Chapter 3
In the Wake of Distraction
At first Cora and Emery were relatively quiet as they worked their way up. When Cora saw the other three reach the bottom and start to head off, she muttered something under her breath.
Emery had caught up to her and was staying beside her as they worked their way up. “I take it that this entire trip has turned out to be a bit of a letdown for you.”
“What makes you say that?” She kept her eyes on her work as she was not interested in talking.
“Well, it was completely obvious that you weren’t happy that Ryland was here.”
“Oh, did he tell you that? You shouldn’t listen to–”
“He hasn’t said anything. I don’t know what happened, but it is obvious that you are very upset. And I don’t think that it is just about our climb.”
Cora smiled and looked over at him. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just having a bit of a rough time. I’ll be alright.”
“You know, you are rather pretty. I would like to see an honest smile on your face, though. That one doesn’t suit you.”
The smile fell from her face and Cora raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really. Fine, if you don’t want me to smile, it’ll save me from faking it.” She hoped that would be enough to get him to shut up.
“I had a brother like you. Hid his emotions, always tried to come across as fine. Not quite as lively as you appear to be, but he almost always came across as cheery. We were in a big family, making it a bit harder to focus on a single individual.”
“How big is your family?” Cora wanted to ignore the conversation, but something about the tone in the man’s voice kept her interest.
“I’m the youngest of nine.”
“There are nine people in your family?”
“Eleven if you count my parents.”
“Your mom had nine children?” Cora was stunned at this revelation. She thought that having such a huge family was a thing of the past. No one had so many children in this day and age.
“Yeah. My brother, Anders, was the fifth born. Right in the middle, so he never really got any attention from my parents. He was really close with one of our sisters, Theresa.”
“At least he had someone to talk to.”
“It didn’t end up being a good thing. See, she was a bit of a troublemaker, and he was constantly bailing her out. It ended up being a really bad thing for both of them.”
“Wait,” something had just dawned on her, “Silas and Ryland are cousins. So you must be related to Silas, too.”
“Not directly. They are related on Ryland’s father’s side. Ryland and I are related on his mother’s side. So I’m not related to Silas by blood. Still, we do hang out some during the family gatherings.”
“Oh, so you go to those?” Cora was pleased that the conversation was veering away from wherever Emery had been steering the conversation.
“Yeah, it’s kind of mandatory.”
Cora looked over at him, “I’ve heard of family reunions, but even for a small town like Deep River, families don’t tend to stay together for a month or two every year. What is it about your family that you guys are that close?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“You can just say you don’t want to talk about it.”
“So could you, but unlike you, I am not trying to avoid talking about something. It really is complicated enough that most people wouldn’t believe the truth.”
“I don’t mind you avoiding talking about something but I do mind you trying to imply that I’m avoiding something.”
“You’ve done nothing but avoid talking about your past since I met you. I know that you’ve fooled Ryland because that guy is so straight-laced and focused on being responsible that he can’t imagine anyone else thinking differently. It’s a damn good thing that Serenity is like him because it would never work otherwise. They would be incapable of communicating. He could only make you unhappy.”
“I think you are underestimating him. He could make any woman happy, and Serenity is ludicrously lucky.”
“I quite agree that he could make most women happy, but I specifically meant you. He didn’t even realize you had a crush on him. You know that, right?”
“What?” Cora stopped climbing and looked over at the stranger climbing beside her.
“I’m not sure that Silas really knew how you felt about Ryland either. You are quite good at hiding how you feel. It almost hurts to watch you.”
Cora felt her cheeks flush at the way he was suddenly analyzing her. “What are you, some kind of shrink or something?”
“Not at all. Like I said, I had a brother like you. I learned to notice when someone was acting for the world. If you were to go with Ryland to Hollywood, you would be an overnight sensation because acting is all you do. But you would be absolutely miserable.”
“Of course I would be. Can you imagine not having any privacy? I don’t know how Ryland does it.”
“You got me there. He went along with it because that is what his parents chose for him, and he keeps doing it because it allows him to do the things he feels need to be done. I admire his sense of responsibility. The problem is that it is also his weakness, and I worry that he’s going to burn himself out.”
“Maybe Serenity will be able to ease some of that.”
“She already is, but there is only so much she can do. Ryland really isn’t built to be the leader, and he was never meant to be either. He was supposed to support the leader.”
“What are you talking about? What leader?” Cora looked over at him, completely lost in what he was saying.
Emery shrugged as he smiled, “Family stuff, so don’t worry about it.”
“If you aren’t going to explain it, then don't talk about it.”
“I’m sorry, I sometimes get caught up in my thoughts and my mouth does its own thing.”
