- Heidi -

Dar'ax is checking the tracks that the Nusin left in the dirt, and I leave him to his caveman doings.

There's a rustle from the edge of the jungle, and Fluffy the alien velociraptor comes sauntering towards me. For once I don't recoil at the sight of the lethal dinosaur. I ready the rock in my sling, just in case she's forgotten who I am, but there was no need for worry. She stops a respectful distance away and looks idly around. If it's possible for a chillingly deadly dinosaur to look harmless, then that's what she's doing right now.

I'm still angry with Dar'ax, and it makes me brave. I walk over to Fluffy, put one foot in a convenient crease at her knee and swing myself up onto her back. She sways a little while she redistributes our combined weights, and then I gently push the control stick forward so she starts to walk.

The experience immediately kills my bad mood. I feel pretty invincible up here.

“Good girl,” I say and stroke her neck, although I know that she can't feel it through probably inches of tough, armored dinosaur tissue.

Okay. So I have a conveyance now. She can probably take me far, fast. And now that Gerk is gone, I'm guessing this is Dar'ax's and my main transportation.

Dar'ax has prepared a fire and is cooking turkeypig and harvesting leaves for the primitive salad I like.

I know he's ashamed after the rage overwhelms him, and I can't be angry with him for too long at a time. Whatever his failings, he's made my life better than I thought it could ever be on this planet.

Fluffy walks me over there and I leap down from her.

“Dar'ax cook good food,” I state and sit down beside him.

He wordlessly takes a slice of turkeypig bacon off a skewer with his bare hands and gives it to me.

I bite into it, feeling the flavor filling my mouth. I'm more hungry than I realized. “You are good man. Just sometimes very angry.”

“Soon I won't be angry at all.” His voice is flat and he's not looking at me.

“Some anger is fine,” I say with my mouth full. “Warrior should be angry sometimes. I'm sometimes angry, too.”

He doesn't respond, just stares into the fire. There's a gloominess about him now that I haven't seen before.

I lean forward to get my face between his and whatever he's looking, giving him a little smile. “Hey. You no like to look at Heidi face? Heidi look not so pretty in the morning?”

He meets my gaze for a split second, then looks away.

“Not worry,” I continue. “You get used to Heidi face. Heidi take many hours to wake up. No coffee on planet. Terrible scandal planet! Only lukewarm water and no coffee.” I take a sip of water to illustrate. “Dar'ax, no need be ashamed. You saved me from irox. Many times. You smile now.”

But he doesn't. He has no expression on his face, and now it's starting to worry me. He has something in mind. Something I probably won't like.

We sit there in silence for a while, and I feel my bad mood slowly returning.

Zhing! Dar'ax suddenly bounces up like a coiled spring, and I yelp and duck as he draws his sword with a metallic sound.

I look around fast. No dactyls that I can see, no Bigs. I lean cautiously over to look beyond Dar'ax's huge body.

“Not hurt!” I yell and scramble to get to my feet, dropping the food from my hands. “Is friend!”

Dar'ax isn't convinced, and his sword is still drawn back. Yes, I know cavemen fear these things, but I have no idea why.

I grab Dar'ax's thick arm. “Put sword away!” I implore him. “Is not dangerous, will not hurt.”

He relaxes a small fraction.

Then I squat down and hold my hand out to the little creature that's suddenly and soundlessly appeared right beside us. “Hi, Alice! Are you here all alone?”

It's Emilia's pet slash buddy slash fruit picker, the gray ghost she's named Alice. The white fabric collar around her neck is dirtier than I remember it, but it's definitely her, all eight arms and four legs of her.

She comes slowly towards me, peering skeptically up at Dar'ax with the red eyes in her mousy face.

I take a step closer and kneel down on the grass, still holding my hand out. “Are the others here, too?”

But I doubt they can be. I've been traveling by dinosaur for days, going fast, and only Alice could possibly keep up with that. She has a way of covering ground super fast in huge leaps and bounds, but she's far too small to carry anyone.

She takes my hand lightly with one of hers. It's cold and moist to the touch, and now I'm looking closer at her, she seems thin and she's breathing pretty hard. There's a slight tremble to her, as well.

Suddenly seeing her here fills me with dread. I don't know why, but I have a strong feeling it can't be a good thing.

