“Get on your hands and knees.”
The demanding way he asserts his authority makes me tingle from head to toe. I should have expected it to be like this, should have expected that he and I together would be lethal once I unlocked that door to my heart, to my body, and allowed him entry.
The bedroom is lit only by a large pillar candle that’s perched on the dresser, spilling shadows down across our nude bodies and the tornado of a room. Pillows have been tossed in various places on the floor and the comforter sits precariously on the edge of the mattress. The sheets are damp from all our lovemaking, though neither of us seems to mind. We are both solely focused on pleasing one another … and making up for a lot of lost time.
“Good girl,” he murmurs when I comply, as if I’d ever tell the man no. Since our first time together hours before, when he mostly let me guide the way, he’s been fully and completely in charge. This is the hidden part to Roman that I’ve never seen before, the sexy male who is unafraid to make demands, bringing me out of my comfort zone and into a world of utmost pleasure and ultimate sexual freedom. I respond to him in a way I never believed I could, especially since I’ve been celibate for so many years. Apparently all that repressed sexuality makes Sabrina a very eager girl.
His hand comes down hard across my ass, but he’s quick to soothe it with his palm and with a well-placed kiss across the stinging surface of my skin. “Like that?”
I’m still tingling from the last orgasm he gave me a few minutes ago with his mouth, so truly it is hard to define if this reaction is new or simply residual, though I must say I secretly anticipate the next smack. “I like you,” I reply coyly. “A lot.”
My lack of affirmation earns me one more hard slap and in response I can feel myself immediately start to pulsate with need. God … this man. The things he does with his gorgeous body and that incredible cock of his. I never thought I’d ever be so enamored with a part of the male anatomy, but I most definitely have a love affair going on with it, that’s for sure.
“Do you like it?’ His voice is lower now, menacing, as his fingers dip between my legs. He teases me, running his knuckles over my folds as he leans down over my back and whispers, “I’d say you do.” There’s a short pause and once more his hand connects with my skin. The sudden burn turns quickly to desire with his soothing touch. Shivering in response, my heart rate quickens and I silently question if I can orgasm simply from this act. With Roman I’m fairly certain anything he does, even just sitting there looking at me, will make me come.
The familiar sound of the condom wrapper makes me smile with anticipation. Sure, I’d love to have sex with this man with nothing between us but bare skin and sweat but currently that’s not an option. I suppose now that we’ve taken this step I should see about an easier form of birth control, although this is all so new that it feels a little assumptive on my part. We’ve not had a traditional relationship so it’s fair to say that we should probably discuss whether or not he’s seeing other people. The thought alone makes my heart hurt in ways I never expected. While the big part of me believes that Roman is mine and mine alone, that tiny voice in my head reminds me that he’s promised me very little.
But when he thrusts in deep like this and makes me his, worrying about a possible future is the last thing on my mind. In fact, thinking isn’t really an option now, not when his hands are working my body. With each hard, measured thrust, I feel just that much closer to him. He is such perfect equal parts of gentle and demanding, a man with great depth, a man with honor and devotion to family. He’s the type of man I want in my life forever. And if forever is this room, this moment, then I couldn’t ask for more.
“Hang onto the headboard, beautiful.”
I’m so darn compliant to anything he asks or demands I suppose that should be concerning. But it’s not. Not at all. I’m a different woman now, different because of him, different when I’m with him. Changed completely in only a matter of hours. Maybe this is who I was always supposed to be or possibly someone I’ve run from simply because she is so different from Sabrina, Emmy’s mom.
The slight change in angle makes it easier for his hands to stroke my body. Although in what has become a regular favorite of his, he’s quickly urging my hands to join in the fun. Never, ever would I have believed that freedom such as this could be so liberating. Of course, I also never imagined that I’d spend an entire afternoon in a sunlit room, letting one man have me in numerous ways, pulling so many responses from me that I’ve quickly lost track of just how many times I screamed out his name. I honestly didn’t even know it was possible to come so many times in one day—for either of us. Just shows how naïve I’ve been all my life.
Our fingers tangle together between my legs, sending waves of pleasure directly to my core in yet another mind-blowing release. Throwing my head back, I moan loudly, his name on my lips, shuddering through the orgasm as he continues to pound into me repeatedly. Then he growls out a curse and follows right after me, his sweaty face against my back as he kisses the wetness from my skin.
