“Charlie!”
Charlie started awake and glanced at the clock beside his bed. Ten o’clock. He should have been up hours ago, but he’d been so exhausted after coming home and crying his heart out last night that he’d more or less collapsed.
If his mom was calling him, it was probably important.
“I’m awake,” he said, though he wasn’t sure that was strictly true.
“There’s a very handsome man with a puppy at the door for you. I wasn’t sure if he was the reason you were crying last night. Do I tell him to go away?”
Charlie sighed. His mom knew everything about his life. At least she was supportive.
He didn’t want to talk to Scott, but he also didn’t want to not talk to Scott.
“Let him in. I’ll be down in a second.”
“Okay. I’m going to brunch,” she said, her tone knowing. “But if he makes you cry again, you tell me and I’ll deal with him.”
Charlie laughed, surprising himself. He knew he could count on his mom to take care of him. Even if it was way past time for him to move out.
“Thanks, mom,” he called through the door, hunting for underwear, jeans, and a t-shirt that would make him look like his heart wasn’t breaking.
He’d accepted that he couldn’t have Scott. Or at least, he’d been working on accepting it. Then Scott had to go and kiss him.
The first time, he would have taken the blame. Even though he was sure Scott moved in first, he could see that maybe it hadn’t been for a kiss.
This time, Scott had definitely made the first move. The only move, really. Charlie had been too surprised to do much other than kiss back, just a little, just because he was weak and Scott was beautiful and funny and kind, no matter how off-limits he was.
His mom was gone by the time Charlie made his way downstairs, and Scott was sitting at the kitchen table with Chewie in his lap.
Working up the courage to come down and see Scott had taken all of Charlie’s focus, and now he wasn’t sure exactly what to say.
“Hey,” Scott opened for him. “I, uh. I brought Chewie as my ambassador, since he’s apparently much better with people than I am.”
“He’s growing fast,” Charlie said. That seemed safe. “Do you want coffee?”
Another safe subject. Maybe he could do this. Maybe they didn’t need to talk about anything uncomfortable at all.
“I could go for coffee,” Scott said, hugging Chewie close to his chest.
He looked unsure, too. At least both of them felt that way.
Charlie distracted himself by washing out the coffee pot, packing the filter, and paying very close attention to the exact water level in the machine before turning it on. He got out two cups and polished them with a clean dish towel, not ready to look at Scott again.
Maybe he couldn’t do this.
“I hurt you,” Scott said. “And I’m sorry.”
Now, Charlie had to look up. He could see the guilt written all over Scott’s face.
The thing was, as much as Scott had hurt him—and he had, though Charlie knew he didn’t mean to—Charlie couldn’t be mad at him. Not really.
He could be sad about him, and angry at himself for letting his stupid feelings get in the way of a perfectly good friendship, but he couldn’t be mad at Scott. Scott was a sweetheart, more so than Charlie had ever been.
There was no sweeter person than one who took in stray dogs until they found loving homes. Who wanted to be a vet so he could help both people and animals.
Scott was a good man, down to his bones.
Charlie would have been an idiot to lose him over a few stray feelings.
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Charlie said.
“Yeah, I do. We had the whole ‘sorry, but I’m straight’ talk, and then I turned around and kissed you again.”
Charlie didn’t miss the fact that Scott had said again. Now didn’t seem like the time to unpack that, but it was interesting that he was taking some responsibility for the first time.
“You’d been drinking.” Charlie tapped on the coffee pot, willing it to hurry up.
“That’s not an excuse. And I wasn’t drunk,” Scott said.
Charlie looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes. “I would prefer to think it was a drunken mistake, unless you’re about to ask me on a date.”
Scott’s half-open mouth closed with a click.
Guilt instantly hit Charlie in the stomach. Maybe that was cruel.
“That wasn’t fair,” Charlie said. “I’m sorry I snapped. If you’re confused, you have every right to be confused. But I need you to be honest with me, because right now? I’m ready to forgive you for anything. But I need to know what I’m forgiving you for. And I need to trust you to be careful with my very delicate heart.”
“I’m confused,” Scott murmured, playing with Chewie’s ear. “In general, but especially when it comes to you.”
“Okay,” Charlie pronounced carefully, fighting to keep his voice even.
