Chapter Twenty-Seven
Justin stared at the papers on his desk. Maddie had asked him to start the process to become foster parents. Hell, that’s been about the only thing on his mind since he’d walked out of her house the other night. His house. Their house. Why then had he felt like an outsider during most of dinner?
She was on her way over here to discuss the final plans for Sports Day this weekend. If he had his wish, he would have picked a later date to hold this event. Sure, the timing was perfect for the beginning of the spring sports season, but considering the state of their marriage, it was about the worst.
One week ago, they’d been headed to the Crabapple Festival. As a family. And he couldn’t have been happier. He and Maddie had made so much progress on their relationship. They had been talking more and had opened up about most of the issues that had affected their marriage. Maddie hadn’t mentioned getting pregnant and they had turned a corner. He had even considered it was time to move back home.
Instead, she had just turned her obsession in another direction.
He liked Sofia. A lot. And more than that, he liked how Sofia had brought joy to Maddie that he hadn’t seen in a long time. But what if she was tying her happiness to something else that was out of her control?
His heart ached at the thought of Maddie being hurt again. He’d tried and failed to love her through month after month of disappointment at not getting pregnant. And that was a child they hadn’t yet met. Sofia was a real, living, breathing little girl who had already captured his wife’s heart. What if things didn’t work out? Even if Justin threw himself full force into being a foster parent, the system might fail them. Or come up with a better solution. Sofia could end up placed in another home or adopted by another family. If that happened, how would Maddie survive? If he thought her depression over their inability to get pregnant was bad, he couldn’t imagine how losing Sofia would affect her.
A quiet knock sounded at the door.
His head snapped up to see the woman he loved standing in the doorway. His heart had never stopped kicking up a beat when he laid eyes on her, and today was no exception. With her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she looked much like the girl he had fallen in love with. But the smile on her face didn’t reach her eyes, and the lines on her brow were more pronounced.
He forced a smile to his face and rounded the desk. “Come on in.”
When she finally stepped into his office, he pulled her into his arms. She fit against him perfectly. Like she always had. He rested his head on hers as she relaxed into him. At least he could still comfort her even if he couldn’t give her everything she wanted.
She sighed. “Thanks. I needed that.”
And her stress was because of him. Because he couldn’t just sign the papers to give her the chance at a life with Sofia.
“Thanks for coming here for this meeting. I couldn’t get away from the store.” And he had wanted the more formal setting rather than the temptation of meeting at the house.
He gestured to the guest chair and then rounded his desk. He swept the papers off to the side, clearing a space for her to spread out the plans he spotted in her purse. The air in the office grew uncomfortable. So much of the progress they had made as a couple felt lost. And he didn’t know how to fix it.
He struggled for words while Maddie pulled out her notebook. “How’s Aiden?”
“He’s good. Really excited about Sports Day. But I think what he’s most excited about is more time with Daddy.”
Damn, he really was a jerk. “I know I haven’t seen him as much as I would like, or as much as I should, recently. That’s the one thing I didn’t want to happen, yet here I am.”
She reached across the desk and rested her hand on his. “He loves you and loves spending time with you, whenever and however he can.”
That didn’t make Justin feel much better. He needed to find a way to overcome his concerns and move forward with Maddie. “Thanks for saying that, but that’s not good enough for me.”
“It’ll all work out. You’ll see.” She flipped open her notebook. “But right now, how about we go over the final list of vendors and the layout at the park?”
For the next few minutes, Maddie briefed him on the detailed logistics she had organized for Sports Day while he sat back and listened. This was her event. He had been happy to give Maddie the lead and orchestrate what was looking to be a fantastic day.
She had gotten the entire town involved. This was why he loved living in Cedar Hill. His friends, neighbors, and fellow business-owners never hesitated to jump in and lend a hand when someone was in need. But he would have never come up with some of the ideas Maddie had.
She was in her element, her creativity shining through in every idea, every sketch, every plan she developed. Sports Day had initially been an idea to reinvigorate the store and get Maddie involved with something she loved, but it had become so much more. She practically glowed with the sense of accomplishment, with the excitement of seeing her ideas coming to fruition. Planning this event had been good for her in more ways than one.
But he had to admit that Sofia coming into her life likely had something to do with her good mood as well. She’d really embraced the little girl and opened her heart up to someone who needed love as much as she did. Maddie’s tender heart was one of the reasons Justin had fallen in love with her, and here he was, hesitant about supporting something that she felt so strongly about.
Maybe he should just sign the papers.
“Justin?” Maddie’s voice interrupted his musings.
“What? Sorry. I was distracted.”
Maddie flipped her notebook closed and her gaze locked on his. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“Whatever’s bothering you. I know that I haven’t been a good listener recently, and if I had taken time to pay attention to what was going on with you, maybe we wouldn’t have separated in the first place. I told myself that I need to be more supportive, to not be so self-absorbed that I completely miss when my husband is unhappy.”
“I’m not unhappy. I’m just thinking.”
“You always needed to ponder decisions a lot longer than I did. I had forgotten that, and I’m sorry that I sprang my idea about becoming foster parents on you like I did. I was so excited about the possibilities that it made me inconsiderate of your feelings.”
He shook his head. He wasn’t about to throw water on something that she cared about so much. “You have nothing to apologize for. I was surprised, yes, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t thinking about my feelings. This is something that makes you happy which means it’s something I want for you. I just need to consider all the implications. I don’t want to see you hurt again or for you to spiral back into the depression you’ve dug yourself out of because something doesn’t work.”
“I know the risks and I’m being careful. But there’s more going on here, isn’t there? I mean, I thought we were making progress on our marriage, and now it feels like we’re more distant than we were.”
He hated to admit that she was right. He didn’t want them to be drifting apart again.
“I know I drove you away in the first place, so focused on getting pregnant that I lost sight of everything else. I understand now that my issues weren’t really about getting pregnant, but about feeling alone. Of Aiden growing up an only child. It didn’t take much before I was that little girl again, huddled under her covers because Mom had to go to work and leave me at home.”
“I know it’s been tough for you, wanting something so badly and not getting it. I’d love to have more kids, yes, but more than that, I wanted them because you did. Because when you want something, I feel like it’s my job to give it to you. And I couldn’t.” He extended his hand, but it wasn’t enough. He hopped up and skirted the edge of the desk and then pulled Maddie to her feet. His arms slid around her waist and he stared down at her. “You’ve been so happy recently, like the Maddie I fell in love with. I know that we’ve both changed since we got married. We’ve had to. But that Maddie didn’t let anything stand in her way. She had this huge smile that I couldn’t help but return. I’ve seen that Maddie more recently than I have in a long time. And I missed her.”
Maddie rested her head on his chest. “I know. I don’t ever want to lose her again. And if you see me getting that way, you need to tell me. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve gone through these past weeks.” Her voice was muffled as she buried her mouth in his chest. “I want you to move back home.”
Justin’s heart stopped. He was wondering who would make the first move in that direction. Now he had his answer. This was the decision that had been looming over everything they did since the day he left. He always intended his moving out to be temporary, but he hadn’t decided when the time would be right to return. Was that now? With the situation regarding Sofia so uncertain? Everything else about their marriage seemed great, but this one issue could really affect things if he didn’t tread carefully. “How about we get through the event and then we’ll sit down and talk about everything. Deal?”
Her body stiffened in his embrace, but then she looked up at him, the hint of a tear in the corner of her eye. “I’ll hold you to that. I love you, Justin.”
He threaded his fingers through her hair. “I love you, too.” But that didn’t stop the questions from racing through his mind.