Chapter 9
The Analysis
The pair sat down at the booth. Cora opened the menu and began to look over it as Emery headed to the bathroom. When he returned, she told him what she wanted to eat, then headed to the bathroom, too.
When she slid into her seat a few minutes later, Emery spoke to her, “Placed your order. It should only take about 15 minutes.”
“Alright,” she muttered to her hands.
“So shall we talk now, or do you want to eat first?”
“I would rather not talk.”
“Okay, then you can sit there and listen. I told you that you remind me of my brother. How he and one of my sisters were close growing up. He was a bit like you, although not as much as I had originally thought. Eventually, my sister got herself in so much trouble that some guys came to make her pay for her mistakes.”
“You mean like police?”
“No. She played a couple of local gang leaders, and one of them was smart enough to figure it out. My brother got caught up in it and ended up getting shot. Even if he had been a shifter, the wound was too severe, and he died the next day.”
“I'm sorry,” Cora continued to look at her hands.
“I was the only one there when he passed, and he begged me to look after our sister. She was the reason he was killed, and yet he still only thought of her. I tried to do what I promised, to help her get better, but I failed. She ended up in prison, and I haven’t heard anything from her since then. No one in my family has. She blames herself for his death, and doesn’t want anything to do with the family. Even though I’m the only one who knows what happened, so she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone making her feel guilty. I failed her, but worse, I failed my brother. If I could have just understood him better, have seen that he wasn’t alright, that he was hiding the fact that she was being hunted. I failed him, and he died.”
“I can understand the impulse, but I don’t think that you can blame yourself for not being able to stop your brother. He chose to help your sister.”
Emery shook his head, his eyes on the table. He rose them slowly and looked Cora in the face. “I knew enough that I should have said something to my parents. I should have done something, but I didn’t. I failed to act.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. If you feel guilty about it, there must be a reason.”
“Do you really think so?”
Cora looked him in the eye, knowing full well what he was trying to say. Without hesitation, she nodded at him, her gesture meant to let Emery know that he was to blame. He was clearly trying to draw an analogy to her constant blaming herself. In this case, she was prone to agree with him – he was at fault.
A vague smile crossed his lips. “Do you know how old I was?”
Cora shook her head, “How could I know that?”
“I was seven when he died.”
“What?” She frowned and looked at him. “That’s a bit young.”
The waitress arrived and started to put the food down. The pair waited until she left to continue talking.
Cora leaned forward, her hair dangling over her food. “I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to prove that if you weren’t at fault, I’m not at fault. But there is a huge difference between what happened with a 7-year-old and what I have been through.”
“You mean there is a huge difference between a 7-year-old and a 12-year-old? Because I don’t think so.”
Cora opened her mouth to object, then closed it. “How did you know how old I was the first time?”
“All of the clues were there. I just found them and put them together.” He leaned forward and pulled her hair back. “Please go ahead and eat. I’m not trying to starve you.”
Cora swallowed, then looked down at the food. Suddenly she felt the full effect of having eaten very little all day. She began to eat as Emery continued, his fork hovering over the food. “You started feeling guilty about not saving people ever since you were 12. It’s become so ingrained that you can no longer see anyone else as responsible for things that go wrong. You blame yourself for the incident a few months ago.” Cora looked up and glared, but she did not object because her mouth was full of food. “You need to let that go. It really isn’t your fault. Yes, you could have refused to let her go or insisted that the plans be changed, but how would that have made Serenity feel? She also could have listened when you told her that you didn’t think it was a good idea. You were the first to voice concern over a novice going, and only Ryland continued to doubt that she should be there. He could have insisted she not go, but he didn’t. Instead he thought he could protect her. Both of them are far more to blame for what happened. Honestly, I don’t think anyone believes that you fell out of the raft on purpose. Certainly, not at that point in the rapids. You grew accustomed to blaming yourself, and now you can’t allow anyone else to take the blame.”
Cora swallowed, then looked up at him, her head tilted to the side. “You being injured is my fault. You going to deny that?”
“God, no! That one is all on you. Mostly on you. Okay, half on you. I can’t say that I blame you for running off. It was certainly better than you pushing me over the edge.”
Cora was caught off guard and spit out some of her food as she tried not to laugh at the other reaction she could have had. “I’m so sorry!” She started to clean up the mess she had just made.
Emery smiled at her, “I’m sorry if I was too harsh. I went based on the information Ryland and Silas had given me. Should have known better. People always have a bit hidden away. And the people who appear to be happy are almost always hiding the most.”
Cora shrugged, “There’s no reason to let people know about my darker side. Look at my brother and how overprotective he is of me because of it.”
A hand slid over hers. Cora looked up into Emery’s dark eyes. “There is a reason to share your darker side. It is destroying you.”
“I guess it’s a good thing that a couple of people are so willing to drag other people in to make me face it.”
“You say that sarcastically, but it is a good thing. But I don’t think that is what bothers you. What is eating you is that they are asking others to take care of you instead of talking to you directly. Almost like they think you are a doll and they are afraid of breaking you.”
Cora stared at him for what felt like forever. Here was a man whom she had not known 24 hours ago putting his finger on exactly what bothered her the most, and wording it in a way that helped her see exactly what the problem was.
“I think… I think you are right. It does bother me that they don’t really try to talk to me. And neither does Jason. It’s why I was able to get them to leave me alone so easily. I know that it doesn’t mean they are indifferent, that they are just uncertain how to talk to me. But that hurts. Am I really so difficult?”
The concerned look slid off of Emery’s face. “No. It is just very difficult to know what you are thinking, and they are all worried that they will say or do the wrong thing.”
“Kind of like you did?”
Emery let go of her hand and laughed. “Yeah. Fortunately, I am accustomed to being brought in to make people face the things that they don’t want to face.”
“Why?” Cora began eating again.
“Because I am the most perceptive of emotions and environment. I can usually figure people out in a matter of minutes. You took a good bit longer. Probably because you are quite good at hiding the real problem since you refuse to talk about it. Or because you didn’t even realize exactly what it was. ”
“So why are you bothering with me like this?”
Emery looked up from his food, which he still hadn’t eaten. “I could lie and say it was all because of your friends.”
Cora stared at him, waiting for him to say more. When he finally took a mouthful of food, she realized he didn’t want to say what had caused him to talk to her. Deciding to drop it, she finished up everything on her plate.
Emery ate less than half of his food and asked for a box when the waitress brought the check.
“I can’t let you pay for me,” Cora said as he picked up the check.
“You don’t have a say.” He put a bill on the table and slid it under the napkin holder. From where she was sitting, Cora could see that he had put more than double their meal on the table. Shaking her head, she sat back and waited for him to finish boxing up his food.
“Ready?” He smiled at her when they finished.
She nodded. Together they got up and headed for the door.