“Not that I don’t like hanging out with you, but you didn’t invite me back here just to make me a cup of tea,” Jude said as he sipped his tea, sitting back in his chair.
Charlie sighed. He’d practically pounced on Jude the moment he came into the library, which hadn’t been subtle at all.
“I have a question. Maybe a series of questions.” Charlie sat down opposite Jude at the tiny staff room table.
“In the sense that you’re looking for advice, or is this a surprise exam?” Jude raised an eyebrow.
“Advice.” Charlie licked his lips. He wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to ask, but he knew that, if anyone would have a useful answer for him, it would be Jude.
“Okay. I’ll try not to ruin your life.” Jude shrugged.
There was no way Jude would intentionally give bad advice, so Charlie trusted that he could believe whatever Jude said was meant well. Whether or not it would apply to his situation was a different question.
“I don’t know how to phrase this and I’m not going to insult you with hypotheticals, so… you know Scott?”
“Uh oh,” Jude said immediately, his eyes widening. Charlie sighed. Everyone else could see the trouble he was going to get himself into with Scott from a mile off.
He’d been able to see it, too. He’d just chosen to ignore it.
“Yeah. He’s… confused. I mean. Can I tell you the whole story?”
“I’m listening.” Jude sipped his tea.
After a moment of trying to gather his thoughts, Charlie gave up and decided to just tell the story, as it had happened.
“Okay, well… we had dinner together once when Scott was working on an assignment, and then the first week I brought Scott to the bar and went home with him, I kissed him and he said he was straight, so I pretty much ran away as fast as I could. But then on Saturday, he kissed me and then ran away, and then on Sunday he came over and mom met him and he brought his dog.”
Charlie paused to take a breath, a huge gulp of air that made his throat burn. “And he said he was confused and I said we could forget all about it but I don’t wanna forget all about it.”
Jude blinked at him for a moment, then calmly set his tea down. “Okay. So the problem here is that Scott is maybe a little bi and just now figuring it out.”
Charlie breathed a sigh of relief. Jude understood. “Yeah, and… it was very easy for me to tell Owen that, but it’s not easy to tell Scott because it feels like I’m doing it for my own gain. I hate myself for this. What is it with me and straight guys?”
“I mean, I could ask the same question.” Jude smiled wryly. “Hope Springs has been voted America’s most gay-friendly small town how many years running? And yet I spent half my life chasing after straight guys.”
“Well… it did eventually work out for you,” Charlie said.
“Owen was not straight. Owen was never straight,” Jude responded. “You know that.”
“I do know that.” Charlie nodded. Owen had believed he was straight, sure, but he’d always been in love with Jude. He’d just never quite connected the dots the way he needed to.
Charlie was glad that had all worked out, but he wasn’t sure his circumstances were quite the same.
“I don’t think… I don’t know if that applies here. I don’t know Scott well enough to know if this is actually new for him, and I don’t even know if that matters.”
“Can I be a little harsh, here?” Jude asked. His face and tone were kind and soft, and Charlie trusted him not to be mean for the sake of it.
“Sure. I probably need it.”
Jude nodded. “You do. You need to trust that Scott is smart enough to figure this out for himself. The fact that you always want to solve everyone’s problems for them is sweet, and it comes from a good place, but sometimes you have to let them come to their own solution.”
Jude reached out across the table, taking Charlie’s hand. “Even if that means it doesn’t work out the way you want.”
Charlie swallowed past a lump in his throat. That was what he was afraid of.
“I really like him,” he whined.
Jude’s face softened. “I know, honey. I know. But if he’s not meant for you, then he’s not meant for you.”
An uncomfortable ball of nerves formed in Charlie’s stomach. He didn’t want to lose Scott. The thought made him feel sick.
But Jude was right. If Scott didn’t want him, he didn’t want him. If that ended their friendship? That was on Charlie.
He couldn’t earn Scott. He didn’t deserve him, any more than anyone deserved anyone else. Two people got together because they both wanted things to be that way.
Charlie couldn’t change that. No matter how much a small, sad part of him wanted to.
“You’re getting really good at this wise older man thing.”
“I’m three years older than you,” Jude pointed out. “That’s really not a meaningful gap at our age.”
“No no,” Charlie insisted. “You’re a dad now. That automatically gives you a ton of wisdom points.”
“And makes me a lot older?” Jude raised an eyebrow.
Charlie shrugged, sipping his tea. “I don’t make the rules, sorry.”
“Weird, because those sound suspiciously like rules you just made up,” Jude said. “Listen, Charlie… I hope things work out for you. Honestly, I do. You and Scott are cute together, and I do think he likes you but isn’t sure how to say so.”
“Thanks.”
Charlie wasn’t sure what to think anymore, but he was glad that someone else had apparently noticed what he was sure he was noticing. Scott seemed so warm toward him, and he’d encouraged Charlie to practically cuddle with him while they’d been in the bar.
“But even if it doesn’t work out, you’re still so loved. And you’re coming to dinner tonight.”
“I…” Charlie started, and then decided that actually, that sounded good. “Are you cooking?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t inflict Owen’s cooking on you when you’re already suffering enough.”
“He’s not that bad,” Charlie defended automatically. Owen more or less had the hang of cooking, but he was still struggling with seasoning. Jude was being very patient with him, gently nudging him toward improvement. One day, he’d know what he was doing.
Charlie was hoping that would be before next summer, since he’d had to chew his way through a few very tough, bland grilled steaks this year already.
“I love him,” Jude said. “But he is that bad. Don’t worry. I have a lasagna assembled in the fridge and ready to go in the oven when you get there, okay?”
“Okay.” Charlie drained the last of his tea, getting up to rinse the cup out. Jude was still working on his own.
He needed to get some sugar-free treats for the staff room if they were going to have regular conversations like this. Maybe Marcus could come up with something that wasn’t totally depressing.
“Thank you,” he added before Jude could respond. “For listening. And advising. You’re right, I did need to hear that.”
“No problem,” Jude said. “I love you, you know? You’re the baby brother I always wanted.”
“I thought three years wasn’t much of a gap?” Charlie raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not. You’re still my baby brother. I don’t make the rules.”
Charlie laughed at that, drying his cup off and setting it aside. At least he knew he had family to fall back on if Scott broke his heart.