ALEXIS

MY HEART RACED AS Colton’s eyes licked every inch of my body and liquid heat began to pool between my legs. I squeezed them together, trying to calm the swarm of butterflies that had suddenly taken up residence in my vagina.

As Colt pulled the door open to Stephan’s gorgeous face, I forced what I hoped to be a genuine-looking smile...Suddenly, this date was feeling like a really bad idea. What was I doing?

“Alexis,” Stephan purred in appreciation as he too undressed me with his eyes. The fluttering vanished. Those fucking butterflies had always been loyal to that clueless son of a bitch who was all but glaring at my date, and apparently, they’d decided it’d be a great idea to migrate south for the summer.

“Stephan,” I squeaked, trying to get a grip on myself. “You look nice.” And he did. He had on a pair of charcoal gray Dickies that hugged his ass to perfection with a red washed out button down cuffed at his elbows. His hair was spiked up in a messy, styled but not too put together look. Sex hair. He had sex hair!

“Thanks,” he said, stepping inside when it was made evident that Colton was not going to extend the invitation. “You are stunning, Alexis.”

I could feel my best friend’s eyes rolling without even looking at him. Who said things like stunning anymore? “Thanks.” I grabbed my purse from the coat rack next to the door, and before walking out, turned to press a kiss to Colton’s cheek. “I’ll see you later. Love ya.”

He sounded like he had a ten-pound bolder sitting in the back of his throat when he answered. “Have fun, Allie. I love you too.”

“I hope you like to dance,” Stephan said with a huge smile as he pulled up to a swanky little place called Bailando.

“I love to dance!” I answered excitedly. He couldn’t have chosen a better place to get me out of the doldrums. The thought of tearing up that dance floor had me bouncing where I sat.

Stephan opened my door and helped me out of the car. Such a gentleman. It was easier to appreciate him without my body going haywire over he who shall not be named or even a thought for the remainder of the evening.

“Reservation for two, under Stephan Young,” he announced when we approached the podium in the very festive foyer. The walls were lined with photos of various celebrities dancing or posing for photos at the bar. There were lights strung around the entryway and a huge pink neon sign that said, “Salsa.” It was bordering on tacky, but somehow it all worked together with the atmosphere.

“Marie here will be your waitress, enjoy.” She was short and curvy with big curly hair and wore the same black pencil skirt and white button down as the rest of the staff. Her smile was warm and welcoming. Marie grabbed a couple of menus from the side of the podium and led the way to our table.

Stephan pulled out my chair before taking the one across from me.

“What can I get the two of you to drink?”

The margaritas looked fantastic, but being that neither Stephan nor myself were twenty-one, I went with a strawberry lemonade and him with a water.

“Chips and salsa?” she asked, shimmying on the word salsa and waggling her brows animatedly.

“Yes, please,” Stephan answered.

“Great. I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

As I watched her walk off, I found myself distracted by the couples dancing around us. There was a permanent smile fixed on my face as I watched men and women alike swinging their hips with so much confidence. I’d never been in a real salsa club before. The atmosphere was unlike any place I’d ever seen. So fun and sexy. I couldn’t find a single face that wasn’t just exuberant.

“This okay?” Stephan asked, looking around the restaurant and back at me.

My answering smile visibly set him at ease. “It’s amazing. Do you know how to dance like that?” Please say yes. Please say yes. I wanted to be touched the way the men were touching those women. And I really wanted to see Stephan move the way they moved.

Stephan bit into his bottom lip as a shy, almost embarrassed smile appeared on his face. “Yeah...My mother owns a dance studio...She, uh, made me take classes.” He turned bright red as he playfully lifted both hands to cover his face, peeking at me through the cracks in his fingers.

Thank you, God. “That could be the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Stephan and I both ordered beef fajitas. I made it a point not to overeat. One, I didn’t want to look like a heifer, and two, I didn’t want to puke when we finally made it onto the dance floor.

“You ready, pretty girl?” Stephan asked, standing and holding his large hand out for mine.

For the first few songs, I felt a little out of my league. Stephan was a natural, and a great teacher. I don’t know how I looked to everyone else, but it felt like I was doing a pretty good job of keeping up, and I hadn’t consumed any alcohol, so I knew it wasn’t that.

Stephan’s hands were all over me, his moves so sensual. It should have felt wrong. I was just coming out of a three-year relationship. No other man had ever touched me so intimately and to tell you the truth, after all of the sex I’d had with Dean over the years, even he hadn’t made me feel this kind of heat.

