Abraham
You told her what?” I yelled into my phone, hearing the case crack in my hand.
“I mentioned that you had a hang-up about our mom,” Alex answered sheepishly. “It just slipped out! I was irritated as fuck that you two were being such idiots, and I—”
“It’s none of your fucking business, Alex,” I yelled again, pressing my fingers into my eye sockets. “You really think that telling Ani that I’m still dealing with shit from when we were six years old is going to help the situation?”
“Well it couldn’t fucking hurt!” Alex yelled back.
“She’s got Arielle to think about, and you made me sound like I can’t get my shit together. How do you think that looks?”
“It wasn’t like that, Abraham,” Alex replied, his voice back to normal. “We were just talking about why you two weren’t together and—”
“Why the fuck are you even discussing my relationship with Ani?” I cut him off. I was livid. I’d known the moment I answered the phone that Alex felt like shit about something, and as soon as he began speaking, I’d wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him.
I was so tired that it was giving me a sour stomach, and my eyes felt like they were covered in sand. The only thing keeping me awake in the warm confines of my truck was the fact that Alex was trying to talk his way out of the fact that he’d completely screwed up.
“Because life is too fucking short,” Alex barked. “You two need to get your shit together.”
“That’s my problem,” I growled. “Mine. If I want to tell Ani shit about our mother, I will tell her. It’s not your fucking place!”
“I’m not going to stop talking to Ani because you’ve got some fucked-up desire to piss on her leg,” Alex argued, his voice low. “She’s one of my best friends. Just because you’re fucking her doesn’t mean that’s going to change.”
“I don’t give a shit if you two want to play Call of Duty or paint each other’s nails,” I replied derisively. “I’m telling you right now to stop discussing me with Ani. I’ll take care of this. I don’t need you fucking shit up more than it already is.”
“Jesus Christ,” Alex breathed, barking out a laugh. “Abraham, I’m pretty sure you’re fucking this up all on your own.”
The line went silent, and I pulled my phone away from my ear to find that the fucker had hung up on me.
I was sitting in my truck in front of my parents’ house, and I’d taken Alex’s call so I could put off going inside. I’d missed family dinner the week before because I’d fallen asleep on my couch without even taking my boots off. I was barely sleeping at night, and when I did, I still didn’t feel rested the next morning.
Things with Ani and me were tense, but I didn’t know what the hell to do about it. I’d laid it all out. I’d told her exactly what I wanted, and then I’d waited for her to come to me—but she hadn’t.
I’d seen her at work, and I’d gone to my mom’s on my lunch break to see Arielle, but Ani still hadn’t said a word about our conversation. She seemed perfectly fine with the way things were going, while I was a fucking mess.
I scratched my fingers through my beard and hopped out of the truck, frustration and overwhelming exhaustion making my movements sharp and jerky. I was running on adrenaline, and the crash was going to hit me hard. My conversation with Alex had pissed me off, and knowing that Ani was just inside the house made that anger magnify by a thousand.
How could she just write me off? She said she fucking loved me, but what? I wasn’t good enough for her because I hadn’t wanted kids before I met Arielle? If that was the case, why did she keep spouting off about how she still loved me?
I climbed the steps and walked in the front door without knocking. The closer I got to Ani, the more frustrated I got, and the minute I heard her laughing voice in the kitchen, any patience I’d had was lost.
“Anita,” I growled as I cleared the doorway, making my mom and aunt Ellie’s heads shoot up in surprise.
“Abraham,” my mom called in warning.
“Outside,” I ordered, ignoring my mom as I herded Ani toward the back door.
She didn’t argue with me, just took one last look at Arielle, who was swinging back and forth in her little swing at the edge of the kitchen, before leading me outside.
As soon as we’d hit the back porch and I’d slammed the door behind us, Ani wrapped her arms around herself and lifted her chin. “What’s up?” she asked calmly.
The lack of emotion in her voice made me crazy.
“Why the fuck are you discussing me with Alex?” I yelled, making her jerk in surprise. “How the fuck is any of this his business?”
It wasn’t what I’d wanted to say. I wanted to ask why she hadn’t called. I wanted to know why she didn’t want me. Why she didn’t even seem to miss me anymore. I wanted to know if she still loved me.
But I wasn’t going to actually say any of that. I’d already told her what I wanted. She knew where I was at, and she simply didn’t care. I wasn’t going to lie back down so she could step over me and walk away again.
“Are you joking?” Ani asked in surprise, her hands fisting.
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
“No, you look like you’re going to fall over. Why don’t you go get some rest and then we can talk again when you aren’t completely losing it.”
“I can’t fucking rest, Anita!” I hissed, taking a step toward her. “I feel like shit all the time. And you seem to be doing just fucking fine. You don’t want to be with me? Then just say it!”