As our breathing starts to settle, he gently eases me down onto the mattress and shucks the condom, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me in tight against his chest, my head tucked perfectly under his chin. His heart is racing against my cheek, breathing labored, his beautiful sleek body sprawled out next to mine with our toes touching.
With one finger below my chin, he tips my head back and our eyes instantly meet. “You okay? I’ve worked you over pretty hard today.”
I shoot him a sassy smirk. “I’ll say.”
This time the smack to my ass is much tamer, though not the least bit ineffective. “Watch it, beautiful. That mouth of yours might get you into trouble.”
“I’m fine. Tired, but fine.” Tired doesn’t even begin to explain this mixed sense of euphoria and full-body exhaustion that I feel. Knowing I have to go home soon to an enthusiastic teenager doesn’t exactly fill me with excitement when all I want to do is fall asleep right in this man’s arms.
“I wish we could stay here all night,” he whispers, reading my mind and dropping a soft kiss onto my lips.
My heart leaps in my chest and if I didn’t know better, I’d say I was falling in love with him. But how is that possible? Do we even really know one another well enough to fall in love? I suppose we must, especially if today is any indication. I have no idea what real love feels like, but this right here sure feels like something. Something life-altering. Something unreal. Something slightly terrifying and equally mesmerizing.
“Me too.”
Roman frowns. “You sure you’re okay? Did I hurt you or do something that you didn’t like?”
Ah … the care in his voice makes me want to kiss him all over. Again. “I’m fine and I liked everything you did to me and that we did together. That’s the problem.”
Something that looks a whole lot like fear skirts through his eyes but it’s so brief I assume I must have imagined it. “What do you mean?”
I shrug and take his hand in mine, weaving his large fingers with my much smaller ones. “Just that I don’t want to leave.” I have to question if this is a one-shot deal. If a few weeks are going to go by and he’ll get bored and move on or if it’s something simpler than that: a case of the chase being over so now the thrill will slowly fade away. “I’m scared, Roman. Scared that I like you too much. Scared that this is just too good to last.”
His eyes warm and his embrace tightens. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re worried about. I am right where I want to be.” His eyes search my face. “Is that the problem? Are you worried that this isn’t serious for me?”
“Think about it for a minute. Times like these…” I wave my hand around the totally destroyed room “…are going to be rare. How the heck are we supposed to make this work? Making out in your truck like teenagers or sneaking off when I can get a moment away from Em? It sounds impossible.” I’m suddenly and completely overtaken by panic and fear, this choice I’ve made now suddenly a much larger responsibility.
Roman reacts not at all how I would have expected. His lips lift in a sweet, warm smile and one hand softly caresses my face. “That’s why we have to take full advantage of days like this. I’m not an idiot. I know you don’t have the kind of free time that I do. I know you have responsibilities and a child to think about.” Cocoa brown eyes surge with warmth and emotion as he whispers, “I also know that you are the only woman I want to be with. You’re the only one I want to make a life with.”
I’m stunned, mouth falling open in shock. “You want to make a life with me?”
Chuckling, he replies, “Why the hell does that shock you so much? Of course I want to make a life with you.” Sobering, he pulls me close until our noses touch and I’m seeing two of him. “From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew deep in my gut that I had to have you.” He kisses my nose, my forehead, then gathers me close and tucks my head under his chin once more. “You were always so … evasive. Never really looking at me, only speaking to me when you had to. It’s was pretty cute, but also really damn frustrating.”
Wrinkling my nose, I tip my head back to look at him. “So what are you saying? That you’ve had a crush on me all this time? Since I first started working for the company?” The words alone sound ridiculous to my ears. There’s no way in Hell this beautiful man has spent years wanting me as his.
He nods. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
My heart jumps and flops around in my chest a few dozen times. “But … why? It makes no sense to me.”
He offers me a narrowed, stern look which I presume is supposed to look scary. “It makes every bit of sense. You’re beautiful, Sabrina, inside and out. Why can’t you see that?”
Good question. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m like all other women and I’ve spent my fair share of time in front of the mirror picking myself apart. I suppose if I’m being honest, I would agree that I’m decent to look at. But beauty on the inside … when he didn’t even know me, long before we’d had a real, honest conversation? That’s debatable. “I guess I have a hard time understanding why you’d spend so long crushing on me and not make me aware of it.”