The rhythm of the music had my blood pumping, and Stephan played my body like the most skilled musician. If I thought I had some pent up sexual energy before, it was nothing compared to what I felt at that moment. The problem was...the person I wanted to expend it on wasn’t here.

Thoughts of Colton were killing my mood, and of course, my date could sense the change in me. “Hey, everything all right?”

“Yeah, I’m just really tired.” I placed a hand on my chest trying to catch my breath.

“Why don’t we go sit for a few minutes and recharge?” Stephan was adorable. I hated that I was too hung up on my best friend to give him the attention he deserved. Any other woman would have given their left tit to be with a man like him. Smart, athletic, sensitive, sweet, hot, and he could fucking dance like those guys in the movies. He was almost too good to be real, and I was about to push him away for a guy I wasn’t sure would ever even give me the time of day. I needed my head examined...and probably my heart as well.

“Actually, can you just take me home? I’m not feeling well.”

Stephan’s face fell with disappointment, but ever the gentleman, he recovered quickly. “Sure.” He flagged down our waitress, paid the bill, and then took me back to Colton’s house. When he threw the car into park, the mood suddenly became tense. To kiss or not to kiss. The dreaded first date question. “Can I kiss you good night?” he asked.

He asked. Who does that? For all the shit Colton talked about what an asshole Stephan was, I’d never met a more considerate or well-mannered man. And that says a lot because I didn’t know they came sweeter than Dean.

I nodded my head, leaned over, and met him halfway across the center console. His lips were soft and skilled. I tried to get into it. I really did, but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking of Colton on the other side of that door, and it was a serious mood killer.

Sensing my discomfort, Stephan pulled away. “I had a really nice time with you tonight, Alexis.” His lips curled into a resigned half smile. “I can tell you really aren’t feeling well. Why don’t we try again soon when you’re up to it?”

“I’d love that.”

Stephan moved to get out to walk me to the door, but I told him to stay. There was no need. Honestly, I was afraid he’d try to kiss me again, and I just wasn’t up for it tonight. He idled in the parking lot while I fished the key Colt had given me out of my clutch and unlocked the door. I heard the engine rev and turned to watch him back out of the lot, then I pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped inside.

The house was dark. It was still relatively early, being only a little past nine, so I figured the guys had probably gone out. After sticking the key back into my purse, I set it down on the table near the door. My feet were really starting to cramp up from dancing all night in four-inch heels. They had to come off. I braced myself against the wall for balance and started to remove my shoes. But I was stopped dead in my tracks when I heard moaning coming from the couch to my right.

Whoever was hooking up on that couch was so engrossed in their sexcapade that they hadn’t heard me come into the house. I felt guilty for standing there in silence like some creeper, but I was frozen in place. There was a tightening in my core as the decidedly male moans became louder. Slurping and heavy breathing filled the quiet space.

As my eyes began to adjust to the lack of light, I could see a woman’s head bobbing up and down an enormous...Oh dear God in heaven, please no...

“Just like that, baby...” Colton. My eyes adjusted further and I could see that his hands were fisted in the girl’s hair, guiding her mouth up and down. His head was thrown back. His lips parted. The golden curls I’d loved for as long as I could remember bounced with each shift of his hips. My whole body went tingly and numb.

Pain unlike anything I’d ever felt shot through every cell of my body instantly as if I’d been struck by a lightning bolt. My heart...I wasn’t sure it would ever beat again. With each thrust, it shriveled up and died a little more. I felt tears pouring down my cheeks as I reached for something—anything to grab hold of to keep my balance. My hand gripped the edge of the little table, but instead of holding me up, it went down with me.

There was a loud crash. A scream that could only have come from me. The light came on just as Colton was tucking his dick back into his pants and my fucking mouth had the nerve to water. Why was my body such a fucking whore for this man?

I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to disappear. I wanted...I wanted to stop loving Colton Fowler because loving him was slowly killing me.

“Allie?” Colton slurred, dropping to his knees beside me on the floor. Great. He was fucking drunk.

“What the hell?” the blonde bitch on the couch screeched as she pulled her tank top back over her head. I recognized her as the girl he was with at the bar on my first day here...Candy. Another day. Another blonde. Another blowjob.

Colton ignored her, running his sloppy hands all over my body to make sure I wasn’t hurt. “Are you okay? What happened?”

I tried to answer, but couldn’t speak past the sobs that had stolen my breath. So, I shook my head, nodded, and then shrugged.