Ani’s mouth trembled, and her cheek puckered.
“Just say it,” I insisted, taking another step forward. “Because this is absolute bullshit! I know I fucked up! I know that I acted like a pussy, and I ran—”
“Why did you run, Abraham?” she asked tearfully, cutting me off.
“Because I didn’t think I wanted kids and—”
“No,” she cut me off again. “The truth.”
“That is the fucking truth!”
“Not the whole truth,” she argued, shaking her head slowly from side to side.
“What do you want me to say, here?”
“I want you to tell me why you had a change of heart,” Ani said simply, like the answer was something easily given.
“I just did,” I replied stubbornly through my teeth.
“No. You didn’t.”
“Because I fell in love with Arielle. From the second I held her, I knew. It was different with her. I don’t know if she was just supposed to be mine, or if it was because she was yours, but there’s never been a moment in her entire life that I haven’t felt like her fucking parent!”
“But you didn’t come to me then,” Ani whispered, tears running down her cheeks. “It wasn’t until after Hen—”
“I didn’t know if I could do it!” I roared, Ani’s tears making me feel out of control. “What if something happened to her? What would that do to you?”
“Nothing’s going to happen to her, Abraham,” Ani said, reaching out to touch me, then dropping her arm as I dodged her.
I couldn’t take her hands on me then. I felt too volatile, my emotions too close to the surface.
“But what if something did?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“Losing everything!” I yelled, my chest heaving. “If I lost you, I might survive. Barely. If I lost both of you? I’d be a fucking dead man.”
I clenched my eyes closed against the words and turned away, bracing my hands against the porch railing. Even saying the words out loud caused an almost visceral reaction in my body. Everything pulled tight, from my feet to my neck. I tightened my hands on the railing to keep myself from going down.
“Baby, we’re not going anywhere,” Ani choked out, coming up behind me.
“My mother lost a baby,” I ground out as she laid her hand lightly at the base of my spine.
“Abraham,” Ani breathed, dropping her head against my back.
“And it’s fucking stupid to bring that up—I’m not a child, and I realize that bad shit happens every day. I know that.”
“I know,” Ani whispered.
“You should have seen what it did to her, Ani. She just fucking faded, piece by piece. As I got older, I knew I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to take that chance.”
“Baby—”
“And I sure as fuck didn’t want to take that chance with you,” I hissed, turning to face her.
She rocked back on her heels, but before she could pull away, I was gripping her head in my hands, pulling her face to mine.
“I’d never want that for you,” I murmured, resting my forehead against hers. “Honest to God, Anita. If you had listened to me, if you hadn’t adopted Arielle, I would have never taken that chance.”
“That’s the problem,” she replied hoarsely.
“No,” I ground out. “No. I’d never go back. I’d never in a million years go back to that—I got fucking lucky.” I swallowed hard, swaying a little. “I’m so fucking lucky that you didn’t listen to me.”
“Baby?” Ani whispered fearfully as I began to slide sideways. “Abraham?”
“I’m okay,” I said, righting myself.
“No,” she gasped, pushing my body against the railing and bracing me up with her body. “What the fuck?”
“I’m so fucking tired,” I slurred, dropping my head to her shoulder as I tried to bring shit back into focus. I knew I was scaring her, but I couldn’t stop the dizziness that hit me like a freight train. “Can’t sleep without you.”
“Trevor!” Ani screamed as I tried to prop myself up.
“Jesus,” I groaned, using the railing behind me to steady myself. “I’m fine. Shit.”
“Everything okay?” Trevor asked less than a second later, popping his head out the back door. “Holy fuck, Bram!”
My vision was going spotty, and I shook my head to try and clear it.
“Trev,” I called as I felt my knees begin to buckle.
Then it was lights-out.
* * *
“Ani,” I said sometime later, opening my eyes in the dark. I knew immediately that I wasn’t home in bed, and I groaned as the smell of my parents’ house registered.
I’d passed out in the middle of yelling at Ani. Smooth.
I could hear voices speaking quietly somewhere in the house as I crawled out of the bed and stumbled to the doorway of Katie’s old room. It always took me a minute to get my land legs under me when I first woke up. It was something that had happened to me since I was a kid, and no matter how I tried to change my habits by staying in bed a few minutes after I’d woken up, I still walked around like a drunk for a full minute after I’d climbed out of bed.
It had made getting up with Arielle a bit of an ordeal as I’d waited to get steady before I’d lift the crying little miss from her bed.
I turned on the light by the doorway and glanced toward the playpen at the other end of the room, immediately shutting the light off again as I saw Arielle sleeping peacefully with her arms flung out to her sides.
