Botie…

I have not been this nervous for a dinner since my first one-on-one date. Growing up in a small town and being a teenager can be difficult especially when half the adults you know treat you like they are your parent and then the others half will be on the phone with your parents when they see you do something wrong. You know you are in deep shit when you get home or even worse if they come to pick you up. We didn’t have non-chaperoned dates until we were sixteen when we got our driver’s licenses, everything before that was done in groups with parents dropping us off and picking us up. We were able to steal a few kisses here and there but by the time I was sixteen, I was a horny teenage boy and ready for more than a few pecks here and there. I don’t know why I had the fool idea of dating the prettiest girl in town, who also happened to be the preacher’s daughter. Our first few dates were youth activities at our church. Jenny and I didn’t even kiss at the end of those dates but once I was good-standing with her parents, we were allowed to go on our first date by ourselves and I was nervous. The male in me knew I wanted to explore that girl’s body, but I wasn’t raised that way and the manners my parents instilled in me kept me in check. After we had gone to the Dairy Freeze to eat and we were back in my old truck, Jenny asked if we could go to the lake and sit and talk for a little while before she had to be home. I almost swallowed my tongue. Everyone knew the lake is where everyone went to park, and by park, I mean make out. She didn’t need to ask me twice. I headed outside of town and found us a nice place to park that wasn’t too close to any of the other cars already there. I no more than turned the truck off and Jenny was all over me. I was the one trying to slow her down. The whole thing would be over in seconds if she kept on and I thought we were going to do the good part when someone tapped on my window. Jenny and I both grabbed for clothes, but it was too late—the door was opened with both Jenny and I half-dressed. There stood the sheriff and Jenny’s Dad. Jenny and I remained friends at school, but her dad never spoke to me again. The sheriff followed me home and explained to my dad and when the sheriff left, I was reacquainted with the woodshed and I lost my truck for two months. After that night, the lake was never a safe place for anyone to go parking. Jenny’s dad took it upon himself to visit it frequently and call the parents of the kids he found there. It took me a while to find out how the preacher knew Jenny and I were going to the lake. It’s not something we planned but Mr. Cedars had seen my truck passing his house and called the preacher himself. I was lucky he hadn’t called my dad or I would have been caught with my pants down by my own dad. Jenny and I can laugh about it now, but we were both mortified that night. The memory calms me down a little. If I can get through the sheriff and the preacher seeing my white ass, I can do this. I have flowers from my mom’s garden and Mom prettied them up for me. She also made a couple of her fried blackberry pies for dessert. Lyric isn’t old enough to drink wine, so I left that out. That’s another thing that has me nervous, Lyric is only twenty years old—alright in a few weeks she will be twenty-one—but I am thirty and it won’t be long until I’m thirty-one. That’s a ten-year difference in both age and experience. Will we have anything in common or anything to talk about? I know we have a physical attraction but that isn’t what this is to me. All afternoon my whole outlook has changed and every thought of what I want in my future has Lyric in it too. I know it’s crazy, but it’s the damn truth and I won’t deny it to myself.

I had that talk with my brother Hawkins, this afternoon, and to say there were some long lulls in the conversation is an understatement. I invited him and Talia to our Fourth of July family barbeque. I know Mom and Dad had already tried to convince him to attend but he hadn’t given his answer yet. I think the conversation we tried having on the phone would go easier in person and the Fourth of July is not that far away. This year I hope we will be celebrating both the Fourth of July and Lyric’s birthday. I want to keep moving forward even if Lyric is not in my future for anything but a friend—it’s time to let this situation go. Hawkins is my brother and I love him. The thought of anything happening to him is not something I even want to think about. It was hurt and stupid pride that has kept this going. Talia is no longer my concern and for Hawkins and me to be able to move on then I will deal with her presence. I don’t want to delve into why I can forgive my brother but not Talia. It seems it would be the other way around but for some reason I’m not there yet. I know I need to see Talia before I get serious with anyone, and if Hawkins and Talia attend the family barbeque that can be accomplished. I say it’s a Fourth of July barbeque, but it’s more like the week. We are in preparation the entire week, because it’s not only family, but the neighbors that are like family to us and that includes Haddie and Nick.

