He told me to think about it. What else was I supposed to do but think about it? I spent the rest of the day at work, struggling to complete the presentation I was preparing. Jared had ruined my day. My week. My month. I didn’t know when things would return to normal again.

I charged back home the first chance I got to leave the office and locked myself in my apartment. I didn’t want any unexpected visits from Mona this evening.

I still couldn’t get over the fact that Jared wanted me to work for him. He had the guts to offer me perks! A car. His private jet! What did he think I was going to do? Drool at his offer? Leave my office and just jump in to work with him?

I paced around my apartment, with an open bottle of wine in my hand. I needed the drink to calm me down. I couldn’t believe it.

After ten years of complete absence, he had the arrogance to walk into my office and offer me a job! Just the morning after we had sex. Did he think I could just forget about it? I didn’t even want to look at my couch again. I would have to throw it out!

Maybe this was normal for him…maybe he slept with women casually all the time now. It didn’t mean anything to him. The fact that he’d fucked me, it meant nothing to him.

I held back the tears that were brimming in my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry over him anymore. All these years I’d clung to a hope…that if Jared and I ever met again, we could pick up where we’d left off. That evening, my last evening with him in Madison Green, was etched like a tattoo in my brain.

I’d finally convinced my parents to have him over for dinner.

My family were aware that I’d been spending a lot of time with Jared Morin. The boy next door whom my parents were wary of. Initially, when Jared and I first started hanging out, my mother had tried to warn me repeatedly.

“Honey, he’s not a reliable boy. Please be careful. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but he has no interest in school. He’s going to drop out and be a bad influence.” Mom’s voice was still strong in my head.

I was thirteen, Jared was fifteen, and once we started talking we couldn’t stop. I’d always just admired him from a distance. Everyone else in our neighborhood and our school kept their distance from him. He was a loner, he was ridiculed — but even before he became “cool”, I knew that Jared was special.

We grew closer and closer over the years. My parents and Mona quickly realized that they couldn’t stop me from hanging out with him. Jared and I did everything together.

Mom had been right; he did eventually drop out of school and started working at an auto-repair shop. I didn’t care. I wasn’t concerned about his education or what he was going to do in his life. All I cared about was that we had fun together, he was a good friend, and I was into him.

So, it was the first time in five years, on this particular evening, that my parents finally agreed to have Jared over for dinner. I was excited. He’d never been in my house before. Now, he was going to sit at our table and sample Mom’s delicious spaghetti and meatballs.

Jared cleaned himself up well for the dinner. He ditched his leather jacket for his best shirt, swept his hair back from his forehead and shaved. I was eighteen by now, old enough to know that my feelings for him were going nowhere.

I hoped that now, if my family slowly started accepting him as a presence in our household, I could finally tell him. It was time. We’d been friends for five years and I’d kept my feelings a secret from him. Jared was always there for me, but as a friend. I didn’t know how he felt, if he shared my feelings…if he was even attracted to me.

But I’d waited long enough. I couldn’t wait anymore. I made up my mind that I would finally tell him the truth.

The dinner went smoothly. Jared was well-mannered and polite at the table. He and Mona even joked together.

After dinner, I helped Mona clear the table and clean the dishes. Jared sat in the living room with my parents, watching TV. Mona and I brought out the ice cream in bowls.

But he left quickly after dessert. I was hoping that he might want to come upstairs and spend some time with me in my room. It would be the perfect opportunity for me to tell him how I felt. But Jared ate his ice cream, barely finishing it, and then left. At the door, he hugged me tightly, and then walked back to his house without looking back.

I was disappointed that he hadn’t stayed, but I couldn’t have predicted what would happen next. That he would just disappear the next day.

Now, as I paced around my apartment, I felt those feelings again. Frustration, anger, worry, fear…they were all jumbled up as I waited for days for his bike to return to the driveway. When I knocked on his parents’ door, his father — in a drunken haze — showed me the note.

Jared had left it on their kitchen table.

It was short and to-the-point. There wasn’t a word about me on that note. I had no idea where he’d gone: he left me no clues.

And now, ten years later, I was back to feeling the same way again. Lost and clueless. I didn’t recognize this man anymore. I didn’t know who he’d become. All I knew was that I still had feelings for him and I hated myself for it.