Then I swallowed hard and stumbled into the hallway. The voices stopped when I got close to the living room, and as I stepped into view, I found six pairs of eyes staring at me in surprise.
“Abraham Daniel, you scared the shit out of me!” my mom bitched, coming off my dad’s lap and bracing her hands on her hips.
“Bram was just exhausted,” my dad said soothingly, reaching out to tap Mom’s butt with the back of his hand.
“Why the hell are you awake already?” my mom snapped, not ready to let go of her anger. She wasn’t mad, not really, but sometimes when she was scared it morphed into anger.
“I—” My words cut off as I glanced at Ani’s worried face. “Just tired,” I said as she stood up from the couch. “I’m okay.”
She moved fast, and when she hit my chest, we stumbled back a step because I hadn’t really grown steady yet.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” she whispered against my chest. “You have to sleep, Abraham.” Her fingers dug into my back. “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered back, ignoring the people staring at us. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You went down, and I—”
“Shh,” I said soothingly.
“I caught you,” Trevor interrupted with a smile. “You’re welcome.”
“Shit,” I groaned, making Ani laugh a little.
“What the hell was that?” my mom asked as she dropped back down onto my dad’s lap, making him grunt.
“I haven’t been sleeping very well,” I answered, walking Ani into the room so we could sit on one of the couches. “It must have just hit all at once.”
“Well, I’ve heard some doozies about trying to get out of an argument, but I gotta say, this one takes the cake,” Uncle Mike joked, shaking his head.
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“Uh-huh,” my dad muttered like he wasn’t convinced.
“Well, now that we know you’re just sleepy, we’re heading home,” aunt Ellie said sweetly.
“I told you he was just tired,” my dad argued.
“I didn’t know you were a doctor,” Aunt Ellie retorted, climbing to her feet and pulling Uncle Mike with her.
“Think I know my boy,” Dad griped as my mom stood up, too. “He’s looked like shit for weeks.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I replied sarcastically, making Ani snicker.
I wanted to look at her, but I was afraid to see her expression. I’d passed out during the most important conversation of my life, and I was both embarrassed that it happened and worried as hell that everything I’d said had gotten me nowhere.
“See you guys later,” Trevor called, following his parents out the front door.
As soon as they’d gone, I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes.
“Are you two staying here tonight?” Dad asked.
I didn’t even open my eyes as I said “no” at the exact same moment Ani said “yes.”
“You’re not going home,” Ani barked.
“You can drive us,” I conceded.
“We’ll stay here,” Ani said to my parents, ignoring me. “See you in the morning?”
I didn’t want to stay the night, but hell if I was going to argue with Ani about sleeping in the same bed again, even if we were at my parents’ house and I was too tired to do anything but sleep. She hadn’t taken off when I’d passed out. She’d stayed.
That had to mean something.
I followed her into Katie’s old room and stripped down to my underwear after she’d closed the door behind us. We were both moving quietly so we didn’t wake the baby, but I was aware of every noise her clothes made in the darkness as she got ready for bed. As I crawled into bed behind her, I could have cried at the wave of relief that hit me.
“You scared the shit out of me,” she hissed as I tried to wrap my arm around her middle.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Well, what the fuck? You aren’t sleeping?”
“I couldn’t ever fall asleep, so I was just staying up until I was so exhausted that I could get a full night’s rest,” I answered, ignoring the way her body had stiffened as I pulled her closer to me.
We were facing each other on our sides, and I scooted down the bed a little so our faces lined up on the pillows, nose to nose.
“I want to talk,” I slurred, trying in vain to keep my eyes open.
“We’ll talk in the morning,” she breathed against my face, lifting her hand to smooth down my beard. “Go to sleep.”
* * *
“I’ll get her. You sleep,” my mom said quietly when Arielle woke me up the next morning.
I was standing next to the portable crib, trying to calm Arielle down without lifting her up. My legs were still pretty unsteady, and I glanced at Ani’s sleeping face as my mom pushed past me and picked Arie up. Then I looked down at myself and felt my face heat. I was standing there in nothing but my boxer briefs.
“Sorry about last night,” I whispered, moving behind the bed to try and hide my lower half as my mom grabbed Arielle’s diaper bag from the floor.
“You need to sleep, son,” Mom scolded. “Get this stuff figured out before you make yourself sick.”
I nodded as she turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Then I climbed back into bed with Ani, wrapping my arms around her.
“I pretended I was asleep,” she mumbled against the bare skin of my chest, startling me. “So your mom would take Arielle.”
I chuckled.
“Mother of the Year,” Ani joked.
“You’re an awesome mom,” I replied, kissing her forehead.
“You lost your shit last night,” Ani said, tilting her face up to kiss my Adam’s apple.