“Well, since you’ve been analyzing all of us, let’s talk about you.” He frowned at her. “It’s only fair. And don’t worry, I'm not about to press you on things you don't want to discuss.”
“Alright. What did you have in mind?”
“What do you do?”
“I’m a graduate student at WSU.”
“What subject?”
“My BS is in chemistry, but I switched to English for my PhD. Science is great, but I like being able to make up the answers. Knowing how things work can sometimes spoil the magic behind them.”
Cora gave him a look of disbelief. “That’s a rather strange thing for a scientist to say.”
Emery shrugged, “Perhaps. So what is your focus?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Oh, that’s right. You and Silas never really thought that much about your future and now you are just kind of staggering through. I take it you don’t care much for science.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I always enjoyed botany.”
“You could make a career out of that, you know.”
“It doesn’t really pay.”
“You can start your own business, a nursery or something, and then you can do everything you do now, keep hours that you enjoy, and that bubbly personality that you front will maybe become a little more real.”
“I don’t know if I believe you when you say you aren’t in psychology.” He shrugged at her again. “How old are you?”
“Oh, well, that’s very straightforward.”
“You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
“How old are you?”
“20.”
“I’m 24,” he smiled at her, and Cora couldn’t help but smile back. He was prying, and usually it would have bothered her, but unlike other people, the way he was doing it was far less invasive. Emery wasn’t telling her that it would be alright or trying to force her to feel better. They were just talking. Whether or not she realized it, she was starting to drop her guard.
“How long did it take before you realized what you wanted to do?”
“Oh, that’s easy, I still don’t know.”
“What?” She looked over at Emery again with the same expression of disbelief. “You are working on a PhD. Who does that without a plan?”
“Apparently I do that without a plan. I don’t have to have a job or anything, so I may just be a perpetual student.”
“If you really like English you could be a teacher.”
“Oh, God, not a chance. Could you imagine teaching kids all day? No, thank you.” He looked over at her. “Well, maybe if I wanted to travel to other countries, but I’m not really interested in that right now, so, not going to happen.”
“What about being a writer? I mean, it must have crossed your mind. You could write a script for Ryland. Or since you like science to some extent, you could do tech writing or something.”
“Uh, you know, that really isn’t a bad idea. Hmmm.” Emery stopped working his way up to think about what Cora had said.
“We’re almost to the next ledge. Should probably plan to rest there for a bit.”
“Are your arms getting tired?”
“Not really, but the last stretch is tough. Besides, we can walk for a while before doing the last climb. I always thought of that as taking a break since your arms get to rest.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Actually,” Cora pointed a little ways down, “there’s a path that I’ve never gone down. Jason has always declined to check it out because he moves a lot slower than me. If you are game, we could take the path and see where it leads.”
“I’m game, but aren’t you concerned that we won’t have time to reach the top?”
“We’ve been abandoned, so whatever we do is more than what those jokers end up doing.”
Emery laughed, “You have a point. I would like to see the top sometime, but if we don’t make it today, we can always come back and check it out.”
Cora smiled over at him, “Yeah, that would be fun.”
They chatted about several other topics while working their way to the ledge. Emery reached it first and helped Cora up. As she dusted herself off, he looked around. “So, which way?”
“To your left. I have never been very far, so if you want to go first, I’m fine with that.”
“Sure. I don’t mind.”
Cora watched him as he began to slowly work his way to the path. There were some trees and fallen boulders not too far from where they were, but the path was large enough that they should be able to make it without too much trouble. A sudden wind took her by surprise, and Cora let out a gasp and pressed her back against the rock behind her.
“You okay?” Emery looked back at her.
“Fine. Just wasn’t expecting the wind.”
“Here.” He took her hand and put it on his bicep. “Hold on to me. You are so small, I worry that you could get blown over the side.”
Cora guffawed at his explanation. “I’m not that small.”
He smiled back at her, “It makes me feel better to know that if there is another breeze you won’t get blown off the cliff.” She gave him a look. “Hey, I don’t want to face those three guys if something were to happen to you, so please just humor me.”
Cora laughed and looked down at the place where the three had disappeared. “It’s not like they would notice.”
“I know you know that is a lie. They would kill me, and would probably beat the shit out of each other determining who would get the final blow to finish me off.”
“You are exaggerating.” Cora rolled her eyes.
Emery looked over at her, his expression one of calculation. “Either you are blind or you just want to hear someone say nice things about you.”
Cora pulled her hand away from him, her defenses going back up. He grabbed her hand, and before she could say anything, he said, “Blind. Good lord, you really are a lot like him. I know that you feel that they deserted you, but all three of them care about you a lot.”
“How would you know that?” Cora frowned at him.