This is the first time that Hawkins and I have been on the outs for this long. It is tearing parents’ hearts out. They want their family whole—not that either of them condone Hawkins and Talia actions—but they love Hawkins as much as they love me. We are both their sons and Dad always says to love someone is to accept their strengths and their weaknesses. He has hammered that in our heads since we were very young.

I have made it to Lyric’s without even realizing I am here. I need to get myself out of my head and pay attention to what is going on in front of me. I reach for the two fried pies and the flowers and get out of my truck. Lyric is waiting on the front porch waiting for me in a summery dress with no shoes on. I walk up the steps and hand her the flowers and pull her close. She has a fresh honeysuckle essence and it smells so good I would love to get lost in it, but I kiss her forehead and step back. “I brought dessert. It’s a couple of my mom’s fried blackberry pies.”

“Thank you for the flowers and fried pies. I only had ice cream for dessert but ice cream over fried pies will be so much better.” Lyric gives me a beautiful smile. “I hope you’re hungry, I fixed enough spaghetti and yeast rolls to feed a small army and I have a fresh green salad for the side. I forgot to ask you what you liked to eat or if you had any allergies or dislikes. I am an awful hostess.” I step closer to Lyric and look down at her.

“Nonsense woman, as long as I’m not having to cook for myself then I’m good. I have no allergies and I was taught growing up to eat what is served to me. If Mom served it up to us, then we ate it even if we drowned it in ketchup.” We both laugh.

“You’re in luck then, I stocked up on ketchup this afternoon.” That makes me laugh more. “Well let’s eat before it gets cold. I have the table set but I guess I need to ask you something first.” We are walking to the front door and she has her hand on the screen door to open but stands still and looks at me. “I wasn’t sure if this was a romantic dinner or friends having dinner because I didn’t put any candles or anything on the table.” I put my hand over hers resting on the screen door.

“Honey, this is whatever kind of dinner we make it. Unless you need the candles and fine dinnerware then we can eat off paper plates and drink out of red plastic cups. I just want to spend some time getting to know you better and I don’t mean the things you have been dealing with for a while—I mean I want to know what kind of ice cream you like to eat and what your favorite color is.” I can’t make it any clearer than that.

“Well for the record, I love rocky road, but I usually buy vanilla and put whatever topping I want on it and my favorite color is green because it reminds me of spring when everything is new and blossoming in the countryside.” I open the door and Lyric walks in with me close behind her. “And you?” We walk through the living room and into the kitchen.

“The ice cream is my mom’s homemade peach ice cream and my favorite color is the deep blue that you have in your eyes. I could get lost for days in that color,” I tell her honestly.

“You are one smooth-talker Botie Hillhouse. I will need to keep my guard up around you.” I know this is flirting between two friends, but I hope Lyric lets her guard down. I see the table that Lyric has set for us is nothing extravagant, but it is very nice. “I’ll get the salad out of the fridge. I have Italian, French, and ranch dressing—I hope one of those is alright.”

“I wouldn’t be a country boy if I didn’t like ranch. I think at home we use ranch for everything,” I tell Lyric.

“I’ll grab the ranch and the ketchup.” Lyric is giving me sass.

“Anything I can do to help?” I ask.

“There’s a pitcher of sweet tea on the cabinet if you want to fill our glasses.” I do just that as Lyric puts the dressing on the table and then goes to the stove and fixes us plates with spaghetti, a roll and salad. She’s very generous on the portions. I sit down in the place she has for me and she sits my plate down in front of me and then puts hers across from me. She then puts a basket of rolls on the table and sits down.

“This smell’s delicious, and my mouth is watering.” Lyric has a shy look on her face.

“It was my dad’s favorite, but my dad said all my food I made was his favorite.” My girl had a great Dad. I just admitted to myself that I want Lyric for my girl.

“You were close to your dad; your face lights up every time you talk about him. My dad and I are close, but I’m close to my mom too.” I see Lyric’s face fall and I know what I said wrong and I could kick my own butt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to lose that smile and I don’t want to let anyone else ruin our night of getting to know each other. I don’t want you to even think of anything or anyone that takes that smile away.” Lyric smiles a little.

“I agree,” Lyric says. “I don’t want you to be on edge of something upsetting me. Mom is just a sore subject. It has nothing to do with you mentioning her it’s just we have never connected on any level.” We are both taking small bites of food and I couldn’t tell you how it tastes to save my life. “I used to watch my friends with their moms and I always wanted that closeness, but my mom and I are just too different—I accept that now—but it still doesn’t stop me from regretting what we never had.” I don’t know what to say to that.

