Chapter Four
Justin pulled his car into the driveway, the sun having set a long time ago. He glanced at the clock on the dash—nine twenty-five. He sighed. He was exhausted and it had been a long day. He had planned to get home sooner, to spend a few minutes with Maddie and Aiden before his bedtime. But one of his players had taken a shot in the face fielding a routine ground ball and then his pitching coach asked him to review the rotation for their first game on Thursday night. He could have put the coach off, set a time tomorrow, but the distraction had given him an excuse to stay longer.
For a few minutes, he was able to immerse himself in something he enjoyed, where he had confidence in his abilities and no one criticized his every move. When he’d first applied for the head coaching position at the local high school, they’d been drawn to the celebrity factor of a former professional player. But behind the scenes, he couldn’t miss the mumbles about whether or not he could actually lead a championship team. The one thing he’d learned with small town sports is that winning was everything. They would fill the bleachers on a game night as long as the team was good.
He’d proven himself over the past three years, with two regional championships and one state title under his belt. And this year was shaping up to be another stellar season.
He couldn’t let the team and the town down. But did that mean he had to disappoint Maddie?
He’d barely stepped in the house when Maddie’s voice screeched across the house. “Justin!”
He sighed and leaned his head on the door he’d just closed.
“Where have you been?”
Oh crap. He spun around. “I had practice tonight. One of the boys was injured and we had to work with the trainer and then I had to go over pitching rotations with Johnson.”
“I told you that today was a good day. You know we only have a few hours when I’m ovulating.”
He threw his jacket off and yanked at his tie. Sex had become such a chore, but if this was what she needed to be happy, then that was what he wanted for her. “Well, I’m here now.”
“It’s too late.” The words came out on a sob.
There were those pesky tears again. Was it bad that he felt relief that they’d missed the window? Maybe then she wouldn’t obsess for the next two weeks. Maybe they could focus on them as a couple for a little while. And maybe she’d leave the house, which she had done less and less recently. At the beginning, he hadn’t noticed, but over the past few months, her days spent at home, not hanging out with friends had become, well, noticeable.
But none of that mattered right now. They were both here, Aiden was in bed, and they could make love without the pressure of getting pregnant. Like they used to before she focused all her energies on conception. He pulled her into his arms, lowering his lips to her neck, finding that spot that always drove her wild.
She pushed him away. “Justin, stop.”
“Dammit, Maddie. Maybe I want to make love with my wife without the pressure of ovulating and charts and just the right position. Where is that spontaneous woman who made love to me behind the dugout at the stadium?”
“She’s living in the real world, not your fantasy one. She has commitments and obligations and oh, by the way, can’t seem to get pregnant.”
He gritted his teeth. Same fight, different day. He softened his voice. He refused to become a bitter, angry man, like his father had been, but it was hard at times when he was tested like this. “Don’t you think I know that? Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of us in the mix. Don’t you miss us?”
A fire lit up her eyes with an intensity he hadn’t seen in a long time. A determination that had served her well when they were younger. They’d had some of their best sex when she was spun up over something or other. But the fire in her eyes now was laced with anger. “Not when you’re being like this. If you wanted to have sex, you should have been home when I texted you.”
“No, I don’t want to have sex. I want to make love with my wife.”
“You missed your chance.”
He threw up his hands. “I don’t give a damn about your charts and your window and what time it is. I just want my wife.”
“Well, I want a baby. Is that so wrong?”
“No, it’s not wrong… but you’re obsessed. I barely even recognize you anymore.”
“If that’s how you feel, why do you even bother to come home?”
“Right now, I’m asking myself the same question.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t trouble yourself.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t!” He snatched his coat off the couch, stalked out of the house, and slammed the door behind him.
He stopped on the porch.
What the fuck just happened?
He’d had a shit day at practice. All he’d wanted was to come home and spend a few minutes relaxing with his family. Instead, it was more fights and more tears. It was too much. Something had to change. He dashed off a quick text to Izzy. “You home?”
Thank God she replied immediately. “Yep.”
“I’m on my way over.” Usually he wouldn’t warn his sister before he dropped in, but after interrupting her while she was entertaining Tanner one too many times, he’d learned his lesson. Besides, she was almost done moving into his house. There was a chance she wouldn’t even be there.
A few minutes later, he knocked on her door and it immediately opened. She searched his face and then she swung the door wider.
“Thanks.” He barely mustered the energy to smile at his sister. He skirted around a couple of open boxes and flopped on the couch. Izzy headed to the kitchen, and a minute later, she slid a beer in front of him.
He sucked down a huge gulp but it didn’t calm his nerves. Izzy perched on the chair beside the fireplace, her feet curled up beside her. “You want to share why you’re not at home right now?”
He sighed. He was so tired of talking about this. “I can’t take it anymore. She’s gone completely off the deep end. I missed her ovulation window tonight and she exploded.”
“Maybe you guys need to take a break from worrying about getting pregnant?”
“I’ve suggested that, more than once. Maddie bites my head off whenever I bring it up. Getting pregnant is all she thinks about now. She hardly leaves the house anymore. Shoot, she barely changes out of her pajamas most days.” He missed the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled, and the way she would share private looks with him that told him she was thinking about the two of them together. She hadn’t looked at him like that in a long time. His heart hurt just thinking about it.
Izzy slid onto the couch beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t have any answers, but I can always listen.”
He leaned into her, his head resting on hers. “Thanks.”
“What are you going to do?”
He sat back up. The anger had dissipated, but the words Maddie had hurled at him still stung. “Can I sleep on your couch tonight?”
“You sure? You aren’t usually one to run from a fight.”
“I’m not running. I’m letting our tempers calm before I try to discuss this with her rationally. I want the woman I married back, baby or no baby.”
“Have you told her that?”
“Sure.” But now that Izzy asked, he couldn’t be one hundred percent positive. When was the last time he told Maddie he loved her for no reason? “I think.”
“Things will look different in the morning.” Izzy rested her hand on his shoulder for a minute, gave him a little squeeze, and stood. “I’ve got more packing to do in the bedroom.”
“Thanks, Izzy. I’m supposed to be the one that you girls come to, not the other way around.”
“You’d do the same for me—heck, you have done the same for me when I needed it. Now it’s my turn.” Izzy headed down the hall to the bedroom.
Justin shoved a pillow behind his head and stretched out on the couch. The same piece of furniture that had been in his parents’ family room for years before being moved out here to the guest cottage. How many nights had Dad slept on it when he was fighting with Mom? Or more likely, it was Mom sleeping on the couch, waiting for Dad to come home from wherever he was spending his nights when he wasn’t with his family. Damn, no wonder Justin had screwed up his marriage. His role model hadn’t been such a good one.
Maybe Izzy was right and tomorrow would be different.