He remembered having a conversation like this with Owen.
It had seemed a lot simpler then. He hadn’t had a horse in the race. All he’d wanted was for Owen to be happy.
“The last thing I want is to hurt you,” Scott said.
Charlie believed that. He didn’t think Scott had ever wanted to hurt anyone in his entire life.
“I know, and I don’t wanna hurt you either.”
The coffee pot was finally full enough for two cups, so Charlie picked it up to pour. It saved him thinking about everything else that was going on right now.
“Well, at least we’re on the same page there.” Scott sighed, sitting back in his chair. Chewie whined softly, snuggling close to him.
Chewie clearly understood what was going on. Not the details, but the general mood both Charlie and Scott were in.
Charlie’s stomach felt tight as he walked over to hand Scott his cup of coffee, his fingers tingling as Scott’s brushed against them, accepting the cup. He could have put it down in front of him instead.
Why hadn’t he done that? Why did he insist on torturing himself?
“So… where are we, then?” Charlie asked, playing with his coffee cup.
“I dunno.” Scott took a deep breath, sighing heavily. “I just… I dunno. I want us to be okay, at least.”
“We are okay,” Charlie said. He didn’t feel it, but he was determined for it to be the truth. He needed to be okay. For his own sake and for Scott’s, he couldn’t afford to spend any more time being upset about this.
Scott sipped his coffee.
“I should have asked if you wanted milk or sugar in that.” Charlie often forgot that some people drank coffee because they enjoyed it, not just as a convenient way to add caffeine to their bloodstream. He only had one cup, black and without sugar, in the morning. That was his rule.
He’d been willing to break that for Scott. He would have been willing to do a lot of things for Scott.
“No, black’s fine and I’m sweet enough already.” Scott smiled a small, sheepish smile. “I didn’t ask you with yours, either.”
“I thought the coffee was an excuse to keep me around,” Charlie said.
“It was,” Scott admitted. “I mean… I just didn’t want you to leave. You’re fun. I like hanging out with you.”
That was why Scott was confused. He probably just wanted a friend.
“I like hanging out with you, too.” Charlie shifted in his chair. “Hey, how did you know where I live? You didn’t actually walk me home last night.”
“I went to the grocery store and begged Owen to tell me.” Scott shrugged. “He wasn’t around last night to see what I did, so…”
“So he had no reason not to tell you.” Charlie nodded. “He wouldn’t have. If he’d known.”
“I figured. But I was also hoping it was the right thing to do. And I think it was? Maybe?”
Charlie swallowed. It was the right thing. He did feel better now that he’d gotten to see Scott again, now that he knew their friendship wasn’t over.
He would have preferred that none of it had happened in the first place, but it was too late for that now.
“It was. I don’t want things to be weird between us. If you want to forget it happened, I’m cool with that.”
“I think we should do that,” Scott said, shifting Chewie’s weight in his lap. “Start over.”
Charlie’s heart sank all the way down to his stomach, but he shoved the feeling aside and stood up from the table instead. “Have you had breakfast yet?”
Scott shook his head. “I was too nervous about seeing you to eat.”
“Well, I just woke up. So I’m starving, and I’m guessing you’re starving, and I would kill a man for a pancake right about now. You want some?”
This time, when Charlie looked at him, the look on Scott’s face was hopeful. He wasn’t sure if that had more to do with the offer of pancakes or the fact that they were both agreeing to forget last night, but it didn’t really matter.
It hurt to see Scott upset.
It hurt so much that Charlie was willing to do whatever it took to stop it from happening again.
His crush on Scott wasn’t going anywhere just yet. That was okay, though. He could channel it into friendship.
Right now, he could channel it into making the best damned pancakes anyone had ever eaten.
“I’ll take that look as a yes,” Charlie said, before Scott had a chance to answer. “Does Chewie need anything?”
“He could use a cuddle from his friend Charlie.” Scott wet his lips.
Scott looked like he could use a cuddle from his friend Charlie, too, but Charlie understood why he didn’t want to ask for one. It was probably better if they kept physical contact to a minimum, at least for a while.
Especially when Scott’s fingertips already sent sparks skittering up Charlie’s arms.
Nothing had changed between them. Two kisses wasn’t so entirely different from one.
They could still be friends. Just friends, nothing more.