Chapter Eleven

Mari Belle

 

The water engulfed my body. It felt heavenly to sink down in the tub as I tried to push all my worries away. While I couldn’t shake the thoughts flooding my head, my body found comfort submerged in the hot liquid.

Behind us was Chicago, and ahead of us were a road unpaved and a path unknown to find my brother. It felt good not to be confined to Javi’s house sitting and waiting.

We were finally going after Maricio. I wasn’t anxious as in nervous, but rather in a hurry to get to him. I wanted justice for my daughter. There were many times I wanted to question Javi on why he wasn’t tracking Maricio, but I knew better than to push the issue.

In our culture it wasn’t a common thing for a woman to question a man in the first place, much less the completely fucked up situation Javi and I were in.

I also wasn’t sure he would give me an answer if I asked anyway. Mainly because our situation was rocky, at best. It was easy to get lost with him. It was hard to face the thoughts of a future with or without him.

I went into this wanting Javi to hurt. I wanted to inflict as much pain as possible. Except as time passed, I saw he was hurting far more all on his own than he would from anything I was capable of doing. I could sense his struggles. Even after all this time, somehow we were still connected enough that I managed to read some of his emotions.

Like tonight. I could feel his confliction about me, about us, and his pain became my pain about Yesnia. We were both hurting and broken. It was like our souls were scorched, seared, and dying off from sadness.

Javi left me alone after our shared moment. While my body craved more from him, my mind was thankful to have some time to process things. Sometimes everyone just needed time alone. It was a chance to press the reset button on my emotions.

In a matter of time, I would be face to face with my brother again.

The man who took everything from me would be sharing the same space and the very same air as me.

The same man I once looked up to.

Our mother used to tell us, we only had one brother/sister. We only had each other and we needed to rely on the other for strength and be encouraging. She didn’t tolerate fighting between us.

When we were kids, Maricio did so much for me. Like teaching me to ride a bike. I remember the times Javi and Maricio spent holding the bike up and running beside me until I got comfortable. They found my bike in a dumpster, so I didn’t have training wheels and we certainly couldn’t afford to buy any. Those two put their heads together to teach me. Maricio always said he didn’t want me missing out on anything because of our situation. If our father wasn’t going to be the man of the house, he would. Since Javi’s dad was gone too, they both took their role as my protectors and teachers seriously.

It wasn’t just because Javi was doing things for me. Sometimes Maricio was there for me all on his own.

There was the time I lost my two front teeth on the same day eating an apple. I was at lunch and some kids were picking on me. Maricio took me to the library after the rumors got to him about his sister crying in the cafeteria. He scanned magazines, showing me pictures of celebrities and telling me when my teeth came in and I grew up I would be more beautiful than anyone.

When everything crashed around us the day my mother died, it was Javi and Maricio who stood up and took care of me. Maricio despite his own sadness, took time to continually check on me for himself even though Javi never left my side. Maricio was someone I once felt had my back no matter what. I used to think there wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him. We used to be so close I felt like there wasn’t anything I couldn’t face because I had my brother at my side.

Then Maricio changed. I lost my brother years ago, if I ever truly had him. It was like all the years we had were an illusion. I felt like our bond wasn’t even real and maybe I imagined the entire thing. He was so consumed by his envy of Javi. I wondered through the years if anything would have changed Maricio, or if his jealousy drove him beyond the point that anyone or anything could turn him back to the right path.

Seeing how far he took things, I now knew there was nothing anyone could have done to help Maricio. He didn’t see the world in its reality. To him, everyone and everything was against him. He had to fight in order to live.

It killed me inside. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted him to see life and Javi the way I did. Except there wasn’t anything I could do. Maricio was too consumed by his thoughts and the drugs only fed into it. Fighting him to see reality was a losing battle.

After finishing my bath, I dried off and dressed for bed. In baggy pajama pants and a light t-shirt, I was comfortable. When I left the room, Javi was on the bed staring up at the ceiling. He was shirtless and laying over the covers in just sweatpants. His scar seemed to glisten under the night light. I wondered if sometimes it still hurt him or if it was ghost pains of the memories. How did he get through each day when every time he looked in the mirror he saw a reminder of the man who stabbed him in the back?

“Thinkin’ awfully hard over there,” I commented as I made my way over to him and slid into the bed beside him.

“A man does not amass the power I have without thinking things through.”

His tone was strained, as if the stress was really getting to him.

“What is on your mind, Javi?”

He sighed and turned to me. His face was pained, making his scar stand out even more. “When we find him, I think you should find your closure, but walk away before you cross a line there’s no coming back from.”

“No!” I shrieked. The panic filled me. “I need this. I need to know he’s met the same fate as my daughter.”

Javi studied me. “Do you know what the punishment is in America for murder?”

“I’ll gladly spend the rest of my life in prison if it means my brother breathes no more. He took my daughter from me. He doesn’t get to live while she died.”

“He’s not going to live, Mari. Mark my words. But if something goes wrong, you’re tangled in a world you can’t simply walk away from.”

“So, what? You’re giving me a choice to walk away?”

