Chapter 6
The World You Know
“I died on the fall, didn’t I? I died and now I’m in some sort of hell, or maybe I’m lucky and it is some sort of really weird purgatory.” Cora stood there looking at the bear with the dark eyes.
Then it started to walk toward her. Cora stood completely still and watched it. “And if I’m dead, it’s not like you can kill me again, right? You can’t kill the dead.”
The bear shook its head, grunted, and began walking past her.
“Follow you? But what about the water?”
The bear turned and looked at her, then nodded. Walking back to the water, it sat down next to it and watched her.
Cora walked to the edge of the water and squatted down. She looked at the water, which looked eerie in the darkness. Deciding that it didn’t really matter if it wasn’t clean, she leaned over and scooped it up with her hands. It was cold, but that didn’t bother her as she brought it to her mouth and drank. She sat back on her heels and decided to fill up her water bottle. There was no telling what was going on, but she hated being thirsty. That and her training had taught Cora to always keep a full bottle, so she dipped it into the water until it was full. She turned to the bear.
“Do you still have your bag? I can fill yours up, too. Would probably be better than relying on being lucky enough to find other clean underground sources.”
The bear shook a paw causing something to hit the ground. Cora didn’t bother to ask how the strap could possibly fit because at the moment nothing made any sense. Questioning something so insignificant would be just plain stupid, so Cora accepted it for what it was – a strange part of her afterlife. She picked up the bag and began going through it. There were a number of things in it that she didn’t recognize, but then anyone who could shift into a bear wouldn’t need the same stuff. The bear made a low rumbling sound, causing Cora to look up.
“What?” She talked to the bear like it could answer her. It moved toward her, stretched out a paw, and tapped the side of the bag. Cora moved the bag and saw the water bottle on the side. “Ah, yeah, should have looked there first.”
The bear grunted and sat down. Cora opened the bottle and filled it just like she had done her own, then put it back in the bag. She slung it over her other shoulder. The bear grunted again.
“Oh no, you don’t. Even if you are a bear, you still have a hole in your stomach. I’m carrying this and you just follow me until we get you…” Cora turned and looked at the bear. “You won’t go to a hospital, will you?”
The bear shook his head.
“Didn’t think so. Alright, well, we’ll get you to someone who can look after you so that you don’t die. I hardly need one more thing to regret in life.”
The bear moved much faster than she could have expected. Before she had time to react, it was standing on its hind legs in front of her. In this form, Emery towered over her in a way that no human did. His large paws rested on her shoulders, and for a moment her instincts told her that she was about to die. Again.
Instead of hurting her, it gave her a gentle rap on the head, then pulled her into a strange, fuzzy hug. It was at that moment she realized that this strange new reality was in fact real. The feel of the bear against her was exactly the same as the soft warmth that had kept her safe after she started falling.
Her face was pressed into the bear’s chest, so her voice was muffled as she spoke, “I can see why you didn’t feel like talking about this. It wasn’t a matter of emotion. So is this, like, your spirit animal, and now that we are dead, you are a bear? If that is the case, what form am I?”
The bear pulled away from her, looked down, and shook its head before dropping to the ground. He began to walk away, causing Cora to pull herself together so that the bear wouldn’t leave her too far behind. Adjusting the bags on her back, she hurried after Emery. She looked down at her arms, but they still looked like those of a human. “I wonder if I actually look different to other people now. Like, if I see Jason, will he recognize that it’s me?”
She was near Emery as she spoke, and he turned to look at her. There was a clearly derisive sound from him following her question.
“It is just as realistic that we are both dead as it is to think that a person can shift into a bear. That’s just… fiction.”
The bear gave a low roar, almost like it was trying to talk to her. “Oh, you can’t speak human, huh? Well, silence isn’t such a bad thing. I mean, how can silence be bad?” Her voice sounded a little concerned and Emery noticed how her eyes were shifting around her.
He pointed to his head, causing her to look at him. “What?” she asked, not quite understanding what he was trying to tell her. The bear put a paw on its forehead, then moved it out. “Oh, you mean turn out the light?” She flipped off the light. With a heavy sigh, she began to step forward into the darkness. After a second or so, she bumped into Emery. He gave a low rumble.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean–”
He rumbled again. Resigned to being unable to see what was going on, she said, “I don’t know what you are trying to say and now I can’t see what you mean.”
A large paw lifted her hand and placed it on something fuzzy. “Oh, you want me to hold on to you. Got it.”
Emery began walking away from the water.
“So, can you tell where to go in that form? Like, can you feel the wind coming through cracks, making it easier to figure out where there is an opening?”
Emery made a sound that was either a sneeze or assent. “I guess this really isn’t going to work. Trying to ask you questions. I can’t see if you are nodding or shaking your head, and I definitely don’t speak bear. Silence it is. Just be careful not to push yourself too hard. Even if you heal faster like that, I can tell that your injury is serious.”
The bear made another unintelligible sound but didn’t slow down.