He shrugs. “I guess I was scared.”
Okay, now I’m really shocked. Roman Moran scared? “Scared of what? Of me?”
“Yeah, I suppose so. You were so far out of my league, so I just took those few run-ins we had at the elevator and the occasional conversation in the hallway and told myself that eventually something between us would happen.”
I glance down at our naked, intertwined bodies. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that something has happened.”
Roman gives me a long, hard kiss and with one more smack on the butt he rolls to his feet and holds out his hand. “Come on gorgeous lady, let’s get a shower before I have to take you home.”
Padding with him into the bathroom, I glance at our reflections in the mirror briefly, then back at him. “I have my car. Remember?”
Grabbing me around the waist, he turns me to face the mirror. Wrapped around me like he is, I appear tiny in his embrace. My hair is wildly tousled, my face flushed from all the lovemaking. I look sated and happy and unlike the woman I see there every day. Seeing him there, holding me tightly in his arms, only causes my smile to widen.
His hands slide up, cupping my breasts, thumbs stroking my nipples as he murmurs, “Leave it here. It will give you an excuse to come back.” He nuzzles my neck. “Besides, I like the idea of picking you up for work in the morning.”
He’s not playing fair and he knows it. I can’t think when his hands are on me like this and certainly not when I can watch both our responses in the glass. He looks dangerous with his wild, too-long hair and scruffy jaw, dark eyes black with desire. I can feel him hardening against my lower back, just as I can feel the wetness returning between my legs.
“Roman …” I warn.
He doesn’t say a word. He simply slides one hand down, shoots me a devilish grin, and drops to his knees.
Ninety minutes later we’re finally on the road to my house. We’re late, or rather I’m late, but knowing that Emmy is hanging out with Jack removes a bit of the guilt. Sadly I will admit that guilt is not one of the emotions I’ve got rocketing through me right now. There’s a part of me that wants to whoop and holler and scream with joy over what has transpired between the two of us today. But the smaller part, the insecure, girly part of me, is on the verge of tears thinking about telling Roman goodnight. It’s so dumb to feel this way. After all, I’m going to see him in the office tomorrow at some point like I always do.
But everything is different now, I remind myself as he reaches for my hand and sends me a warm smile. Our relationship is different, more meaningful, deeper and more fulfilling than anything I could have ever wished for. He’s different, freer somehow, and perfectly content to sit here in his truck and hold my hand. I’m different too, no longer shackled to a past I felt obligated to reside in. No longer weighted down by responsibilities that I believed were my sole reason for getting out of bed each day. Somewhere in the years since I’ve been raising Emmy, I’ve forgotten that I’m a woman. I’ve somehow forgotten that long before my child came along I was a person too, not just a doer but a taker as well.
Not that I believe one very hot afternoon with Roman is suddenly going to turn me into this selfish and self-serving woman with her eye on the prize and her priorities askew, but my eyes are most certainly open. Jack is right about one thing: somewhere along the way I started believing that just because I had a child I had to sign my life away.
The truth of the matter is that Emmy is a smart, independent young lady. Talking to her about me and Roman is most likely the wisest course of action. She’s not going to be fooled if I try to pull a fast one on her and pretend that all Roman and I do is sit around and hold hands. So, if that is the case, what am I supposed to do?
“You’re sure quiet, sweetness. Everything okay?”
I squeeze his hand and nod. “Everything is great. I’m just trying to figure out whether or not to talk to Emmy about us.”
His eyes widen as he shoots me a sideways glance. “You’re gonna tell your kid that we spent all afternoon screwing?”
I flinch at his cold interpretation of what I consider a hell of a lot more. “Um no. I have no intention of giving her personal information.” So what then smart ass? “I think maybe I should feel her out, tell her that we like one another and see how she responds.”
“And what if she tells you she doesn’t like the idea of us together? What then?”
Shrugging, I turn to look out the window to avoid bursting into tears. “I don’t know. This is as new to me as it is to you.”
We don’t speak again until we’re parked in front of my house, and he comes around to help me down from the truck. The moment my feet hit the ground, he pulls me against his chest and I sink into his embrace. “We can make this work. We just have to sort out a few things is all.”
“You sound so sure.”
“I am sure. Because this … you … is what I want.” His hands cradle my face and conflicted brown eyes meet mine. “You and Em mean everything to me, and I’ll do whatever is necessary to make this work. Okay?”
