- Heidi -

It turns out to be impossible to get Alice up on Fluffy, because she seems afraid of the raptor I ride on. Of course I have no problem understanding that. I was scared out of my mind of her myself.

So I ride on Fluffy while Alice goes in front, bouncing and jumping among the trees like the ball in a pinball machine. She's astoundingly limber and agile, and it looks like she can keep it up for hours.

We continue most of the day, only stopping once in a while when I see a creek with water that looks clean enough to drink. Fluffy will drink too, and sometimes she ignores my moves with the control stick and takes me on wild rides, crashing through bushes and undergrowth as she chases down a turkeypig or some other prey for her to munch on.

I only have her moving at a pretty leisurely speed, because I actually have no idea how far we still have to go, and I don't want to wear her out. Still we seem to cover ground pretty fast. I don't think Fluffy can really feel my added weight, and she bounds easily over rocks and up hills on her two powerful legs, her head low to the ground and her tail high behind us.

Alice will sometimes jump up in the air beside me and toss over a salen fruit, so I'm pretty well cared for up here.

We go on the whole day until the sun has set, the blue moon is in the sky and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. I suppose we could keep going the whole night, too, but I'm afraid of dozing off and tumbling down from Fluffy's back. She's not nearly as stable as Gerk, and I might end up under her clawed feet.

I pull gently back on the stick and Fluffy comes to a halt. I jump down, keeping a respectful distance to her head and scary mouth. She may be willing to carry me on her back, but she's still a wild dinosaur and I don't really know why Dar'ax was able to tame her. Her behavior now is only a thin veneer on her predatory nature, and I'm sure it will crack at some point. So whenever I'm not riding on her back, I'll treat her like an unexploded bomb and keep my distance.

I walk a couple of steps away from her. She swings her head around to glance at me, I hold my breath because her eyes are cold and she could pounce on me at any moment.

Then she saunters away into the jungle with easy moves that seem not to fit with her sheer size.

I breathe out in relief that she didn't eat me. “Oh fuck. Dad's Yamaha never behaved like that.”

Alice is nowhere to be seen, and that doesn't surprise me. She's a pretty independent creature.

So here I am in the middle of dark woods, alone for the first time since I came to this planet. There's a rustle in every bush around me and I can hear the sounds of movements of many beings, both close by and far away. It's the constant hum of an extremely alive planet, but when I'm riding Fluffy, I can't hear it. And when Dar'ax was with me, I hardly noticed it. Now it seems oppressive.

I suddenly feel small under the giant trees, and my sling feels like a ridiculous piece of leather. The jungle is teeming with deadly creatures of every size, especially big ones. I curl up on a soft patch of ground under a tree and take the gun out of my pocket. For the first time since I got to Xren I wish it had more bullets. It would make me feel safer if I could actually defend myself somewhat. Again, around Dar'ax that was never a concern. He was so confident in this jungle that he mastered completely, and he used his sword so well. Like he did everything well.

Even so, this planet is less bad to me now. It's less scary. I know it better, and I know how to handle some of it. I've changed for the better. He changed me. Shit, he even gave me a freaking raptor to ride.

And I let him just walk away.

I have a strong urge to get Fluffy, turn around and run back to him and the bubble of safety around him. I miss his strong hand around me, I miss his deep voice in my ear and his nose in my hair. I miss his smooth skin with the rough stripes and the white flash in his fangs when he would give me one of his rare smiles. I miss his hands on my presented butt when he fucked me from behind and the way his hard, luminous eyes would go soft when he looked at me.

I guess I just miss him.

- - -

I don't get much sleep. The sounds of the jungle and the worry about the girls keep me awake, not to mention the worry about Dar'ax and his self-inflicted suicide mission. For all I know, he might be dead by now.

Finally the sky has a slight orange sheen and I get wearily to my feet. I'm stiff and sore, less from lying on the ground than from using my muscles in a way I'm not used to while riding on Fluffy.

I make a little bag from bark and gather rocks for my sling, then take a few minutes to practice with them. If the girls are really in trouble, then it probably concerns some of the wildlife. Riding on a raptor is well and good, but I want to be as prepared as I can. And if I can fling some rocks at the problem they're having when I arrive, then so much the better.

If I will be riding on a raptor. Fluffy is nowhere to be seen.

When Dar'ax wanted Gerk to come, he'd make a deep, resonant growl.

I put my hands on my hips like he did and make an attempt. But I guess I just don't have the vocal cords for it, because it sounds most of all like Minnie Mouse gargling milk.

Maybe the direct approach is better. I probably shouldn't make too much noise in this deadly jungle, but without Fluffy to ride on, I'm probably good and screwed anyway.

“Flufffyyyyy!”

My voice resonates among the closest trees, but the foliage seems to absorb it and I suspect the call can't be heard from much further than twenty yards away.

“Aaaaliiiice!”

I don't expect that to work, either, but a split second later, the gray ghost comes bouncing and looks up at me with her deep-set, red eyes.