Candy rolled her eyes as she approached. She too must’ve recognized me from the bar. “Seriously? Girl, you need to get a fucking life and stop cock-blocking. It ain’t cool.” Her too-long manicured finger pointed in my direction before she stormed out, slamming the front door behind her.

Colton lifted me into his lap, holding me close. He pressed wet, smelly beer kisses all over my forehead and down the side of my face. I was disgusted, but I craved his attention more. So, I laid there in his arms, wrapped my trembling limbs around his chest, and let the source of my pain comfort me while simultaneously gutting me.

My eyes were heavy, and I was beginning to doze off when, in a shaky voice, he asked, “So...did you have a good time?”

“Mmhmm,” I answered, looking up just in time to catch the broken expression on his face before he was able to school his features.

Colton cleared his throat and ran a hand through his mop of curls, a move of his I’d always found incredibly sexy. “Where’d you go?”

He looked as broken as I felt, and his pain, believe it or not, cut deeper than my own. “Do you really want to hear about this?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed with a hard swallow, and he nodded.

“He took me salsa dancing.”

Colton’s head hung. I felt his body shake with a humorless laugh. “Damn, he’s better than I thought.”

“It was fun.”

“You always did love to dance...”

Reaching up, I cupped the side of his forlorn face. His skin was rough with day-old stubble. I realized I was absentmindedly rubbing his cheek and quickly pulled my hand away. “You’re still my favorite partner.”

Colton’s hooded eyes locked with mine. As he continued to stare, my heart began to race. “Dance with me?” His tone was pleading, bordering on desperate.

“Now?” I asked, taking in the mess we were still sitting in.

My obsession cleared his throat. He looked almost nervous like he actually thought there was a possibility I’d ever have told him no. “Now,” he affirmed.

I shifted to my knees, between Colt’s legs, positioning myself with my face toward his. “I’d love to.”

Colt took my hand into his own, practically dragging me up the stairs to his bedroom. He powered up his laptop, and within minutes, I heard the opening chords to “Despacito.”

I was staring out of his bedroom window when I felt his presence behind me. He didn’t breathe a word, and I didn’t dare move. My body temperature rose by at least ten degrees before he even touched me. I could feel my heart pulsing in the back of my throat. Colton closed the space between us, pressing his erection into my ass, as he grabbed my waist with both hands and molded his body to mine. And I swear to baby Jesus, I nearly orgasmed on the spot.

Colton started out slowly, undulating our hips in time to the beat. His lips were on my neck. His hands exploring my body in ways they never had—in ways I’d only ever imagined in my dreams. They brushed over my breasts, traveled down the outside of my legs, and crept up the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. I was a puppet, putty in his hands.

I tried to reason with my overzealous body. Colton was drunk. We were just dancing. Only dancing. It didn’t mean anything. The hard length pressing into my back wasn’t any indication of how he felt for me. I bit my lip to keep from crying out at the all too recent memory of Candy’s lips wrapped around that very erection.

I was in heaven and my own personal hell. It was the closest I’d ever got to everything I’d ever wanted, and at the same time eons away. Because while he may have been igniting a fire in my body, I’d just witnessed him doing so much more with another woman mere minutes before. That hard-on, now pressing into my most intimate places, wasn’t for me. As much as I wanted to believe differently, I knew that it belonged to her. I was a convenient body to rub up against, to work out the sexual frustration I’d caused with my interruption.

With every breath against my neck, I smelled the alcohol, reminding me of how drunk he was. My nipples grew hard despite the pain I felt inside. My panties were soaked. Physically, I was aroused. Emotionally, I’d never been more damaged.

Just when I felt like I would crumble in his hold, I heard my best friend singing softly into my ear. He was completely oblivious to my feelings in his drunken state. “Desperito, this is how we do it in Puerto Rico. Do you wanna play with my big burrito?” His face landed on my shoulder, and his arms tightened around my middle in a bear hug as Colton’s body began to shake with the force of his laughter.

Amid the tears and heartbreak, I was reminded of why I loved him so much. Of why no matter how much it hurt, I would love him always.

When I awoke the next morning, Colton had already left for practice. The only indication that I hadn’t imagined the entire ordeal was the faint sound of “Despacito” playing on loop coming from the direction of his laptop, which was still open on the desk. My life was such a fucking mess.

I glanced at the glowing red numbers on Colton’s alarm clock, noting that it was already after ten. I was meeting Gertie in an hour and was a hot mess in every way imaginable.

After a quick shower, I blew my hair out, applied minimal makeup, and threw on a sundress and flip-flops. Then I headed downstairs.