“What’s your favorite memory as a child?” All I knew to do was change the subject.

“The first time my dad took us to our cabin and it was just the two of us with no band members. He taught me how to fish that weekend and how to swim. I was in swimming lessons before, but I didn’t trust my teacher. My dad and I were fishing, and he asked me if I trusted him to always keep me safe. I had no idea what he had in mind, but I knew my dad would always keep me safe. He looked in my eyes and said you can do this, and he picked me up and threw me in the lake above my head, but I was calm because I knew my dad would never let anything hurt me. I struggled with the water for a brief time and then I started doggy paddling and by the time we left that weekend I had caught a couple big fish and I could swim. It was a great weekend.” I can see tears and the memory is one she will always have with her. “I’m sorry, I’m crying like a baby.”

“You never have to hide your tears from me. I like the way you loved your dad,” I tell her honestly. Lyric dries her face.

“Alright, your turn.” I don’t even need to think about it.

“The time my dad took me hunting and I bagged my first big deer. Dad had just given me my first deer rifle and the second time we went out during deer season that year I shot the only deer that day—it was a twelve-point buck. He was a monster. I’ve not gotten one that big since, but I was on top of the world and Dad told me how proud he was of me. It was the perfect day.” I still get a warm feeling just talking about that I day. I see I have finished my food and so has Lyric. I don’t remember a bite of it.

“Would you like to take this in the living room and I’ll warm up those pies in just a little while or do you want more or want dessert now?” Lyric is as nervous as I am.

“I am stuffed, and the living room sounds great unless you want me to help clean up in here? I’m a great dish washer and an even better dryer,” I ask with full intentions of helping with the cleanup.

“Well that is very sweet of you, sir, but I just happen to have had a new dishwasher installed yesterday and it is just waiting for its first full load of dishes to wash.” I look towards the sink area and I see a new dishwasher. It’s just a plain white dishwasher and I guess that’s why it didn’t draw my attention to it. I figured if Lyric got new appliances it would be the new stainless steel that everyone goes with these days. My mom didn’t upgrade to one yet, but I figured that the old man had a hand in that. “What, you don’t like it?”

“I guess it’s fine. I don’t know a lot about dishwashers but most people these days go with the stainless steel or knock-offs that look stainless steel.” Lyric looks perplexed but then relaxes.

“I am a comparison shopper. I found the machine that best suits my needs—a smart machine, so I can choose my favorite cycle, has a greater loading flexibility, quieter operation and greater energy-efficiency—and I compared prices of models. The white dishwasher I chose was two hundred cheaper than the stainless-steel ones. All I care about is my kitchen appliances match so while I was doing my comparing I made sure my range and refrigerator were also available and they were. It’s just the other two are having to be brought from the warehouse and will be delivered next week and I saved another few hundred dollars by purchasing them all at the same time and delivery was free.” I am taken by surprise. “What? Surprised I like a bargain?”

“I just…you know…” I am at a loss for words, but I need to be honest. “It’s just that you’re rich.” Lyric laughs.

“Botie, before my dad passed, he took care of everything or the people that ran our house did. I had a small amount in my checking account once I had an identification card and I had a credit card that my dad gave me for emergencies. I didn’t have excess money to use. My dad taught me the value of a dollar. I had an allowance like most teenagers and if I got good grades, kept my room clean, and didn’t get into trouble at school I received fifty dollars a week. I know it was more than normal teenagers get but I also had to pay for my cell phone bill because Dad said no one should expect anything for free. The only exception to the phone bill was if I had roaming charges due to calls to Dad. My dad tried to make sure I didn’t turn into an out-of-control spoiled brat. He also taught me to save money where I can because I may need it down the road but the most important thing he taught me is—you can’t buy happiness with money. It’s not possible and whoever tries it is going to find themselves broke and alone.” I am in awe of this wise woman.

“Your dad was one smart man and that is the same thing my parents have instilled in me. I have worked on our beef ranch ever since I can remember. I have earned everything I have achieved with a good foundation of raising. I want you to meet my parents.” I realize what I’ve said, and I don’t want to scare Lyric away. “I mean, if you want to.”