My heart does that flippity-floppity thing in my chest again, and now I’m certain I’m falling down that road I’ve avoided for so long. “Okay.”
Our kiss is soft, simple, and achingly bittersweet. If I had to guess I’d say he is just as regretful as I am that our time together—for now—has to end. He doesn’t say a word when he lets me go and I move up the walkway; he simply sends me a wave and a smile when I step up to the front door. A weird, odd pain rolls uneasily around in my stomach when he starts the truck and pulls away from the curb and if there weren’t two people inside waiting on me, I might throw myself right down on the step and cry.
Good lord, what has that man done to me?
Deep breath in, big breath out, I shove my key in the lock and plaster a happy smile on my face. Jack and Emmy are perched on the couch, some reality show blasting in the background, an empty pizza box and candy wrappers scattered on the coffee table. They each greet me with a smile, although Jack takes one look at my face and is up off the couch and stalking toward me. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me down the hall and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind us.
“What the hell happened?”
I glance down at myself. I’m rumpled, but I’m clean and my hair is pulled neatly into a ponytail, even if I do smell like Roman’s body wash. “Uh, nothing?”
Jack glares at me. “You’re MIA for over twenty-four hours, coming home almost two hours after you said you’d be here, and you’re telling me that nothing happened?”
Shrugging, I toss down my purse onto the bed. “Yeah, I guess so.”
He shoots me a hard look and glances up and down my body. “First, you need to understand that I am no fool. I know a well-fucked woman when I see one.” Leaning closer, he gives me a sniff and rolls his eyes. “Second, you smell like him.” A cocky smirk lifts one corner of his mouth. “And third, your shirt is on inside out.”
I gasp and look down at myself, finding the shirt perfectly righted on my body and hating myself for failing to see that he was playing me. “You’re a jerk.”
Jack grins at me and plops down onto the end of the bed. “And you, gorgeous lady, are one big slut.” He waves his hand in front of me. “Look at you! Jesus, you’re practically glowing you’re so damn satisfied.” He shakes his head and sighs. “Why, oh why, can’t I meet a hot guy like that?” He’s quick to amend his statement, like I could forget. “A gay one, I mean.”
“Oh really?” I feign shock and slump down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “Have you ever been with someone and when you leave one another it feels physically painful?” He nods, but remains silent. “God, Jack, I’m a mess. I feel happy and elated and ready to burst. Then I think about how long it will be until we can be alone together again and I just want to cry.” My already teary eyes meet his. “Is that stupid?”
“No, it’s not. I think it means you’re heart’s invested.” His fingers entwine with mine. “Is it?”
“Yeah. I think so.” Tears drip slowly down my face, and suddenly I feel like a stupid teenager. “I’m terrified that I’m falling in love with him.”
Jack is silent, but I can’t miss the way his body tenses next to mine. Like me, he’s avoided love all his life, though in his case it’s more about his need to play the field rather than certain responsibilities getting in the way of a lasting relationship.
“How does he feel?”
Swiping at my face, I whisper, “He says he wants to make a life with me. That me and Em mean the world to him.”
“Ah, baby, I’m so happy for you.”
Facing him, the tears return with a vengeance. “He says that now, though, but what about when …”
“Stop. Stop right there. You know better than anyone that you can’t predict the future and that you have to take what you’ve been given and make it your own.” Leaning close, his eyes are hard on mine. “Don’t you dare push him away because you’re scared or because you don’t think you’re worthy of him. The man adores you, Sabrina, so let him. Let him make a life with you.” His forehead comes down onto mine. “Let him love you.”
I want nothing more than for that to happen, but I’m fully aware of Roman’s past and his almost habitual need to romance women. How can I trust that my heart will be protected? How can I believe that he really is willing to change just for me? As overwhelmed as I feel about what happened today, I’d rather walk away now than risk getting deeper involved and having him break me completely.
The odd thing is, I do trust him. I do believe it when he tells me he wants to make a life with me and Emmy, which is why it’s so hard to consider these doubts when they wander in and out of my head. Why would the man admit that he’s been enamored with me for years, if he didn’t have plans to make us a long-term deal?
Jack wipes the tears away with his thumbs and pulls me close. “Trust me with this, my beauty. I know when a man is smitten. And that man is crazy nuts for you.”
Closing my eyes, I whisper, “I sure hope so.”