I was sad. The last time I was this sad was ten years ago. And it was the same person’s fault.

I spent the rest of the night in the spare bedroom and didn’t come out till daybreak the next day. I was hoping to leave the cabin while Jared was still asleep. I didn’t want to see him again. But he caught me leaving. He was already up when I stepped out of the cabin.

Jared was sitting on the front porch with a mug of coffee in his hand. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him. He’d taken me by surprise.

He was in a pair of pajama pants and an old t-shirt. I could see his biceps bulging, the stretch of the material over his wide chest and shoulders. His usually neatly styled hair was rumpled and messy. His gray eyes looked tired and his stubble had gotten thicker.

“There’s coffee for you in the kitchen if you want it,” he told me as I stood some distance from him. I was at the top of the steps, just a few feet away from the rented car. So close to freedom.

This would have been a whole lot easier if I could have escaped without seeing him again.

“I’m fine, thanks,” I said curtly and looked down at my feet.

“Take care of yourself, Elsie,” he told me in a deep, calm voice. That sadness fell like a rock over me again. Even just hearing his voice had that effect on me. I knew I was leaving behind a part of me in Vermont. One I would never get back.

All these years of waiting and wondering and hoping…it was all squashed. Now I knew that Jared had never wanted me. I meant nothing to him. I wished he’d never come back into my life.

I would have been much happier just day-dreaming about him instead.

“You too,” I said meekly.

I turned and bounded down the steps. I threw my bag in the car and got in. As I rolled down my windows, I saw Jared stand up from his chair. He placed his mug on the ledge and watched me intently.

I stared at him for a few moments before I started the car. That image of Jared on his cabin porch would always stay with me. He looked handsome in the morning sunlight, surrounded by the wilderness. He looked peaceful and calm.

I wasn’t lying when I told him I was proud of him. He’d achieved great things in his life. He’d gone against all the odds life handed to him and made something of himself. I couldn’t just stop loving him. But I would have to get over it and move on.

I started the car and reversed out of the driveway. In the rearview mirror, I could see him looking at the car as I drove away. Out of his sight, I allowed myself to cry. I would never see him again.

Jared Morin was the love of my life and I was driving away from him. He hadn’t even tried to stop me. This was the end of our story.

It was Monday morning, and I walked into the office dejectedly. I didn’t want to be back. I was beginning to hate Chicago. All these years that I’d lived here and enjoyed my time in this city—had gone to waste.

Jared was here. I imagined him in every street corner. I couldn’t even be in my own apartment without thinking about that night he was there. Chicago was ruined for me. And it was all Jared’s fault.

“Elsie!” My co-worker, Dane, jumped out of his chair when I entered our office. He looked exceptionally sunny for a Monday morning, I thought.

“Hey, Dane, how’s it going,” I remarked listlessly, as I walked past him.

“Elsie, wait up! Congratulations!” Dane was following me, and I stopped in my tracks.

“Elsie, oh my God! This is such great news!” Melissa had joined us, and some others were leaving their chairs to come over too.

I was staring at them with my brows crossed, totally confused.

“What news? Why are you congratulating me?” I asked, staring at their excited faces.

“For the donation! You did it! We knew something was up with you and Jared Morin,” Melissa said.

“Yeah. Is that why you didn’t care about the presentation on Friday?” Ethel, another co-worker, added. When I heard his name, my body seemed to tumble forward. I felt like I was going to faint.

“What are you guys talking about?” my voice had grown weak. I could barely keep standing.

“Was it supposed to be a surprise? Didn’t he tell you?” Dane asked.

“He’s donated two million dollars towards the Wells Project,” Melissa declared and clapped her hands.

“Two million…” My voice faded under the round of cheers and claps that erupted around me. How? Why? What!

“How did you convince him to do that?” Ethel asked.

“Did you pitch him for two on purpose? We were preparing the presentation for one million for the others,” Dane continued.

I couldn’t listen to this anymore.

“I need some air. Sorry, guys, I need to go…” I ran away, bolted straight out of the office.

Outside, on the busy Chicago streets again, I allowed myself to be absorbed by the crowds that were sucking me in.

Jared did that? He just sent us money? Why would he…what kind of an apology was this?

I didn’t know if I was happy or angry or even more sad. I didn’t want his money. I would have found someone else to donate it to us! I wanted him. I wanted him to acknowledge me as a friend…as someone more than a friend. That’s what I wanted from him!

I didn’t go back to the office that day. I didn’t feel like I could be with my co-workers, around their positive energy.

I needed to be by myself, I was nursing a broken heart. How was I ever going to be whole again?