I reach out and stroke her head gently. Her fur is usually dry and soft, but now it feels knotted and somewhat straggly, like she's been on the move for days with no breaks. “What's up, Alice?”

She mewls softly, as if she's telling me something urgent, but I can't interpret it. Then she tugs weakly at my hand, lets go of it and then takes a step back the way she came, looking back at me.

“You want me to come with you?”

She comes closer again, takes my hand again and pulls as if she's trying to drag me.

My worry increases. “Is something going on with the girls? Something bad?”

Alice takes a hand out from behind her back.

I gasp when I see what she's holding. That's the strongest sign of trouble she could have given me.

It gently take it from her hand.

GLOCK 26 Gen 4 AUSTRIA 9x19

It's the little black gun. The one that reminds us that Earth exists, and which gives us girls a strangely reassuring feeling whenever we hold it, despite it being empty of bullets.

“Scheisse.” Yeah, the girls would never let this out of their sight unless something really bad was going down.

I hold it for a moment, feeling the warm plastic and the cool metal and the compact weight of the thing. The girls have no idea that I'm still alive, and certainly they can't know that I'm doing as well as I am. They wouldn't send Alice to get me to help them. They'd have no reason to.

“This was your idea, I think,” I say mildly and squeeze Alice's hand a little. “You came to find me because something bad is happening back on Bune.”

Or maybe she just wanted to find me for my own sake, to rescue me from this furious caveman?

No, that doesn't feel right. If she did, she wouldn't have come over while Dar'ax was sitting right next to me. This has to be an emergency. And with Fluffy on my side, I can actually help if there's a crisis back home.

Dar'ax has lowered his sword, but he's still tense.

I show him the gun. “This was made on Heidi home planet. My tribe is sending me message. They need me back on Bune.”

He looks intently at the gun, but doesn't move to take it. “That's a strange alien thing,” he grunts.

“Yes,” I agree. “And it's clear signal. We go there now. Dar'ax come. You're honorable warrior, know how to ride Bigs. You're most important warrior on Xren. Come Heidi tribe, help rescue.”

Shit, I'm so worked up my grammar fails me. But I think I got the meaning across.

And I really, really hope he agrees to come. Even if we only have Fluffy now, another warrior like him would have a value for us that's totally priceless.

For me, his value is even higher. He's changed my life for the better, to the point where right now, I'm not completely sure I'd go home to Earth if it meant he had to stay here. The breath catches in my throat at the mere idea of a life without him. It would be a life without light in it, without joy, with just a feeling of deep loss in the background of every living moment. He has to come.

“Heidi go to her tribe,” he states. “Dishonorable not to help them when they signal you.”

“And Dar'ax come.”

He fixes me with his smouldering, yellow eyes. “Dar'ax will kill the Nusin. All the Nusin. Or Dar'ax will die in the attempt. It will happen very soon.”

“And then you'll come Bune, help me and my tribe?”

He looks away. “There are fifty Nusin. Dar'ax has no Gerk. Only a sword. The outcome will not be such that I can do anything after that.”

I stare at him for three heartbeats. Then his meaning sinks in. “You rather die than help Heidi and Heidi tribe?”

He shrugs. “I have my mission. It's a holy mission. I must kill the Nusin, or at least do my best to kill them. The Ancestors have decided that it must happen now. Without a Big to ride on. With only my sword. They are fifty. I am one. It's the event I have prepared for all my life.”

A chill goes down my spine. He's totally ready to commit suicide by Nusin. I can't imagine a more useless act. “Then can wait more days! Get Big to ride on, not face enemy with only sword. Come help Heidi! It's more honorable. The Nusin will die out anyway. No Lifegivers. You come to Heidi tribe. Be with Heidi!”

His face is blank. “The Ancestors have commanded me. It must happen now.”

I've had a not too great day, I'm increasingly anxious and worried about both my friends and Dar'ax, and his bullshit is totally getting to me. So I snap, just a little bit. “What the hell? You'd rather die trying to massacre another tribe than come with me and help us? Have you lost your fucking mind?!”

Hey, it had to be said, although it was in English. He'll understand the meaning just fine.

He looks away, but I punch his chest to get his attention while my mind races to phrase my opinion in his language. I won't be ignored.

