ALEXIS
I WAS IN A deep sleep when a sound I hadn’t heard in what felt like ages had me popping right up in bed. For half a second, I debated whether to read it or not. I’d been a wreck, barely functioning since Colton annihilated what was left of my heart. Hiding the reason for my depression from my parents had not been easy, but I was dead set on not allowing this mess to cause friction between our families. I’d be civil when we saw each other, but beyond that, I had to quit him. Cold turkey. That part had been easy thus far, because not once had he even tried to contact me. Until now.
My body went nuts, acting as if it were a live grenade cradled in my palm rather than my phone. As I swiped right, I held my breath, anticipating the explosion.
Colt: I licked a man’s nipple tonight bcuz of you. Thanks for ruining my life.
What the hell? I had no idea what that message was about. It was weird, even for Colt, but I stared at it for hours, imagining his fingers as they moved over the screen. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he was drunk. It was two in the morning on a Saturday. He was probably lying in bed, thinking of me, just like I was lying in bed thinking about him. Always thinking about him. I didn’t care that he was obviously pissed. My heart raced just knowing that he cared enough to send that message. It proved that he wasn’t indifferent where I was concerned, and that thrilled me to no end. I hoped I haunted his dreams, keeping him up at night. It’s the least he deserve for what he was doing to me.
I almost broke, typing out countless messages, and deleting them all, unsent, between the time I got his and my alarm going off at eight. It was time to get ready to go shopping with the moms, and I was running on little to no sleep.
After I was showered and dressed, I went downstairs, finding my father on the computer, messing with his stocks. “Hey, Daddy.”
His head popped up, a worried smile on his face. “Hey, princess. How’re you feeling?”
“Good,” I lied, rushing off to the kitchen to grab a granola bar before he could see my tired eyes. I hated making my parents worry, but I didn’t know how to pull myself out from the dark cloud I now existed within.
As soon as I sat to eat, my dad walked in. That same crooked smile aimed my way. “Mind if I join you?”
I shook my head, even though I’d have preferred to be left alone because pretending to be fine when you’re not is exhausting, and I was tired.
Dad pulled out the chair across from mine, staring silently over my head as I ate. He waited until I’d swallowed the last bite before speaking. This time there was no beating around the bush. “What did that boy do to you?”
His directness caught me off guard. “Wh—huh?” I stammered, looking around the room. “Who?”
Dad’s fist came down on the table, causing me to jump back in my seat. “Goddamnit, Alexis. I’m not stupid. You haven’t been the same since you got home from California. I haven’t heard you talking on the phone with him. Haven’t seen you messaging each other.”
Warm tears streamed down my face, but I said nothing. I couldn’t. This was what I was afraid of. No matter what Colton did to me, I didn’t want my family at odds with him. Didn’t want our parents getting caught up in the middle of our problems.
“I know that it has something to do with Colton, and by you not saying anything, you’re making me think the worst...I want to fix things for you, but I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me.”
“I don’t want you to b-be mad at hi-him,” I cried, hugging my arms to my chest.
His face softened, marginally. “I love that boy like my own son, Alex, but you are my daughter, and I’ll be damned if I just sit by and watch you self-destruct. You barely eat. You don’t leave the house anymore but for school or if one of us drags you out...Is he in some kind of trouble?”
His questions were making me dizzy and adding to the stress that was already more than I could handle. It was all too much, and I broke. “You can’t fix this!” I shouted, slamming my fists down onto the table.
“I can try.” His hands covered mine, squeezing gently.
Shaking my head, I looked him right in the eyes and gave him what he wanted, because I was done. And because I had absolutely no fight left in me. “H-h-he doesn’t l-love me back, Daddy,” I cried. “I-I-love him s-so m-much, and he doesn’t l-love me b-back.” The next thing I knew, I was in my father’s arms, crying on his shoulder. It was loud, and it was ugly. But freeing in a way.
I’d never seen my father look so helpless in my life. “I’m so sorry, Allie.”
“I’ll be okay,” I assured him when my tears had dried. “I’m not the first person to suffer a broken heart. Just...give me a little time.”
He nodded, the worry lines on his face seeming to age him ten years.
“Don’t say anything to Mom or his parents, okay? It won’t help anything.”
After my breakdown with Dad, things actually got a little bit better. Having one person who understood my mood swings—who didn’t look at me like I was headed straight for Crazy Town, USA, made me feel a little less alone. But I still missed him. So much.
Thanksgiving break was creeping up quickly, and Colton’s mom was heartbroken because he’d made up some bullshit excuse for why he wouldn’t be able to make it, which translated to he didn’t want to be around me. It was going to be the first Thanksgiving they’d ever spent without their only child, and knowing that it was my fault that he wouldn’t be there was just one more thing weighing me down.
My biggest fear when I wrote that stupid letter was that he wouldn’t feel the same. Never did I imagine he’d be too disgusted to have anything to do with me. So disgusted, in fact, that he’d shunned his own family.
In a moment of weakness, I pulled up his name in my messages, rolling my eyes at the one he’d sent a few months ago about licking some guy’s nipple, and then I broke the promise I’d made to myself.
Alex: Please come home for Thanksgiving. Your mom keeps begging me to talk to you. I promise I’ll make myself scarce. You’re breaking your mother’s heart.