The thoughts going through Cora’s head were more than enough to fill up her time, although they weren’t entirely the kinds of thoughts she wanted to be left alone with. Instead of focusing on the problems from the last few months, she chose to try to figure out exactly what her current situation was. She didn’t feel dead. Then again, would she feel it? She had spent a lot of time ignoring reality, so it was possible that she could have sent her mind somewhere else instead of dealing with it.
There’s no way that I could be lying somewhere dying right now because thinking about it would let me know the truth. I mean, I would feel the pain, wouldn’t I? I wasn’t able to hide severe pain before, so I can’t believe that I would be completely unaware if I were trying to remember the pain. So either I have died and this is some bizarre afterlife or I’m in a coma. I’m probably in a coma. I hope I wake soon, because this is just downright creepy. Then again, maybe he is guiding me to the next life. That would actually make sense. It must be some kind of hell, and I get to be confused until we get there.
Cora kept trying to guess about their current situation as they made their way through the place. It was better than the alternative.
This really isn’t taking my mind off of anything. Cora realized that she was rather disappointed with the way things were going. I really should have gotten out of the car when Jason let me know that he had tricked me into coming with them. A part of her knew that wouldn’t have happened. She had been miserable for months now, and Jason arriving had been the first ray of light since the whitewater rafting trip. She had been living alone, and worse, Silas hadn’t been around for a while after the incident. That had left Cora alone to deal with her feelings. Of course, they had other friends, but she wasn’t very close with any of them. They all saw her as the personality that she had put forward for years, and to maintain that, she had to limit how much time she spent with them. When they invited her out, she had claimed illness and projects to get out of it.
The time alone had not been good for her mentality, though her school performance had improved. During the month and a half after the incident and subsequent family meeting (where she realized Emery must have been, too), Cora had started to spend time looking through photos of her and her family over the years. Fighting the urge to call her brother, Cora had fallen into a depression. With no desire to be around people, she had focused on school. She had looked over a few potential majors, but didn’t feel enough interest in any of them to take them. Feeling like there wasn’t much point in being in school, she had been considering dropping out of school. A few times she had even started looking into places she could go to be alone for a while.
Then Silas had returned. He had expressed concern before he had left, which was only about two weeks after the rafting trip. Seeing that she had lost weight, he had pretty much moved back into the home for a week, saying that he didn't want to be alone. Cora wasn’t a fool. He was trying to keep an eye on her, but she wasn’t in any mood to pretend things were alright. In response to his being there, she had taken to spending more time away from the home, only coming home in time to go to bed.
Less than a week ago, she had come home and Jason had greeted her instead of Silas. At first, he hadn’t admitted to talking to anyone else. However, he had never been a very good liar, and she figured it out in less than a day. Still, she didn't let on because she was so pleased to see him. When she noticed that Silas was gone, she was able to piece most of what happened together. From there, her happiness at seeing Jason had begun to wane, a little at first, but more obviously the more time they spent together. He had danced around the subject, making it more awkward to spend time with him. Her resentment that he would only visit when someone else asked made her feel even more upset. It was like they were all trying to treat her like a child. She tried to think of it as sweet – clearly they meant well – but the fact that they weren’t even discussing anything with her made her feel like they thought of her as a joke. If anyone knew better, Jason should have. The more they tried to tiptoe around what they were doing, the more she pretended everything was alright while trying to get away from them.
Then he had asked her if she wanted to go climbing. It was exactly the kind of thing they used to do when he had lived at home. His confession on the way there had been upsetting, enough so that she hadn’t been able to immediately hide it. But then Cora had been able to recover quickly, and the thought of things being somewhat normal had been enough to make it alright.
Then the people who were supposed to care about her took off after something else. They hadn’t really given her a choice. They just left. Her brother, her best friend, and the man whom she had loved for years had gone running off, showing her exactly where she ranked in their lives.
Clenching her hands, Cora felt like things were only going to get worse once they got out. If her parents really wanted her to make something of herself, there was one thing she could do and it would get her away from her present misery – she could become an emergency responder in remote locations. Given her record, it would be easy to be accepted by one of the international organizations. Cora had already learned that the toll on her mental health was high, but she already knew how to hide it. A couple of guys had already given her their information after the last few excursions. It wasn’t really the direction she wanted to take her life, but it was better than things continuing like they were.
The thing was that she wouldn’t be able to tell Jason. After what had happened a few years ago, he would flat out sabotage her efforts.
“Guess it’s just a matter of acting like everything is alright until he leaves. I won’t hear from him again for a year or so anyway.” She muttered her thoughts into the darkness, not realizing that she had spoken aloud.
As soon as the decision was reached, Cora felt better. Well, that’s what I will do if I’m not dead. I guess that is still a possibility.
The pair wandered through the mountain, and Cora wasn’t even trying to keep track of where they had gone. She left their fate up to Emery. After all, he seemed to know where they were going.
Suddenly Emery stopped. “What’s–”
A paw was placed over her face. Understanding that something was wrong, she drew closer to him. After a few moments, she could hear voices. And they did not sound friendly.