“Well, one of them is your brother, and it is blatantly obvious that he is ridiculously concerned about you, and not for the reasons that the other two are concerned about you. I can hazard a guess about that since I know that he is only here because of Silas.”
“Exactly. He only came because of Silas. Jason isn’t here because I asked him to come. He never comes when I ask him to visit. Not anymore.”
Emery scratched his head. “Jason is here because they are so worried about you. Do you know how I know that?” Cora just looked at him. “Because they were both worried about you the entire time the family was together. It was all we could do to keep Silas from coming back here. It was only toward the end when he was finally allowed to call your brother to come up. Just the one phone call and your brother promised to visit as soon as possible.”
“They shouldn’t have been so worried,” Cora muttered.
Emery looked at her and sighed, “Well, whether or not they should have been, they were.”
“Then why did they go running off?”
“Ryland has an obligation right now. And after his last solo excursion, he isn’t supposed to go alone. Which is why Silas went with him.”
“How are gunshots their problem?”
“It isn’t hunting season. And no one is allowed to hunt here at any time of the year anyway.”
“Yeah, but they aren’t police or anything. Poachers aren’t their problem or responsibility.”
“Wrong, but I can’t get into it. Honestly, it should have been me going with Ryland instead of Silas.”
“Hey, no one is stopping you from going if that is really what you want to do.” Cora had tried to play things off as fine earlier, but she didn’t try to pretend it was now.
“Wrong again. You are stopping me.” Emery was watching her with a look of interest. “It is obvious that you are avoiding talking to them, so I figured that it would make more sense to stay with you than to go with Ryland.” Cora frowned at him. “Given your relationship with Silas, I seriously doubt being around you right now is going to be good for him. People always take him for granted, and I think that you are the worst example of that.”
“Hey!” Cora felt very hurt by this assessment of her personality. “I don’t take people for granted. And I certainly don’t take Silas for granted. I love him as much as I love Jason. Whatever you are doing, stop it.” They were on the path where there was more space to move, so she pulled away from him.
“Really? You don't take Silas for granted? You don’t take your brother for granted?” Emery gave her a partial smile, a knowing smile that seemed to mock her. “You are upset with Jason for only coming up here because Silas begged him. You think that your brother should come when you ask him to come. But how many times have you asked him since he moved out? Once? Twice? Did you ever bother to find out what was going on with him when you asked? Or do you expect him to drop everything and come when you call him? You are upset with Silas because he is trying to make you feel better by forcing you to face something. Something that is clearly eating you up, but you refuse to talk to someone who desperately wants to help. Nor are they the only ones you are hurting. It is rare that I have ever seen Ryland so concerned about anyone outside of the family. And you are trying to entirely avoid him because you are hurt that he is dating Serenity. They all really care about you, but you can’t see it because you are so focused on feeling guilty that you don’t care about anyone else. Only your emotions matter. That kind of selfishness is only going to hurt everyone else, and it will eventually drive them away. Yet you pretend that isn’t the case by deflecting and faking that you are fine. Absolutely brilliant.”
Cora glared at Emery, her emotions clearly written in that expression. He smiled back, “That’s better. Stop trying to hide it. You’re pissed, so say so.”
“Don’t hide it? Alright. Fuck you,” she spun on her heel and quickly walked away from him. She hoped to find some other way down because she no longer wanted to be anywhere close to Emery. Hearing him follow her, Cora sped up and started to look for a way to lose him. “Stop following me, asshole,” she said over her shoulder.
There was no response, so she began to jog.
“Cora, it’s not safe. Stop!” The sound of Emery’s voice behind her spurned her forward. Seeing several boulders resting on the path in front of her, Cora thought that she might be able to lose him. After months of trying to hide her feelings of guilt and shame, the dammed-up emotions were bursting forth in a reckless display of disregard for her own safety. Cora’s bag slammed against her back as she ran down the path. She looked behind her as she veered to the right, thinking that Emery would follow the path down instead of the one leading up. Pleased that she couldn’t see him behind her, Cora turned back around just as she reached an opening in the ground. Desperately waving her arms, she tried to keep herself from falling over the side. Unable to fully stop the forward momentum, she watched in horror as she fell through the opening.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The way the opening grew closer, her hand reaching out for something, anything to stop her fall. It was impossible to see very far into the opening because it got dark quickly. The path was on the wrong side of the mountain, so there was no sunlight at that time. That meant she had no idea just how far she would fall.
Resigning herself to the fate that would befall her, Cora felt a sense of calm. While she knew that her brother would be sad at first, it would mean he finally could live his own life without having to constantly worry about her. Her friends may be upset, but they would get over it. What did she add to anyone’s life? Closing her eyes, Cora decided that it was for the best.
It all happened in a second.