“I’m giving you a chance to have a life.”

His words were like a kick to my teeth. What life? I had no life. I sat up and looked at him. “And what if I don’t want it? Without Yesnia, I have nothing. I have no life, I have no future, and I have no choices.”

“I just want you to be aware of what is going to happen and make the right decision for yourself. Can you live with taking his life?”

I nodded. I knew what would happen and with every fiber of my being, I knew what I needed to do in order to find peace. “He took my baby girl, my love. I want to end him.” I paused blowing out a deep breath. “I need to end him. I need to see it, feel it, and know it without a shadow of a doubt so that I can sleep at night knowing my daughter, our daughter, had justice.”

“Oh, justice will be served. I just want you to be able to live with yourself.”

It tugged at me that he cared how I would feel after Maricio was killed. I vowed to my baby girl when she was tiny that I would protect her. I had failed her. Maricio knew if he hurt her there would be no going back for us. He crossed the line and I wouldn’t be turning back now. This was for my peace of mind and retribution for my daughter. There was nothing that drove me more than the love I had for Yesnia.

“Does it bother you the things you’ve had to do?” I asked, wondering where this was coming from. Why did he suddenly care about how I would feel after? What did my feelings matter? Did his past haunt him?

“Me?” He pointed to his chest. “No. Not a damn thing bothers me, except the man I once considered family spilled my child’s blood in my driveway. I didn’t protect her. I failed my daughter and that eats at me. Nothing else even touches the pain I feel for letting her down. Have I taken a life? Yes. Fuck, there were times I didn’t even know what the hit was ordered for. It was a job, I did it, and I didn’t lose sleep over it.”

“Maricio deserves what he’s going to get,” I told him, believing it with my very soul.

Javi rolled to his side facing me. “Love your conviction.”

I rubbed the side of his face. “You’ve lived a hard life, Javier Almanza.”

“Yeah, and so have you. Mari Belle Dominguez, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Strong enough to handle my world. Powerful enough to bring a man like me to his knees. Change the way I think. Make me want to believe in shit like forgiveness and second chances. Beautiful enough to have me rethink everything I’ve ever done.”

“Is that so?” I leaned into him with my breaths coming quicker.

“When I arranged for you to be taken, I wanted you to hurt.”

His honesty both surprised me and calmed me. It was nice to get in his head for a moment. While I knew my initial kidnapping was a punishment, as things had shifted between us, I wasn’t sure where his head or his heart was about us.

“Then when I saw your pain, felt it. Well, it didn’t make me feel good like I thought. It went against what my instincts said.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What did your instincts say to do?”

“Protect you.”

He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine.

“Treasure you.”

I kissed him back.

“Care for you. Take care of you.”

I felt his words warm deep in my belly.

“I had this anger towards you. I felt like your loyalty was with him.”

I pulled back and locked my eyes to his. “And now?”

He smiled. It was the first time I felt him genuinely relax since our reunion. “Now, I see your loyalty is where it belongs.”

I didn’t understand. “My loyalty is not to you, Javi,” I told him honestly. I wouldn’t lie to him, even if it pushed him to hurt me. My loyalty would never be to any man, any cartel, or anyone other than where it already was.

“No, Mari, your loyalty is with your daughter, our daughter. And I have to tell you, mi cielo, it’s sexy as hell.”

I brushed my lips against his. He opened his mouth to which I took the opportunity to take his bottom lip in my mouth and suck. His hands came up and cupped my head, holding me to him as his tongue darted into my mouth, exploring and seeking. I moaned as our tongues danced inside my mouth.

“You could make me believe in love again,” he muttered.

“Don’t, Javi,” I warned. “Be in the moment, but don’t ask for more. I don’t know who I am without Yesnia. I make no promises for who I’ll be when this is over.”

And that was the root of all my problems. Without my daughter, without being her mother, who was I? What was left of me? I needed to get lost tonight. I needed to not think of what came next.

Arching my back, I pressed my t-shirt covered breasts into him. He lifted my leg, wrapping it around his hip so that I could feel his erection grow between us. As he devoured my mouth hungrily, I adjusted so my core was against him. Javi’s hands moved to my hips where he began to control my grinds. The added pressure only built up inside me more.

I broke away from our kiss, needing to breathe as I continued to climb, chasing my orgasm.

His hands slid down my pajama pants. Twisting me so that he found his way down to my panties, and his fingers found my clit. The little pressure was exactly in the right spot to send me shooting over the edge. His lips crashed to mine as he slid my pants and panties down. I worked his sweatpants off. He was already shirtless in the bed when I came from the bathroom. Skin to skin, he laid over me. I arched under him as he slid inside me. Slowly he moved in and out of me in languid thrusts. It was a delicious torture. I got lost in him as he got lost in me. The world stopped as our orgasms washed through us both in tandem.

Tonight, I could sleep sated and knowing tomorrow I would face my brother. In twenty-four hours, I would have retribution for my daughter. Tomorrow, Javi would give me peace in my turmoil.

For tonight, I would sleep in the arms of the only man I had ever loved.