“Of course, I want to silly. They have a terrific son like you. I am excited about it—I mean if you think they will want to meet me.” Lyric says the last part hesitantly.

“My mom and dad would love it. I might have mentioned you a time or two.” That brings a smile to Lyric’s face.

“You have? What did you say?” I’m not telling her that. “No, never mind, your conversations are private. Let’s see, what else do I want to know?” I take Lyric’s hand and lead her into the living room and I sit down on the couch and pull her down beside me. I bring her into my body for a hug and looking down at her, she looks up at me and I couldn’t have stopped myself if I wanted to. I move my lips towards her and she meets me half way. Her lips are soft and hungry. I deepen the kiss and let my tongue slide across her lips and she opens for me. The first taste of her bursts on my tongue and it’s like a fire was lit inside me. I am a starving man and she is the tasty morsel I want to devour. I pull away but not because I want to, it’s because I don’t want her to feel pressure from me about anything. “What did I do wrong? I’m sorry, I just don’t have very much experience with men.”

“No, it’s not that at all, Lyric. I just need a break. You taste so good and I am very attracted to you. I would like nothing more than to lay you out right here on this sofa and kiss every part of your delicious body, but we are moving too fast. I just need some air and a little distance.” I give the honesty that Lyric deserves. “You deserve better than a quick make-out session on the couch for our first official date.”

“Is that what this is? A first date—as in there will be more dates?” I grin at that.

“Now who is being silly? There will be many more dates and I want you to be my girl—you know as in girlfriend. I know this is fast, but it just feels so right. I don’t know how else to describe this feeling. Is it just me? Do you feel it too?” I need to know the answer. I need to be put out of my misery.

“I feel something, but I am so inexperienced that I don’t know what it is. You are in all my thoughts and if I do something, I want to call you and ask you what you think. Your kisses take my breath away and my body feels like I’m on fire and I want more.” Lyric is blushing. I pull her closer for the next question.

“Lyric, don’t answer me if you don’t want to because I will understand—it’s a very personal question.” I feel Lyric stiffen a little. “Are you a virgin? You keep saying you’re inexperienced; I just want to understand what you mean by that.”

“I’ll answer but I’m going to have questions for you afterwards.” I have no qualms about answering anything Lyric wants to ask. “No, I’m not a virgin but this is my first real date.” I pull away and look at Lyric and I see her cheeks are a dark shade of red, so I pull her close to me.

“You might want to explain that to me,” I say in a low voice.

“I had never been on a date by myself before my dad passed. I turned sixteen the day before his wreck. I always knew I couldn’t date on-on-one until I was sixteen. We went out in groups to the movies, roller skating, or bowling. Most of those times I was with Zane, so it wasn’t a date. I left home nine months after Dad’s passing and I was busy mourning my Dad and in no mood for loud parties and pretending I was having fun. After I was situated with a fake identification, I took off for New York City, but it was the biggest mistake. Some poser want-to-be recognized me from media photos and he pretended to be my friend. One night he roofied me and we had sex. I wasn’t drinking anything but water and I wasn’t doing any kind of drugs so that had to be what happened. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was sick. I made it to the bathroom and vomited for a good thirty to forty minutes. I was as naked as the day I was born, and I had blood smeared on me. I had other fluid still running down my leg and I felt sore down there. I found my clothes and got out of there and back to my motel room. Lincoln never even woke up. I was on a bus out of town and then the state before dawn. I kept changing buses and kept traveling until I was three states away. I took myself to a doctor and had myself tested and made sure I wasn’t pregnant. I was tested every three months for two years to make sure I was clean of any diseases. I know it was overkill on my part, but I wanted to be sure and I still get tested once a year. Lincoln then tried to sell his story everywhere, but he didn’t think to video it or take pictures which was lucky for me. I promised I would never be put in that situation again. I also decided it was time to alter my appearance, so I wouldn’t be as easy to pick out. I had long hair that my dad loved but I cut it close to my ears and cried every time I cut another piece off and then I bleached it.” Lyric sounds sad.

“I think the first time I saw you in town it was blonde, but you changed it to this light/ blondish look. It looks better this way.” I didn’t like the blonde, but I would never tell any woman that I didn’t like her hair color or anything else about her looks I didn’t like. That is just rude and to each their own.