“You not getting out of this. You look at Heidi! If you think I come with you all this way and then have you drop me like a used ... thing when you done with me, then you can think another time. You can take old Ancestors and put them right into the ... well, you know. This real life, warrior! Life or death. Your mission has no meaning, you know that. Yes, I know. You want revenge for dead friends and the children of tribe. I get that. I adore you for loving your old tribe. But you still alive! You young and powerful. And now you have chance do something good for others! To belong to a new tribe!”

I grab his wrist, and he doesn't twist it out of my grip. The light in his eyes is intensifying, and I know that I'm playing with fire here. If he gets that rage of his and directs it against me ...

“My mission is sacred!” he seethes and does his best to burn a hole in my face with his eyes. “I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for Morin'ax and Beti'ex and Tyro'ex and five hundred other tribesmen! For little Trener'ox and for the unborn, burned to ashes while still in their Lifegivers. And for shaman Sai'ex, who gave his life for me. They're all calling for revenge from the beyond. They all need their honor restored!”

He speaks with such passion it makes me dizzy. His mission isn't just an idle fancy. He really means it. He believes all this. And it's so hard to hate him for it.

“I can't be a Mate for Heidi,” he continues, and his voice is low and intense. His eyes have me captive and I can't look away. “I have no honor! I am the last and only of my tribe! You don't know what that means. I want nothing more than to leave this mission, this burden, to leave the damned Nusin and go with Heidi to her tribe, to be with you as your Mate forever! But you are a woman, a mythical being, so wonderful and beautiful and good and soft and bright. It was a horrific crime to take you in the first place. I should never have done it. But even so, I can't find it in me to regret it. My days with you have been filled with light and joy. Fighting irox in the darkness was a pleasure because you were there. The mud and rain were like the most fantastic experience because you were there. I've never known the deadbites could be so pleasant to look at! Or the ground so soft to sleep on. It was a reward from the Ancestors, at the end of my life, to know the embrace and closeness of a woman. I never knew such joy! But I understand it for what it is. It is a sign. This is the end of my life. And I must go to the mission now.”

My world is collapsing and my face scrunches up all by itself. Tears are burning my eyes and my throat is tightening. But I can't give this man up without a serious fight.

I hold on to his wrist, harder now. “It is not the end, Dar'ax! You have new tribe! Not waste your life on dirty Nusin! You come with Heidi. The Ancestors want that. I'm here because they want it! You choose. Choose life, Dar'ax, my love! Choose me!”

Those last words shake him, I can see that. I have no idea what his stupid Ancestors want, because I don't think they exist. But I'll use any argument here, and it seems like the only thing that might work is that. And I do love him, and I think it's about time for him to know that.

He looks at Alice, and it's obvious that he's thinking hard. Then he sighs. “I love you too, Heidi. Since the night I saw you outside your cave my mind has been filled with you. Filled with a light that was unknown to me before, but all the sweeter for it. But the mission has filled my mind for years. Yes, it is sour. But I know the Ancestors want it. They do. You go to your tribe. Forget the dishonored warrior who took you against your will. Whatever happens, I will never forget you, in this world or the next.”

He turns around and grabs his mysterious bag, then walks away fast.

“You too good for this!” I yell after him, and my voice cracks. I'm about to lose him, and I know I'll never have a moment of joy again for as long as I live. “You were born to bring more life into this world, not more death! I understand you not see it. But I see it, as clearly as the sun. This is wrong, Dar'ax! As long as you alive, your tribe alive, too!”

He slows down and comes to a stop, and for a moment I think there's hope. He looks up at the sky as if searching for an answer there. Then he speeds up again and goes into the jungle, and the last I see of him is the golden sheen of his hair before he disappears among the trees.

I clench my hands into hard fists of frustration. “Men!”

Alice moves a little and looks over at Fluffy, who's just standing there and looking at nothing in particular.

My anger lasts for two more seconds. Then I put one hand over my face as the loss overwhelms me. I've had bad things happen in my life, especially these past few months. But this is worse than all of them put together, and I can't stop the hard sobs from shaking me.

Finally I take a deep breath and wipe some fluid off my cheeks. The world has lost some color, and it feels empty. It feels like it always will.

Fine, he has his mission. And I have mine.

“Good luck, my love,” I whisper after him.

Then I put the gun into the pocket in my dress, and with one last sniffle I turn around and push my glasses further up on my nose. “I guess it's just us girls now, Alice. You ever ridden on a raptor?”