- Dar'ax -

Heidi's body goes limp in my arms and I can hear her deep, even breathing in my ear. She's fallen asleep.

Perhaps that's what usually happens after something like this. I have no idea. Perhaps I should be sleeping as well.

But I can't and I won't. I'm happy, and I haven't felt that for many years, so I want it to last.

I hold her securely, but not too tight. I want her to sleep well.

I reflexively straighten my neck and look around the clearing for eyes or movement, but there is none. Gerk is nowhere to be seen, either, but that's to be expected. He likes to roam the jungle.

I have trouble grasping what just happened. It wasn't Worship, I'm sure of that. Our mouths did come into contact with each other, in the most unusual and enticing way, but I didn't kiss her slit.

I scratch my chin. Could it have been mating? Is it possible to mate with someone who's not one's formal Mate, as blessed by the tribe's shaman in front of the tribe? In ... marriage? In married? In marry? I can't quite remember the technical term. I was never going to be a shaman, so I didn't memorize it.

For the first time in many years I think back to what shaman Sai'ex taught us boys about the Women and the Mate and the Worship. We were all very interested in that last thing, because then Sai'ex would use a wooden doll that portrayed a woman in complete undress and show us the important parts. Those were very interesting and fun lessons, and we boys were much more attentive than otherwise. Often older tribesmen would silently come into Sai'ex's cave and pay close attention to the Worship lessons. That wooden doll in particular was of great interest to all of us, and Sai'ex made a great display of putting it into a box and carefully sealing it with holy spells after each lesson. I think it worked, too. It was never stolen. But I'm sure the Nusin had their fun with it.

Even the thought of the Nusin desecrating Sai'ex's cave doesn't send that familiar shot of anger through me. Heidi is much more important, and she's here, pressed into me. Nothing else matters to me right now. My happiness is intact.

My manhood is still inside her, although it's not as hard now as earlier. Holy Ancestors, what an experience! I was certain she would leave when she heard the story of my tribe. She must understand that without a tribe, alone and disgraced, last and only, I have no value as a warrior or as a man. I wanted her to know, so she could do the obvious thing and leave me to my dishonor.

It would have broken me again if she had, but I'm so badly broken already, it doesn't matter. And I would still have my mission.

But instead, she kissed me and then ...

I swallow in a dry throat, and my manhood stiffens again at the memory. I had no idea something like that was possible. Sai'ex was never specific about what it would mean to mate, although I do remember that word, because it implies that it's only something one can do with one's Mate. And of course I knew I would never have a Mate, because we had no women.

The Mate. I rack my brain to remember what that was. The Ancestors ... if there was a woman found in the jungle, then ... something about Worship. She must be Worshipped?

I tap a finger on my lips. Yes, that seems to make sense. Certainly men on a planet with no women must Worship her if one is found, so that she'll see his reverence and she'll stay.

And then ... the man and the woman are Mates? Was that it? But then the tribe's women would also return? Wasn't there a Prophecy of some kind? And marriage ... getting married? To be Mates forever?

No, it's been too long and I can't recall it precisely. Perhaps it will come to me later. All I know is that I did find Heidi in the jungle, and I did Worship her.

Except she worshipped me first!

I cold feeling goes down my back. Holy Ancestors, Sai'ex never said anything about that! Have I ruined the chances of being Heidi's Mate?

Then why is she still here? And why did she do what she did just now? What was that last thing she said, just before she fell asleep? It sounded very important. And certainly most sincere.

This woman in my arms is both very familiar and very strange. She will do the most outrageously dangerous things, and then she will turn around and do something unspeakably wonderful. And she sleeps so innocently and she screams so loudly in my ear when ...

I'm at full hardness again. But she's asleep and I won't move. It feels wrong, somehow.

So she's still here. My tale and my many displays of the Red Fog didn't cause her to leave me, as any rational person would. I have nothing to offer her, she must know that. Only death and killing and dishonor. Until my mission is accomplished.

Still she sleeps on my shoulder, and I'm starting to feel drowsy myself.

I must walk a quick patrol around the edge of the jungle before I can allow myself to give in to it.

I slowly get up and let my hardness slip out of her slit. Then I lay Heidi's wondrously round body down on the soft grass and place my loincloth under her head and her dress over her. I only need my sword for the patrol.

I kneel over her and just stare. Her beauty is breathtaking. Such a superb creature! Surely she must come straight from the Ancestors themselves.

But why? Why have they given her to me?

And why now, so close to the end?