I do not need extra large tampons!”

We fall into the couch and my heart is full. It’s in this moment I know, I’m falling in love with him. It’s too bad love isn’t enough to wipe out my past. I push out the unwanted thoughts and live in the moment. In the arms of a man I hope can forgive me for my secrets when they come out.