Twenty-one years old ...

“What’s popping, little brother?”

I smiled, just as I always did when one of my brothers called me. I relaxed on my couch, looked around my embarrassment of an apartment, and said, “Nothing much. What’s new with you guys?”

“Other than me going to the Bahamas as escort for Branna’s best friend’s friend, nothing much.”

I shot upright. “Hold the fuck on.”

Alec laughed.

“Repeat that for me, slowly.”

“It’s as crazy as it sounds, Dame,” Alec said. “Branna’s best friend, Aideen, has this other friend, Keela, who is smoking hot. Little brother, I mean the devil crawled out of hell and sat his ass crack on Earth kind of hot. She has red hair, legs for days, and her mouth ... Jesus.”

I laughed. “I get it, Alec, she’s hot. Now, why are you her escort?”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “So, she was fucking this dude a while who was actually dating her cousin, and he slept with Keela in a revenge plot against her cousin, but the twist is, him and the cousin made up, and now they’re getting fucking married, and Keela has to go to the wedding because her mom is Satan and will make her life hell otherwise. She asked me to escort her, to be her fake boyfriend, so she can get through the wedding in one piece.”

I sat back. “Holy fuck.”

“Tell me about it,” Alec snorted. “It’s fucked up, but bro, it’s in the Bahamas, and my fake girlfriend is hot. I’m deadass happy.”

I shook my head. “Good luck, I guess.”

Alec chuckled. “Why do you sound bored?”

“Because I am bored,” I said. “There nothing to do here.”

“Damien, you live Queens. There is plenty to do.”

“Nothing I wanna do,” I explained. “Besides, someone shot up my block an hour ago. Cops are everywhere, so I’m not leaving this place for nothin.”

“You’re an idiot,” Alec clipped. “You’re happy to live in the hood, but not here in Dublin with us?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you about this again, Alec.” I sighed. “I’m here because I need to be.”

I was bad luck. Everything or everyone that I touched was followed by something bad. I shot Trent, which led to Marco on upping my brothers and roping them into a life of hell. I got close to Alannah when I shouldn’t have, and she was nearly raped and killed because of her involvement with me. I was a sorry excuse for a person, and I knew it. I left Dublin three years ago because it was what was best for everyone.

The first thing I did when I got to New York was remove the false tombstone on the grave of Nala and our baby, then I had a new one erected for them. It wasn’t much, but it was the best I could do for them both. Since then, I got a shitty apartment in Queens, and a job in a butcher shop and just existed. I missed my brothers, I missed Bronagh, Branna, and I missed Alannah. I missed her a lot. I thought about her all the time, so much that I knew it wasn’t good for my mental health.

“Damien,” my brother said. “Why did you run away?”

I leaned my head back against the chair.

“I break everything, Alec,” I answered. “I wanted to leave everyone because I believe you’re all better off without me. The problem is, I’m not better off without you guys.”

“You’re a dumbass,” my brother snapped. “You break nothing! Every shitty thing that has happened to our family, happened to me, was never your fault, and if you stopped feeling sorry for yourself for two seconds, you would see that!”

I didn’t understand how he could defend me when every problem he and my other brothers faced was because of me. If I didn’t shoot Trent, Marco would have never faked his death and took up my brothers on their offer to work off my life debt.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Yes.”

“We miss you.”

“I miss you guys too,” I said. “I won’t stay away forever. I’m not good on my own for long, but I just need this time to try to figure shit out in my head, Alec. I always rely on your and the others, I need to do this by myself.”

He sighed, but said, “I understand.”

Thank God.

“I saw Alannah today.”

My pulse spiked. “Is she dating anyone?”

“No,” Alec answered. “But if she starts to, I’ll drive him away. I’ll get super weird and make him uncomfortable. Or we’ll just have Kane stare at him until he runs away.”

I snorted. “You’re a dumbass.”

“Says the guy on the other side of the planet asking about the woman he’s been trippin’ after since he was a kid. Who’s really the dumbass?”

I grunted. “Point taken, asshole.”

Alec chuckled. “She’s doing her thing, Dame. Working hard in her fancy art college and keeping to herself. She’s with us all the time when she’s not in class and has shown no interest in dating anyone. The girls try to encourage her, but she isn’t biting the bait.”

The relief that flowed through my veins was almost embarrassing.

I closed my eyes. “How does she look?”

“Same as she always does.”

“Beautiful?”

“Yup.”

I sighed. “I drive myself crazy thinking about her.”

“Then come home and claim her.”

“Claim her?” I repeated. “Who do you think you are, Tarzan?”

“Bro, the ladies love a bit of dominance. They rub up on me when I get bossy.”

“Shut up.”

“You wouldn’t complain if Alannah rubbed up on you, I bet.”

I closed my eyes and thought of her body rubbing slowly against mine, and my jeans suddenly became too tight.

“Don’t mention rubbing and Alannah in the same sentence, please.”

Alec laughed. “Little Damien suffers, huh?”

“Big Damien,” I corrected.

My brother cackled, and it made me smile.

“I have to go,” Alec said. “I’m moving in with Keela until we leave for the Bahamas. I told her it was because I wanted to make it authentic when we appeared as boyfriend and girlfriend, and that she needed to get used to me, but I really just want to wear her down. She wants me; she’s just dead set against it because she thinks I’m a player.”

“You are a player.”

“Even the best of players have to hang it up at some point. This chick ticks all my boxes, so if I have to be a one-woman man, then so be it. Dominic and Ryder have corrupted me by having steady girlfriends who they love. It almost makes no strings attached sex ... meaningless.”

I laughed. “Are you telling me you want this Keela chick to be your Bronagh or Branna?”

“Ask me after this trip, and I’ll let you know.”

He hung up on me because I was laughing. I shook my head and tossed my phone on the cushion next to me. I always felt a little better after I spoke to my brothers, but then my loneliness would scream at me until I dragged myself into my bedroom where I would lie in the darkness until sleep claimed me. It was a miserable way to live, I knew that, but this was what I had to do until I decided it was time for me to go home.

I just wished that I knew when that time would be.