“Tomorrow Haddie and I are going to San Antonio and I’m going to the hair salon and get it back to its natural color. If I hadn’t been hiding in plain sight, I would have never done anything to my hair. Haddie and I are going to have a spa day. I’ve never had a real friend to do things like that with. Haddie is excited and if Haddie can get someone to watch the bed-and-breakfast we are taking Rita along with us. She is going to the barn dance with Trask again and wants to wow him with her looks.” I am still battling with the thing about her being drugged and then raped. It seems like she has dealt with it the best way she can.

“So, who is this Zane, and do I need to hunt him down and kick his ass? Is there something still between the two of you?” I am curious, and I am dreading the answer, but I need it.

“Zane is my best friend. His dad is the drummer in TALK Kraze. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers and he was my first kiss at a very young age and we never crossed that line again. I thought of Zane as my brother and Zane has known he was bi-sexual from a very young age—he likes a female and a male in his bed. I accept him as he is and anyone with me must do the same. We have been through a lot of growing pains through our lives together and I will never give him up.” Well, that is one thing that Lyric is certain on.

“I can handle that, but it might be hard to live up to the high standards he has set, but I think he and I, will get along just fine.” I think we will if both of us think of Lyric first. “When can he come and visit so I can meet him?”

“I already invited Zane for the Fourth of July. My turn to ask a question-have you ever been in love?” It’s my turn to stiffen up. “I mean you don’t have to tell me.” I sit back and release Lyric.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just hard to talk about but I will for you.” I think about where to start. “Several years ago, I was engaged to be married. The woman’s name was Talia. I was crazy about that woman. I was determined to get our ranch in top shape, so we could make the most money out of it. My dad was on board with it but he had a heart attack and that slowed our progress. I think we worked so hard that he was under too much stress. I was trying to be everything to everyone. I was helping Dad cope with his new exercise regime and diet. I was helping Mom deal with Dad. Talia encouraged me every step of the way, or I thought she did. My brother Hawkins was here then, but he was no ranch hand. He never wanted anything to do with the ranch. He had his own things going on. I was spending hours working and then I noticed Talia was never around when I was home. How could that be? She moved into my parent’s house right after high school when her parents left for another tour overseas—both of her parents were in the military. One was being sent to Germany and the other to Italy. Neither of us wanted to be separated, so my family took her in. Talia liked to party with the younger crowds and I couldn’t stay out until two in the morning if I had to be at work at five. It just wasn’t possible, and she did get resentful, but I thought we worked through it—that is until Hawkins announced he was leaving and Talia was going with him. Hawkins and I ended up in a fist fight and it was lucky that Trask was there to help break us apart. Talia left with Hawkins and I was so angry—so were my mom and dad but after a year or so they missed their younger son. I missed my brother, but male pride wouldn’t let me forgive him. Because of you I called him today and invited him and Talia for our family’s Fourth of July celebration. Which you are invited to and if Zane is here, he is invited as well. Haddie and Nick are always there and half the countryside.” I didn’t take a breath or hesitate to look at Lyric, I just wanted to get it out, but I feel the air has changed and Lyric has turned her head to stare at me. “Did I say something to upset you?”

“I am just not sure why I would have anything to do with making you want to talk to your brother. I am mad at both him and Talia. You are a very forgiving soul if you can forgive that and I don’t know if I can trust my mouth around either one.” Lyric stops and calms herself. “Am I your runner-up girl? Do you want me to be there, so you can show them both you’ve moved on or do you really want me there to spend the day with you and give you support for what I could only guess would be a stressful day?” I guess I can understand the reason she would ask such a thing, but it pisses me the fuck off. I don’t use women that way and anyone that knows me should know that. I stand up from the couch.

“Is that what you think of me since I have bared my soul to you and laid out my feelings for you? Have I not shown you how I feel about you?” Lyric has tears running down her face. I am no good at relationships. I ask a woman to be my girl and lose her all in the same night. How stupid am I? “You don’t need to show me to the door and consider the invitation to be my girl and the invitation to my family’s barbeque rescinded. All women are the same, batshit crazy and no woman is wrapping me around their little finger again.”

“Fine, I would have never lived up to your goody-two-shoes standards anyway. Do you still plan to work on my barn tomorrow or not?” Lyric is letting her feelings fly. Two can play at that game sweetheart and I am better at it.