I stroke her furry head, relieved to not be alone anymore. “You see Fluffy anywhere? If not, I might have to continue on foot.”

I know she can't answer me, but the morning is getting brighter and I see no reason to hang around. If Fluffy can track down a turkeypig by its scent alone, then she certainly can find me if she wants to.

I gather some of the sour berries she likes from a nearby bush, and then I take my bag of rocks and tie the sling around my arm. “Okay. You lead the way.”

At the same moment, Fluffy comes soundlessly out of the woods and stops right beside me. I take a reflexive step back and almost fall on my butt again, and I have to force down the instinct to run from the dino predator. She has an immense presence.

I collect myself and carefully feed her the berries. Then I climb up on her, relieved that I won't have to walk who knows how many miles through the jungle.

I pat her neck, although I'm pretty sure she can't feel a thing. “Thanks for coming, Fluffy. I really appreciate it.”

Then I push gently forward on the stick, and we're on the way again.

- - -

I've seen Bune in the distance for a good while now, growing ever larger right ahead. At this speed, I'll be at the ancient spaceship before sunset.

I'm excited to see the girls again, but I'm also creating terrible scenarios in my mind about finding them all dead or dying, and one of them is alive still, probably Aurora, and she looks at me and says “where were you?” before she dies in my arms. Stars, I hope it's not as bad as that.

No, I can't think like that. That's too negative. Always assume that things will work out. Even though not much has worked out for me lately.

Alice is in front, but now she's not going directly towards Bune, but slightly to the right of it.

Well, she knows more about this place than I do, so I make sure Fluffy and I follow.

I've been able to not think too much about Dar'ax today, but losing him is always present in my mind as a dark, hopeless backdrop to everything else. Shit, why did he have to be so great and at the same time so misguided?

Could I have done more to convince him to abandon his deadly mission? Yes, of course. I could have said better things, smarter things. I could have planted innocent little seeds in his mind. I could have been a better partner for him, taken charge more, not been such a coward when he wanted me to ride Fluffy that first time. I could have done more.

Well, I couldn't have done more than I did. But a better woman would have. A smarter woman. Someone who could think of more intelligent things to say than 'choose me'.

“Fuck.” I cringe at the memory of the silly things I said to him at the end. How can anyone be so damn needy? No wonder he took off. Any one of the other girls would have been better for him than me.

The jungle goes past quickly. I'm getting pretty good at steering Fluffy now, and it frees up my brain to bury itself in dark thoughts as she follows Alice's bounds and leaps.

Then the sun is setting and we're on the top of a ridge with a clear view of the valley below. Bune is towering over us to the left, and the giant, round nozzles of its rocket engines are clearly visible.

The valley beneath is green and lush, and in the orange light of the sunset it looks like a picture out of a tourist brochure for a tropical paradise. I can see our old cave, too.

And I can see something that makes my blood run cold: black shapes circling in the air.

I take my glasses off and wipe them on my not-too-clean dress, then replace them on my nose.

“Scheisse.”

Yep, that has to be dactyls. A whole bunch of them. Big ones. They're circling one small spot in the jungle, about a mile away. I can just hear the faint sound of their ugly screeching carried on the air.

As I watch, one of them lazily swoops down towards the trees and dives out of sight. Then it comes up again a little further away and banks slowly to the side.

They're definitely attacking something.

Or someone.

Alice suddenly jumps up onto Fluffy's back and stands in front of me, mewling sorely and pointing her hands to the spot where the dactyls are circling.

“That's where the girls are, huh?”

I put a hand on her thin shoulder. Her whole body is quivering. That's an answer as good as any.

I really don't want to go down there. Raptors and deadbites and T. Rexes scare me to death. But not-dactyls? They're in a class of their own where fear is concerned.

Still, I came here to help. And if that is in fact the girls down there at the bottom of this valley, then nothing can keep me away. I won't be able to do much good, I'm sure. The dactyls come out of the air, and being on a raptor won't really help me that much.

But I'll do what I can. If I die with my friends, then that's only appropriate. I should never have expected my life to have any other end on this lethal planet.

“Maybe you weren't so crazy after all, Dar'ax” I mumble to myself. My caveman went to his very probable death for his tribe. Now I'm going to mine, and for much the same reason. Except that my tribe is still alive.

I hope.

I loosen my sling and ready rocks to fling at the dactyls. I've fought them before, not so long ago. I think I can handle the mental side of it now.

I take a deep breath and look around me for the last time. There's Bune, the ancient spaceship that didn't seem to give the girls the shelter we wanted. There's our old cave where we were pretty comfortable. And there ...

In that direction, somewhere over those gentle, green hills, is the love of my life. Probably dead by now. But for a few days, he made me really happy. On a planet where everything seems custom made to prevent any semblance of joy. That's a pretty awesome accomplishment.

Yes, he might be dead. But then, it doesn't look like I have that much longer to live, either.

“Thank you for everything, my love,” I whisper into the sunset. “Maybe soon we'll be together again. Forever.”

Then I push the stick forward and Fluffy starts walking down into the valley.