“I’m going to blame that on a mixture of exhaustion and adrenaline from the argument I’d just gotten into with Alex,” I murmured back.
“So you didn’t mean it?” Ani asked.
“No, I meant it.” I leaned back so I could look into her eyes. “The delivery left a lot to be desired.”
“Well, you definitely made a statement. It was like the ultimate mike drop.” She lifted her hand above us and opened her fingers wide with a shrug, like she was dropping a microphone.
“You’re such an ass,” I laughed, shaking the bed.
“Well, it’s a good story to tell Arielle,” she mused, her lips tipping up. “When your daddy was fighting for us, he got so excited that he swooned like a Victorian maiden.”
“I didn’t swoon. I passed out from exhaustion.”
“Same thing.”
“Not at all the same thing.”
“Tomatoes, tomahtoes.”
“You’re going to tell Arielle that I’m her daddy?” I asked softly, my smile dropping as I searched her face. “That I fought for her?”
“Do you want me to?” she replied, her lips trembling.
“Yes.”
“Then, yeah. I will.”
I shuddered, closing my eyes against the emotion that swamped me. I wanted to both scream from the rooftops and pull the covers over our heads to block out the world. The relief was all encompassing.
“Tell me about your mom?” Ani asked after a few moments of silence, running a fingertip over my lips.
I sighed, wishing that I hadn’t even brought her up the night before. Using your parents as an excuse for anything was a massive pet peeve of mine. I hated when people tried to blame their parents for the decisions they made as adults.
“She was gorgeous,” I began.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. She looked like Alex—”
“So…like both of you,” Ani said with a small laugh.
“Not really,” I replied with a smile, rolling to my back so Ani was draped across my chest. “She had his wide smile—you know the one. The contagious one.”
“You have that smile too,” she argued loyally.
“Well, her face wasn’t covered in hair,” I joked, squeezing Ani as she pressed a kiss to my chin. “And she was really nice. She smiled at everyone. She was just perpetually cheerful.”
“Ah, one of those,” Ani grumbled.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “She got pregnant when Alex and I were five. I have no idea who the dad was, because she never brought guys around. I don’t even remember her leaving us with a sitter so she could go out. We didn’t have any extended family. I never knew where her parents were.”
“I bet that was hard for her,” Ani said softly. “Not having any support.”
“She managed,” I said. “She was a good mom.”
“Her baby died?” Ani prodded when I grew quiet.
“Ah, yeah,” I said, reaching up to scratch at the side of my face. “We didn’t have insurance so she had the baby at home.”
“Holy shit!” Ani blurted, her eyes wide.
“I don’t know if that’s why the baby died, or if it was already dead when it came out.”
“You were so little,” Ani murmured sadly.
“Alex doesn’t remember it.”
“But you do.”
I nodded, clenching my jaw. “Probably because she accidently bit me.”
Ani’s eyes closed, and her forehead hit my sternum with a thud. “Well, I’m a dickhead,” she admitted, making me laugh as I remembered our first night together and her snide remark.
“It’s not a big deal,” I assured her, lifting her head from my chest. “I don’t like the biting sensation, but you do. It’s just a preference.”
“I was an ass about it.”
“You’re an ass about a lot of things.”
“Hey!”
I laughed, my chuckles shaking Ani’s slight body.
“I’m completely in love with you,” I said as she scowled.
“I love you too, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“You’re not very nice.”
“If we weren’t in my parents’ house, I’d be very, very nice.”
“You’re sure about all this?” Ani blurted out, making the smile drop off my face. “Really sure?”
“I’m selling my town house,” I announced, watching her jaw drop.
“Wait, what?”
“I’m moving in with you.”
“You weren’t invited,” she replied, her eyes wide.
“You don’t want to live with me?” I asked seriously, watching her face closely.
“Uh, I do.” She drew out the last word. “But…”
“Here’s the thing,” I said, pushing myself up so I was sitting and she was straddling my thighs. “You’re taking a huge chance on me. I know you’re freaked out—”
“I’m not freaked out,” she lied.
“I know you’re freaked out,” I said again, ignoring her. “So I’ll make the move.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers, reveling in the feeling of her skin pressed against mine.
“I’ll sell my house. I’ll move in with you. You don’t have to take any chances except being with me. Okay?”
I thought it was a pretty fucking good speech until Ani’s lips quirked, and she started to snicker.
“You just know my house is a million times cooler than yours,” she sang, laughing harder. “Sell my house? Ha!”
“You’re such an ass,” I laughed, watching her head tip back as she giggled. “I was being romantic.”
“So romantic,” she said, nodding in mock seriousness.
I growled and flipped her underneath me, digging my fingers into her sides while she begged for mercy through her laughter.