As I retrieved my purse on the way out, I noticed that someone had cleaned up my mess from last night. My eyes wandered to the couch and began to sting. I shook my head to myself as I pulled the door shut. Not today, Satan. I had to get a grip. Colton was free to put his dick wherever he wanted. Apparently, he wanted to put it in the mouth of every blonde hoochie in LA. But that was not my business.

My Uber arrived within two minutes. It seemed like there were always five cars lurking around any given corner in LA. The level of convenience was out of control. I was becoming spoiled.

Less than ten minutes from the time I walked out of the door, my driver was dropping me off in front of Sammy’s Café. Gertie said they had the best French onion soup and grilled cheese she’d ever tasted. Apparently, her son lived just down the road, and she ate there often.

Sammy’s was small, located on the corner of a shopping center. The entire front and left side of the restaurant were floor to ceiling windows. I spotted my friend right away seated at a booth with her wrinkly little arm flailing in the air to get my attention. My heart warmed at the sight of her. I loved that she seemed just as excited to see me as I was to see her.

A huge smile split my face as I yanked the heavy door open and rushed over to join her. Gertie stood, wrapping me in a tight hug. I squeezed her back. I didn’t want to ever let go. I knew no one apart from Colt and his friends in the city...But with Gertie, I could finally let my guard down a little. I knew she was on my side.

“All right. All right, child,” she said, patting the back of my head affectionately. “Have a seat and tell me alllllll about this blonde bitch.” Her lips curled into a smirk when my mouth fell open. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. Those were your words.” Gertie winked, slipping back into the booth.

“Well...” I laughed, taking a seat across from her. “There are two now. Actually, three altogether, but two since I messaged you.”

Her eyes narrowed as she sat back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. “What kind of shady shit are you kids doing in that house?”

Water sprayed from my nose as I choked mid-swallow. “Gertie!”

“Honey, I thought we decided you came to get the guy. So, explain to this old woman how you’re off dating his friends, and he’s having whores over to the house.” Her brows rose, and her eyes homed in on my face. Well, when she put it like that...

I felt my face heat with mortification. “Well, I...Blex said we should make him jealous...” Good one, Alexis. Blame Blex.

“Blex is...?”

I squirmed a little in my seat. The condescending look she gave me made me all kinds of nervous. “Colt’s roommate.”

Gertrude steepled her hands together, resting them beneath her chin. Her lips puckered in thought, twitching side to side. “How old are you, Alexis?”

A ball of nerves lodged in my throat. Why’d I suddenly feel like an errant child being chastised by a parent? “Twenty...”

“Mmhmm...”

Mmhmm...What did that even mean? “So...”

“So, don’t you think you’re a little too old for games, darlin’?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I could feel how red they were as I sputtered a bunch of nonsense...She was right. We weren’t children anymore. This wasn’t a game. This was my life. “I just thought that if I could make him jealous...”

Gertie’s head nodded slowly. “You thought you’d make him realize what he was missing...”

“Exactly! Except he’s just going about his business...Maybe he doesn’t have those kind of feelings for me, Gertie.” I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes. “What if it’s all one-sided?”

Gertie rolled her eyes, waving a hand in dismissal. “A blind man could see the love that boy feels for you. I saw it, Alexis. I felt it.” She thumped a hand on her chest. “Right here...You feel it too.” Her eyes met mine, daring me to deny it. “Tell me you don’t honestly believe that boy is crazy about you.”

My heart tightened in my chest. “I think...maybe...I mean, I guess. Yeah. I feel it. There are times I’m sure of it. But then I walk in and he’s getting a blowjob in the living room of the house we’re sharing, and I just don’t know how he could possibly feel the way I feel for him.” Tears lined my cheeks. I swatted them away.

“You don’t?”

“No! Who does that, Gertie? I mean, if he loved me...why? Why would he do that?”

Gertie covered her face with both hands, blowing out a long and frustrated breath. Her head finally came back up, and there was a sad smile on her face. “You, Alex...You have been doing that for three years. You’re the one here under the guise of trying to decide whether or not you want to marry another man. A man you’ve been dating for three long years. You’re flirting with his friends. Dating his friends.”

My jaw dropped as I was stunned into silence.

“Honey, when was that boy supposed to tell you he was in love with you?” Her warm hand reached out, rubbing the tops of mine, which were laced on the table in front of me. “You think you’re hurt, and you’re confused. Put yourself in that boy’s shoes for two minutes. What have you done to show him how you feel? Have you given him any reason to be confident enough in his feelings to think that you might actually return them?”